This content was originally posted by: prettywomanbut as a writer you have succeeded as we all feel the emotions between these two and yearn for them too..
Ch31: A beating Heart
The faint smell of disinfectant with light lavender essence was getting familiar to her. The bright spotless white ceiling and light blue walls of the room has grown on her as well, Nakkusha decided. It has been five days since she had opened her eyes and found out about her loss. Five days of silient grieving and coming to terms, of dreaming of a little baby cries in her sleep and waking up restless. Kaladidi had understood her dreams and tried to squash her fears about never ever hearing them for real. "mujhe to barso sunayi deti thi ye awazein. Kai baar main kamare mein khadi ho ke bacche ke khillone dhundti thi…doondh garam kar bottle dundhti thi. Saroj kaaki samajhti thi mere khaali pan ko isliye to jab sonu huyi to wo mujhe usse nahlane deti thi, doondh pillane deti thi…jab apna nahi hota to udhar se hi…mamta ka koi naap ya nafa nukshan to nahi hota na."Kalawati smiled tightly wiping a lone tear and extending the glass of glucose drink to the woman sitting up on the bed propped with pillows. Nakkusha took the glass but didn't take a sip,"Mujhe darr hai, didi…kahin main kabhi apni mamta na de payi kissi ko to? Kahi ye koi andesha to nahi ki main kabhi…main jaanti thi ki mujh mein kamiya hain…lekin itna bada dosh leke main kaise jee paungi, didi…aapko sahi lagta tha…aapne sahi hi kiya tha jab aapne peheli baar apne bhai ke liye mera rishta nakar diya tha…lakh chahkar bhi vaman kabhi bhala chand ko cho paya hai."
Kalawati shook her head vehemently as she looked angrily at her,"chee nakku, chup! Kaise apshaguni baat keh rahi hai tu? Haan? Meri barso paheli ki nadaani wali baat ka khuta mujhe kya jeevan bhar degi? Main galat thi, beta. Par ab main jaanti hoon ki tu nahi hoti to humara asli tillu kabhi humein dubara na millta…tillu mein jo badlao hai wo tere pyar se hi hai." Nakkusha closed her eyes tightly swallowing a sob,"par didi…agar main bhi kabhi maa na ban payi to? To kya hoga aapke tillu ka…kya matlab reh jayega pyar ka?" Kala petted her lovingly on the hand,"na! aisa nahi hoga. Tillu doctor aise hi todi hai.aur wo Dr.Roshni wo bhi bahut badi specialist hai. Tere babuji aur maine hum dono ne unse baat ki hai. kya mera aur tera naseeb ek hai re? huh! Nahi..meri saari dua lagegi meri nakku ko…meri baat aur thi…mera case dusra tha…aur nahi tab itni taraki thi medical science mein..dekhna kuch hi saal mein chota sa lalla hoga humre ghar."
They looked up as they heard Dutta clearing his voice,"Tai, aap log ki baatein ho gayi? Visitor's hours khatam ho gaye hai." Kalawati tensed up fearing if he heard much of their discussion which she knew would upset her stubborn brother who refused to give berth to nakkusha's misgivings about her miscarriage. To him it was more of a gift as it brought to light Nakkusha's tumorous growth before it became more serious. Nakkusha smiled as her babuji came towards her bed and laid a loving hand on her brow. He looked years more aged than last she had seen him. She tried to supress a twinge of guilt for making her frail father worry over his eldest daughter. She remembered all those times in her childhood when she used to hide her illnesses from him-a fever or cold or even little cuts and burns from fear to cause him any extra worries on her behalf. Nakkusha held his hand lovingly,"babuji, aap log jayiye main theek hoon. Yahan itne doctors hai nurses hai. koi chinta nahi."Dutta came to stand beside kala,"haan aur main bhi to hoon, night shift exchange kiya hai ek colleague se. post-op checks khatam hote hi yahan nakku ke paas aajaunga." Kalawati shook her head,"nahi dutta hafta bhar hone aaya hai tu ghar nahi aaya. Bas apne aur nakku ki cheeze lene gaya tha..roz roz night shifts ke bahane ruk jata hai aur din ko visits ke bahane..tujhe bhi to aram chahiye. Aaj tu nakku ke babuji ke saath ghar jaa aram kar..main rukh jaati hoon." Dutta bristled in irritation,"tai, me barr ahe. Koi takleef nahi hai..aur main