Ch4: Exhausted
"Yeh kyun leke jaa raha hai? Kya ye chottiyon mein jaroori
hai?" Leelawati picked out the 5packs of Marlboro that were pushed inside the
back-pack that was his sole luggage apart from his medical bag and Laptop.
Dutta kept browsing the medical magazine that he had picked up from the
pharmacy representative today at the hospital. He was considering a few
medicines of this company. They were trying out a new percentage mix of the
same old combination. Interesting! "Dutta! Ikadey lakshya deya!(Pay attention
here)" leelatai rebuked him like a kid to get his attention.
Dutta looked up with an irritated frown-Kai Tai, aata
kaa(what Tai, what happened?)…His voice trailed off as he saw what Tai was
waving at him. "Tai, tum mere cheezo ko kyu haath laga rahi ho? I told you I am
packed."
Leelawati-I can see how you packed? There's hardly more than
two sets of dresses..no proper formals or even a towel or sock..Dutta this is
not one of your rowdy hiking trips. And what is this doing with luggage? You are
on leave. Yeh kyun liye jaa raha hai? She pointed at his medical bag.
Dutta growled- Tai, don't pester me. I am going on
leave…formals ka achaar daalunga? Aur yes, this is enough; if I need more I'll
buy it there. Teek hai? He took the packs of cigarettes and pushed them
willy-nilly in the backpack, "And I can take a leave but the doc inside me
can't… I have used my suffix Dr on the ticket and by rule I need to carry this
as precaution for emergency services….Obligation of duty, OK?"
Leelawati mumbled- Jo mann aye kar..bahut bada ho gaya hai..pahele apna
school bag bhi pack karwane mere piche-piche bhaagta tha..ab meri jarurat nahi
hai. Acha hai shaadi kar lega to tai to puri redundant ho jayegi..mere samne
khada hoke smoke karta hai..main kuch bolti hoon to ghurata hai…ab kuch nahi
bolungi..chali jaungi mere chotey se Thane ke ghar mein.. Leelawati started
walking slowly to the door all the time sniffing loudly…loudly enough for Dutta
to know what was up.
"Enough of Emotional Attayachar! Ok…you pack what you want
to pack in one, mind you one suitcase…no more but my train is in three hours
and station is far and this is Mumbai,Ok?" Dutta glared at her before turning
back to his magazine.
Leelatai bit back a smile," wo maine packing pichle haftey hi kar lee thi.
Ab tu itna busy rahta hai…hai na?"
Dutta narrowed his eyes at her feeling like a fool. All his
sisters can be very wily and scheming when it suited them. He had huge
misgivings about letting these women make the most vital decision of his life.
If they get a clone of them, he'll be royally screwed and it would all be his
fault. Ah..well, jab baaja baajega tab khaaja batega!
***************************************************************************************
He looked at his
ticket to confirm the seat number." AC 2nd class A1 31L. Good
enough!" He thought. And immediately revised his conclusion when his eyes
turned on his companions. The girl on the upper berth diagonally opposite to
him was already eyeing him like appetizing hor d' oeuvres. He looked at the
berth below her to save his honor but it was occupied by a very frail looking
man who was comfortably settled. It felt like a sin to even ask him to move to
this seat. Damnation! Why did he pick out that hellish town of all places for
his first vacation in three years? He pushed his suitcase under the seat with
his feet and gave his most scary smolder at the girl. She seemed to get even
more peaked up by that. Amazing, absolutely beautiful!
"Beta, yeh tumhara berth hai." Dutta looked up to see the
woman in her sixtys look at him with soulful eyes. "Jee!" he replied. "Mujhe
gout hai upper berth mein chardh nahi paungi…tum mera berth le logey..please."
Dutta could feel the girl's interest raising another notch.
He suppressed a sigh, "Sure!" and looked out the window. The train would leave
the Terminus in few minutes. Five hours delay, he'll reach tomorrow by night
surely. Twenty-six hours. Oh well! He can see the landscape pass-by for
sometime. Entertaining enough, quaint though!
"Waise abhi chale Jaate to thoda lait leti…thoda kamar ko
aaram ho jaata!" Dutta closed his eyes and nodded.
Two hours later, Dutta was having a raging headache coming
on. He had sidestepped the girl's every attempt at conversation to the point of
rudeness. He was good at being charming and rude at his convenience. So it was
easy to be a beast. But his other companions definitely had a very low opinion
of him now. A man who literally screamed at a friendly young girl, manner less!
