Gunahon Ka Devta


Gunahon Ka Devta
Gunahon Ka Devta

OS: There You'll Be

jnawaz IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 14 September 2006
Posts: 16053

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 11:37am | IP Logged
So...many of you may not know this...but...i dabble a little here and there with thought i'd share a piece that i wrote with you all...please leave feedback...would love to see what you guys think Embarrassed...

NOTE: Avi and Arpi are NOTHING like they are on the resemblance whatsoever

There You'll Be

Arpita rushed through the hall that led from the bedroom to the living room, she was running late and she knew it. As she entered the room her eyes fell on the large clock that hung on the wall above the television set. Much to her dismay, the clock read 8:15am.


"Crap," she cursed under her breathe.


Work started at 8:30am, which would be fine if she didn't live twenty minutes away from her office. Add to it the fact that she was sure to hit rush-hour traffic, it was going to take her at least forty-five minutes to get to work. This was not the good start to the morning she was hoping for.


She quickly slipped on her black pumps which were right by the door. She grabbed the diamond stud earrings that lay on the table next to the couch while she looked for her purse. As soon as she spotted it across the room on the love seat, she made a dash for it. With her purse slung over her shoulder, she got her cell phone and car keys before opening the door to leave. She stopped at the threshold and looked in, scanning the room.


Am I forgetting something?


Instantly her eyes fell on a framed picture of her husband, Avdesh Singh Thakur. A smile spread across her face unknowingly at the thought of him. Glancing at the clock once again, Arpita groaned out loud. Oh well, since he wasn't in front of her right at that second, she would have to make do with what she had.


Lifting her index and middle finger to her lips, she kissed them slightly. Then she placed the same fingers on the Avdesh's lips in the picture. It wasn't the same of actually kissing him – feeling his lips on hers – but for now, it would have to do.


"Bye babe," she called as she headed out, locking the door behind her.




As soon as she stepped inside the office she could tell it was going to be one of those days. Even before she got to her cabin she'd been hounded by the receptionist with a long list of messages, the team leader of the proposal committee, a disgruntled employee and the state official was there to do their yearly, surprise, survey.


Well wasn't that just dandy?


Opening her office, Arpita immediately got to work. There was a lot to do today and not enough time. After returning a handful of messages, the morning meeting was called so Arpita made her way to the conference room. The tasks were delegated to the appropriate teams. Usually, the days were pretty normal and well paces. However, these past few weeks had been more stressful than Arpita could have imagined.


The typical day as a Child Life Specialist (CLS) consisted of making morning rounds with the patients, assessing new admits to the ward, managing the playroom, then afternoon rounds and one final play room activity. However, as the director of the CLS program at Children's Hospital, a lot of Arpita's time went in doing more management things instead of working with the children, which is something she missed.


These past few weeks had been crazy because the Starlight Foundation, the leader in cutting edge and advanced pediatric programs, was going to donate a wing to one of five hospitals in the Los Angeles metropolitan area. Arpita so badly wanted Children's Hospital to be the one to get it. They had spent months coming up with a plan and presentation. Tomorrow was the big day, so today would be spent adding the final touches.


After the morning meeting Arpita met with her presentation team. They worked for hours perfecting the display model making sure everything was right. While everyone else went to lunch Arpita rushed out for a doctor's appointment. With the heavy workload on her lap, she had half the mind to cancel and reschedule for after the presentation was done. But she knew she couldn't do that.


Avdesh's going to kill me if I miss an appointment.


Lucky for Arpita, the appointment went faster than planned. As soon as the doctor had handed her new prescriptions, she was out the door. Taking out her phone as she walked to her car, she speed dialed Avdesh.


'Hi you've reached Avdesh. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks.'


Arpita sighed as the message ended and waited for the sound indicating she could leave a message.




"Hi babe, it's me. Just got through with the doctor. I told you it was nothing to worry about. She just gave me a few new prescriptions, nothing major. You can relax now, everything is fine. I love you," Arpita said.


Once the message was left, Arpita glanced at her watch.


"I can still make it," she said to herself as she climbed into her car.


On the way back to the office Arpita stopped by a deli and picked up a sandwich, orange juice and a fruit salad. She had a serious craving for a red velvet cupcake but decided against it. Avdesh was a complete health fanatic and had begrudgingly persuaded Arpita to follow the same.


God forbid I eat a cupcake, he will throw a fit!


