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Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

Deafening silence (Page 3)

aashizin IF-Stunnerz
aashizin
aashizin

Joined: 15 November 2009
Posts: 27401

Posted: 02 June 2011 at 11:52am | IP Logged
woww awesome dear seriously loved it and well come back so sorry for late reply 

Aanya. IF-Rockerz
Aanya.
Aanya.

Joined: 25 November 2010
Posts: 9873

Posted: 03 June 2011 at 10:20am | IP Logged
This was beautiful on so many levels :) <3

xoxo
Aanya
sariska_mnarti IF-Rockerz
sariska_mnarti
sariska_mnarti

Joined: 26 January 2010
Posts: 5199

Posted: 05 June 2011 at 6:36am | IP Logged
Lovely poem

Do write more
myownarea IF-Stunnerz
myownarea
myownarea

Joined: 18 June 2009
Posts: 29530

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 4:16pm | IP Logged
hey dpca Hug
so good to see u back.
I m very bad at deciphering poems, honest..! but I loved this one cos it really was easy to understand yet beautiful in a really simple honest way...yet complicated in the simplicity of silence..the nothingness and everything of it.
Loved it :)
gopi06 IF-Dazzler
gopi06
gopi06

Joined: 29 January 2010
Posts: 4231

Posted: 12 June 2011 at 11:02pm | IP Logged
welcome back dear
awesome poem
thanks for the pm
dynamic_doll IF-Sizzlerz
dynamic_doll
dynamic_doll

Joined: 19 July 2009
Posts: 14758

Posted: 17 June 2011 at 3:43am | IP Logged
welcome back dear Hug
beautiful poem
thnx for the pm Smile
.SilentOcean IF-Dazzler
.SilentOcean
.SilentOcean

Joined: 02 February 2011
Posts: 3174

Posted: 19 June 2011 at 12:39am | IP Logged
seriously silence defined..!!
a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 12 August 2011 at 9:36am | IP Logged
Awesome title.  Very powerful, very effective.  Silence in itself something we can not hear but rather it is something felt within us.  It can be calming but at times, it is as you state, deafening, in that we can not hear, see, taste anything else beyond it.

Time has taken away the silent whimpers
Nagging presence of constant whispers

I love how you contrast the self and the other here. We have the inward silent whimpers against others whispers.  However upon closer examination do they do both stem from her own conscious.  It is a note on how in actual fact it is us which choose what we hear or not.  Finely done.

Deafening silence growling since forever
Fear and laughter existing together

I loved, JUST LOVED, the use of growling giving that ominous silence an even more menacing countenance.  The forever that foreboding feel, as if it was something she has always known.  Truly excellent writing.  The second line is beautifully composed.  The ying and yang co existing, the up and down of life forming a wave that we allow to carry us upon the promise that at the end we will find ourselves ashore.  Excellently done. 

Of shrieking sighs and suppressed cries
Silence is all in those mourning eyes

Again, you showcase your writing skills.  Shrieking sighs, suppressed cries are wonderfully chosen and brought together in assonance, consonance and rhyme.  However in reason too, for as we suppress our cries they find a way to scream aloud from within our sighs.  Very moving.  I loved it.  

Silence is all, which floats to and fro
Mystifying reality of merciless truths

I loved how you continue to develop silence into a character here, a presence of its own, specific and individual and very personal.  The to and fro adding movement which brings forth fear within us too, for it is not fused to one moment or situation BUT is free to permeate all our days, to suffuse all our sentiments.  I am not sure if I fully grasp the second line, but something about trusting the unforeseeable aspect of life, in that we have faith that our pain is never in vain. 

Expression out loud is a forgotten history
Fake smiles clutching unsolved mystery

I loved expression out loud, very inspired wording.  I think you may have coined a phrase for the modern age of nonchalance.  Again the composition of the second line is wondrous and skillfully done. 


Thousand words stuck in throat, helpless
Denying to betray their beastly mistress

I love how you conjure up that perfect image of restraint which becomes lost somewhere and most of the time between its root in our heart and its stem in our throat which as you say is denied to blossom out our mouths.  Helpless and frustrated! Finely done.

Silence is artful,
If conceived it rhymes
If brushed off its nothing,
If penetrated can kill
Silence is pure
Silence is bliss

I love how you then leave the specific and move towards the general, the generic, here accentuated by the change in pace, verses structure. 

Speech of incoherent
Sanity of the fool
Bravery of the coward
Silence is nothing
Silence is all

In the previous verse you detailed its characteristics, here you detail its symptons, like a disease that infects and affects all our organs, heart, mind.  I loved the contrast of sanity of the fool  & bravery of the coward.  The manner it moulds itself to diverse beings.  

Silence is all being heard
Silence is all being felt
Wish there was a place where
Silence could be attained, understood and said...

So we come back to your title.  Silence is something which we feel, which we choose to hear or ignore but either way it is very much real and it can calm but it can be a curse too.

Truly you are a fine writer, accomplished in composition, structure and substance. You create a theme, a persona and bring it to life in all its horrifying glory.  Exceptionally and remarkably done.  Please add me to you pm list.  With much love, Sabah 

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