Part 86: Four states...Update 1
He flexed his arm continuously, the sinuous muscle going up
and down as if he operated it with a switch. The bluish green patterns criss-cross
on his skin, no longer came across as his veins. Instead, it was only his
cracked up, shattered self. Didn't someone say the mirror of relationship fissured both sides?
Waiting out for his relations by law to get back to their
room, he had slipped inside his home. The time he had spent in the tree house,
after she had fled from his outburst of uncontrollable lewd behavior, seemingly
had appeared endless to him. It had been enough, to have him roll in his empty
bed, with torments of a bygone time and the one that had lasted only hours ago.
When the lush pillow top of his own bed, induced its memory of her, on his skin
as it came in contact with him, he had abandoned the bed for a rocking chair.
Plain wood one, this was and he had believed it could rock him a lullaby of the
forgiving kind. But it had a heart too and her vengeful scent that lingered inside
of it, kept him up all night long.
The curling of his fisted hand inward, forced up his median
nerve to press against his pale skin, like it could break open its exterior
barrier with no effort at all. For such was the fire of guilt that was burning
away his nerves from the 9 years of life that he tried living in one night, or the
waking hours of the morning. In his mind, the color of the vivid images and the sounds of her laughter had a pristineness that was same as a still reflection on
water. Nothing was lost in his mind's translation of the time of the yester years.
Life was funny that way, he thought. Any other day, he would dismissed the
finer details of his past life, but the knowledge of her mere presence in the
house, gave him an undying, infinite hope to endure what his stubborn conscious
relayed incessantly.
Farfetched from reality was what it was, this illusion of
hope that he was meditating upon; the deafening silence breaking his skin with
needle pricks to ooze out the blindness that was impregnated within. There was
no other stroke of chance that could have brought him to see this...this ray of
hope that was screening through the cracks of dawn and alongside lighting up
his dormant needs. It was, as it may be, the last lines of help that the
conspiring cosmos was sending his way and he took it as a sign to see past the
unsettling turbulence inside him. Either ways he had been a blind man with her.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. So deep that he relied
on the crisp cutting air to help him sever the vestiges of his bequeathed
pride. Perhaps it was already done; being that he was determined to trail her path,
kneeled if need be, to have her back in his life. If there had ever been a moment
of indubitable sureness, in his pre-packaged 'Oberoi' life, this was it and he
wanted the salience to last forever.
***
She dreamt of a day she could forgive him; a day she would
forget the empty hallway she slid down to the floor, crying she was telling the
truth, imploring him to believe her. That she loved and wanted the baby just as
he did. But fate had played a rueful game with her and her initial notions of
not wanting to go the family way was what had stuck with him, when he had come
to hear of her miscarriage.
It was explicable to taste being forsaken like that, when he
had been her only refuge since her adolescent years. She had believed she could
never grow dependent on him to the extent that she had. And only at the moment,
when he saw his receding form it hit her deep, that it was one thing no one had
to work too hard to get to; being tied to a stranger in invisible ways, that one no
longer sees two separate selves. A part
of her was walking away making it much harder to believe that the other piece
of her soul was at contention of believing the biggest truth of her life. With
the physical pain convulsing her being, the mental agony fragmented her into
pieces. She was then withering away in thin air...
Even that dream of a hope didn't warm her, now shivering
body. Her teeth chattered like broken glass on the poky straw, that she had laid herself down. Cricket stood beside her, stoking her disheveled hair with its warm
breath. That was just about the only warm thing in the frigid place that was
raking her body with nipping seizures. She had run from him, far from his snares
she was getting caught under and had landed in the barn to be with her other
love she was still hopelessly connected to. The yearning for her dream to turn
into reality grew so blinding bright and outrageously hot inside her that it
shuddered her body with a temperature. She
needed help...badly.
***
It was sheer ecstasy to be swaddled in nothing but his warm,
firm hands. His feet was resting on her ankle, caressing her as he tossed in bed.
There was something amazing about listening to his breath and his heartbeat in
that perfect stillness; the sound of endearment it was. It was the same
settling moment, like that of a loose clinquant leaf of autumn arriving on a
calm lake on a tranquil morning.
She was just kicked out of her dazing unconscious. Still
unaware of the daylights that drizzled through the window sheers, she had
adjusted in bed when he had involuntarily slipped his arm underneath her body,
tangling her in a neat embrace, he had cuddled her closer. The small unintentional
movement had made a smile creep up her lips. After what seemed years of trial
and errors of relationships, she was now beginning to settle with her own
doubts of handling one. She prayed it was no illusion she was being misguided
by. And just as she needed that confirmation even in that dazed state, as she
stirred about her lying position, he naturally settled higher in the pillow,
coming to rest his lips by the curve of her nape. Lord! She sighed with content
as the warm puff of air teased her neck.
What was he thinking making love to her at their sojourn?
She wondered. But given the one night and one day that she got with after was a
span of boundless time, she hadn't objected on bit. It only seemed like the
natural order of things that followed after he had toyed with her urging passion
at the garden last night. Every liquid force of energy, she had needed to
resist him at that time...
This one image never did leave her mind's eye as they made
love. Like rays of streaming particles were what they were, merging and
blending into an amorphous form; discreet beings that did not stay discreet in
any which way, shape or state of being. To say that some barriers disappeared
was something that no longer remained literal. It was a time their silence always
stuck a staccato.
***
He was more aware of her nearness than ever. When she had
slithered restless, it was only becoming second nature for him to attend to
her, as if it was his own discomfort that needed taking care of while being
asleep. But he knew she always calmed down soon, right after she felt his lips
close to her. The instinctive kisses were what she often called her panacea.
And just as every other time he would chuckle shy and dismiss it, although he never
did fail to grasp the depth from where she claimed so.
Her eyes...of what he saw there, it had never left him the previous
night. He had seen so many things...A desire that had transformed into a hunger
and that which had slowly begun to metamorphose into a desperation. For him it
was shockingly hurtful that his silence was gnawing her. True he had been a man
of few words, but when she put it like the way she did, it had evolved into a
beast of another kind. If not for her, he never would see it as a nuisance, he
concluded.
Now, he didn't know if part of him was this silence that she
could not bear with. Besides being his shield to his - some conceited and other
calculated - thoughts of his vulnerable mind, he never did expect it to grow within
him, as another body part that constricted his own heart's voice. As he
attempted to prickle at its surface, the barrier that was - at present - so
deep, it ached as if he was breaking a limb or two.
However, his own discomfiture were of insignificance, when
he had promised her that he would try; give it all, for her...even if that meant
tearing himself all apart.
Before the thought so much as contemplated to leave his mind,
she gave a low hum that couldn't be anything except for a whisper of bliss. "Hmmm"
she droned drawing up a smile on his face.
She tugged his arm closer, having him lean from behind in
profile, to rest his cheek on hers. He shuffled her tussles by her ears as he
nudged them with the tip of his chin. When the proximity wouldn't do, she spun
around, still with her eyes closed and placed a kiss on his lips. His arm
nestled comfortable in the small of her back, tracing its way up to the back of
her neck and lifted her gently into his hold. He once again placed a small peck
on her lips and it picked a slow pace to turn into a budding soft kiss. And of
course, both knew what that kiss was blooming into...in the cozy twilight of a day
that was starting to transcend the night.
In that dark corner of the world, if no one ever knew until now,
those were just four states of being in love...
To be continued...
FYI, one more part pending for Part 86. Thank you all for letting me know on what you thought of the last chapter. If you still haven't done so, then get on it right away...I really could use more comments.
Edited by 6thElement - 12 years ago
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