yahan dorm mein rest kar leta hoon..nakku critical nahi hai so hospital ke rules ke hisaab se app log nahi rukh sakte. So please! Aap log ghar jao." Kalawati saw the anger that hid his worry and fear and nodded acceptance. Nakkusha bid them farewell as dutta fidgeted with her chart avoiding her gaze. Nakku smiled,"to agar hospital ke niyam se koi gharwala nahi ruk sakta mere saath? Isliye aapne apni sare sifts exchange kar liye, hai na?" Dutta grunted taking a seat near the bed with a medical journal in hand trying to ignore her teasing smile," Contrary to what people think, night shifts actually sabse light duty hoti hai..kum crowds, kum emergency and more silence. I like night duties." Nakkusha nodded,"accha? Aisa hai to aap itna bigardte kyun the jab Dr.Sudhakar aapse exchange karwate the." Dutta looked up at her exhasperated,"Because wo ek aalsi bewakoof insaan hai…aur usse sabse boring cases milte hai. samjhi? Its all professional." Nakkusha nodded sipping her drink cheerfully. Dutta eyed her suspiciously,"tu haas rahi hai." Nakkusha shook her head,"nahi. Meri majal main hari sadu par hasoon. Tauba!"
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'Police ne samvadata se baat karne se inkar kar diya hai aur wo is baat se mukar rahe hai ki unke naak ke nicche ladkiyon ko lekar ek bada aur napaak dandha chal raha hai. Kaise ek nabalik ladki is jakmi halat mein train mein payi gayi? Kiss tarah ke halaton se ladkar wo is hospital tak pahuchi? ye dundhne mein ab tak mumbai police nakaam rahi hai. Ab ek aur muda samne aaya hai garib besahara ke taraf beparva bartav ka. Dr.Dutta Sriram Patil jo ki Mumbai ke sabse acche doctors mein se maane jaate hai unhone ye case kissi aur ko saup diya hai. Iske bavjod ki is ladki ko hospital mein lane wale admi inke hi guru Kamesh Raut hai jinhe kai saal pahele aise hi gairjimedarana harkat ke karan Doctori peshe se warjit kar diya gaya tha. To kya hum ye soche ki Guru ne shishya ko hunar ke saath aur bhi bahut kuch seekhaya hai? kya ek garib ladki ko ek acche doctor se treatment ka koi haq nahi hai? Dr.Patil ke case se hatne ka aur koi thos wajah ab tak humein nahi di gayi hai jabki Dr.Patil har roz hospital mein hi hote hai par unke paas ek garib marij ke liye waqt nahi hai'
"Ye kya bakwaas dekh rahi hai, nakku?" dutta switched off the TV to cut off the voice of the mocking journalist. The media has been tipped of with the whiff of scandal surrounding the pregnant girl found on the local train and were snipping at the heels of the hospital and everyone involved getting maximum juice out of the story. So far he had tried his best to keep Nakkusha out of it. She had enough to worry about without him adding to her plate with his troubles. Nakkusha looked at him worried,"ye kisski baat kar rahe hai…maine nurses ko bhi baat karte suna hai par koi kuch nhi batata. Kya hua hai? aapko news mein dikha rahe the. Kyun?" Dutta cursed as he remembered the footage of him walking down the corridor and when he had been asked to make comment about the girl's condition."bas ek case ko lekar itna cicus ho gaya hai..ye media bhi bas!" Nakkusha shook her head,"batayiye na! aap mujhe kabhi koi case to nahi chupate. kya hua hai…please boliye!"Dutta sighed and told her about the girl leaving out the part about the date of her operation, which as luck would have it had great significance to nakkusha's own condition. Nakkusha shook her head,"agar wo ab theek hai aur apne apni puri koshish ki hai uske liye to ab kyun wo aapke piche padey hai aur aise gaandhi baat kar rahe hai aapke jimedaari aur Raut ji ke liye?" Dutta ran a hand through his hair,"Because they are vultures. Aur ladki ab tak danger zone mein hai. isliye maine case hand over kar diya…teri aisi halat mein main..I can't trust myself with any intricate case. Ye mariz ke liye theek nahi…I never realized ki main kabhi itna emotionally threathened ho sakta hoon…But I now know." Nakkusha looked at him bemused,"Kya?" Dutta smiled a ironic smile,"You..are my prison and my freedom…tu mujhe takat bhi deti hai aur tu meri kamjori bhi hai. samjhi?"
