Posted: 14 March 2011 at 10:59pm | IP Logged
Maybe I should turn WLC into a bunch of random scenes.
LOL - omg, perfect idea for April Fools' Day. Muhahahahahahahahahaha.
If there's one fear everyone secretly has, it's this one: The fear of being alone. But there's a bigger fear on my mind: the fear that the first fear will come true.
My best friend tells me I am being really negative about it. But what I am meant to do? Her life is all settled - she already has a committed boyfriend (and an amazing one at that). She'll never really fear being alone.
So I sit on the lawn near the library, and I pick at the grass... she rambles on about her love life, while I silently dread her realising I haven't responded. I don't want her to realise because she's going to ask me the same damn question:
"So, found anyone yet?"
But today it seems she won't ask me the question. & I have to admit, I'm quite shocked. She never tires of asking me this question. She continues rambling, and I begin smiling. Never has her rambling sounded so sweet to my ears.
I should have known. There is a reason her rambling hasn't ended. It's because she's invited someone to join us on our little picnic. & when I look up, I stiffen.
Never in a million years would I have thought my best friend would invite him.
"Hi... sorry I'm late, just had a few things to wrap up."
Oh yeah, it was him. I could never forget that voice.
He sits down, and drops his satchel next to him. It landed with a thud, and I raise an eyebrow. How could he be so careless about his belongings?
Thankfully I'm wearing sunglasses, so he never gets to see how I'm glaring at him. And glare at him I do. I should be glaring at my best friend, but I'll save that for when we're alone.
He finally decides to notice me. And when he does, I automatically shift away slightly. He smirks softly, as if he was expecting me to do that.
"You know, it was really nice of you to invite me. I haven't been able to enjoy the scenery of late - I'm sick of having to re-shoot scenes with people who don't know how to act," he mentions pointedly at my best friend, who smiles and tries averting my gaze.
I have to smile however, because it was always the type of thing he complained about. Every single day I would hear something about how annoying some people were, or how no one takes him seriously on set. It always amused me to no end.
He sees my smile, and the next thing I know, I hear the click of the camera. I furiously look at him, and take off my sunnies. Now he needs to see my glare, because if looks could kill...
He chuckles, as if expecting it. I put my sunnies back on, and begin looking at something in the distance. I try to keep my focus on it, but their conversation is way too distracting.
"So, it's definitely been awhile... are you still dating him?"
"Yeah, it's been almost three years," and I swear the happiness in her voice is almost sickening.
"Wow, three years. Gosh, three years ago I was..." and suddenly he stops speaking.
And I know why. I feel his gaze upon me, but I do my best not to return it. I don't want to recall what happened three years ago. But unfortunately my best friend picks up on his silence, and asks him what happened three years ago.
Suddenly the silence is deafening, and I can't take it anymore. I decide to get up and take a walk. But she won't let me. She wants me to hear what he did three years ago.
"Well, I don't know if you recall. But I used to act on that TV show, Pavitra Rishta. Three years ago I proposed to Ankita on Jhalak Dikhlaja..."
I do not hear the rest of what he says because I've gotten up, and gone for that damned walk. There is no way I am going to be able to stomach hearing about how good married life is.
In the background I hear my best friend apologising to him, but he shakes it off. He was expecting it.
Later at night, I'm in my bedroom thinking about today. I open up my wardrobe and rummage around for a black box. I find it - it's pretty dusty. Seems like two years of dust has been accumulated.
I brush off the dust and open the lid. Inside are a bunch of photos, a dozen or so notes, an old mobile phone, and a diamond pendant hanging off a white-gold chain.
I sit on the floor, and stare at the box for what seems eternity. I do not touch the contents, I simply stare. Staring is good enough, because if I touched the contents, I'd be opening up a whole set of memories that I don't think I could handle.
I finally manage to close the lid, and quickly put the box away. I close the wardrobe doors, and I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Tears I weren't expecting have made my eyes red. I splash water on my face, and walk back into my bedroom.
I realise something's not right because I can hear breathing. And it's not my own.
I whip around, and almost collide with my best friend.
"OH FOR F***'S SAKE WOMAN! Don't do that!"
My best friend doesn't even smile. She just sits on my bed and waits for me to answer her unasked question: Why did I walk away?
I can't bring myself to meet her eyes. So I sit on the floor, and rest against the foot of my bed. And I begin telling her everything that happened oh so long ago.
I tell her how much it hurt when he told me he was going to propose - did he never see how much I cared for him? I tell her how hard it was for me to leave, but how much harder it would have been if I had stayed. I tell her how I loved him, and how I had never moved on. I tell her my fear has come true, because he's in my life today, but I'm still alone.
By the time I'm finished, my throat has gone slightly hoarse from all the explaining I've done. And I realise that not once has she said anything. I get up, and slowly walk towards her. I freeze.
Because sitting on my bed isn't my best friend, it's him. I didn't even realise my best friend had simply waited for me to start talking before she brought him inside. I didn't even realise she had walked away long ago to be with her boyfriend. I didn't even realise that I had told him everything I kept hidden behind my closed heart for so long.
I close my eyes, and pray for the ground to swallow me whole. I feel something thrust into my hands. I open my eyes, and look down. It's a marriage certificate.
Tears fall as I realise what he's done.
He never married her. He waited and waited for me to come back, and when he realised I wasn't going to, he broke it off with her.
"Why?" is all I can ask.
He takes me into his arms, and strokes my hair as I continue crying.
"Because you are much more important to me. Without a second thought you would be at my doorstep, providing me with support whenever I needed it. At night, the last thing I would hear was your voice telling me to sleep well, and in the morning the first thing I would hear was you telling me to wake up. How was I going to live without it? How was I going to live without the person who gave a dead man a reason to smile every single day?
"When you left, I stayed hoping you'd come back. And when you didn't... she couldn't take it. She told me I'd never be hers, because I was already yours. I walked away from that relationship, not willing to believe it. But three years of loneliness taught me that I should never fear being alone because the bigger fear is not being with the person you're meant for. I love you.
"I know I'll never be able to heal that pain you've been carrying around for so long. I know I'll never be able to make up for all the hurt I've caused. But I hope you'll take me back regardless... how else will I be able to cut my finger, and be looked after so nicely?"
A giggle escapes me. That memory of him cutting the vegetables comes back full force, and he knows it's made me laugh. I pull away from him, and he wipes my tears. He kisses my forehead, and places my hand on top of his heart. I know what he's trying to tell me. And I decide to say yes.
Sometimes when something terrible happens.. you just have to give it time. The ending might be the sweetest thing alive.
Okay, I'm going now. Shall see y'all later tonight. ;)