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Painful Rapture thread 1 chap-1 ~p 1~ 37

Hamlet53 IF-Sizzlerz
Hamlet53
Hamlet53

Joined: 15 January 2011
Posts: 23242

Posted: 13 May 2011 at 5:51pm | IP Logged

Dear friends, this is my first attempt at fan fiction, basically I am inspired to step rather gingerly into a domain I  have not traversed before, so please bear with my follies and if you can spare me your precious moments of leisure time, I would be gratified. I dedicate this humble attempt to all the exceptional FF writers this forum is graced with. It would not be out of place to mention one in particular Shilpita whose, advice on penning a FF I sought a few days ago and her useful reply has made me come up with thisss. So in other words if this FF is substandard its Shipli's fault not mine. Haa haaa[Mishal style larf] 

 FF: Painful Rapture
Foreword:  Major Dutta Patil, only son of a war widow, herald's  from a lineage of men who served in the land forces. Dutta was brought up under strict military style regulations. The norm of discipline passed from father to son across all areas of life . Dutta and his household are financially well placed as the family own vast holdings of cultivated land, handed down from generations. Dutta resides in his family home Patil Niwas as part of an extended family scenario with his three sisters and two brother in laws. His childhood friend Baji Rao also resides in the family home to over see matters especially, during Dutta's frequent job related postings and excercise missions. Most of his life Dutta stayed away from home under the tutelage of single sex boarding schools so as to mould him into a sturdy man ruled predominately by his mind rather than his heart. As part of the armed forces he is largely stationed away from home and only comes home for national or major religious festivals. Currently he is commanding his platoon of 20 soldiers from the Infantry core at an unclassified destination in the thick of combat... 
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   

Painful Rapture# thread 1  Index 1~ 37

 
Index :  many thanks to my friend HeartTinkerbell! who coached me in how to do hyper links ! hamlet

ch1:The real Me - p.1

ch2:The Reckoning-p.3

ch3:   Noncompliance-p5

ch4: The Battle Within-p8

ch5:On The Mend-p 11

ch6: Knowing Me Knowing You-p15

ch7: Homecoming-p.19

ch8: Rocking The Boat-p.23

ch:9  Tempest- p.23

ch 10: "green ey'd monster"-p.33 

 
 

ch18:"till death do us part"~p1 p67,p 2p68

 
 
 

chap24:"the short and long of it"..

chap 25:"when shall we three meet again" ~p95

 Chapter:1   The Real Me

The deafening noise of mine explosions rumbled the atmosphere. Clouds of smoke swirled amidst, helter skelter, lowering visibility to zero .Dutta and his men crouched apprehensively in their camouflaged  trench, ducking and diving against the occasional spray of bullets from the enemy range ahead. The men coughed once a while as dispersed dust riddled by missed bullets by the smoky mass of explosives trailed unwanted up their nostrils. The menacing rat ta ta of bullets created dangerous waves in the tense situation. "Get down !cover! keep firing!" shouted Dutta at his men. Sweat drizzled down his neck and down his nose as he clumsily wiped his nose with the back of his filthy oily greased hand. The metal helmet cut into his broad fore head as more sweat trickled past his side burns . His eyes darted sideways with animal precision ensuring the safety of his platoon, like a mother hen. "Keep firing" he repeated command vociferously, "and keep cover".He stopped for a split second to reload  his weapon, aimed postion and resumed firing. From the opposite direction firing ceased suddenly. Dutta, vigilanty picked up his binoculars and surveyed the enemy post, once satisfied he ordered cease fire. The soldiers slumped back against the trench and slid down for a breather. "Ok guys, reload ammu and get a drink". Dutta accepts the canteen of water offered by one of the soldiers and drank the luke warm water, which escaped down the sides of his mouth as he slurped the trapped drops of water in the  outer creases of his mouth and smacked his lips in relief. Dutta turned to Ram his fellow officer and course mate from his passing out days with a crooked smile. "Enjoying the real thing Ram? Ram looked back at this young officer with sweaty greasy layered blotches against the corners of his defined nose and sitting in his fissure chin under the outline of his lips. Here he was an only lad in the household, completely at home with his' baby' in the lap of action. Ram knew Dutta Patil was a man of good breeding with pure army blue blood flowing through his veins. Ram continues to study Dutta as the man strokes his hairy cheek with his right hand. Ram churns in his mind, what was already well established at the base command that Dutta for his age was outstanding in terms of agility ,stamina and judgement due to which many senior and fellow colleagues gifted him the appellative Sher! . No one could argue that to summarise Dutta Patil was indeed a  dauntless hot blooded officer/soldier with a passion to be in the front line .he looked at Dutta's face smeared with dark brown camouflaged gunk! .Ram gazed at his  friend and thinks it's Dutta's eyes that were his most elusive feature, one never could suffice what message was being relayed ,friendship ,warmth, coldness, distance or death it self!