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Dutta groaned as he looked at the little mass of wrinkled flesh being pumped with medicines and machines being attached to her impossibly tiny skinny body. She was an unhealthy pale, 854.16 grms worth of little human with still and cruled limbs thin as speghetti and small as bird's claws. He folded his hands as he asked softly,"Maako jab convulsions shuru huye tab kya aapko wo premature labor mein jaane ka sign nahi laga." Roshni shook her head as she made a track in the small chest to attach the machine that will breathe for the little baby,"We all thought she was rejecting the heart surgery. Blood clots or something. We had to do an immediate C-section." Dutta cursed,"Maine kaha tha na ki watch out for that. Tum logon ne dhyan nahi diya,kya?" Roshni turned to him annoyed,"Dr.Patil, If you can't help get out of my way. We need to help this baby. NOW." Dutta stilled at the vehemence in her voice and nodded,"I'll check on the mother." Roshni Interupted him,"dutta…Wait! The mother…is dead. I am sorry. We couldn't keep her."
Dutta bit back as curse and went towards the Operation theatre where the little girl of sixteen was being cleaned after the procedure. He looked at the thin pale face studing each feature with detail. Her face bore more years than her age even in the stillness of death. Harsh lines and dark patches marred the features which with life in them would have been beautiful. So much pain, so much suffering. For what? Why? What was this child punished for? What was her little baby being punished for within minutes of bein g born?
He had seen people taking refuge in God. He had seen his wife challenging time and again about her Kanha. But he had always brushed aside her faith. As much as nakkusha's faith in Kanha had grown with each day,his faith in his disbelief had grown stronger. He remembered Pinky, how she had struggled in his theatre her faith in him and her God unshakeble till her last breath. He thought of all the faces he had treated and still faced many everyday looking up at him with faith and respect as if they had found their God in him. He hated it, their faith in the devine power they belived would save them and their faith in him which made failing so difficult. He remembered Raut asking him to save both mother and child. He had failed his mentor again. Yet, what could he have done! With nakkusha here in the hospital.
That brought back the memory of that fateful day. She trusted God, she prayed and talked to her Kanha and yet He had betrayed her in such a cruel manner. Why did she still insist holding on to that bet? "Aapko Kanhaji bade pyaar se Aapni baat manvaenge" He scoffed God will make him belief! How? By making him watch while people like Pinky, this child and that baby die? By making him watch his wife question her own worth of ever being able to be a mother?
As they wheeled the girl away to the morgue, he walked out of the hospital. He was surrounded ny a small group of people holding microphones and flashing cameras asking him hordes of questions. He blocked out their voices and made his way to the parking and got in his car and drove away.
He braked after an hour near the sidewalk and looked at the monstrous structure infront of him. He remembered his little tiff with nakkusha a few months ago.
She was reading Ramayan in her sing-song voice as Leelatai sat with her rapt with joined hands. Dutta was reading the newspaper but couldn't help himself from listening to Nakkusha's soothing voice as she read the sanskit words without hesitation. "iska matlab bhi pata hai ya tu aise hi rattu toota jaise pardh rahi hai?"He couldn't resist teasing her a bit. She looked up with an angry frown and turned towards Leelatai,"Tai, yahan kaha hai ki jab Sri Ram sagar ko paar nahi kar pa rahe the tab unhone Bhagwaan Shiv ka ahwaan kiya. Shivji se ashirwaad leke bhagwaan Ram ne Lanka tak pull bandhwaya…har patthar par Ram naam likha gaya aur wo Ram-naam se tairne laga. Aur.."