She went directly to the conference room where her team was already gathered, busy at work. She jumped in right away, eating as she worked. About an hour later, Arpita suddenly remembered she had to write out checks to pay for a few of her bills. Excusing herself she went to her office to take care of that. It took her only 15 minutes to write out all the checks and seal the envelopes. Opening her desk drawer, she searched for stamps and groaned when she found none. She checked her calendar and thanked God that she still had a few days before they were the bills had to be mailed.


Picking up her phone again, she dialed Avdesh. Again, it went to voicemail.


"Hey babe, it's me again. Just wanted to tell you we need stamps. I've got to send out these bills before the 10th so they can reach the companies on time. Love you," she said.


After hanging up, she headed back to the conference room, where she worked for a few more hours.


"I can't stay awake anymore," Marlene, Arpita's assistant complained.


"Me neither," said Danny, Arpita's senior CLS.


Arpita looked around to see pretty much everyone crumbling into chairs out of sheer exhaustion.


"You guys keep working, I'll make a Starbucks run," Arpita offered.


"Are you sure, I can go if you like," Caroline, another CLS offered.


"I'm sure Care, you guys keep working. D-Day is tomorrow!" Arpita reminded.


With that she was out and headed to Starbucks. As soon as she entered, she was greeted by the barista who knew her on a first name basis after these past few months.


"Good afternoon Mrs. Thakur…" the barista, Kenny, began.


"I'm gonna need one venti ice coffee with cream, one grande iced coffee without cream, one grande white chocolate mocha espresso, one grande chai latte, one grande caramel macchiato with extra caramel sauce, two regular grande coffee's,  one tall hot chocolate and an assortment of scones and muffins…please," Arpita said.


Kenny looked at her with a glint in his eyes. "So basically, you want your usual?" he asked.


Arpita frowned at him. "It would have been nice if you asked that question before I began my rant," she said.


"First of all, you didn't let me finish what I was saying, you cut me off," Kenny complained. "And second of all, it's rude to cut people off so I didn't do it to you."


He laughed as Arpita groaned out loud, while she went to one of the chairs to wait until her order was ready.


"Arpita?" she heard someone call.


Looking up she was surprised to see a familiar face.


"Simple," Arpita said with a smile. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you lived in LA!"


They two of them quickly hugged each other.


"We just moved out her actually. Jaggat's firm transferred him to their new branch here so he could head up the accounting team," Simple said.


"That's awesome! Welcome to LA," Arpita said with a smile.


"I've been meaning to call you but it's been so busy getting settled in here," Simple said.


"Of course I understand," Arpita said.


"Simple…tall iced tea," the barista called.


"That's me," Simple said as she stepped towards the counter. "Hey listen, once things settle down we should all go out to dinner, all four of us."


"Sure, that sounds great," Arpita said with a soft smile. "Anytime, just call me."


"Will do," Simple said as she hugged Arpita. "It was great seeing you."


"You too," Arpita called as Simple rushed out.


In about ten minutes Arpita was out the door with Kenny trailing behind to help carry all of the items to her car. Once she climbed in, she dialed the same number again. And again, it went to voice mail.


"Where are you babe?" Arpita asked, "Anyway, guess who I ran into today…Simple! Remember how much fun we had with her and Jaggat when we went to Italy for our honeymoon. God I miss those days. Well, love you."


With that Arpita ended her call and headed back to the hospital. As she got off the elevator on her floor one of the nurses spotted her and called out to her.


"Don't forget about Lilly's baby shower on Friday," the nurse said, "I think you signed up for sodas."


"Thanks for the reminder," Arpita called out.


As soon as she'd given everyone their coffee, again she made another call. And again, it was his voice mail.


'Hi you've reached Avdesh. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks.'




"Oh my God! I almost forgot all about Lilly's baby shower! Remind me to get a gift for her…its gonna be a boy. Thanks babe, love you!" Arpita said in her message.


As the time passed, Arpita had ended up calling Avdesh two more times and leaving two more messages. It was really annoying not being able to talk to him when she needed to. It was almost near the end of the day when she called him again.


'The voice mailbox you are trying to reach is full and no more messages can be left. Please try your call again later.'


Arpita was surprised to get the automated recording set by the cell phone company.


Got to make sure I take care of his messages when I get home.




By the time Arpita got home, it was nearly 8pm. She was tired, felt a slight head ache coming on and her feet ached. She was going to have to stop wearing these heels soon. Fishing out the keys from her purse, she opened the door and a smile spread on her face.


