"Shona, we are getting late jaan. Only half an hour to go for the appointment. Come down fast.I am waiting," Karan yelled from downstairs.
Still no reply.
Getting irritated for the umpteenth time,he marched upstairs to the study, where Shilpa had gobe to get the files of her earlier IVF reports.They were supposed to show them to the British gynaec team they were going to visit that evening.
As he climbed up the stairs, he started feeling restless'as a premonition of smoething disastrous.He could not comprehend the feeling, yet his heart started thumping badly and his his eyes darkened with fear.It was so weird.All of a sudden such a band of emotions'He had no clue as to what was happening to him, he was baffled.Still he continued to walk towards the study, he pace increasing with each passing time, till he reached the study'and saw her'The very first look gave him shudders'Earth moved from beneath his feet.He realized it all now'why was he feeling like that'It was his fate preparing him for what was coming'The damage was done'
Shilpa was standing there with a green file in her hand, and the very sight of that gave Karan goosebumps.He knew it'it was gone'all his efforts to hide it from her all these years'it was just on her hand.She had seen it'she knew the truth.What would she do now?What would she feel now?What would he do now?Will she be able to live with it?Will she ever forgive him?Will she still love him?Will she push him away?Karan felt a pit in his stomach as fear gripped him.
But what was more important at that moment was Shilpa'her eyes- those emotions'those feelings that lurked behind the veil of the mascara stained pearls that oozed out of the green eyes'those questions'those doubts.She stared at him, lips tightly pursed, as she tried to swallow the lump formed in her throat.
As soon as their eyes met, Karna could not stare at her any longer.He looked down on the floor with guilt, reproach and self condemnation.He had been a wrongdoer in her eyes, a scum.He could not deny that.But did he have a choice?He coulnd not muster courage to spill out the truth to her.That is why he lied to her, to everyone.The truth wouldsimply kill her.The society would not let her live a normal life.She would forever be cursed for something that she till now had no clue about.But what would he do now?Never in his whole lofe did he want her to see her real reports.He always hid it'but somehow she managed to get them today.Maybe this was all destiny.But how did she get it?That did not really matter any more now, the disaster has befallen on them, and that was the only truth.Nothing else mattered now'
Feeling Shilpa approach him with slow,weary steps, he dared to looke up through his downcast lashes.She was coming to himm, to demand an explanation, he definitely owed her one. A truth, an honest reason, not any cock hen story.It was time to spill the beans and bear the brunt.
Shilpa stopped on her track when their faces were inches apart.
"SLAP"
Karan fisted his hands and closed his eyes.But this pain was nothing compared to what she was going through.
"Why did you do this? Why did u lie tome?Why did u hide it?Why didn't u let me know that'"
"What would you do if u were in my place?"
Shilpa loosened his grip form his collar and finally let it go as realization dawned on her.She needed not ask him anything any more.Karan had answered all her questions, cleared all her doubts.How can she ask him such a question?Wasnt it obvious for him to do this?Knowing him inside out, it was foolish of her to ask him such a question. Once again he proved his love,once again her heart wanted to swell with pride at his irrevocable affection towards her.But the truth outstripped everything.
Karan's heart skipped a beat seeing Shilpa trip as she started moving away from him.She was not in her senses, she couldn't even walk properly.And most importantly, she was moving away from him.Karan's worst fears were coming true.Shilpa was distancing herself from him.He couldn't afford to do that.He couldn't let her shield herself away from himShe was too precious for him to lose.He could not let them lose themselves..not for this'not for anything'
"Shona, I love u angel. Please come to me,"a desperate Karan called her.
"NO,no, I cant come to you.I'I 'cant.You cant love me'I am..not'ur 'Shona'You don't love me'You cant love me'," Shilpa kept blabbering to herself while walking to ward the door.
"Shilpa come to your senses princess.Nothing has changed. I love u just the same.Cant you see?"Karan grabbed her shoulders and jerking her, muttered under gritted teeth.
Shilpa came to her senses as the words hit her eardrums .She looked at him disbelievingly, as if he was narrating some conk hen stories ye again.
"No, nothing is the same.Evrything has changed Karan.Open your eyes and see, every bloody thing has changed.My whole world has crashed down.Do u bloody realize that its not u, its I WHO CANT GIVE US A CHILD? Do u bloody realize that its because of me that you will never get to have your own child? Do u bloody realize that its because of me you will always remain a piece of sympathy for the whole world?"Shilpa screamed furiously, violently shrugging off Karan'sgrip form her shoulders.
He stood there flabbergasted,Here this girl has her whole world turned upside down, and instead of lamenting for herself, she was fretting for him'his anguish'his troubles'She was incredible.He fell in love with her once again'
Taking a deep breath, Karan pulled her back once again.Cupping her face, he tried to explain her. "What does it mean Shilpa?IT means nothing.Nothing has changed, love.Yesterday it was me, today it is you,That's it.The truth is still the same as it had been all these years.And want it you who told me last night that it dosent matter who the reason is, whatever we have, its ours.Then why are you deviating form your words, Shona?"Does it mean that all these years, when you thought its me who is impotent,you secretly blamed me, just like you are blaming urself now?You actually thought that because of we you cant have a child, just like that way u are saying for me now?Did you feel low of me just like the way you are feeling of urself now?Do I conclude that whatever you said last night to console me, were they all fake?You lied to me, is that true?"Karan screamed frantically, while his eyes glistened with tears.
"No it isn't, I never held you responsible for anything," Shilpa whispered,lowering her eyes.
"Then how can u balme urself?You urself know that u could not do anything about it.None of us could.It was just a part of ur abortion Shona.It was beyond repair.There wasn't any other option than to remove one of ur ovary.I myself was too shocke at everything.On one hand I lost my child and on the other hand I was losing every chance of getting my wife back.Your condition was terrible Shona.When u finally got back to ur senses after 3days, I realized what would have happened if something happened to u.Shilpa, woth u beside, I absolutely need no one else.But I alse knew how much u wanted a baby, our baby.I was scared, I was scared to break the news to you.You are already not keeping well because of the news of the miscarriage,and I knew how would you feel knowing about the truth of ur infecundity.That is why I hid it from u, and later told everyone that I am impotent.I can live with the world sympathizing with me, but not expose u to thi 'STIGMA" as the society puts it, of ur barrenness.If u think I am possessive, protective or simply a coward, so be it.But I could never do this Shona.I love u way too much for that, I am sorry."
As Shilpa's face was cupped in Karan's palms ans she held his wrists, they closed the distances between their faces as their lips touched.As passion took over,Shilpa surrendered herself to this man who not only loved her unconditionally, but more than she ever could reciprocate back.Maybe this night would give her a chance to show him her gratitude .KaSh let go of their agony and anguish and once again explored each other like never before. Maybe it was the beginning of an new end...