Dutta brust out laughing,"Ram-naam. Holy Cow!" Leelatai glared at him,"Dutta,Gupp bas! Tujhse stuti nahi hoti to majak bhi mat kar bhagwaan ka samjha!" Dutta- par tai, don't tell me ki aapko is poppycock pe yakeen hai. Come on! Ram ka naam likhne se pathar tairne lagta to kya..to kya..achcha agar ram naam aisa cheezon ko float kara sakta to wo bandar log apne sheer par ram naam tattoo karake bhi to sea mein uttar sakte the..they would have floated too. Kyun, Bandariya?" He waggled his brows at Nakku in devilish delight as Nakkusha sputtered for an answer. He laughed at the expressions on their faces,"Aur ye sab bakwaas tu itne tune mein gaa rahi thi. Seriously?" "accha! Agar aapko lagta hai ki ramayan mein jo hai wo galat hai?"Nakkusha challenged. Dutta shrugged,"dekh nakku, maine kabhi ye nahi kaha ki aisa kuch nahi hua hoga..theek ajise main kabhi nahi kaha ki wo pralad waali story jhooti hai..main bas ye maanta hoon ki ye sab mythological stories are overblown. Thoda jayada hi feku kisam ki..badachada ke cheeze likhi huyi hai to get people's attention…agar koi aisa likhta ki ek ladka tha jiske biwi ko kissi admi ne kidnap kiya tha aur usne phir biwi ko chudane ke liye uske sath fight ki thi to sabko itna maaza thodi ayega…haan agar aise cheeze likhi ho jo insaan ne kabhi dekhi nahi ho to baatein interesting ho jaati hai..suraj bhajatya, ya yash raj ki shaadi pe banayi movies ki tarah…I mean thodi na real life mein 13 gaane gaye jaate hai shaadi mein aur har baat pe 100 log dance karte hai swizerland mein."
Nakkusha looked at him peevishly,"To aap bataiye ki kya sach hua hoga?" Dutta rubbed a hand thoughtfully on his chin,"well! I think ki wo Ram ne Shiv ko maska lagane mein time waste nahi kiya hoga. He seems to have been a smart fellow, witty and brave. So I guess, jo time Respected Valmiki jee ne mention kiya hai ki Ram sahab puja paat kar rahe the…I feel wo time pe Ram must have been trying to find a way to cross the sea…You know raft making, boat-making ya something…jab ye sab feasible nahi laga tab he and his smart friends must have found an alternative…which I must say must have been a huge achivement of mankind." Leelatai asked curiously,"Kya?" Dutta looked at her with exhasperation,"Dahaa! Tai! A hanging bridge…or maybe not hanging completey more like floating…with dead corals and light stones that float. It must have been a masterpiece. Definitely Ram ka idea hoga aur har stone ko wo select karta hoga ki kaunsa float karega isliye likha hai ki Ram naam se tairta tha. Simple logic. Hai na?"
All his life he had believed that man and science could solve any mystery surrounding them. Everything had logic, every disease, every pain had a cure. Man just had to find it. Yet what logic explained the cruelity inflicted on that girl or that her baby would probably never see the next day. Babies born with such condition had 90% mortality rate. To add to that her poor heart condition and hardly any lungs. The little girl would barely breathe to next sunrise. Even if she made it to next day, she might just forget to breathe and stop her tiny heart. He remembered how small that heart had been a week ago as he had pushed it back to the cardiosac while doing the open featus procedure. It was as small as kidney bean so fragile that he had been scared he would punture it with his huge beefy hands. He had never held anything that small even in bioclass when he had disected frogs. He lit a ciggerette and pulled on it like starved lungs pulls on fresh air. He watched as traffic moved on the Whorli sea-link, the blue lights making it glow like a beacon.
There was no God he decided. Man had made this bride and they sure as hell didn't write Ram on each brick and concrete they used to make it and yet it stood tall and strong high above the sea.
