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She heard the rush of wind on wing
Steal hope into the night,
And though she called and called his name,
She could not make it right.
Nupur sat in the front pew with Aditya's family and listened to the organ play softly. From somewhere in her childhood the words to the hymn flowed through her mind.
When peace like a river attended my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Nupur's soul was far from peaceful, and she fought to control her emotions while the ritual continued. If she allowed one tear, it would surely be followed by a torrent. Nupur didn't dare listen to the proceedings, so she forced herself to think of something else, anything else. Jasper
Jasper had been a sweet old dog and had lived his entire life with Nupur. Her father had given her the Pug pup when she was fifteen. She'd named him Jasper after her favorite Actor, but the last two letters were soon dropped. When she and Aditya married, the dog came to live with them in the modest house on Twenty-third and then later to the lovely two-story colonial on Willow Creek Lane. Jasper died only a couple of years ago when Mansi was in first grade.
Nupur remembered the old dog's last day. He ate a good meal, collected his tennis balls and lined them up along the edge of the courtyard, then settled down in his favorite place in her flowerbed and went to sleep. She found him there later among the irises with his affairs in order. That's the way it should be at the end of a life, thought Nupur, with all the RELEASED TERMINALS tied up neatly.
She glanced up at the polished walnut casket surrounded by floral arrangements as a black-robed soloist rose to sing. As the first measure of Amazing Grace echoed through the hall, Nupur strained to think of a time before her life began to unravel.
She should have been happy. Nupur was an attractive woman, married to a successful man who loved her. She had two beautiful children. They lived in a fashionable neighborhood, she had friends, and plenty of time to do as she wished. If her life was not every girl's dream, it was Nupur's. She didn't know why she hadn't been able to quiet the rumble in her soul.
The soloist cleared her throat and began another verse: "Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come..." Nupur's attempts at distraction kept circling back. She finally gave in to the need to make some sense of the last months of Aditya's life. Had her self-involvement played a part in his death?
There had been a time, before the end of the year, when Nupur worried about their relationship. Aditya had always been the brooding type, but his moods had deepened and he became critical.
Aditya had been especially disturbed on the November evening they celebrated his thirty-fifth birthday. He insisted on a simple family affair. Aditya was preoccupied during the meal. He went through the motions, though, and smiled when Manas led the family in a chorus of Happy Birthday as Nupur lit the candles on the chocolate cake. He feigned enthusiasm as he blew them out. He was only truly there, however, when Mansi and Manas gave him their homemade birthday cards.
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