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My Perfect Obsession - AbhIya FF;Updt:Pg24PMsLater (Page 16)

Rozy77 IF-Dazzler
Rozy77
Rozy77

Joined: 04 July 2010
Posts: 3494

Posted: 01 June 2011 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
hey hun
nice updateThumbs Up
 
i was a bit annoyed n sad that pia was put into this home coz she's supposedly crazyUnhappy but i was soo happy when misha popped out of nowhereLOLBig smile n knowin kabir, T n abhay are there is great news too.
 
really lookin forward to the next update, thanks for the pm n take careHug

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Akankshaa.

a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 01 June 2011 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
Chapter Four

That opening paragraph was just brilliant piece of writing.  It had that Akanksha humour with a certain surreal feel as well as a poignant note.  I loved it! StarStarStar

I loved the solitary ambiance of those lines and then how in the next paragraph you inform us that she isn't actually alone, making her state even more lonesome, as you pour on more sadness with recollections not only of her mother, but that security she felt when she was around.  In just a few lines you have turned my heart countless times.  That is skill indeed! StarStarStar

I love how in two instances, Panchi and her father & the college and her, you illuminate the manner they trap her within these walls.  In the first instance it is subjective, personal hate from Panchi's side and in the second objectively the form of rules followed beyond the intentions they were created.  However looking at it in another way, the first could be objective so that Panchi can distance herself from the messiness of life, by blaming almost arbitrarily.  In the second we can not help but think maybe they could have looked the other way, maybe it was personal in some way that they used the rules as a ruse to just get what they wanted. 

Either way it shows that whether personal or objective, these rules created with the intention of being in her favour, are now working against her. Clap

I loved the manner you tenderly weave in her father's love for her, despite himself as you elucidate further. Clap The symmetry of how he slips in and out of her life, AND how she sees him between moments of sleep.  In the end he is there whether she feels that effect in her life or not. Clap

If I was crazy, would I know it? You think you're fine, everyone else knows better. Maybe I was crazy. I loved the circling nature of these thoughts that mysteriously corner themselves. Wonderful! StarStarStar

I loved the flow of the conversation with Misha so that she can not help but follow her, flowing along in her thoughts, which occasionally whirlpool out upon tangents. Lovely.StarStarStar

Love Sabah


Edited by a little faith - 01 June 2011 at 12:51pm

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Akankshaa.

mansim Senior Member
mansim
mansim

Joined: 15 October 2010
Posts: 452

Posted: 01 June 2011 at 1:07pm | IP Logged
wow nice partClapClap
 now i get it it is a special house for people with special abilitiesShockedLOL
liked the conceptEmbarrassed
thanks for the pmBig smile
update soonWink

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Akankshaa.

Cute_Gal IF-Dazzler
Cute_Gal
Cute_Gal

Joined: 28 December 2010
Posts: 3603

Posted: 02 June 2011 at 12:56am | IP Logged
Gr8 finally Mish-Piya met.. Nyc update.. Continue soon..thanx for d pm..

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Akankshaa.

Akankshaa. IF-Sizzlerz
Akankshaa.
Akankshaa.

Joined: 13 July 2010
Posts: 16934

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 1:11pm | IP Logged
Thanks for the likes, Sabina_Ansari,  Akshi0019,  Deepi20,  mansim,  ..SheWolf..,  ifrah.,  
 00123trisha,  karantakiar,  a little faithSheherzade,  aamirkhanfan,  ozzy88,  radt

And everyone who commented. Hug means a lot to me. Embarrassed

As promised, this chapter is long; and it has abhay & kabir's entry in it. and mahi, misha & T. i changed karan's name to jay, btw. and there's neel, too. (: they're not brothers here.

**

~~CHAPTER FIVE~~

Before breakfast, Shanaya gave us all pills, and watched as we took them. It was creepy. No one said a word, just held out their hands and took the pill.

When I looked at mine, she said that the doctor would explain everything later and I should take it. So, I did.

After we'd eaten, we rushed upstairs to our room to dress. ''Misha?'' T called.

''What?'' She turned around, glaring.

''You did get the laundry done, right? It's your turn.''

''Shanaya said I could take an off today to show Pia around.'' Misha raised an eyebrow.

''So you didn't do the laundry.''

''That's what I said.''

''But I want-''

''Your shirt. Got that part. Wear it. It's brand-new.''

''Yeah, and other people probably tried it on. That's gross.''

Misha rolled her eyes and walked down the hall. T frowned at me, as if this was my fault. As she turned, something flashed between us, and I stumbled back.

''I'm not going to hit you.'' She muttered angrily.

''Pia?'' Mahi held my shoulder, making me stand again.

''Sorry, I tripped.''

''Listen- girl.'' A man's voice whispered in my ear.

''Are you okay?'' Mahi asked, pressing my arm slightly. ''You're all white.''

''I-I just thought I h-heard something.''

''Why is she talking like that?'' T muttered to Mahi over my shoulder.

''It's called a stutter. My brother does, too.''

''Your brother is five. Lots of little kids do it. Not 17 year olds.'' She looked back at me. ''Are you slow?''

''Huh?''

''Do you take the looong bus?'' She paused. ''Or the short one?''

''T, that's not-'' Mahi began.

''Well, she talks like a little kid, and she looks like one so..''

''I don't stutter.'' I forced the words out.

She opened her mouth to say something but Shanaya appeared at the bottom of the stairs. ''Girls? Class in ten minutes. Pia, we're still waiting for your notes from your school. You won't be in class today. We'll discuss your schedule later.''