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Nakkusha took the bunch of rajnigandha being extened towards her by the wizzened old hand with delight. "Mere liye? Thank you."Raut sat down smiling a bit,"Haan wise to har roz aata hoon hospital mein par tumse millna nahi ho pata…actually,Usha beta, ek aur patient hai…mera matlab thi..jiske liye main aata tha aur busy ho jata tha…Dutta bhi nahi chahta tha ki yahan aaun." Nakkusha nodded as she understood who the other patient was. Kalawati took the bunch and arranged them on the vase near the bed removing the fancy orchids and lilies other vistors had brought. Nakkusha breathed deeply,"ah! Ab ghar jaisa mehak raha hai ye kamra hai na didi? Raut ji, kaisi hai wo patient?" Raut shook his head in defeat,"kal shaam ko wo chal basi,beti. Main bas dekhne aaya tha ki kissi ne uski body claim ki ya nahi. Ab kuch permission mill jaye to main aur basti waale uska antheem sanskar kar de." Nakkusha felt a sting in her eye as she looked sadly at the flowers,"aap uske liye bhi kya…phool late the?" Raut looked at her in surprise,"Haan..par ye main tumhare liye.." Nakkusha smiled,"main jaanti hoon ye aap mere liye laye hai…bas main ye jaanana chahti thi ki koi uska khayal rakh raha tha ki nahi…usse bahut kuch sehna pada hoga na? Hum log apne dard mein hamesha dusron ko bhul jaate hai. main apne dukh mein itni kho gayi hoon ki mujhe Kanha ko shukriya kehna bhi yaad nahi…ki unhone mujhe kitna kuch diya hai…itne phool barsaye hai to thode kante bhi to naseeb mein honge hi." She looked around at the room which was filled with wellwisher's bouquets."Kuch logon ke naseeb mein bas kaante hi hote hai…par unhe bhi phoolon ki khushboo paane ka haq hai. hai na didi?" Raut got up and touched her head lovingly,"Jeete raho, Usha beta. Khush raho. Main chalta hoon."
As he went away, nakkusha smiled at her babuji,"aapko bhi wapas chale jana chahiye didi, babuji! Kab tak yahan rahenge. Agle haafte tak to main bhi discharge ho jaungi." Shashiji shook his head,"Naa beta. Aise halat mein hum chale jaye ye kaise ho sakta hai." Nakkusha- par wahan debu aur sonu akele hai babuji. Unka bhi to khayal rakhna hai na. Yahan to mera khayal rakhne ke liye Ye hai, hospital waale hai…kuch dinno mein leelatai aajaengi. Sab theek ho jayega. Aur waie bhi ek baar main theek ho jaun to main aap logon ke paas aaungi…lambi chutti leke…mujhe rajnandgaon bahut yaad aata hai babuji.
Shashi wiped away his moist eyes,"Gaon bhi tujhe yaad karta hai, beta. Damini bua, tere nani, wo fatema kaaki sab yaad karte hai. Ab kuch din pahele hi lelo, bagal ke Gupta ji ke yahan unki majli waali ko dekhne log aye the…tab behenji bol rahi thi ki badi ke waqt nakkusha ne kitna kiya tha. Maine bhi bataya meri beti ab bade sehar mein jaake kitna kuch seekh gayi hai…businesswoman ban gayi hai…bade bade log apni party mein bulate hai usse…padai kar rahi hai…sab kuch ek saath sambhal rahi hai. Meri nakkusha to hai ki kamal ki..Saroj ki beti jo hai! hai na!" He broke down clutching her hand."Mujhe maaf kar de beta." Nakkusha tried to pull her hands back trying to stop him,"babuji, kya bol rahe hai?" Kalawati hastely placed a hand on his shoulders as they shook with his sobs,"Shashi kaka…Aap kya kar rahe hai?" He shook his head,"Main kya karoon kalawati ji, maine itni badi galati ki. Maine saroj ke jaane ke baad apne dard mein kabhi apni is bacchi ke baare mein nahi socha. Main darr gaya tha bacchon ko kaise sambhalonga..tab nakku ne thoda thoda karke sari jimedaari le li aur maine bhi kabhi ye nahi socha is jimedaari ka phal kya hoga. is bojh se meri bacchi ka kya hoga! ye pissti rahi aur maine kabhi socha tak nahi. Kitne baar isne apna niwala sonu aur debu ko khilaya hai. kahi meri laparwahi se iski ye halat huyi ho to main kaisa baap hoon." Kalawati shook her head,"Kaisi baat kar rahe hai aap! Nakkusha theek hai. Dutta ne samjhaya hai na ki wo ab bilkul safe hai." Nakkusha pulled her father,"Haan baba! Main theek hoon. Aur kisne kaha ki aap acche baba nahi hai. Mujhe koi shikayat nahi hai main hamesha khush rahi hoon. Mujhe koi kaami nahi rahi hai Babuji…Kanha ne mujhe aise acche mata pita diye, Aisi achi didi-jijaji diye…chotte bhai behan diye..aur phir inke jaisa pati…jo hai uske liye humein khush rehna chahiye. Aap mere liye ek baar muskura do…warna mujhe accha nahi lagega."
Shashi wiped his tears,"Tu theek ho jayegi to ayegi na ghar..wapas…mere paas rehne?" She nodded and hugged him.