He's here.


As she entered her home she spotted Avdesh's shoes neatly off to the side. On top of the armoire they had by the door for the shoes, she found his car keys, his wallet and his work badge. Exactly in the same place they always were.


As she took of her own shoes and put them next to Avdesh's, she noticed the smell of roses. Walking more into the apartment, she glanced at the coffee table and found two dozen of the most gorgeous sterling silver roses she'd ever seen mixed with rich violet and blue orchids.


She began taking off her earrings when she saw the red light of her answering machine blinking. She pressed the play button and listened as the messages played.


Message 1


"Hi Arpita, its Shikha. Just wanted to remind you about my dinner party on Saturday. Can't wait to see you there. Bye…oh yeah, ladies have to wear their little black dress, that includes you! See you soon. Bye."


Message 2

"Arpita beta, its Mom. How are you sweety? Haven't heard from you in a few days, hope everything is alright. I know you're busy with your project at work, but call me if you get a change. Love you sweetie."


Message 3 and 4 were from various telemarketing companies trying to sell something or other, so Arpita skipped through them. However, when she got to message number 5, a huge grin broke across her face.


"Hi sweetheart," Avdesh said. "Happy 4th Anniversary baby. I just want to say that I love you and that I miss you. So sorry that I'm running late today, but I promise I'll make it you to you this weekend. I've made reservations at a bed and breakfast for us. I'll be all yours for two whole days. Oh and I hope you got the roses and I hope you like them…getting sterling silver roses is no easy task let me tell you. But anything for my baby. Love you…see you soon. Muah!"


Arpita quickly erased the messages she didn't need but was careful not to delete the last message that was left by Avdesh.


She walked over to the coffee table, picked up the vase that held the roses and walked towards her bedroom with them. Turning on the light, she placed the vase on the dresser in front of the bed. She placed her purse on an ottoman that they had in the room. Before doing anything else, she pulled out an envelope and laid it on the nightstand next to the bed. Then she went to the bathroom to get changed and cleaned up.


After taking a quick shower, Arpita walked back in wearing a simple pair of black shorts and her favorite night gown in the form of one of Avdesh's old black shirts. She was tying her hair when her eyes fell on Avdesh's phone, which rested on the nightstand on his side of the bed. She instantly remembered the electronic recording telling her his mailbox was full.


As she walked to her side of the bed, she pulled out one single rose and carried it back to the bed with her, smelling it along the way. Getting the phone she sat on the bed and called Avdesh's voicemail. As soon as the prompt asked, Arpita entered Avdesh's four digit code that unlocked his mailbox and listened to the messages that she'd left all the while making notes in her own Blackberry of the things she had to do. She went through each message one by one and deleted them one by one.


"You have no new or saved messages," the electronic voice said.


"Good," Arpita said as she hung up and laid Avdesh's phone on the bed.


The way she moved caused the light in the room to bounce off her diamond encrusted wedding band. A soft smile spread across.




How did I ever get so lucky to be married to you?


He was sweet and caring. He was funny and honest. He was a hard worked and loyal. He was handsome and adorable. He was warm and loving. He was her husband, he was her soul mate.


Her husband, Avdesh Singh Thakur, was also…dead.




Tears came to Arpita's eyes as she recounted the incident 4 months ago that had taken Avdesh from her. It had been only two days after their anniversary, and only one day before their trip to the bed and breakfast. It was late at night when Avdesh and Arpita both had returned from work. It was the end of the month so Avdesh had overtime to put in for his firm, while Arpita was just in the beginning stages of the Starlight Foundation project. They had both been starving, but too lazy to cook so Arpita was on the phone ordering pizza.


"I'm going to go check the mail baby," Avdesh called as he grabbed the mail keys. "I'll be right back."


Arpita simply showed her hand acknowledging that she'd heard him.


"You better miss me," Avdesh ordered with a smirk as he walked out of their apartment.


Arpita rolled her eyes at his comment. It was something he always said when he left the house, it didn't matter if he was going to a conference or to simply check the mail.


She'd had finished ordering the pizza and had just put the phone down when she'd heard the frightening sound of tires screeching, horns blazing, metal crashing into metal and  bone chilling screams outside her window.


Suddenly filled with concern, Arpita looked outside her window to see what had happened. To her horror, she saw Avdesh lying on the street as neighbors began to quickly gather around him.


