Something Called Love
As she was searching
everywhere for him swiftly, all of a sudden she passed by one room on the top
floor, she saw a dim light approaching from it, from the corner and she felt
like somebody was in there, she was scared for a moment but she entered. It was
not much big compared to other rooms of the mansion and it seemed like an old
room, the interior was also old fashioned but yet elegant and royal, the room
was painted with white and pink color, the identical old style wooden furniture
but still shining, apart from it, everything was covered in white bed sheets. She
could not see it properly in the soft glow but she realized that it was
someone's bedroom. Everything was covered under white sheets except for the
corner in which there was a study table, small closet and a long classy mirror.
There was a small window around the corner, she went ahead and saw him. He was
sitting there in the corner; between lots of papers scattered on the floor
which looked like old letters to her, he had one paper in his hand and a photo
of someone. She could not see it properly. She went ahead and sat there
silently. He did not look at him; he was staring outside the window at the
endless dark clouds and thunders, scaring her even more, a rainstorm was about
to come, she thought. She sat there for few minutes, when she came in she was
firmly determined to speak the truth as fast she could and would leave from
there, but when she faced him, she could not utter anything, she was frozen at
She looked at him again
who was still staring out of the window. She could only saw the dim reflection
of the lamp on his taut expression; it was harder for her to understand what
was in his mind. It started to rain heavily. There was silence in the room except
for the rhythmic sound of rain which was beautiful in the other way, but for
her, it was haunting. As if mother nature was crying for him and along with him,
she could not comprehend whether he was crying or not, but she unquestionably felt
his pain which he was trying pacify by staring at the fiery and wild rain, it
was natural first stormy rain of the season, as if even god could not see it. She
slowly leaned ahead and squeezed his hand soothingly. And unexpectedly, he
broke the gaze and looked at her intensely; she was shocked to see him. His
face was taut and expressionless. His eyes were dark than usual and sad but
more than that they were reflecting failure, disappointment and regret. She
wondered about the rains and his state, from outer surface he looked like
perfect man, a dried man but the same rain has drenched him brutally and wet
from inside, his eyes were speaking in numerous ways which she could not
comprehend, the only expression she could find was, pain and disappointment. Before
she could say anything he broke the silence.
'Have I ever told you
about my mother except the unconventional lie and half truth that I lost her?'
She was shocked; she
decided to answer him rather telling him anything. It was his time to open up.
She was scared - much scared to even answer anything.
'Hmmm…I was ten years old.
I remember, when I was nine, my mother was dead. I came here with my dad; it
was raining that night - heavily. I slept with my dadima, she fed me and told
me some stories and I slept there, in her lap. She loved my hair, I think. She
kept running fingers in my hairs all the time. I stayed here for few days and it
was my birthday, I asked my father to bring me new mother. And, next year in my
birthday party, he brought me my mother. She was beautiful and charming. I
loved her so much. At that time, I did not know that she was not my mother. She
was his mother, his own mother. Though, she was never happy with me, she used
to beat me when I used to play alone without him. I was so happy that finally I
had mother, she would come with me in the garden and play with me, and she
would come to my school and help me in my homework. She did it - she did all
these things but not for me - for him. He was her favorite son, my younger
brother dev. I loved him a lot; I taught him how to ride bicycle and all the
games that I used to play. He was also very naughty, every time he used to do
some mischief and she used to beat me, I never felt bad because he was my
younger brother and I loved him. I tried to do everything she liked but she
never liked me. '
He stopped. His face was
'And one day, she left me
and my daddy and my home. And, my dadima did not even stop her. I hated dadima
that day, she was the only person who was my best buddy and my girlfriend and
she also did not help me. I screamed and screamed and screamed… but nobody
listened to me. She was gone, she left with him - my brother and she left me
and my dad - my home - our home. I opposed and she did not even listen to me. I
grabbed her hand tightly and she pushed me away and left.'
There were fresh tears
started to form in her eyes, she tried to control it.
'Time passed. When I was
fourteen, I was in school and there was holiday trip from school to Mumbai. I
knew she was in Mumbai with him; I came to know about that from my dad's diary.
Yes, I stole the key of my dad's cupboard and read his diary and stole her
address in Mumbai from one letter received by my dad from her. I wanted to join
the trip just because for one free day for shopping, I could go there and meet
her once. My dad and dadima refused for it. I fought, I did not even eat for
two days and then they were ready. I was happy and excited as I was about to
meet my mother – my own mother.'
He stopped for a moment
'I went there and traveled
around Mumbai with my friends, I enjoyed it but more than anything, I was
excited for last day, it was the day of the trip which was free for shopping
and I would meet my mother. I chose to go there alone, all my friends were
going together for shopping and I left from there alone and went to her place.
I went there on the address, it was white huge and giant building, I went in
there and asked for her and security guards did not allowed to let me in. I was
informed that she was not home and I decided to wait for her. I sat there on
the footpath in front of the building, I waited whole day without even drinking
or eating anything. I thought, when my mom would come, she would make me my
favorite food and fed me. It was evening, I was still there, and everyone was
passing by me and looked at me like I was lost. Somebody actually asked me
about my residence and offered to help me but they did not know, I was home -
just outside home. '
He stopped for a moment,
staring at the wild rain deeply, effortlessly saying it, as he never forgot
anything, as if he practiced it every night in front of mirror, as if he lived
it, each and every day for his life, his reality, his cruel reality.