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Roshni wheeled the chair slowly,"are you sure, tum mere saath itni raat ko rounds pe jaogi? You should take rest. Jaldi theek hone ke liye."Nakkusha groaned,"bas! Main aur nahi leti reh sakti, roshni ji. Aap to jaanti hai Ye mujhe kabhi uthne hi nahi dete. Aur din mein Didi nahi hilne deti. Mere to haath pao par jung lag gayi hai." Nakkusha liked the older woman who had grown to be a friend to her in the past many days. Today after Dutta had gone on his rounds she had requested roshni that she wanted to visit the nursery ward with her and look at all the babies. Roshni understood it was the post pregnancy stress and being with little ones would help relive the depression but Dutta was against it. As he thought it would only make her more agrieved. So she was sneaking her away in the night to see the wee babes.
Nakkusha asked tentatively,"aapke bacche hai?"Roshni nodded,"Teen hai. do jurwa ladke aur ek choti ladki." Nakkusha smiled- kya naam hai unke? Roshni answered with little pride-ladko ka naam Jai aur veeru hai. Nakkusha tried to supress her giggle but couldn't. Roshni frowned,"haan haan has lo…actually mere sasur ji Sholay ke bahut bade fan hai aur unfortunately humne unhe naam rakhne ki responsibilty di thi." Nakkusha asked between her laughs,"aur beti ka naam?" Roshni grinned,"I know tum expect kar rahi ho ki uska naam basanti ya dhanno hoga..hai na?" Nakkusha shook her head,"aa..nahi? To uska naam kya hai?" Roshni opened the door to the nursery ward with straight face as she answered,"Hema."
Nakkusha burst out then in fits of giggles. Roshni gave her the scrubs and masks they needed to enter the nursery. She watched with rapt attention as she passed each cot holding pericious little bundles. Some awake with alert eyes trying took take in the world, some absorbed in their sweet little dreams. Each cot held a number and a name. A small band with barcoded number was tied to their tiny feet. Roshni explained it was to avoid confusion or mistakes. Many new parents were cooing from a glass window at their babies. A small section of the ward caught nakkusha's attention. A glass wall separated the section from rest of the rooms with emrald curtains. "Wahan kya hai?" Roshni looked at the what she pointed,"Neonatal Intensive care Unit-NICU.Jo bacche premature hote hai aur bahut hi critical hote unhe waha rakha jaata hai." Nakkusha motioned a nurse to wheel her closer so that she could peek inside.
Roshni stood beside her,"Abhi teen bacche hai..ek ko kal yahan normal bacchon mein shift karenge..baaki dono abhi..khair..chalo tumhe room mein le jaun." Nakkusha shook her head,"wahan kissi ko jana maana hai kya?" Roshni shook her head,"aisa nahi hai…hum to koshish karte hai in sepcial bacchon ke saath unke mata-pitah jayada waqt bitaye..apno ke sparsh se ye bacche jaldi theek ho jaate hai. tumhe dekhna hai?"
Nakkusha nodded.
She had heard and read about premature babies in newspapers and television. But the reality was far more frightening. Everything looked like a nightmare in that place. Huge bulky machines crowded around the cots covered in glasses. Pipes and tubes ran and clunged to the little still masses. One of them was so small that nakkusha was blinked with fright. It looked smaller than some of the mouse she had seen back home. She could almost hold it in her two palms. The other two were just as small but there was some undefined difference between those two and this one. It took her a few moments to realize what it was. The other two babies had an air of love hanging around them. The little table beside the caught held little touches of belonging, a small toy, a little picture, a slowly deflating balloon. But this baby looked alone, bared of love. More naked and vulnerable than the other two. Nakkusha peered closer and noticed that the batch had just a number to it and no name. "Ye kaun hai?" She asked softly as she tried to make out little features out of the crowd of machines hanging about the baby. Roshni came beside her,"Ye us ladki ki bacchi hai jisse Raut saab ne train se laya tha. Kal hi uski maut ho gayi." Nakkusha gasped,"Kissi ne kaha nahi ki uss ladki ki delivery ho gayi..Raut ji ne bhi nahi."
Roshni sighed- kyunki sab jaante hai ki ye bas kuch ghanto ki mehmaan hai…Iske lungs bilkul develop nahi ho paye hai…aur jitna waqt isse yahan is care mein rakhna padega..Wo hum nahi rakh sakte.
