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||AR-OS|| The Sucker Punch! (Page 4)

Munchkin. IF-Dazzler

Joined: 27 September 2010
Posts: 4513

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 11:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by khahani

Originally posted by Dmg8594

WOW! Okay, this is still incomplete right? I'm dying to read further! So gripping! The cop is the goon! And by the looks of it, the man is Armaan? Nice! I like! Damn interesting! Continue fast please! 

Heyy'thank you so much for commenting and that too being the first'you kind of got the ball rolling Embarrassed For now this is an one-shot and that was the intended ending, however if I can think of a better way to extend the story forward I'll continue with it. But in the mean time let your imagination imagine the unseen ' it's much more fun that way LOL


You are absolutely spoton'the male character is indeed Armaan!


Nahida :)

Well, okay, if this is the end, then I owe you a longer comment which I was planning to give at the end! ;)

I am a huge fan of suspense and thriller genres, more than romantic ones, and its kind of annoying that I'm not really good at writing those, but I was so damn inspired by your's! Your story gripped me to no end, kept me to the edge of my seat!

I mean I got to know that Armaan was the killer himself when Riddhima talked about his eyes being similar to the killer's! And Armaan's reaction was a pretty big hunch! 

But what intrigued and pulled me to your story was the way you wrote it all! I had goosebumps when I read the ending line! It was...Spooky...! And honestly, I love stories which have Armaan playing a bad-a** role! I'm a huge fan of bad-boys! C'mon which girl isn't? ;D

So yes, all in all, I loved this OS! Gripping, and edge-of-the-seat thrilling! Complete package! Almost as if I was reading a mystery novel! 

Honestly, I've read your other OS as well, but I found this one way better than that! In terms of concept, vocabulary, everything, so that proves you've come a long way! And I see you love portraying Armaan as a bad guy! I'm not complaining honestly! Haha! :D

I loved it! 

Keep up the awesome job!

And oh, before I go, nice and intriguing title! That was what caught my attention in the first place! Nice job!

Shrutika! =)

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Nikhi. Goldie

Joined: 07 June 2010
Posts: 1199

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 11:43am | IP Logged
Ooh! It's been a while since I read something from you!
Reserved! Smile

Oh Nadz! I know I'm sooo late with this comment. All I can say is "Sorry!" But I did actually read this OS almost as soon as I got the PM some 4 months ago or so – that's just how excited I was to see that you'd written something again!


Let me start my comment with what you started with – the eyes. Never have I seen someone describe Armaan's eyes with quite the accuracy that you have.

"translucent hazel that turned to steel"



"nuances of grey ... they turned dark"

Four very different ways of depicting his eyes, and yet, they were all spot on. And the eyes were a theme that continued through the OS. They were the moment of revelation for your readers at "quite like yours," and they were a source of wry humour too with their "irregular eye colour trick."


I know I say this every time, but you never cease to amaze me with how your writing makes me emote. I genuinely had "a shudder passing through my spine" at those very words. How do you do it Nadz?! Seriously, how do you do it?

And your final words…"He had found his next victim." These six words said so much, and yet, they left so many unanswered questions. What was his motive behind the initial murders? Did Riddhima finally realise her subconscious revelation? And if she did, was she too late?

I feel like I want another part to answer all these questions. But I know that the perfection of this OS lies in the fact that it has a cliff-hanger. And this OS was definitely perfect.

Edited by Nikhi. - 14 September 2011 at 10:54am

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KaSh-Maneet-Fan IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 December 2009
Posts: 22539

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
interesting start
loved it
cant wait 4 more
con soon
thanks 4 da pm

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DulceTentacion. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 December 2009
Posts: 12791

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
Hey smelly! I edited my post on pg2. Finally! lol <3

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khahani IF-Dazzler

Joined: 10 January 2005
Posts: 4276

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 4:38pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by seert

So I found multiple grammatical mistakes in this OS and you say you won some sort of an award for it? Tsk tsk ;p

What can I say hanging around with you has truly 'dumbifyed' me Tongue

Also I had a lot of trouble identifying who was who in this OS. I'm a bit slow :\ and the reverse has happened to you!Embarrassed

Considering you're an AR fan, it's so odd to see how you're so fascinated with Armaan killing Riddhima. Although to be honest, I quite like Armaan in this avatar. Somehow I think his character on DMG could also have taken this arc at several points had the writes tried to inject some writing into their screenplay or lack thereof.