Their mailbox for the apartment had been outside. While Avdesh was checking the mail, the Kerrigan's from across the street were just getting home from somewhere. Their three year old little girl, Lacy, had run out into the street after her ball. Avdesh had seen a car speeding in her direction and without thinking twice he jumped into action barely pushing the little girl away in time. However, he had not been so lucky because the car had struck him. The driver had been drunk and therefore, ran over Avdesh after the initial impact.


Paramedic's had pronounced him dead at the scene.



**listen to the song…I highly recommend it*


When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me


Tears fell from Arpita's eyes as she still remembered sitting on the sidewalk, numb, while a white sheet covered Avdesh's lifeless body. With his body lay all of the dreams they'd dreamt together. With his body lay both their futures, both their happiness and both their hopes. When he had stopped living, so had everything else. When his soul had left his body, so had everything else.


However, Avdesh being Avdesh, had unknowingly made it so that she would always feel him around her. Since they'd gotten married, he's had flowers randomly delivered to her once a week. Sometimes it was a simple bouquet of roses at work, and sometimes it was a bunch of carnations dropped off at home. Every week it was a different day and a different location. His reasoning behind that was so that it would still be a surprise. A soft giggle escaped Arpita's lips as she remembered how mad she'd been when she found out he'd paid the florist for a years worth of flowers and deliveries, but now, she was thankful that he'd done so. Because just like they always did, the flowers reminded her how much he had loved her, just like they did today.


In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be


She still couldn't believe that he was gone and that she'd never see him again. She couldn't believe that she'd never have his arms around her again, or feel is feather light kisses on her forehead when he went to work before she woke up. She'd never come home to a surprise candle light dinner, or have him massage her feet when her heels destroyed him. However, there was one thing that she still had…his voice.


That is why she called his phone so many times throughout the day – simply to hear his voice. That is why she still paid for a phone line that was no longer used – simply to hear his voice. That is also why she listened to that anniversary message daily after coming home. She still had his voice with her.


Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me


She also had with her the strength and the confidence that he had instilled in her. When they'd first met, Arpita had been a mousy college student who disappeared easily in any setting. It had been Avdesh who gave her the courage to tell her parents she wasn't going to become a doctor like they wanted, but instead she was going to become a CLS and work with pediatric patients. He'd been her support throughout her career, making it possible for her to strive and achieve being the youngest director of a Child Life program at a major suburban hospital. It was because of him she dared to dream and reach for the stars, because she knew with him by her side she would be able to do anything.


In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be


There was a picture of Avdesh that stood on her night stand. It had been taken by her a few months before the accident. They were having a small dinner for some friends and Arpita was taking pictures. Avdesh had been listening intently to a story that their friend Dev had been sharing about a prank at work. Avdesh hadn't been looking at the camera, it was a natural shot of him looking away, a smiling on his lips. Arpita had fallen in love with the picture, so she'd printed it black and white and placed it next to her side of the bed. Taking that picture now, Arpita held it close to her chest as tears once again stung her eyes.


'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always


Arpita didn't know how she'd made it without him. After he'd died she had wanted to die herself. Just how was she supposed to get on with life, without the man she loved…without the man she needed? As she stared at his picture, she realized how she'd made it these past four months without him – it was only because he wasn't really gone.


She pulled out a printed piece of paper from the envelope she had placed on her nightstand. She ran her fingers across the picture as a big smile spread across her face – it was a sonogram. Even is passing Avdesh had made one of her biggest dreams come true, she was now going to be the mother of Avdesh's child. Even in death, he's made sure that she wouldn't be alone; he'd made sure that she would always have a part of him with her. He would live on in their child.


It killed her that he'd never known she was pregnant. Even she hadn't found out until one month after the accident. It had been at a time when she had seriously contemplated taking her own life. She hadn't been out of the house in weeks, hadn't been into work, hadn't spoken to family or friends. She could see her life, her career and the people she loves slipping out of her hand, and she was doing nothing to fight for them.


She had been in Avdesh's study the morning she found out. She came in there often to sit on the large chair he had by the window. However, that morning, she'd decided to sit at his desk, on his chair. She had a blade concealed in her hand and had every intention of cutting her wrists so that she could finally be with Avdesh. It was there that her eyes fell on the large calendar he had on the desk. It was there she realized that she was late, and Arpita had never been late – ever. The day she had thought he life was going to end, had turned out to be the day that her life began again. She knew it was all Avdesh's doing – he always watched out for her.