He lay on his back with his hands under his head. He tried to think why she
irritated him so much. She was attractive enough, interested enough and
available enough. The murmur of that nurse's voice before the operation two
weeks back sounded in his ears."I want to
scrub more than your hands Dr.Patil…..Would you like that Doc?" He opened
his eyes with a snap. The voice was husky, seductive, inviting and warm, with
promise of hot sated night spent languishing under covers but it left him cold.
Why? He asked himself again. Why? Why was it happening to him? This kind of
invitations always used to excite him. The recklessness, the speed, the thump
of blood always used to egg him on. He thought back to his college days.
He had gone to Goa trip with his friends and had met a group
of girls from Mumbai College. Dutta had liked a girl in that group Most of the
train journey was spent making out with her in the dirty washroom of the train.
They had gone out couple of times and then the relationship had phased out. He
couldn't even remember her face now. Not only her, he couldn't remember faces
of most of the girls he had met in last few years. He lived on excitement and
thrill. A few days ago, he would have said that his life was perfect. He had
achieved what he wanted to. Becoming a doctor had always been his one dream.
With time it had become an obsession. He pushed himself to excel in his
endeavors always. Success gave him a rush like nothing did. He loved being high
on it. He had never spared a thought about marriage, about family, about
settling down. His sisters were always after him to get married but he had
successfully dodged the issue. Till now! That one incident at the operation
table had freaked him out too much and he had given in, just like that. The
next day the enormity of the situation had scared the daylights out of him. He
had wanted to trace back his steps but then he had heard the happiness in his
sisters' voices during their phone conversations. There was a strange quality
in it, a peacefulness that had given him pause. It had stopped him from saying
anything.
He remembered his conversation with his friend and senior Dr.
Pulok Ghosh. "I think that you are too
stressed out,Patil. Yeah, I know that you love your job and that every surgery
gives immense satisfaction. I admire your skill with the knife. I mean, what
you have.is something mnay people don't have in years. To be a surgeon requires
a lot, skill, knowledge, dedication. And you have it all. At your age people
are still assist under seniors but you are already heading your group. I always
admired your focus and single mindedness. But I think there is something called
too much of something. In your case, it's too much of everything. Your job,
your drinking, your fagging, your parties and of course your companions to
these parties. You need to take a break. Fatigue is the cause of that tremor.
You are a doctor, I don't need to tell you where your lifestyle is heading.
Just go away somewhere for a few days.try living without excitement for a few
days…live a boring life for once…you'll appreciate this excitement again."
Dutta had thought of ignoring him, about cancelling at the
last moment all the while he had booked his ticket. He had even thought of
getting out of this marriage thing. He would say 'no' to every one of the
girls. But he was here, travelling to that town where he had had most miserable
4months last time. He had hated the idiotic boys kalatai had wanted him to make
friends with, he had hated the fact that some neighbor's kid had ruined his
collection of comics and there was some other incidents that he couldn't recall
about some other kid of that neighbor. He felt restless thinking about being
there for next two months, 1440 hours. Man! That was hell of a long time. He
got up in a sudden movement and banged his head to the roof. Holding the hurt
spot, he swore loudly while he got down and went to the washroom to have a
pull. He looked at the mirror in the washroom. He came out and saw the ticket
checker.
"Ticket downgrade ho sakta hai? sleeper class?"Dutta asked.
The man threw an incredulous glance at him.
Fifteen minutes later Dutta was laying on the lower berth of
dirty Sleeper class compartment without a blanket to protect himself from the
chilling bite of wind hitting him from the window. On the floor people without
confirmed tickets were sleeping on laid out newspapers. He looked at the dark
sky visible from the open window of the train. The trees flew past him in dark
shadows and a few stars were visible. He remembered all those times they used
to go out for trip, all of them. His parents, sisters and him. He had hated
travelling in AC and dad used to get Sleeper tickets. At each station he would
want to buy something, books, toys, eatables, ice-creams. He used to watch with
rapt attention the antics of the street gymnasts, who used to perform on
speeding trains. Dad would play cards with other men and mom would gossip with
companion ladies as his sisters played various board games. Not a dull moment!
Last thought as he drifted off to sleep was that even the thought of so much
activity was exhausting.
The next morning, he woke up due to absence of motion. The
train had stopped at some station. The buzz around him was rife. The man in the
middle berth asked if he was done sleeping. Dutta bought a cup of tea from the
platform vendor and sipped it. It was disgusting, he grimaced and dropped it on
tracks. Suddenly, a small trolley of toys passing by caught his attention. He
bought a pack of cards and shifted through them a smile tugging at his lips. He
looked at the people around him. They were all busy amongst themselves, talking
on cell phones or listening to iPods. Some were sitting with their laptops.
