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Fan Fictions

||AR-OS|| The Sucker Punch! (Page 2)

AMMY12 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 14 August 2010
Posts: 8627

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 11:50am | IP Logged
nice os.
Cmplt it fast.

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repercussion Senior Member

Joined: 06 January 2010
Posts: 660

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 11:51am | IP Logged
Wow...I saw ur username in my inbox and I knew I just had to read whatever is it that you had written...a one-shot by one of the most promising writers... 

At first, when I read the first few lines, I had started visualing a psychiatrist's office and a shaken Riddhima recollecting a painful incident of her life and then came the blow...Scotland yard...that was when I got 10X gripped!

When she mentioned the similarity in the serial-killer's eyes and that of the sketch artist...that was when I realized she was sitting right in front of him. *melodramatic rhapsody + expressions here*

But the way you wrapped it up...WOW. I was expecting it to come out any moment...maybe a dagger in his glove compartment...or something or the other...but the concluding paragraph * Voila* left this chilling image of man livid with anger...a man I could almost imagine in my bathroom...standing against the mirror with that smirk on his face. He had found his next victim... *chilling effect...followed by a speechless moment*

I mean what can say about that...where can I even begin with my appreciation. Not that I haven't read thousands of thrillers and professional novelists throwing me off the hook...but it's not everyday that I see such talent on IF. I loved it! If there's enough words I could gather for this one-shot it's just plain simple...I loved it!

Now I can rewind and think of how he masked his intentions behind those perfunctory stares and smiles and how the rest was left to our imaginations...that was wonderful and I hope you come up with such writing more often. Honestly, I liked With venom In Our Hearts was a work of marvel and left me with a sort of admiration for you. That was what pulled me to this story. but no matter what, I love your writing any day...better than a romantic interlude or two. just the gripping effect it has...Thanks a lot for the PM..couldn't have missed this OS for anything!

Have a great day! Cheers!

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DulceTentacion. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 December 2009
Posts: 12791

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 11:57am | IP Logged

Edited. So you know how i'm Having a lazy day Today...Its 11:00 pm and i'm already yawning away...I think its due to the lack of sleep i have been getting from the past couple of days. Sheeesh. But Despite all that i thought i'll be nice and Give you your long Pending Comment. How Nice am i Eh?... Anyways enough of me lets talk more about you and this OS.  Have i told How much I love Your Writing Smelly? Why Ofcourse I Have ! I think i have already mentioned it to you like a million times =) But Still I shall Say it again...I LOVE YOUR WRITING! The way you right interrogates me, makes me Think and excites me at the same time aswell lol  and that is what i love about you. Your concepts..They are always Unique. I Loved how how started it off. It has that intresting flow which keeps the reader intrested. Seriously you are a genious. I loved the Interactions between AR, I was so engrossed into. I kind of already guessed that A was the killer, and then you started giving us some lovely Hints, which confirmed by thoughts. lol. All in all, This is a Brilliant Piece of work, I really enjoyed reading it ! You should really continue with this ;) Okies...I am going to hit the bed now. =)

Edited by ParaDiseMb - 11 May 2011 at 4:30pm

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fri42911 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 April 2011
Posts: 4100

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
great OS.
please add me to your PM list for future ones.

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spln IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 06 December 2007
Posts: 10942

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 1:34pm | IP Logged
Like Like Like - what can I say? Please continue?! The story was a winner?!

Oh but, you already know all that, right?!

ps: I like sucker punch. It has the 'kick' ! LOL

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sonia_92 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 24 October 2007
Posts: 6343

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 3:44pm | IP Logged
wow! you are one crazy writer, and surprisingly i like how you've portrayed armaan as the bad guy in both your one shots1 lol! it's crazy but he somehow seems hotter in my imagination while in this avatar ;)

nice job


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awarapan. IF-Rockerz

Joined: 21 August 2009
Posts: 5800

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
Nahida! Okay so to start off, let me just tell you that this piece of work was absolutely excellent! From the beginning 'till the end, you held suspense, but at the same time, added comic relief to make everything all the more interesting. This was sheer brilliance, love!