'And then, in evening she
came in white car, I saw her coming out from the car with a tall and dark man.
He was clutching my mom's hand tightly and dragging her inside, they were
laughing about something. She was her - my mother - Mrs. Maya Amar Khurana. I
got up and went ahead but she was gone. I missed her and I decided to follow
her but then again security guards did not let me in. I stood there waiting for
her, and after half an hour she came again in new dress, looking so beautiful.
I went ahead and she saw me – she saw me for few seconds and smiled. I smiled.
And she asked the watchman to get rid of me. I was shocked and she yet again,
went somewhere in the car with the same man. And the guards pushed me and
thrown me out from the building.'
He stopped; there was not
even a single lone tear in his eyes, but regret and feeling of being rejected.
She could not stop herself more, she cried silently, covering her mouth, to not
make sound, not to let him hear her whimpers.
'I came home. I never told
this to anyone, not even my dad or dadima - no one. I asked my dadima why she
left but she never told me in stead she always used to cry when I asked the
same. After two years, my dad died and I completed my basic education here and
was sent to London
for studying architecture. I knew from my dadima that my dad was also interested
in architecture and it was his dream to become top builder of the country but
he could not do much because of lack of money, time and technology and later I
found out from the dadima and media people that she married some businessman who
was also builder and he was in same industry, I don't remember the name…and
literally I never cared…but I knew one thing that she was no more Mrs. Maya
Amar Khurana. She was then, Mrs. Maya Gujral. And, that was the day, when I
decided to become the same person whom she liked, she liked money, I earned
money, lots of money. I studied architecture and became the same and studied
further, I came back India
and learned everything about construction line, and it took me eight years to establish
my company - my dad's company which was just a name before few years. I made my
self the richest person of the country and achieved all these things, luxuries,
just to prove her that she could not reject me like she did eighteen years ago.
And, she would have to accept me someday.'
'I was in disbelief that
she loved me, I was a fool to love her and chase her like crazy and the biggest
fool to hate my dadima who loved me like, her own son and I…'
He broke down, but still
there were no tears in his eyes. He looked at her, and she did not found the
same 28 years old rich and established businessman but a 10 years old boy,
seeking attention from his step mother and starving for love. His eyes were
like the same innocent and eager eyes of a 10 year old boy searching for his mom
and finding answers. She was speechless. She looked at him with all love and
warmth, but she knew it was of no use, he needed his dadima, his mother. She
was in her chain of thoughts when he presented some letters.
'I found them today….here
- in all these letters written by my dad, he pleaded her to come Delhi once and
meet me, how desperate I was to meet her and how I missed her. There was only
one reply for all of this which clearly said that she had no time and she could
not meet me. And, I am not her… son…' he said it sadly putting more weight on
He slowly took one
photograph and showed it to her, it was in black and white, there was one
beautiful lady in it who looked a lot like him, which was, matter of the fact
that he looked like her a lot. She had beautiful eyes, so innocent and so
genuine. She remembered dadima's word for her. She smiled.
'She is my biological
mother. I have got only one photograph of her.' he said while looking at her
'I should be awarded for
the biggest fool and shameless person of all time. Fool as I knew, still I did
not accept the fact, I chased her, literally begged her to take me back, proved
every time that I'm eligible, I'm rich and powerful but forgot just one
fact…that she, never was there for me… and shameless ignorant, as only a shameless
and impolite person like me could avoid his dadima and her unconditional love,
I blamed her for everything, for she left me...Dev opened my eyes today, what
he said was so true…I'm not even Khurana…I'm just…random lucky guy from the
street…illegal…' He said and then his eyes were getting moist.
She felt like someone
stabbed a knife in her heart when she heard the last word that he mentioned for
himself; it was way more agonizing for her, more than she could take, more than
her capability. She was in awe, that even knowing the fact about him made her
shiver from the spine and he lived that reality for years, he knew it all and
he endured with it all. She felt guilty that he misunderstood him at first few
months, he was a hard and rough guy but he had every right to turn out to be weird
She was motionless, after
hearing his reality, his pain and his continuous torture from years, his
constant appeal to his mother to love him, to accept him. She wanted to hug him
tight and take all his pain and sorrow; she wanted him to release his pain to
her. But, she knew at that time, she was not the right person, all he needed
was his grandmother. She held his hand
tightly and tried to inject as much support and care she could. She looked at
him through teary eyes and swallowed hard.
'I think you should talk
to your dadima, Maan. She loves you so much, go and talk to her. You love her,
I know. Go.'
And she got up abruptly
and she saw dadima hiding behind the partition, shedding countless tears and as
soon as she saw her, she walked away in her room, maan saw that and followed
her in her room. Geet stood there, after he left. She again sat there and
looked at the photo of his mother and smiled through tears.