"Take a break Ram", declares Dutta, "you never know when these B##s stir again and we have to reply. Ram studied Dutta, he was an engimatic man, not much was know about him except that he was a tough nut, armed with bravado, shrewd intelligence in war strategies and a damned good soldier unafraid of dying. Ram, wet his mouth with water from his canteen of, and continued to look at his platoon commander. Dutta he sat on his butt with his knees drawn up and head resting against the trench wall, from time to time spitting out the sandy saliva out of the trench. Ram, continues to gaze at the resting Dutta, and muses he was young, definitely not in his mid thirties like himself, as long as Ram had known him Dutta always had a stubble neat and groomed at the best of times, but momentarily he appeared unkempt and his face reminded him of a sleeping lion!. Dutta, stirred, yanked his head slowly from side to side, opened his eyes which had helplessly closed for respite. He heaved himself forward and questions Ram with a jerk of his head. "Whats are you looking at? or shall I ask what are you thinking about? "Oh nothing" Ram confessed ,"just thinking yaar you are bit of a mysterious guy ,I mean is there a softer side to you? Dutta looks at Ram with intent narrow eyes and compressed lips, and replies "Ram with me you get what you see, nothing more nothing less". Some how Ram could not accept that as a definite answer from Dutta, and he continues to fish Dutta. "Tell me something have got a girl in your life?. Dutta was most put off, and literally turns his face to one side and shakes his head slightly at the preposterous nature of his fellow officers question hence refused to comment on such idle subjects. Ram persists "It's hard to accept that a good looking sauve man like you has no fair sex in his life". Dutta refrains from answering again. Ram soon realizes that though Dutta is compiled with action, in contrast  he is a man of very few words also ,especially when it came to his own persona. Ram, still presses on surely " Dutta there must be an aurat in your life". Dutta finally gives in and with a gentle smile that softens his tough face says " haan hai meri Aye" he utters in soft briefness. Dutta fondled his face on one side and jutted his chin while he had visions of his mother stroking his hair while his head lay in her lap. He clenched his jaw tightly and hurriedly shoved the thoughts out of his mind, he had to maintain where he was and what he was a soldier, for him the only Maa he should be preoccupied is his territory his political demarcation.

Dutta , pushes himself up and straightens his legs and walks nimbly in the cloistered 12ft by 5ft trench, he felt satisfaction that his soldiers were getting a hundred winks. Dutta tried to suppress a laugh as he witnessed his boys sprawled, crouched, heads resting on each others shoulders with brown patches smeared along their greasy filthy hairy faces, he yanked his head forward briefly as the lot reminded him of a pack of knocked out ghouls! . With a twitched brow he looked across the enemy line and thinks the b### were resting, tomorrow we  smoke them out. He narrows his eyes like a lion as he carrys out a silent vigil, stroking the cold metal of his gun. As his alert eyes and head gradually swivel for any motion outside the trench, the monotonous chirping sound of the crickets here in the middle of nowhere brought back memories about home Patil Niwas. He stiffened his lips, screwed his features in firm concentration. Dutta part lossened his bow shaped upper lip and shook his head to push back the feeling of weakness and reached out for his binoculars for an intent survey. He drew his breathe in and levelled with himself in the deadly silence this was his life ,this raw action, this constant readiness to combat, after all this was what his father did and his father's father ,so for him to carry on living this way was nothing new. He bit his lower lip, the softer, slow pace of life was not for him his passion was all geared towards what he was subjected to, this nomadic life of a soldier. He knew there was a bullet somewhere with his name engraved on it, it was just a matter of time when they both meet each other... His eyelids dropped laden with fatigue and he forced his weighted eye lids to open and maintain vigil while others in his platoon  rested...

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oblivious to the world Nakku lay swaddled in her quilt. She could feel the putrid muddy water slowly creeping up beyond her feet, inching towards her ankles..."get up on the bed and take your brother with you as well" echoed Ayes voice in the distance... now! Her sweat dampened sticky legs shuffle restlessly under her quilt...".we're going to down..die in this filthy flood... die die"..."get on the bed higher" ..get out of the fast climbing water level! our house! ..my home! The screeching "ne ne ne ne ne"  of the salvage sirens could be heard ."oooh Aye..hamara ghar! Nakku bolted up with a start, hyperventilating , she wiped the beads of sweat around her face. Breathing regularly she looked around, heaving slowly she straightened her legs which she had drawn up together in a foetal position. She was safe in her new home, Patil Niwas.. She wet her parched throat with cold water beside her bed and elbowed the remaining moist cool sweat on her brow and lay back on her pillow. She gazed at her girlie pretty pink room as she reached out for her cuddly bear and clutched it near her bosom. She glanced at her bedside clock it was quarter to five in the morning, perchance she reposed off again as it was far too early to rise yet. She closed her eyes again and delved back into the past briefly to regularise her thoughts.