I absolutely adored this piece. It's quite edgy, new, unique and very intriguing! As I started off, I was a bit confused as to what was occurring, but as I read on to see what the whole piece was leading to, I was seriously mind blown! I loved how you wrote this. From the literary devices, to the moments of hesitation, it all made it so amazing to read! I really enjoyed how well you started it off."Tell me more about the eyes" For a moment, I was like what the hell? (LOL, don't judge, I tend to go what the eff every time I start an OS/FF with a dialogue!) I find that technique so damn intriguing, because you just lure the person into your writing in that sense, and the way you had manged to do it was REALLY well done. 

At first I was quite skeptical of how Armaan was being portrayed. But I liked it, as I read on to understand that he was interrogating her, trying to exert details, and while I did, I liked the subtle interactions between the two of them. "He sat looking at me intently," I really liked that little paragraph, because it gave the details as to what was happening - provided the setting, the current atmosphere, and the feelings of both of them. Armaan doing his job, as a routine, and Ridhima being a witness. Perfectly phrased paragraph! Kudos for the use of language!

I actually really was getting skeptical about Armaan's behaviour. Not only was he interrogating a witness in such a cold manner, but he (in my opinion) was acting very odd. He seemed to be uncomfortable within this little passage. "They were quite like yours," From that moment, I certainly had a feeling he was the one. Not just because of Ridhima mentioning that fact, but because he was so... odd. He seemed displaced at that certain point, as if he was caught red-handed. He also seemed to get quite confident as he realized her testimony wouldn't stick it out in court, hence the sudden jump of conclusion.

While I kept reading, everything started to make sense. Ridhima taking an alternate route, slipping, finding the trail of blood, Armaan questioning her on why she took that route, Ridhima's sudden moment of recollection about the identity tag, and then Armaan's curt reply to end the interview at that moment. To me, it all made perfect sense, and I loved how well this was worded, and written. "He waited five minutes before he opened the glove compartment." That was my 'ah-ha' moment! I KNEW IT. LOL. As silly as it sounds, I was literally sitting on my bed smiling as I solved the mystery! It made me happy to know that this image of Armaan was portrayed as it is completely new, and really unique! It seriously was a really good moment of the turn of events, as it reached the climax binding your story together. Seriously, loved that part!
He had found his next victim."  That was a PERFECT ending to this. I had a feeling as I read on, that since there were five murders, somehow, in some way, Ridhima would definitely be the sixth! Absolutely perfect!

Oh gosh. This piece was so well written, I'm sort of in love with well you write it! Amazing job with the writing, and I'm seriously looking forward to more writing from you! This was really well done, and you honestly hold so much potential as a writer. Brilliant writing, awesome storyline, and concept, and great use of characters. No need for the mention of names, everything fit together perfectly! I loved it, Nahida. I really hope to see more from you, do PM me again if you write more, soon :)


Edited by InfiniteEnigma. - 10 May 2011 at 5:25pm

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Medha. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 03 September 2010
Posts: 19011

Posted: 10 May 2011 at 5:54pm | IP Logged
OMG Nadz!  That was awesome!  Loved it! 
What's up with you making Armaan a killer?  Like seriously!  Though I gotta admit one thing, your writing is FANTASTIC!  I love it!  The way you worded and explained everything was just mind blowing.  LOL!  The 'flushing system' thing was hilarious!  Seriously!  So Armaan's been killing people?  What is he?  A psychotic killer!?  But wait, if he's a killer, why the hell is he a cop? 
PLEASE tell me this is INCOMPLETE!  PLEASE!  I seriously want to read more here and if I don't, I swear I'm gonna end up getting a dream about this!  Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please! 
At least meri yeh wish toh puri kar do!  Thanks for the PM and write more!
-Medzi Heart
P.S: (ONLY read this if you're not continuing this one!) What's up with you ending the OS's on such cliffhangers when you KNOW that the readers are going to WANT to read more? 

Edited by Medzi_ARian... - 10 May 2011 at 5:59pm

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