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My Perfect Obsession - AbhIya FF;Updt:Pg24PMsLater (Page 19)

Deepi20 Goldie

Joined: 21 May 2011
Posts: 1227

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
Nice update! Waiting for more of Abhay in the next update, as you promised Smile Continue soon Smile

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a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 5:17pm | IP Logged
Chapter Five.

I liked the surreal milieu of the opening setting. Before breakfast, Shanaya gave us all pills, and watched as we took them. It was creepy. No one said a word, just held out their hands and took the pill. Nicely done! Star Where everything seems normal and yet is a place for those who do not conform to it. That sinister edge that remains hidden, although you can feel its presence, so that you can not do anything but follow, obey whilst wishing that you hadn't. would explain everything later and I should take it. So, I did. Excellently done! Star

I loved the detailing of the conversation where you expand the characterizations yet still keep us engaged in the trivial aspects of the dialogue that are in fact wonderfully intriguing, for example the stuttering tangent.StarStarStar

If being happy was being mentally ill, it wasn't so bad. Cute. LOL

As I peeled, my mind started to wander..into places I'd rather not visit.  I loved the introducing peeling, as she peeled the layers of her mind towards that core that she didn't want to visit, excellent phrasing from wandering to visit. Star

A real guy. Not a ghost. LOL Again your wonderful ability to pull humour from the characterization rather than contrived lines.  Skillfully done!

I loved the characterization of Kabir. I am inferring that he will remain the contrast to Abhay and therein explanation of why her heart calls one friend and the other lover. Embarrassed The conversation natural and witty, whilst that closing line succinct and effortlessly done!
As she muttered an apology, I made my escape. StarStarStar

Chapter Six.

That opening line bringing out the intricacies of Misha's characterization whilst being funny. she'd marched down here on her own, and now she had no idea what to do. LOL 

I bet you'll be out of here by the time I open my eyes. Again funny but also cleverly illuminating her nature. She would never infer that there were other motives.

He nodded a hello after a while, and turned his attention back to his food.  It is the use of that after a while that showcases your gift, for it adds a little humour, the correct ambiance and natural awkwardness too.  Skilfully done!

Kabir let her talk for about two minutes before asking me about my college. LOL Cute and very cute!

I glanced around, and realized that no one would notice if I left. So, I did. I loved the manner you are moulding her habit.  Lovely detailing! Star

I don't start fires. Ask anyone. I just like fire. Again that layering of a characterization through witty remarks.  Excellently done! StarStar

Excellently written two chapters.  With much love Sabah.

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Akshi0019 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 05 May 2011
Posts: 23822

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
nyc part... continue soon... me waiting for abhay part... n thanx for d pm...

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ozzyie IF-Rockerz

Joined: 16 December 2010
Posts: 7755

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 7:35pm | IP Logged
Awesome update akanshu  !!!!!
PristineSoul IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 10 September 2010
Posts: 14966

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
Anky... (Thanks to the group FF) Awesum update as usual. Loved Mishu & Jay in this.. Update the next part ASAP

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ifrah. Goldie

Joined: 27 November 2010
Posts: 1756

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 10:51pm | IP Logged
nice part..:)i think that abhay will go to the basement..coz pia is all alone :D

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minahil1997 Goldie

Joined: 17 February 2011
Posts: 1701

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
awesom akku!!!!Clap

i loved the update... misha power r so cool!!!Cool... i wish i had a power like thisLOL... jisha part was really sweet and cuteEmbarrassed... T is such a bitch , hurting evreryone's feelings... so pia is all left alone in the basement , thats nt good...eagerly waiting fr the next part... love ur ff and continue soonHug

Edited by minahil1997 - 10 June 2011 at 11:33pm

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katiehiwatari Senior Member

Joined: 07 March 2011
Posts: 656

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
          hey cool update.. i liked it a lot akku.. Mish and Jay.. they r cute together... waiting for Abhiya.. update soon... and thnks a lot for the pm.!! 

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