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gaurav is right (Page 2)

nainakkk Senior Member
nainakkk
nainakkk

Joined: 15 September 2010
Posts: 256

Posted: 05 May 2011 at 2:41pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lilmzsunshine

i don't think he's selfish, I totally understand the pressure he was under - happened in my family once and the person ended up getting a divorce.  Blame was thrown around on everyone, but in the end - two lives were permanently impacted, negatively.

That said, he IS the sole person responsible.  I think he should NOT have married Vidya.  I don't care how hard the pressure.  I KNOW what the pressure is like, and I know how easy it is to cave in, and I also know you end up resenting the other party.  The nicer they are, the more you resent them.  BUT, he is immature in his way of handling her.  He's polite to her, yes.  He's not abusive, yes.  But mostly, he was misleading her.  Marriage is not a contract you enter in lightly.  He knew he loved someone else, but she didn't.  I don't care what his  mother, father, family did/said/threatened him with.  HE singlehandedly, in the end, is responsible for Vidya's state today.  Not his mother, who btw is a very very very guilty party here also, but in the end, Gaurav could have stood up to her and said no, I won't marry her.  It would have been better that way, lesser of the two evils.  But hindsight is 20/20 and all.

Similary, much as I feel Devyani is very much at fault, I can see a mother trying to right a wrong here.   That's exactly what happened in my family - all well intentions, no one trying to hurt anyone, but in the end, when ONE of the two ppl going into a relationship don't want to be there, it is doomed from the start.

Maryada is doing a great job touching and exploring this topic.  This happens a lot in our society - coerced marriages I mean.   I have 3 friends who were married right out of college with guys who were great looking, made good money, came from great families and were in general decent folks.  All 3 ended up in divorces, coz at the end of the day a degree is not what you're marrying - your minds and personalities have to match.  If you force a match, more often than not, it will go awry.  And that's what's happening in Maryada.

It's a bad situation - I undersatnd Gaurav's pressure and how/why he ended up doing what he did.  I understand Devyani's stand in all this, she was thinking this will actually fix things and possibly make his son move on in life and get settled (have seen it happen in many cases, so can't blame her for hoping that).  And mostly, I feel Vidya's pain - she was the only innocent party in all this.  And the most hurt.

Maybe, we can blame all of this on Brahmanan Chakhar.  Had he not neglected his son so much, Gaurav may have found it easier to approach his parents about the girl he loves, and may not have been forced to marry someone else to begin with ...

lets see what unfolds - all in all - I'm loving how this show touches upon so many real issues in our lives, yet does it so dramatically.  Love it.

-S
i still think he is selfish because he (or anyone else for that matter) married vidya to keep HIS family happy then AS SOON AS he got married he resumed his affair with the other girl without thinking what this could do to the girl he promised to love. if he wasnt selfish he should have told vidya about his situations. i feel like people like him dont give a damn about anyone else apart from themselves or their family (which still makes themselfish). he treated vidya as though she was ''the other woman'' in his life.i just feel like now is the time vidya should stop worshiping him Dead

lilmzsunshine Goldie
lilmzsunshine
lilmzsunshine

Joined: 14 January 2010
Posts: 1797

Posted: 05 May 2011 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by nainakkk

Originally posted by lilmzsunshine

i don't think he's selfish, I totally understand the pressure he was under - happened in my family once and the person ended up getting a divorce.  Blame was thrown around on everyone, but in the end - two lives were permanently impacted, negatively.

That said, he IS the sole person responsible.  I think he should NOT have married Vidya.  I don't care how hard the pressure.  I KNOW what the pressure is like, and I know how easy it is to cave in, and I also know you end up resenting the other party.  The nicer they are, the more you resent them.  BUT, he is immature in his way of handling her.  He's polite to her, yes.  He's not abusive, yes.  But mostly, he was misleading her.  Marriage is not a contract you enter in lightly.  He knew he loved someone else, but she didn't.  I don't care what his  mother, father, family did/said/threatened him with.  HE singlehandedly, in the end, is responsible for Vidya's state today.  Not his mother, who btw is a very very very guilty party here also, but in the end, Gaurav could have stood up to her and said no, I won't marry her.  It would have been better that way, lesser of the two evils.  But hindsight is 20/20 and all.