**

We got up at 7.30. Ate, showered, dressed and were in class by 9.00, where we did work. Break at 10.30. Back to class. Lunch at noon. Back to class from 1.00 to 4.30 with a break at 2.30.

We'd have our individual sessions with Mr. Mehra once in a week. I had one todau. From 4.30 until 6.00, we had free time. In addition to classes and therapy, we had other work to do.

After a snack, bed at 9.00. Lights out at 10.00.

Therapy? Chores? Exercises? 9.00 bedtime? I didn't belong here.

**

I sat in the living room, trying to think.

Misha made me feel welcome. Mahi defended me against her own friend. If being happy was being mentally ill, it wasn't so bad.

Mount house wasn't that bad, either. Maybe, in some ways, I'd be happier with ugly couches, and white walls, and bars on the window. Yet, just because I couldn't see any bars didn't mean there weren't any. I walked to the window. Closed. There was a hole. I looked out. Lots of tree, a quiet street, more other houses, no fences.

I went to the back garden. I couldn't see any cameras, but the windows were huge enough for the nurses to keep an eye on us.

''Looking for a way out?''

I spun to see Shanaya. Her eyes glittered, but her face was composed.

''No. I w-was just looking around. I w-wasn't-''

''Trying to escape, I know.'' She smiled. ''Most of the people here aren't like the teenagers who'd run away from home. Whatever is in here is better than what's out there. This isn't Disneyworld, but it's not a prison, either.'' She paused. ''The windows have a siren, so do the doors. You are allowed out the back, but the nurses watch you, and yes, there is an alarm. If you have any questions about what you can and can not do, come to me, okay?''

I nodded.

**

Shanaya set me up for peeling carrots for lunch. As I peeled, my mind started to wander..into places I'd rather not visit.

''Peeling duty already?'' A voice whispered. ''What'd you do to deserve that?''

I wheeled around. A guy, who looked the same age as me, with warm brown eyes and a warm smile playing on his lips stared back. ''You must be Pia.'' He said.

I looked at him. A real guy. Not a ghost.

''I-''

He put a finger at my lips and pointed at the dining room door. When I hesitated, he pulled the finger back. ''I'm not supposed to be in here.'' He whispered. ''I'm Kabir, by the way.''

He walked up to the fridge and took a box of crackers. A kitchen raid? This place was definitely turning out better ..

''The other one's already open.'' I whispered.

''Thanks, but he'll want the whole thing. Right, bro?''

I followed his gaze over my shoulder, and stared. A guy with icy blue eyes and a rigid jaw stood at the door, staring at Kabir, totally ignoring my presence. He was the total opposite of Kabir's friendly brown eyes and radiant smile.

He reached past me and took the box from Kabir without sparing me a look.

''We're still teaching him manners.'' Kabir shrugged. ''Abhay, Pia. Pia, my brother, Abhay.''

''Brother?''

''Yeah.'' Abhay muttered. ''Identical twins.''

''Foster brothers.'' He glared at Abhay, telling him to behave. ''I was just about to tell Pia-''

''Are we done here?'' He muttered again.

Kabir rolled his eyes and waved him off. ''Sorry. I was just about to say welcome-''

''Kabir?'' T's voice echoed. ''I thought I heard you.'' She walked in. ''You and Abhay, always raiding the fridge-'' She spotted me and narrowed her eyes.

''T!'' Kabir put a finger to his lips. ''Shush. I'm not supposed to be here, remember?''

As she muttered an apology, I made my escape.



Edited by _Akanksha_ - 06 June 2011 at 1:12pm

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chetchoulifeisajourneykatiehiwatarimangonapallavisarkarkarantakiarBUBLAIa little faithifrah.minahil1997Deepi20...Nidhi...AsyaloverCute_GalPari-GuptaCoffeeAddictRozy77radtozzyieIndigoBlues_SnowFlake_aamirkhanfanalicia212UmIbrahimSheDevilAkshi0019PristineSoul--sunshine--shewolf

shewolf IF-Sizzlerz
shewolf
shewolf

Joined: 28 October 2010
Posts: 13728

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
RES!!!Tongue
**EDITED..LOL
_________________

hmm..My Twinie Bestest!! Hug

OMG! super-fab update seriously..Embarrassed

Hash..finally somewhere Abhay and Kabir..are not running to strangle each other!ROFL
I want more bigger updates from now!LOL


Edited by ..SheWolf.. - 06 June 2011 at 2:27pm

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Akankshaa.

CoffeeAddict IF-Dazzler
CoffeeAddict
CoffeeAddict

Joined: 23 August 2009
Posts: 3553

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 1:31pm | IP Logged
Woah! Amazing!

So ghosts coming to Mount House also... arey ghost hai kidhar bhi chale jayenge!

I loved Abhay's "Identical twins" retort!

So K and Abhay brothers... nice twist... atleast they won't be at each other's throat here!

T - it's amazing how anyone can be such a pain in the ass anywhere and everywhere!

good going Akki!

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Akankshaa.

Pari-Gupta IF-Dazzler
Pari-Gupta
Pari-Gupta

Joined: 17 March 2011
Posts: 4720

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 2:04pm | IP Logged
AWESOME UPDATE
SO ABHAY AND KABIR ARE BROTHERS GOOD TO SEE THAT THEY WONT BE AGAINST EACH OTHER. FINALLY ABHIYA MET. WAITING FOR THEIR MORE INTERACTIONS.
CONTINUE SOON
THANKS FOR THE PM

Edited by pari_smart - 06 June 2011 at 2:18pm

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Akankshaa.

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