I know you think this work is crap or at least not up to the mark but I quite enjoyed it, and more so than your other work. The reason being that there was some sort of a dialogue between the two of them here whereas the other one seemed to me more of a psych lesson. Nevertheless in terms of the whole suspense appeal, I think one could guess that Armaan was the killer somewhere near the middle. Since it was an OS and given the title, I didn't think Armaan would just be a boring cop doing his duty. Also it became obvious that Riddhima would be next on the list when you wrote this: "she could not shake the fear that next time she might not be so lucky"...there were several other such hints where she thought of herself as the sixth victim.

While your earlier title doesn't seem that unique and this one certainly packs a punch (pun intended), I think the older one is more apt. Anyways, I agree with your award...I mean we all know he's gonna go after her but I'd like to see that encounter, regardless of the result. It seems that Riddhima has this subconscious fear that Armaan might be the killer and I'd like to see her reaction when she does finally realize that. And I thought I was the really want to see the gruesome details? Knowing me I really don't think I will be continue it but if I do I am not sure what turn the story would take

P.S. I loved this rare hilarious moment: "what was I, a flushing system?" NJ is to be credited for that humorous moment!

First and foremost I liked to tell you that I am indeed grateful to you for taking the time out from report writing and other presentation work to read and comment here (though I should really be thankful to the elevator LOL!) Joke! Seriously thank you buddy, it means a lot!

Don't be questioning my love for is as true as my love for thee...remember...Bara mahine mein Bara traike se Tujko pyar jataonga reCool  
My literary work is giving the wrong impression of me :'( One would think that there is something definitely wrong with me for writing such psychotic tales based on the couple I preferred in DMG LOL. So to make up for the lost reputation I might have to convey a romantic story on them eh?LOL  

I was always on the side of Armaan and by proxy became an AR admirer. I agree with you on the DMG screenplay I think the writers took us viewers to be really stupid. What was the need season2 (why am I even talking about that!). And yes there were several occasions where I wanted to throttle Riddhima on behalf of Armaan. Nonetheless that is not the reason why Riddhima ends up being killed or on the threshold of being killed in my tales'. I just like experimenting with Armaan. But hey maybe next time Armaan could be the victim in the elevator?Approve     


You preferred the 'The Eyes' as the title? I think the current title has a kick to it and you know the reason why I changed it. I was whining to you remember?  

And you found Venom in our Heats to be a psych lesson LOL but hey that psych lesson got you and I talking so at least you have to be thankful for that or maybe not because now you are stuck with me Shocked
Thank youuu SeertHug
PS:I can't believe I actually wrote such a long reply Sleepy

Edited by khahani - 11 May 2011 at 5:55pm
khahani IF-Dazzler

Joined: 10 January 2005
Posts: 4276

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 5:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by hopefully

first of all, congrats for the story telling  contestClap
this is umm different i must say! liked it all the way
the descriptions were very good and gripping;)  
im hoping that u will continue this! would love to read more on the background of armaan and his intentions.. 

Thank you so much for commenting and congratulating me. There were other great entries in the contest! And I am glad that you found it gripping...means that the story served its purpose Embarrassed 

For now this is a complete one-shot however if I decide to continue with it I'll definitely let you know.


Thanks again :)

@Riddss - Thank youSmile
@krazzy4armaan - Thank youSmile and yes I am afraid this is it!


Edited by khahani - 11 May 2011 at 5:12pm

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yongshin Goldie

Joined: 03 April 2010
Posts: 2233

Posted: 11 May 2011 at 10:04pm | IP Logged
OMG armaan is the killer ..whoa ..continue soon n add me to ur PM

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shonadesire IF-Dazzler

Joined: 20 December 2010
Posts: 3355

Posted: 12 May 2011 at 7:06am | IP Logged
hey dear
awesome OSClap
loved it
thanks for pm
plz continue soon

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