Dutta spread out the cards to play a game of solitaire. "Bluff aata hai?" the
man beside him asked. Dutta looked at him perplexed ,"Jee?"
When Dutta got down on the Rajnandgaon station, that
evening, with many people waving him goodbye from the window. his facebook
friends count had increased by 14. And he
was armored with the knowledge given by
two aunties on the train that apparently any vegetable on earth can be pickled
and they all tasted good, though he was clueless how this knowledge was
supposed to help him in any walk of his life. He saw Kishore Jiju and Kalatai
waiting for him near the AC coach. He called them and hugged them and suffered through tai's loving
ministrations. As he got into the car he remembered something.
"Damn!"
Kishore-Kya hua Dutta? Dutta- main kuch train mein bhul
gaya. Kalawati looked worried-Kya? Kya bhool gaya? Dekha, kishore? Kuch jaroori
tha?
Dutta- hmm,my pack of cards. Those men were still playing
with it when I got down. Kalatai laughed- Pagal, bas taash ke liye itna soch
raha hai?
Dutta turned to give her a beatific smile- and my medical
bag.
Dutta stepped into the room where he had stayed during his
last stay. It looked nothing like he remembered. He looked at the walls and the
curtains, the soft lamps making the shadows come alive. The fresh white flowers
on the pot gave sweet scent.'Rajnigandha,
how quaint and old fashioned', he thought. Not the pastel delicate orchid and
lilies he was used too. His eyes swept the room minutely for each detail. Abdul
was keeping his luggage at a corner. Kalatai came behind him- Bhau, passand aya
karma..sab theek hai naa?
Dutta- perfect hai, tai. Bas..ek cheez out of place hai.
Kalawati looked around frowning, "Kya?"
Dutta walked towards a chest and lifted the Krishna idol
from its place on top. He weighted it in his hand and playfully threw it up in
air and caught it with other making Kalawati gasp in shock."Yeh. Iski yahan
jarurat nahi. Aap le jao."
As Kalawati stepped out still a bit in shocked bewilderment,
Dutta took out his pack and lighter and put it in the place where idol had
been. Yeah! Now his room was perfect, he looked around again.
*********************************************************************************************
Nakkusha cried with her head tucked in her naani's chest as
naani stroked her unbound hair.
Naani- nakku, aise kyu ro rahi hai? kya hua? Bata na. tu
chup to hamesha rahti hai par aaj itne mehmaano ke beech mein bhi teri khamoshi
mujhse bahut kuch keh rahi thi..bol na..kya hua?
Nakkusha- naani, main baar baar ek hi galti kyu karti hoon?
Kyun baar baar sapney dekhne lagti hoon? Jo mera nahi hai..kabhi mera nahi ho
sakta uskey liye kyu dil bana leti hoon? Kitna dard hota hai..jab sapna tootta
hai.
Naani stroked her softly. They were sitting out on the empty
courtyard. Everyone was asleep and grandmother and grand daughter were having
their special moment under the moon. Naani's lap felt like maa's. It was one
place where Nakkusha always found solace, felt safe, like now.
Naani- beta, sapney dekhne mein koi burai nahi hai. kyunki
sapney humare un ichchao ko jeeney ka tareeka hai jo shayad asliyat mein hume
na milley. Sapney dekho..par har sapney ke sach hoone ki umeed mat karo. Waise
bhi agar sapneo mein tumne kuch paa bhi liya to kya wo paana paana hua..aur
ankh khulte hi agar wo kho gaya to kya wo khona hua?
Nakkusha kept silent and closed her eyes replaying didi's
words in her mind, her father's words to shashi kaka.
Naani- Wo Raja aur sunehri maina ki kahani yaad hai, naaku.
Nakkusha smiled in the folds of her naani's sari,"Raja ke
bagiche mein suneri maina ghayal giri thi. Raja ne us maina ko apne paas rakha.
Uski dekhbhal ki. Kuch dinno mein maina theek hogai aur bagiche mein ghumne
lagi.
Naani- Roj subha raja ki neend uske meethe gaane se khulti..
aur raja uske awaaz mein kho jata…raja ko laga ki maina uske liye gaa rahi
hai..usse neend se jagane ke liye. Wo sochne laga ki ussne us maina ko paa liya
hai…par..
