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Is it Responsibility issue or Obssessiveness (Page 4)

dyhardfan IF-Dazzler
dyhardfan
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:39am | IP Logged
Well said Raj di... Hope this bring NivRen closer and they come out stronger from this.

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NiViren-Raj

anjubala IF-Rockerz
anjubala
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:40am | IP Logged
Raj, a very nice post and lot to discuss. I wanted to take a break but your post kind of forced me to write. :)
To me what Nivi is doing is what any new mom will do. Yes, she is not a biological mom but the circumstances have made her a mom. This happens to moms who adopt baby too... A baby and specifically new born baby needs constant support and attention. For a new mom it is mix of responsibility and obsession - to make sure that each and every little demand of her baby is getting fulfilled as baby has no other way to tell his or her needs. We all moms go through the same. The thin line between responsibility and obsession gets merged and it becomes difficult to differentiate between the two. And as this experience is new so it takes more effort from mom's side to understand what each and every cry of baby means. So to expect so much from her is not nice but it is a fact that regardless of a female is a new mom or not, world and husband expects her to be the same as she was before the baby. It takes few months to adjust to the new schedule, new life, new environment and that is why in my Friday's post I said the same. Viren will have to be little more patient with Nivi and help her and support her with the changed role. He is not the dad but Nivi is trying to be mom.. That is the difference. Once Nivi understands how to handle little baby and she gets used to her timings of feeding, changing her, bath time, sleep time..things will come back to routine. That is how GOD has made females. It is just this initial phase of adjustment wherein Viren will have to be with her instead of giving up on Nivi.
And for Nivi I will say once more that she needs to take help from family members in raising Dweeta. Alone she cannot do it. It should be a team work. Even if Divya was alive, she would have needed help from Sid, VD, YD etc... And there is more than mom's milk to bring up a baby. And HL needs to understand that. Love and care is also important for proper growth of baby.

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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Niv-RenBOND

Originally posted by Raj_Luv_NiViren

Originally posted by Niv-RenBOND

i think nivi is blaming herself too much for dd's death n just to overcome that guilt feeling she is subconsciously giving too much attention to baby.yeah she has becom too obsessive with the child.

she is also subconsciously trying to prove to the world that her love for the child is no different frm her real mother's.this is well illustrated by the scene in which nivi was talking to child.
 
Raj, i tried myself not to include too many psychological terms (yeah subconsciousness is a psychological term). But Freud's theory does explain her state of mind really well.


Km .. u studying psychology would understand what Nivi is going through... this would not have happened if DD's death was natural and Nivi would not have anything to do with it...
yeah i do
i found ,what they show today particularly b/w nivi n baby, quite realistic.
 
as far as viren's insecurity (or may be jealousy for not getting enough attention) is concerned, i do find it realistic to an extent (please dont tak it otherwise.i knw it hurts when it comes to our viren but u cant deny the realistic n bitter aspects of life)
 
see viren was being shown jealous to sid (reasons were valid for him for being so n really strong to mak him lik that).n i fully blame the family for making him so in his childhood.but this jealousy n insecurity may com again n in different forms.its really difficult to overcome such negative feelings.such feelings may subside for the time being n as long as circumstances r favourable but they may erupt again n again if circumstances go against his/her favour.


yes KM... i really dont want Viren to go into it again...his insecurity i can understand...but dont him to go into negativity again...this time want nivi to realize...

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anjubala IF-Rockerz
anjubala
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Niv-RenBOND

Originally posted by Raj_Luv_NiViren

Originally posted by Niv-RenBOND

i think nivi is blaming herself too much for dd's death n just to overcome that guilt feeling she is subconsciously giving too much attention to baby.yeah she has becom too obsessive with the child.

she is also subconsciously trying to prove to the world that her love for the child is no different frm her real mother's.this is well illustrated by the scene in which nivi was talking to child.
 
Raj, i tried myself not to include too many psychological terms (yeah subconsciousness is a psychological term). But Freud's theory does explain her state of mind really well.


Km .. u studying psychology would understand what Nivi is going through... this would not have happened if DD's death was natural and Nivi would not have anything to do with it...
yeah i do
i found ,what they show today particularly b/w nivi n baby, quite realistic.
 
as far as viren's insecurity (or may be jealousy for not getting enough attention) is concerned, i do find it realistic to an extent (please dont tak it otherwise.i knw it hurts when it comes to our viren but u cant deny the realistic n bitter aspects of life)
 
see viren was being shown jealous to sid (reasons were valid for him for being so n really strong to mak him lik that).n i fully blame the family for making him so in his childhood.but this jealousy n insecurity may com again n in different forms.its really difficult to overcome such negative feelings.such feelings may subside for the time being n as long as circumstances r favourable but they may erupt again n again if circumstances go against his/her favour.
 
Very well said and it is very true in case of Viren. His insecurities have never been handled properly and he has never got any closure.. This is bound to happen.