Her house feel prey to the torrential monsoon floods in the Dera[ village] which stood as the cultivated property of Aye Sahib's husband General Sahib. Her father was an ex-serviceman in the army who served under General Shree Ram Patil's battalion but was declared unfit to resume normal duties after a war injury. General Sahib, when he was alive twenty years ago employed Nakusha's father as the caretaker of the Dera land holdings. Nakku, was born ,bred and educated on the Dera. That was her home and her haven the free spirited, vast village life. Since the floods hit them about a year ago, Nakkusha was moved to Patil Niwas to live as Aye Sahib's ward ,so that Nakku could also complete her further education. Trrr,shrilled the alarm, it was nearly eight am. Nakku threw her quilt, lowered her legs ,groped for her slippers and raced for the shower...ooh she had to be at Uni for nine... She wrangled out of her pyjamas and stepped out of the heap and stood under the shower embracing the lukewarm spray. She had to speed on, beat time ,fancy dozing off again she wined internally.

She grabbed her tote bag with her books etc,shoved her feet in the pumps and in haste stood in front of Bappu's Morti in reverence, blew a kiss at her family picture of Babba,Aye and Seth jee. She threw a glance at her wrist watch, Bappa it was nearly  quarter past eight, and her class starts at nine. She raced down the long corridor .oh fiddlesticks! why was her room at the end of the corridor. As she raced down, Baji emerged from his room and she collided with him unceremoniously. "Oye Nakku ,hold your horses yaar, take it easy". She gushed ,breathlessly" no Baji Iam getting late for Uni" ,she suddenly grabbed his hand..."please Baji give me a lift, I don't want my head chopped off by the professor". Baji smiled displaying a dimple," yeasss I can drop you and he puts his forefinger on his temple musing "pun you have to introduce me to that billi eyed friend of yours"! Nakku pulls his arm and rivets him towards the stairs..." haan  babaa chal". The pair of them come traipsing down the stairs.The parivaar was having breakfast. Nakku does a folded hand Namaste, whizzes towards Aye Sahib touches her feet and gathers blessings. The family looks at her aghast ready to quiz her about her haste. Before they could verbalise Nakku announced "Uni lecture ,have to go! Aye Sahib ,complains "Nakusha tu nai kuch kaya nahin".."Aye Sahib mein pau bhaji khal loongi canteen se!"  She turned in speed and said to Aye Sahib before she could suggest "haan jee Baji chor rahi hai"...

Nakku sat with Baji in the car... they were alone maybe she could ask she refected... She decided to push the thought at the back boiler." By the way Nakku what class do you have that's making you so stressed? pried Baji. Nakku was glad for the deviation, even though she was tempted to make enquiries," yes she answers Anatomy ki class hai plus Psyshio therapy" " oh thats a mouthful Nakku, pun tut u hoshyaar hai parheya mein" replied Baji. She so wanted to ask about him, finally just before they got to the main gate of the Anatomy department she said to herself it's now or never!.  "Baji Saab ki koi khabir hai tera ko? Koi phone call? koi post card!? Baji turns to look at her with a smile, and looks at her dying to know look. He nods from side to side and says "Nakku, Bahu excercise pay gya hai, duty hai, sub kuch classified hai! tu mujhe kaisey pata hoga? . Her deflation was visible, still ,Baji always suspected Nakku had a soft spot for Dutta, ever since she was a child, and more so now that she was a young twenty year old beautiful woman!

Baji offered her consolation, "Nakku jab bhi uski koi khabir mujhe mila ge ,mein thuje batey ga, don't worry". Nakku, defensively says "no I just asked for its been a while since he came back for a furlough ... just being nosy thats all". Nakku felt irate at herself for letting her guard down. What was the point anyway she contemplated the man was as hard as iron ,never looks at women let alone engage and talk to them. She smiled secretly,the only women Saab warmed to were his Aye and sisters... Anyway there was no point in furrowing upon him he was not her type, too stiff,too dull, too dry too disciplined... too ruddy big for his boots... still she felt pulled towards him!

She jerked forward as Baji braked the car to a halt. "Oye Nakku don't forget biili eyed friend of yours, aur  kuch nahi tu uska phone number hi chale gaa", he guffawed!

