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Immoral Relationships (Page 2)

blue-ice. IF-Addictz
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 4:37pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1

Originally posted by blue-ice

Originally posted by punjabi#1


both the boy and girl are from same village and they don't approve of marrying in the same village. Even though the couple share no blood relation in anyway, shape or form. 

Also, the parents don't think the boy is educated enough for their daughter or rich enough. 

They would/do approve him marrying a cousin from a different village, just not approve him for her. Her parents love the boy and treat him like a son and he treats them with the same respect as his parents. 


So the parents DON'T have a valid reason...they are just being stubborn and care more about their feelings rather than their daughter's happiness...

Well in my opinion...the girl has two options...
The first one is to go against the wishes of her parents...the parents do not have a reason to stop them from being married...if what ever u have written is true then I don't have any sympathy for her parents anyways...
The second option is to stop meeting the boy...or even think about using his money..which is ridiculous in the first place...I mean what kind a girl would use a boy's money knowing that there is no future for them...maybe she will get over that boy and get married to a boy of her parents' choice...which is sad...
BTW are the boy's parents ready to accept her?

She loves her parents and respects them too much to against them, so that is impossible for her. The boy did offer to run away, she said no. 

The second option about not meeting him anymore is not possible either. The families are really close so they always end up around each other and even work together occasionally. The only way for her never to see him again is get married and move far away. which is hard for her because she realized the only reason he stuck around here and worked with her parents is because of her. He had enough savings to move back to where he came from and be with his friends. Today he has no life and works all the time because it helps him stay close to her. 

Lastly, the boys parents adore her. They don't allow him to tease her, say anything stupid to her. Every time she goes to his house, she is treated like a queen, his mother dots on her. And when her mother says something negative about her, it is his mom that yells at her mom and defends her. They are constantly going on about how great she is and whatever family she marries into will be the luckiest family ever. 


It seems like none of the feasible options are working...the only thing I can think is that they remain unmarried and have a platonic relationship and hope that someday their parents would realize their mistake and marry them off...anyways...marriage should not be the ultimate goal..there is more to life than just getting married...

Although I had suggested in my previous post that the girl can marry someone of her parent's choice but now that I think of it...that would be a totally wrong thing to do as she would never be committed a hundred percent to her husband because her heart will be somewhere else...it won't be fair to the boy she gets married to..

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Angelic_J

Angelic_J IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 5:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by blue-ice


There are a lot of old traditions and beliefs that are either wrong or do not make sense in today's world...What is the population of a village?...I am guessing several hundreds if not thousands...and nobody in the same village is allowed to fall in love and marry...does that seem practical to u?

And lets talk about the couple in question...obviously they never thought of each other as brother and sister...then how does it matter..as long as they both love each other and they are not related...what is wrong if they get married...don't u think its about time that somebody put some sense in village elders...
 
 
Just because something does not make sense to me does not mean it doesn't make sense to someone else. We all have our different beliefs and traditions we personally follow. And what gives anyone the right to judge someone else's beliefs/traditions? Furthermore, these villages we are talking about are very small in population and size and of course then you have the "caste" system placed in there so only people belonging to the same caste mingle with each other although they all do come together if the need be. Plus this tradition of not marrying someone from the same village would only seem impractical if there was a dearth of popluation to choose your respective partner fromLOL 
 
Regarding the couple in question, they MAYBE related to each other as I stated before. They may share the same grandfather or great grandfather. But I can't say for sure because I don't want to judge. If anything, they are the ones judging their parents and elders. The TM hasn't stated the parents refused their proposal which means they never went to their parents regarding their relationship in the first place. So from what I comprehend, the parents are kept in the dark about the romantic relationship the couple share.
 
Furthermore, from what I personally know being from the same village means you are to consider others your age/generation as your brother and sister no matter what. This is how things have always been. The villagers treat each other as if they are all part of an extended family thus the question of marrying within the family is not even an option.
punjabi#1 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Angelic_J

In Punjab most of the times being from the same village means you have had same ancestors which in turn means you are long distant cousins. Even if you don't share the bloodline, kids from same villages are prohibited to marry one another as they are brought up as brother and sister [even though they may not be first cousins] to each other.

