Dear Chandana (if I may call you by your beautiful name, may I ask its meaning?)
I love poetry and it is that art form that eludes me. Actually I should
say it is one the many that elude me. Therefore when I find those
blessed in its light, I am spellbound.
Magnificently your poem has both excellent form and soothing substance.
Standing on the edge forever,
Hearing echoes like NO NEVER.
The title and first line create that aura that is between despair and
hope, for we find inspiration in the fact that you remain determinedly
upon the brink and yet disappointment that you do not find salvation. ⭐️
The second line captivated me. Wonderful use of strong words no, never
that as you describe accompany the wait of the protagonist through the
ages of forever. ⭐️
At a distance from the pedantic crowd,
When your heart cries aloud.
'Pedantic crowd' (😳actually
that would be me, but we will leave the therapy session for another
time.) I love how you capture vast things so comprehensively and yet
concisely so eloquently. Unlike myself. Just wonderfully done. I
digress. The black and white that suffocates so that as you so
beautifully expound our heart, that feels beyond that red tape, aches to
shout out. ⭐️
That feel tears you apart,
The pain again comes to a start.
I loved this feeling of being shredded into smithereens and yet within those fragments we still remain the whole enough to feel. That part in bold, I loved the manner you describe pain's preamble, for truly there is that subtle announcement of imminence that you are unable to subdue let alone its arrival. Excellently done. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
You are rife with sorrow,
Left without even a single tear to borrow.
Again, the part in bold so wonderfully woven. We are affected by our environments, so in a cold world we can not help but fail to feel.
No matter how bold you are,
This time, your fear reaches afar.
Just eloquently written! 👏 True, fear that can permeate through all. Even a shade in the shadow of courage. ⭐️
The tenability is all gone,
You feel why I were born.
Your soul says there's still a hope,
But the 'past' ties you in a rope.
Beautifully written. ⭐️
Shadows of past give ebon blues,
You rewind them and cry hearty hues.
I loved this verse the most. The manner you tied shadow to ebon and then engulfing them in hearty hues, so that you create an image of a darkening heart. Just exceptional! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
You know the pain is inevitable,
Still, you strive to make it stable.
Though, you find there's nothing to impeach,
Your hands stretch for a reach.
Standing on the edge forever,
When you fall as just a souvenir. . .
That last line just heart wrenching and yet so uniquely profound. For even just waiting' is a journey too. So the destination becomes a souvenir, a memento, a way to remember the way there. Excellent. ⭐️⭐️⭐️I have read a lot of poem on the angst of life, tried to write some myself but this one shone a new light upon feelings that are universal and yet as you so beautifully wove, can be so personally and by that nature so rare too.
Please, please, please pm me any future updates. I would be honoured. Love Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 12 years ago
very nice job!!!🤗
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