Similary, much as I feel Devyani is very much at fault, I can see a mother trying to right a wrong here.   That's exactly what happened in my family - all well intentions, no one trying to hurt anyone, but in the end, when ONE of the two ppl going into a relationship don't want to be there, it is doomed from the start.

Maryada is doing a great job touching and exploring this topic.  This happens a lot in our society - coerced marriages I mean.   I have 3 friends who were married right out of college with guys who were great looking, made good money, came from great families and were in general decent folks.  All 3 ended up in divorces, coz at the end of the day a degree is not what you're marrying - your minds and personalities have to match.  If you force a match, more often than not, it will go awry.  And that's what's happening in Maryada.

It's a bad situation - I undersatnd Gaurav's pressure and how/why he ended up doing what he did.  I understand Devyani's stand in all this, she was thinking this will actually fix things and possibly make his son move on in life and get settled (have seen it happen in many cases, so can't blame her for hoping that).  And mostly, I feel Vidya's pain - she was the only innocent party in all this.  And the most hurt.

Maybe, we can blame all of this on Brahmanan Chakhar.  Had he not neglected his son so much, Gaurav may have found it easier to approach his parents about the girl he loves, and may not have been forced to marry someone else to begin with ...

lets see what unfolds - all in all - I'm loving how this show touches upon so many real issues in our lives, yet does it so dramatically.  Love it.

-S
i still think he is selfish because he (or anyone else for that matter) married vidya to keep HIS family happy then AS SOON AS he got married he resumed his affair with the other girl without thinking what this could do to the girl he promised to love. if he wasnt selfish he should have told vidya about his situations. i feel like people like him dont give a damn about anyone else apart from themselves or their family (which still makes themselfish). he treated vidya as though she was ''the other woman'' in his life.i just feel like now is the time vidya should stop worshiping him Dead

I agree that Vidya needs to stop worshiping him.  I feel she needed a wake up call.  I mean the signs have been in front of her from the beginning, but she chose to ignore them.  As Devyani's father in law said (forgot his name), Vidya is like a quiet, tame, cow - tie her to a post and she'll sit there content.   In a way Vidya is like Devyani - choosing to stay blind to the situation at hand.  Except, Vidya has reason to do so - as far as she knows, everything was hunky dory in the family she married into.  Whereas Devyani has known NOTHING is normal in this family of hers she keeps pretending is so perfect.

As for the rest, I  understand where you're coming from.   I still don't think Gaurav is selfish, but he IS to blame for this.  It's just that a selfish person could have really mistreated Vidya, and he didn't.  He's even tried being friends with her.  But that's not enough. He needs a huge reality check. He MARRIED this girl.  He can't, now, put her in a corner and leave here there.  And he knows it.   If I had to choose a word, I'd say cowardly.  But not selfish.    He wasn't being selfish in putting his parents demands above his.  He wasn't being selfish when was worried about Vidya and ran out of the office to make sure she got home.   But he is a coward.  He has stated time and time again that he would rather Vidya understood where things stood between them, so she kept her distance.  That to me, instead of coming clean with her directly, is a sign of cowardice.  Also, he wanted Vidya to possibly leave him.  That means SHE has to face the music, instead of HIM, when it is HE who is the cause of the rift b/w them.   That's why I think he's not selfish, but cowardly.

That said, I will say again, it is VERY VERY difficult to stand up to one's parent's pressures, specially when you know that they mean well, and wnt what's best for you.  So I do UNDERSTAND why he did what he did.  But he SHOULD NEVER HAVE married Vidya if he knew he couldn't be her husband.  She was, basically, the casualty of this war b/w Gaurav and Devyani-Brahmanand.

Let's see what happens.

Hope I didn't offend you.  Wasn't my intent, sorry if that happened.

-S


Edited by lilmzsunshine - 05 May 2011 at 8:53pm

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