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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by anjubala

Raj, a very nice post and lot to discuss. I wanted to take a break but your post kind of forced me to write. :)
To me what Nivi is doing is what any new mom will do. Yes, she is not a biological mom but the circumstances have made her a mom. This happens to moms who adopt baby too... A baby and specifically new born baby needs constant support and attention. For a new mom it is mix of responsibility and obsession - to make sure that each and every little demand of her baby is getting fulfilled as baby has no other way to tell his or her needs. We all moms go through the same. The thin line between responsibility and obsession gets merged and it becomes difficult to differentiate between the two. And as this experience is new so it takes more effort from mom's side to understand what each and every cry of baby means. So to expect so much from her is not nice but it is a fact that regardless of a female is a new mom or not, world and husband expects her to be the same as she was before the baby. It takes few months to adjust to the new schedule, new life, new environment and that is why in my Friday's post I said the same. Viren will have to be little more patient with Nivi and help her and support her with the changed role. He is not the dad but Nivi is trying to be mom.. That is the difference. Once Nivi understands how to handle little baby and she gets used to her timings of feeding, changing her, bath time, sleep time..things will come back to routine. That is how GOD has made females. It is just this initial phase of adjustment wherein Viren will have to be with her instead of giving up on Nivi.
And for Nivi I will say once more that she needs to take help from family members in raising Dweeta. Alone she cannot do it. It should be a team work. Even if Divya was alive, she would have needed help from Sid, VD, YD etc... And there is more than mom's milk to bring up a baby. And HL needs to understand that. Love and care is also important for proper growth of baby.


Anju .. i agree with what u said...but here i felt little more obsession or say more involvement than normal with the baby cause Nivi also has the guilt part involved which show in her talk to the baby...when Sid took the baby Nivi's look and Viren had to tell her that Sid is the father...Viren talking to Nivi but Nivi's eyes were on Dwita...the precap she tell Viren he must have done something to the baby, why would Viren do anything to make Dwita cry...i can undersatnd insecurity on Viren's part but do not want CT's to exaggerate this as am tired of always CT's targeting Viren...Nivi is a new mom but her involvement also has added  guilt and repentance subconciously...


Edited by Raj_Luv_NiViren - 16 May 2011 at 12:00pm

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anjubala IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:01pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Raj_Luv_NiViren

Originally posted by anjubala

Raj, a very nice post and lot to discuss. I wanted to take a break but your post kind of forced me to write. :)
To me what Nivi is doing is what any new mom will do. Yes, she is not a biological mom but the circumstances have made her a mom. This happens to moms who adopt baby too... A baby and specifically new born baby needs constant support and attention. For a new mom it is mix of responsibility and obsession - to make sure that each and every little demand of her baby is getting fulfilled as baby has no other way to tell his or her needs. We all moms go through the same. The thin line between responsibility and obsession gets merged and it becomes difficult to differentiate between the two. And as this experience is new so it takes more effort from mom's side to understand what each and every cry of baby means. So to expect so much from her is not nice but it is a fact that regardless of a female is a new mom or not, world and husband expects her to be the same as she was before the baby. It takes few months to adjust to the new schedule, new life, new environment and that is why in my Friday's post I said the same. Viren will have to be little more patient with Nivi and help her and support her with the changed role. He is not the dad but Nivi is trying to be mom.. That is the difference. Once Nivi understands how to handle little baby and she gets used to her timings of feeding, changing her, bath time, sleep time..things will come back to routine. That is how GOD has made females. It is just this initial phase of adjustment wherein Viren will have to be with her instead of giving up on Nivi.
And for Nivi I will say once more that she needs to take help from family members in raising Dweeta. Alone she cannot do it. It should be a team work. Even if Divya was alive, she would have needed help from Sid, VD, YD etc... And there is more than mom's milk to bring up a baby. And HL needs to understand that. Love and care is also important for proper growth of baby.


Anju .. i agree with what u said...but here i felt little more obsession or say more involvement than normal with the baby cause Nivi also has the guilt part involved which show in her talk to the baby...when Sid took the baby Nivi's look and iren had to tell her that Sid is the father...Viren talking to Nivi but Nivi's eyes were on Dwita...the precap she tell Viren he must have done something to the baby, why would Viren do anything to make Dwita cry...i can undersatnd insecurity on Viren's part but do not want CT's to exaggerate this as am tired of always CT's targeting Viren...Nivi is a new mom but her involvement also has added  guilt and repentance subconciously...
 
Yes Raj that is why I am saying it will take more on Viren's side to take Nivi out of this involvement due to guilt, repentance, love for a motherless child etc.. Nivi is not seeing this wrong as she is the one giving all love to Dweeta as she herelf is a motherless child. So it is a mix of all. If Viren becomes insecure and comes in CC's talks then it will just complicate matters. will not resolve the issue, will rather increase the problem. Nahin to sabke expectations pura karte karte Nivi paagal ho jayegi.. She needs a break from this..

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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:10pm | IP Logged
Anju.. i dont want Viren to listen to CC and follow his heart and get Nivi out of this and make her a normal mother and not a mother with guilt and repentance subconsciously...

but now fearing what CT's will show us

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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Raj_Luv_NiViren

Anju.. i dont want Viren to listen to CC and follow his heart and get Nivi out of this and make her a normal mother and not a mother with guilt and repentance subconsciously...

but now fearing what CT's will show us
 
Raj, that has never been in our hands.. Yeh sab CTs ki maaya hai so let us see what they show us now. I am now on the verge of just sitting and watching it quietly without any expectations... Confused

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