Nakkusha- par..maina to apne saathi ko bulane ke liye gaati
thi..wo ussey millne ki aas liye aapni awaaz mein dard bhar ke ussey bulati
thi..par raja ko bas wo meethas sunai deta tha…dard nahi…ek din jab maina ka
gaana nahi sunai diya to raja bechain ho gaya..sare bagiche mein dunda par wo
nahi milli…wo apne koye saathi ke saath chali gait hi…par raja ko laga jaise
uski maina ko kissi ne cheen liya hai…usne bag ke saare panchi maar
diye..gussey mein…saara bag ujaar diya..
Naani- ek sunehri maina ki awaaz jo ki kabhi uskey liye thi
hi nahi use pane ke liye raja ne un saare paanchiyo se unki awaaz cheen li jo
sirf raja ke the..uske bag mein barso rah rahe the…kissi paraye ko pane ke liye
usne apno ko dard diya…jabki wo kabhi uska tha hi nahi.
Nakkusha moved out of her arms and looked at her wrinkled
age wizened face. Nakkusha wiped her tears and smiled faintly- saahi kaha aapne
naani. Main bhi na..jo cheez kabhi paayi hi naa ho uskey khone ka kya gum?
Naani- beta, kabhi aapne aap ko bhi khush hone ka mauka de…apne
par faila..akash ki aur chehra uttha…har chehra sundar nahi ho sakta..nahi hi
har mann kuroop…inn sabka sangam hi insaan banata hai..sundar mann ho ya
roop..ya dono ho ya kuch nahi…har tarah ke log hai..aur is duniya mein sabki
jagah hai…bas hume humari wo jagah dundni hai. Samjhi?
Nakkusha smiled swiping her eyes- Naani, aap itni samajhdar
kaise ho? Pata hai..sonu ko bhi main kabhi kabhi bolti hoon. Nakkusha made a
stern face and mimicked- Sonu, apni padai kar meri naani bananey ki koshish mat
kar.
She looked with mischievous twinkling eyes at the old woman
who cracked a laugh with her.
Naani kissed her forehead. Nakkusha closed her eyes as the
pain off past few days eased making her feel light.
********************************************************************************************
Shukla family returned Sunday night but Nakkusha had to stay
back for another few days as chotti maami with the little baby couldn't cope
with all the work left after the guests departed. Naani was too old to handle everything
and badi maami had her school. Nishikant assured nakku that he can manage for
two days without her. And everyone was relieved that nakkusha would stay back.
Naani felt that it was good that she stayed back, she needed some distance. Though
she was not sure from whom.
She came back on Wednesday night and cried looking at the
condition of the house. By the time she had cleaned up the mess made by them
all it was too late and she was too tired.
At around 3 in the night she got up to have some water. As she
pass the open window a light caught her eye. She looked out at the source.
The window of the first floor of kalawati's house was closed
and the light in the guestroom was on. A tall figure was walking to and fro by
it casting a huge shadow on the glass. Nakkusha came closer to her window and
looked at the shadow. The walks was like debbu when he tried to by heart his
lessons..yet it was restless and fast..like a caged beast's.
Suddenly the shadow stopped and threw open the window.
Nakkusha hide behind in the darkness of the room.
His face was not visible but she could make out dark cruel
features of his face. She could almost see the anger he felt. He stood still
for a second as if he could see her even in darkness. Nakkusha's body shivered
at the thought.
He brought his hand close to his mouth and it took a second
more for nakkusha to realize why.
"To kaladid ke tillu ko ye achchi adat bhi laagi hai?"
nakkusha mumbled to herself before turning around and going to sleep. Her last
thought before darkness enveloped her mind was he didn't appear that great a
man to her. He definitely had feet of clay as far as she was concerned.
*****************************************************************************************
Dutta was bored, he was restless and felt trapped. He had
not expected kalatai to be so prepared. She had shoved at least a hundred bio-datas
in his face in past few days. When he had told Ghosh he had laughed saying,"arey
to dekh le.. bas yahi ek waqt hai jab ladkiyo ko dekhna lafangebaazi nahi
sharafat kaha jaata hai.."
Dutta stood near the
open window looking at the small house across the road. The window was open to
one of the rooms. He had felt like he was being watched from there. He stood
for another second and pulled on his smoke. Immediately, he felt being watched
with distaste as if he had been found wanting on some grounds. The hair on his nape
stood up for a second before the feeling went away. He stood looking at the
dark window a long time, the cigarette burning away unnoticed between his
fingers.
……..To be continued.
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