Chapter 63
He had already fallen asleep by the time she got done...it had been a tough few days for him and finally weekend was upon them. She was glad she had opted out of the trip...at least he would get some
good food while he was busy working so hard. She changed into her night dress and switched off the lights before getting in bed next to him. She smiled at how calm and composed he looked...the only time he was that way. When he was awake and around her, he only had one mission in hand... She gently stroked his forehead to get the hair that fell on his forehead out of her way before placing a small kiss there...and then turned around to sleep the other way.
Just as she did that, his arms came around her on the waist and across her shoulder to pull her into an embrace. She held onto his arm across her shoulder lightly and kissed it. She was smiling all along... She could probably spend her entire life in bed with him...he was all she had and was all she really needed and all she ever wanted.
His hand around her waist went under her shirt to fondle around her waist...moving up and down..and round and round. His touch was light as a feather causing goose bumps around her arms. Even after all these years of dating and making out, he could give her goose bumps easily by just touching her. Every time he made love to her, it still felt like first time...even though there was nothing really new about their process. She wished his touch would evoke the same kind of desire and passion in her every time they were together...that the intensity and craze of their love would never fade.
"I forgot to tell you...good news should be on the way tomorrow " he heard her say and stilled the hands that were busy unbuttoning her night shirt in the front. He panicked. "What? When? Why? How?" he started his series of questions which didn't make any sense to her.
"What?" she asked him then wondering what had caused such a shock. "We have always been careful. And why didn't you tell me before? We are not even married..." he continued as she turned around in his arms that were now loosely placed around her. She started to say something when he cut her off again "Wait..how do you know we will get the news tomorrow? Did you get a test done? Why didn't you tell me?" his eyes widened and she could see their whiteness grow wider by the minute.
She was horrible when it came to such things because she decided to have some fun with it. "It just happened last week. I have been feeling a little sick lately so I went to the health center. The doctor was kinda sure that
that was it but we went ahead with the test anyway. We should be getting the reports tomorrow..." she pretended to be shy while he was going through a heart attack.
"Oh f***!" he exclaimed as he sat up in bed now wondering what they were going to do about it. He was only on a project here and she was still in school. "How are we going to manage this kid? I mean I am not even settled...and you? You are still in school. What are we going to do?"
She sat up next to him and tried to pacify him stroking his back as she said "It's okay. We will manage somehow. Don't be upset please...I want the baby."
"How can I not be? I should have been more careful. First things first...we need to get married. We will go to the lawyer tomorrow itself..." he said with complete determination after he had calmed himself somewhat. If this was to come, so be it. He was not the kind to give his back to problems and run..he wasn't a coward. A coward would have proposed abortion...but he proposed marriage.
"But tomorrow is Sunday. We will go on Monday. And please don't panic. We will manage..." she said as calmly as she could given the irritation that crept in her with the way he had proposed for marriage. He wondered why she was so calm about the whole affair. Any other girl would have been nervous if she hadn't yet jumped off the 20th floor or undergone an abortion. He mentally reviewed their exchange again and figured out what she had been doing. In a swift move, he went over her and down on the bed with her underneath him. He bit her hard on the neck...she whimpered. He pulled back and saw her grinning at him despite the pain his bite had caused. "So what exactly is the good news?" he asked in a firm voice...he didn't sound upset or angry at the little joke she made on him.
"Kits confessed to me she loves Rohan..." he widened his eyes at that. "Oh boy...she is faster than Rohan. He still hasn't said anything to me even. It's going to be fun seeing them together."
"Yeah I know. They are on a trip together...I am hopeful something will happen and we will get the good news tomorrow when they are back." she said looking out the window in a serious tone now...hoping for her wish to come true..she really wanted to see them together. "Ouch!!!" she almost screamed when he rubbed the skin right where he had bit her between his lips...
"That's what you get for making fun of me..." he said with all seriousness and just as she was about to ask if that was it.
.. he added "...and more!" before he roughly grabbed her buttock to turn her to her side to face him. She was sure going to have a rough time tonight...it was all well deserved after all...
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When the van had come to an abrupt stop, he had turned to look back to check if everyone was okay...and had found him canoodling her around her neck. She had closed her eyes then...and so did he before he turned around to look in the front again. While she felt pleasure..he felt pain. He had never felt this way before...the muscles in his throat had contracted excessively strangling him...his heart had just been punctured by a thousand daggers piercing through all at once...his mind and body experienced excruciating pain as he tried not to look back and forced himself to focus on driving. He knew he had to disregard any such thoughts about her out of his mind. He had been happy to have finally fallen in love..but the only girl who had managed to enter his heart had not an inkling that she had accidentally stepped on it..crushing it to a million pieces. He had not allowed him to wander around her much...but then he noticed her pained expression in the trail and instantly knew something was off..something had happened between the two straining whatever they had going on. He wanted to comfort her but he couldn't...he wanted to hug her but he couldn't...he wanted to ask her what had happened but he couldn't. All he could do was lay there and hope for the best...for them...for her.
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The jerk of the van had woken her up and she had been witness of their little encounter too. She was glad it was dark in the van...she quickly turned around to face the other way lest someone saw the tears that filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks...not that it would have been visible anyway. A tsunami had hit her and thrown her to a place where she lay drained...tattered...bruised. She had mentally prepared herself to see them together but not in her wildest dreams she had thought she would be witness of such a moment. And even if she had...how could anyone take the blow in your face when all you have is a broken shield? She knew he was always preoccupied with the guilt of what had happened on New Years between them and knew he couldn't have enjoyed a moment with her if she were around too. And so she had tried to keep herself engaged with Sanjay..to give him the space and mental peace he had deprived himself of over the last few months but even that had not seemed to work...he was giving her too much attention even when she was distancing herself from him. His guilt was drowning her in a pool of her own guilt. She lay there with her eyes closed hoping for a fairy to come and whisk away all of their pains with her magic wand.
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After what had happened in the van and in the trail, she had really hoped for something to happen...
something...anything...but what had happened had not been in her favor. Everything she had thought and rehearsed had been in vain. Her racing heart, her tingling skin, her heaving chest and all the other sensations that had excited her when he was near her had been reduced to a mere illusion. Even if she was just a friend to him, she could not deal with the attention he gave her...more that what he gave
her. Ever since she had known of his feelings for her, she had expected too much from him...she expected him to give her all the attention regardless of the fact that they were surrounded by 11 other people...she had expected him to make the first move even though he had no inkling of exactly how she felt for him...she had expected him to go beyond that kiss on her neck even after she had confessed she was uncomfortable with a man's touch. It didn't cross her mind that she was being a little irrational in her expectations..which only gave her disappointment...but isn't this what happens when you expect too much? She closed her eyes as she prayed to her Babaji for strength to endure everything that had come and was yet to come.
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What was he doing? She was right in his arms...neither pulling away nor shivering in fear or pain and he was focusing on someone else? But then how could he enjoy any of it when his mind was boggled with guilt mixed with concern? He saw him getting close to her and couldn't help the protectiveness that engulfed him. He had already seen her hurt...hurt because of him and now he couldn't hold back when she was walking right into trouble..or so he thought. He had only wanted to warn her before it was too late...that she couldn't handle him. And so he had only been trying to gauge what kind of a relation they shared in the first place. But his luck had failed him miserably...the only chance he had gotten was when
she was with him...in his arms. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her how much she affected him...but at the same time he needed to keep tabs on her too...and that was his only chance... without coming out as an annoying interferer. Once again torn between want and need...had ended up hurting one of them. He closed his eyes as he prayed to the higher powers for courage and strength to be able to balance his wants and his needs without having to break someone's heart.
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