Nakku got out of the car and waved to Baji as he drove off. Right she thought forget about that  action man, that missile man and get on with the delights of human anatomy and body parts and muscles and sinews and tendons and ligaments... "Nakusha" hollered her course mates where are you girl? check the time ten to...  "chaal chaal to grab the seats "... to be continued

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ hamlet 14.5.11

 

Precap:  Brigadier Parekh, walked through the squeaky clean, glistening corridor of Patil Niwas , and salutes a nervously waiting Aye Sahib and her daughters. Aaye Saab, with controlled hysteria spurts  Dutta! Dutta! Mera Dutta...

 

 

       

 



Edited by Hamlet53 - 13 February 2012 at 8:34pm

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prncz IF-Rockerz
prncz
prncz

Joined: 28 October 2010
Posts: 6860

Posted: 13 May 2011 at 6:08pm | IP Logged
R .. me cmnbg back  with my comment sTongue
 
Hey Hammie .. Hug  U know wht I was just abt to  logg off and saw ur FF Wink
 
Amazing start Hammie you had me gripped and reading the entire thing in one go  , hmm Dutta on the site ,, commanding his troops and Ram seems to be in persistent to get Dutta to  talk and Dutta being a man of few words ,,,LOL  liek his attitude Embarrassed
 
I loved Nakku 's character , so  she is studing PT and ,, looks like has a happy go lucky attitude ,,hmme she seems to have a soft corner but does not want to accet , after all  he is a man as hard as iron LOL a idsciplinarian LOL the action man , the misslie manLOL...
 
so she has been bght up in PN  and is close to bajji  too  ... Bajji is a flirt .. cool  i like his character tooo .. way  to  go Hammir do update soon ..
 
want to see how this love story  goes .. i am intrigued
 
and I  just recd ur PM ,,thnks though . i was here much before that //
RAj
 
PS you knw wht I love guys from the forces ,me too wanted actulaly  portray  from the intelligence / defences in my  FF ,
 
me quite excited with this FF. am blabering on .Wink.
 
Hammie forgot to cmmnt on Precap ,,,, oh shoot cliff hanger ,,why is Brig Parekh here and why mahul so  serious Ouch  now u need to  update faster LOL


Edited by prncz - 13 May 2011 at 6:22pm

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ivy_11-bharti-Hamlet53

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Posts: 5680

Posted: 13 May 2011 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
MY Spot..I am backSmile

OMG..This FF is too good..Excellent start, HamletClap.

Dutta as a major in the Infantry Corps... is reputed to be a master in combat skills, an outstanding leader of his platoon...always leads from the front ! A perfect officer and a gentleman. Our  true Sher PatilHeart

"Dutta's eyes that were his most elusive feature, one never could suffice what message was being relayed ,friendship ,warmth, coldness, distance or death it self! "Day Dreaming... Love this Dutta (or any Avtar of Dutta Shriram Patil .HeartLOL)

The only woman in his life, at the moment, is his Aiyee..such a cute gadha naLOL... hopefully naku will take care of this dept. soon.

Liked naku's and baji's characters and their friendship.

Thanks for taking time out to write this FF. Looking forward to the updates.

Cheers

 


Edited by ivy_11 - 13 May 2011 at 8:35pm

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-bharti-Hamlet53

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Posted: 13 May 2011 at 7:34pm | IP Logged
RESERVED...


Edited:

Great start :)

loved dutta's character...attitude

and love Nakku's character too

also love the backdrop...and their story of how they already noe each other 

haha and of course Baaji to Embarrassed

please update soon Smile


Edited by dg0628 - 16 May 2011 at 4:57pm

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-bharti-Hamlet53

mnx12 Moderator
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 12:49am | IP Logged

Good beginning, waiting for the next partSmile

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-bharti-Hamlet53

Wanderbug IF-Dazzler
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Posts: 3591

Posted: 14 May 2011 at 1:53am | IP Logged
Awesome start...very well placed characters and interesting background...is there going to be a sound of music kinda romance...dutta lossing his stiffness to nakkusha's vibrancy...its nice that the charcters still have that structure around them even in different settings...and hammie ur english is as usual divine...and i am so glad that u are going for long updates..plz continue soon maybe today itself..plz!

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Hamlet53 IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 2:10am | IP Logged
@raj
@ivy
good morning adher subh hai[london mein] what a way to wake to lovely pms for me ,thanks yaar.. for your kind comments ,yes Ihave a thing about Armed forces..chaal we'll see together how  my FF turns out!
@mishez
@dg
'@ suvi
thanks for reading my first attempt,am certainly reved to go forward!
@ mnx thanks for your comment! will definately carry onnn.
 

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krishaa Senior Member
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 2:19am | IP Logged
awesome update please update soon may be today itself.good work keep it upThumbs Up

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