In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be


Arpita's eyes felt heavy as she felt sleep drop down on her. She pulled the comforter over her body, and placed a kiss on Avdesh's picture which now had the sonogram on one corner. She held the frame and the single rose to her heart with one hand, the other lying protectively over her abdomen where Avdesh's child rested. She closed her eyes causing tears to escape and land on her cheek. Then, just like she did every night, Arpita cried herself to sleep, with a smile on her face.


The tears because she missed her Avdesh – she missed his touch, she missed his love. The smile because she knew he was still with her – because she carried his child in her womb. The smile because she knew that for the rest of her life, no matter what happened his child would be with her. The smile because she knew for the rest of her life, he would be with her.


The End



Edited by jnawaz - 12 May 2011 at 11:40am

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coolguy3jasveensokhijoliefille_nandinichistaice _girltalkie14MeraCheekuViratVistaadannobasicquestion1Sidda8yoga23priya-Prashu-PristineSoullonelyshadow...Natasha...chatterbox

yoga23priya IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 06 November 2010
Posts: 10511

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 11:38am | IP Logged
Jaz di Hug

me first me first me first Party Dancing Cool

This may be one of your Master Piece but personally O re Piya is the BEST Day Dreaming

di you are Jhatka Queen don't know what is stored at end in your writing Clap Star

Some times actions speak more than Words.. 


Love you Hug 

Edited by yoga23priya - 15 May 2011 at 10:51am

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jasveensokhi Senior Member

Joined: 28 December 2010
Posts: 652

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 11:38am | IP Logged

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Joined: 20 June 2010
Posts: 7000

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 11:39am | IP Logged

very nice epsecailly tht poem lines

Edited by EAREYE - 13 May 2011 at 11:49pm

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-Prashu- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 13 October 2010
Posts: 16490

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 12:02pm | IP Logged

OMG!!!ShockedShockedShocked   Avi is already no moreCryCryCry  ArpiCryCryCry

Loved the OSEmbarrassed

u are fabulous writer JazClapClapClap I have read ur write ups in Fan Fiction sectionStarStarStar

Tht song was lovely...Embarrassed

Ur OS reminded me of PS I Love you...( though its not similar)

The lead of the movie Hilary Swank calls her hubby juz to listen his voice again and again after her hubby's deathCryCryCry nd here too Arpi does tht..CryCry

I loved the OS ClapClapClap                


Edited by prash_t - 13 May 2011 at 11:43pm

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jnawaz IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 14 September 2006
Posts: 16053

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 12:12pm | IP Logged

uff...saare ke saare "reserve" kar rahe hai...koi comment toh doh..he he


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Sidda8 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 15 December 2010
Posts: 7877

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
Jaz, I absolutely loved your os. It had made me cry in grief and happiness. This just shows how powerful Avita's love was. Since the beginning of your os, I was waiting for Avi's entry and then I wondered why he wasn't picking up or why he wasn't to be seen at home. It was a great shock to know that Avi left this world but your little clues just demonstrated how passionate of a love Avita had. I must thank you for writing this, this os seemed so realistic and I admire Avita's love even more. I had a feeling Arpi was pregnant when she went to see the doctor and I'm happy that Avi didn't leave her alone. Although he may not be here for her, I can imagine how great their love was. I love how Arpi kissed his pic, called him multipled times, listened to his advices, saved his message and bought roses to remember him. I felt like he was really with her. Your poems selection was great. Once again, fabulous work Jaz. I would look forward to read more os's by you. This reminds me of a love story that I read in an article. The wife of a soldier who fought in the second world war had published her husband's love letter. He had died in the war but his letters held so many dreams and promises, it was heart breaking yet beautiful to read. I was crying for the wife who had to move on to take care of her two daughters. She lived with the memory of her husband. If you love someone, they will always be with you no matter how far away they are because they are within your heart. Congrats on your first OSClapClapClap

Edited by Sidda8 - 12 May 2011 at 3:34pm

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joliefille Goldie

Joined: 28 October 2010
Posts: 1677

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 1:07pm | IP Logged
ok i m not reserved,

omg what have you written yaar ,

my god i was waiting for Avi's entry though it struck me when you showed that he was not replying,

but when you added "he was " you take my breath dear,

n from that point every word every scene was so heart wrenching,

n last four lines was just great.

can't express how i m feeling right now its so painful but some where a harsh truth of life whatever happen, life will go on n ur love will b there with you as ur strength,
mind blowing yaarClap

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