Today's episode had Neil at his emotional and expressive best. I usually confine myself to Neil's appreciation thread. But today, I had to start a new thread. It was an emotionally draining roller coaster episode so full of Kesar's raw emotions.
Scene between Kesar and Gulaal
Gulaal was calm and gently chided him for scaring her. He directly came to the point asking why she suggested Dushyant. He was not convinced by her explanation that he looks away from her. He was straight forward to tell her that she and others were not the same for him. So it made a difference to him that she became Sarpanch. He was angry why she contradicted MBs decision. It reflected how much he respected his father. He was not carried away by her further explanation in favor of Dushyant. He made it clear to her that only she supported Dushyant. When she argued saying MB understood, Kesar told her that what about his understanding or his feelings. Kesar fumbled for words to pose the question in a decent way and told her that he did not understand what she was trying to say. Her argument pushed him to yell out and ask her what was the real reason(wajah) that forced her (majboori) to suggest Dushyant.
She was also to the point in asking him if what bothered him was for suggesting Dushyant or because she did what he did not like. He was shocked. Was it the first realization as to why he did because for a minute he had to dwell on it but could not answer her? He himself gave it a thought but walked away in anger.
Scene between Kesar and Raman
Kesar has forgotten that Raman had once tried to kill him or the reason why he went to jail. Like a small child, in all the innocence he greeted him with an honest and gorgeous smile. Raman's talk added fuel to fire. Kesar was aware of the touch when Raman caressed his face giving me a hope that he did not entirely believe him. But when Raman said he knew the reason for Gulaal chosing Dushyant, he was inquisitive. He contemplated on his answer that Kesar was young to understand all this and not to fall into all these issues/politics. Kesar was caring enough to ask if he met Sudha Babhi
Kesar all alone
My heart went to Kesar in this scene. A four and a half minutes scene but it gave an insight into Kesar's heart and the inner turmoil he was going through. Kesar appeared the emotionally disturbed child who has safeguarded all these letters like a treasure. Neil's posture and body language was perfect for Kesar's state of mind. I felt really moved seeing Kesar mumbling and miming through the wrong letters and finally reaching the right one where he had poured out the same feelings in the letter.
He very well was aware that only Gulaal could give the answers to the innumerable questions in his mind and only she could lay all his doubts to rest. He admits that several times he wanted to ask her and also believed that she would speak the truth. He showed his trust and confidence in her regarding the truth after which he believed everything would be back to normal as before. He so wanted that happy life that he had spent with her.
Kesar's tears overflowing, he rubs his snot and asks himself why he can't ask her or why he can't bring himself to ask her. There was a beautiful and painful pause before he said " Nahi, nahi, mei darta nahi hoon, kisi se bhi nahi". It showed his denial as well as fear that he thought might be the inevitable truth. The voice modulation was just too perfect to show the child's mind way back then.
Actually the child Kesar very much needed some serious counseling. But no one knew what he was going through. But Gulaal having known him should have seriously given it a thought that he does not meet her for which there would be some grave issue bothering him than being sent to boarding school.
That came as a declaration when he said "Jawab se darta hoon, isliye pooch nahi paata" and questions himself why he is scared of her answer when he trusts her so much.
Till here, no dialogues and emotions brought out for the voice over. That was admirable.
From here onwards, we have the elder Kesar talking out aloud, voicing his concern out to himself and admitting that he has not been able to ask her fearing that her answer might separate him from her forever. He is still living in the past but he has carried it forward till now. Continuing to recollect Raman's words, Kesar just cried his heart out holding the letter to his chest with one hand and the other hand on his head. The flute playing in the back ground music was really haunting and added the perfect pathos for the situation.
Even after crying out loud, he is still haunted by Durgesh's words that the fear of truth had his hands shivering and finally he suppresses his sobs into them.
Neil, your acting in the role of Kesar is so believable and quite influential I must say. My occasional bouts of depression and short temper get all its credit for watching Kesar. Jokes apart, seriously I have no words to express my feelings regarding your performance. Now if this is not acting, then what is? I would say, thank you. Someone had suggested we are so pampered seeing your quality acting. That was rightly said. We are.
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