I don't think the topic maker's parents are simply being stubborn as it clearly shows they adore and love the boy. I don't really blame them since they have always viewed the guy as their "son" hence as a brother to the girl in question. Marriage of these two would be out of the question for them. However, the only thing I can say is perhaps the guy and the girl should first talk to their parents instead of jumping to their own conclusions. Who knows maybe the parents might just agree although I wouldn't count on it =]

We are 100% sure they are not related because everyone in the village has the same last name, based on the village name. Regardless of caste and what not. It a huge village with thousands of people. She is related to some people in the village but not his family. 

I don't think the parents are being stubborn either because they never thought about the boy and girl as a couple. I think for that reason the girl is not fighting her parents for him and is showing respect to her parents and their views. She is scared to talk to her parents and hurt their feelings because she already knows they wouldn't approve and doesn't want this too drive a wedge between the two families relationships. 

Parents gave us live and they deserve more love and respect. 


Angelic_J IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 5:40pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1


We are 100% sure they are not related because everyone in the village has the same last name, based on the village name. Regardless of caste and what not. It a huge village with thousands of people. She is related to some people in the village but not his family. 

I don't think the parents are being stubborn either because they never thought about the boy and girl as a couple. I think for that reason the girl is not fighting her parents for him and is showing respect to her parents and their views. She is scared to talk to her parents and hurt their feelings because she already knows they wouldn't approve and doesn't want this too drive a wedge between the two families relationships. 

Parents gave us live and they deserve more love and respect. 
 
Well then seems like your friend has already made the choice she wanted to. Either now she can follow her chosen path or take another path. Hanging between two paths is not going to get her anywhere and neither will it make her feel any better. She must either forget the boy [I basically mean move on. You don't really "forget" anyone in the true sense] or forget her parents. Life is unfair and most of the times it can't always give us what we want. Choices are hard to make but they often pay off in the end =] However, she must not accept his money or his gifts because if she does, she will never truly move on from him and it would be unfair to keep him tied to herself when she wants to move on from him =]

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Bazingaamonar

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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
 
Pretty complicated.
 
Ah just tie a rakhi and make him a brother, especially if you cannot convince the parents.
LOL
 
 
 


Edited by Summer3 - 23 May 2011 at 9:11pm
punjabi#1 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 9:26pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Summer3

 
Pretty complicated.
 
Ah just tie a rakhi and make him a brother, especially if you cannot convince the parents.
LOL
 
 
 

Tried that, ironically enough she has tried that for past 6 years? She never gets to do it. like either she will be unable to meet him and couple times her mom told her not to tie a rakhi. 
Summer3 IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1

Originally posted by Summer3

 
Pretty complicated.
 
Ah just tie a rakhi and make him a brother, especially if you cannot convince the parents.
LOL
 
 
 

Tried that, ironically enough she has tried that for past 6 years? She never gets to do it. like either she will be unable to meet him and couple times her mom told her not to tie a rakhi. 
Frankly if they both truly love each other they should discuss with the parents again.
What does the boy's parents think ?
I guess they just go along with the boy.
 
It seems that both of them are pretty ideal for each other. If the boy is able to support her and make her happy then get the parent to rethink and relook.
 
The girl's parents seem to have some concerns, if so then they should consult the pundit or someone who has some common sense. If the parents are concerned about the boy's character then that is something else.
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Posted: 23 May 2011 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by punjabi#1


He knows her better then she knows herself at times. He knows what makes her happy and what makes her sad. She shouts and screams and is never agreeable to what he wants but he still doesn't get mad, just says whatever she wants will happen. 

He knows that she does not love him, as much as he loves her. But he doesn't care, he just wants to see her happy.

 
Based on what is written above, the guy should look for someone who really loves him.
 
Looks like the gal is finding excuse and does not really love him, but loves the convenience of having him around to do things for her.LOL
 
 

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