I have a huge exam tomorrow...haven't studied one bit and this happened. I was trying to shorten it out...was getting a drab of sorts but couldn't omit any of those fond memories. I had tried to write it with a mature hand but instead ended up writing it a lil short and blunt...nonetheless..hope you enjoy and my procrastination became of some use... Happy Reading!
A Deliquescent Agony
He stood rooted to the spot, shaken by the intensity of her emotions, her love for him. He had failed himself today. Failed her...
The Eternal Aashiq had wronged the very emotion, love, itself. She was the winner in true sense.
"Arey, Bhaisaab...chalo naa aur nahi chalna toh side dedo zaara!"
A rude remark broke his chain of thoughts and he moved, moved towards the fire-escape, relieving himself off of all his duties for the day. He could not possibly endanger his patients' lives with the kind of stress that numbed him today.
"Arey, Bhaisaab...chalo naa aur nahi chalna toh side dedo zaara!" the little dialogue from a while ago reverberated in his ears.
A fond memory flashed back in front of his eyes, as if it was only yesterday when everything was perfect...the first month of their internships...
"Chalna yaar...aur agar nahi chalna hai toh side de!"
"Champ"...he whispered choking on his tears. Years ago, Atul had snapped back at him when he stood in Riddhima's way, trying to squeeze through every chance to admire her beauty and innocence.
"Main tumse zyaada smart hun, Dr. Armaan!"
"Dhoni!" he barely mumbled as his emotions took a toll on him.
"Ab jaisa main kehti hun, waise karo...theek hai! Cool mat bano Caring...Caring bano!"
He nodded repeatedly. "Ok Minnie...tum jaisa kahogi..." but suddenly it hit him - the realization that he was reminiscing his past dawned on him and he wiped his tears.
"Suno, yeh points ke liye toh achcha hai lekin isse medicine ka kya connection?"
"Medicine se nahi lekin dil se toh hai...Anjie..." He said on a reflex, remembering his first friend at Sanjeevani, Anjali...
"Meri mummy kehti hain ki ek achchi maa banne se pehle ek achchi aurat banna zaruri hai!"
"Armaan...waise karvachauth ke baare main yeh sab tum kyun jaana chahte ho?"
"Main bas general knowledge ke liye yunhi..." he smiled at the excuses he gave for his lady-love.
"Sapna" he whispered, a brotherly affection reflecting in his voice and a fond smile adorning his face.
"Oye hero! Thand Rakh, Thand!" He chuckled at the memory of their first meet and mumbled her name, "Muskaan"
"Armaan teri problem kya hai?"
"Raooolll" tears welled up in his eyes.
"Dr. Armaan...yeh gaun hai...agar yahan ki ladki ko do baar muskurakar dekhoge, toh aapko usse shaadi karni padegi!"
"Gabbar Singh!"
Mujhe 34 film aur 35 natak ka experience hai!"
"Nana" he said shaking his head off at his antics, tears threatening to roll down any moment.
"Main senior doctor hoon!"
"Dr. Shubhankar"
"Oh ji Goodmorning hai ji Dr. Armaan ji!"
"Sister Lovely"
"Dr. Armaan Mallik"
"Dr. Shashank!" he said retrospecting the times he'd almost loose his breath at the sight of him.
"Ishq Hayye"
"Hum..." he broke down finally... He was emotionally saturated at this point. With no one beside him to comfort, he suddenly felt lost in this huge world. A tiny fraction of what mattered to no one.
It was now that he realized how lonely he was, ostracized by the very Sanjeevani that had once embraced him so warmly. His friends had all parted ways owing to their personal problems. They would probably be fighting their own wars against life now, the very immature friends who'd once put Sanjeevani to shame.
"I'll miss you Arman Mallik!"
Her parting words reverberated in his ears. Shilpa's last words before she parted ways with him this afternoon. He had been so consumed in his own grief that he failed to notice the love she held in her heart for him. Today when she drove away in the taxi, her words made him realize what he had lost at the hands of his seething anger and regrets from the failed relationships of his life. He had always claimed that he yearned for love, true love and when true love knocked at his door, he failed to recognize it, the mist of his past blinding him. He had lost her today...forever.
"Jab Dil Mil Gaye, To Dimaag Ko Bye-Bye!"
That was the root of all evil. He had not once sat down and contemplated his life. Three years ago, he had probably forced Riddhima into accepting him. Back then, she was all he wanted from life. He had made her life so miserable that she had to reciprocate his love. She had to...there was no way out! He had locked out any reasoning and followed his heart foolishly. That had pained him so much, hurt Riddhima and Sid excruciatingly and shattered Shilpa beyond repair.
He had always claimed that if they weren't meant to be, why would Riddhima and him come close regardless of the hurdles. Their breakup after the misunderstanding involving Muskaan was resolved, the chase for the marriage proposal was resolved, their love had stood the tests of time repeatedly- his accidents, amnesia and his recent recovery from a nervous breakdown. It wasn't their love; it was his obstinacy, his stubborn attitude to hold back what belonged to him. Riddhima was a mere possession to him, a beloved possession. Yes, he had once loved her but the past few months that he had spent burning in anguish and hurting her were nothing but his want to succeed, to claim victory for himself.
"Apne pyaar ko apne saamne kisi aur ka hota hua dekhna aur aage badhna. Yeh mujhse nahi hoga Armaan. Aur fir yeh tumse behtar kaun samjhega."
She had been lonely all her life, shoved from all doors and affection. Much more lonely than he ever was. Hardships had made her a headstrong female. She had spent her life at various orphanages, working double-shifts to educate herself and yet when she had fallen in love with him, he had shoved her away without giving a thought to her desperation for acceptance, her yearning for love. For all he knew, if there was any love for him on earth, it was only Shilpa- her pure, genuine affection.
Maybe, he didn't love her yet but he did not want her to suffer at the expense of a similar fate either. Maybe he should trace her and assure her of his feelings, shower her with love and adoration and maybe, one day he will fall for the enchantress she was too! He wanted to give this a chance. He had already committed so many mistakes all at once that waiting would only worsen the situation now. He had to go. He had to find her and this time he wouldn't make her his...he wanted to give them a chance at comforting each other, accepting their flaws and moving on holding onto each other. They needed each other more than anything at the moment...and they had to accept each other, make each other a part of themselves, a wholesome, one-some...