Nakkusha looked at her in surprise,"Kyun? Kyun nahi rakh sakte? Agar ye yahan rahegi to theek ho jayegi na?" Roshni closed her eyes in pain,"aisa nahi hai nakkusha? Iski halat mein hum kuch nahi keh sakte…hum isse ek hafte observe kar sakte hai..phir hospital authority isse government care mein transfer kar degi..ye anath hai..so government custody mein chaali jayegi…khair wo to ek haafte baad ki baat hai…pata nahi iska nanha sa dil tab tak dhadak bhi payega ya nahi."
Nakkusha turned back to the glass enclosure and peered closer. The little girl was lying so still that there it was hard to tell if her heart was even beating. Nakkusha peered at the machines reading the beats. Lovingly she placed a hand on top of the lid,"dhadkega Roshni ji…dekhna iska dil ek hafta to kya saalon saal dhadkega…nanha hai to kya bahut taqat iske dhadkan mein." Roshni smiled,"I pray ki aisa hi ho. Bahut ladai hai iske jeevan mein aage..agar ye jung jeet bhi gayi to bahar aur bhi jung baaki hai. Chalo ab tumhe room mein le jaun." Nakkusha held the wheels to stop her,"Main thodi dair yahan rukh jaun..please. Nurse ke saath aajungi..bas thodi dair." Roshni looked torn for a moment but the need in her eyes made her mind for her,"Okay..Thodi dair..Dutta ko pata chala to naraz ho jayega. So you don't be late. Meri shift khatam ho rahi hai. main ghar jaa rahi hoon. I'll see you tomorrow." Nakkusha didn't answer she was too busy looking at the little heartbeats on the monitor.
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Dutta walked into the NICU blinded with rage. "Tu yahan kya kar rahi hai? Tujhe bed pe hona chahiye. Pagal ho gayi hai kya?" He hissed angrily stepping behind her wheelchair. "Shh!" Nakkusha placed a finger over her mask."aap itne zor se bologe to ye darr jayegi. Isse zor ki awaz passand nahi hai."
Dutta watched in daze as nakkusha turned back to the cot and hummed a small tune. "Nakku, tu ye kya kar rahi hai?"
Nakksuha whispered still in tune," isse ye dhun acchi lagti hai." Dutta took a few steps near the cot,"accha tujhe kaise pata?" Nakkusha waved a hand towards the monitor," main gana band karti hoon to iske dhadkan kum ho jaati hai..gaati hoon to bardhti hai. Dekhoge?" She stopped humming and looked at the monitor and dutta watched in surprise as the count dropped a bit. Nakkusha started humming again adding a few words now and then and the count rose again slowly. Dutta gave a little excited laugh,"hah! Amazing nakku. Phir se kar." Nakkusha smiled behind her mask and hummed with new vigour. Dutta looked back at the little baby again,"accha tujhe main ek trick dikhaun?" Nakkusha nodded. Dutta slid the small window in the glass enclosure making nakkusha gasp. He nodded at her,"Go on choo ke dekh isse. Go on! come on!" Nakkusha slipped a hand tentatively but dutta caught it."Aise nahi" He slipped off her glove and nodded. Nakkusha's hand trembled a bit as she touched a finger to the little arm. Like she had been burned she pulled her hand back. she looked at dutta, her eyes over the mask sparkling with life for first time since the operation. Dutta nudged her again. She placed her hand back on the little arm tracing the little palm and fingers. Nakkusha sighed,"Dekhye iske nanhe haathon mein kitni jaan hai." Dutta leaned his head on her shoulder,"Hmm!"
They stayed there with the baby for long time, each alone in hell made of their own thoughts. Nakkusha sighed deeply,"Main bahut khudgarz hoon na! Main bhagwan se roz puch rahi thi ki unhone aisa kyun kiya humare saath..sabka kehna hai ki aisa ho jata hai..kai aurato ko iska pata bhi nahi lagta…mujhe itna dard nahi hona chahiye na kyunki mujhe to uska ehsaas tak nahi huya tha…par mujhe dard ho raha. Mere mann se uska khayal hi nahi jata.Lekin mere dard mein saath dene ke liye kitne log hai mere paas..aap ho…sab hai. Par isse dekho…ye har pal saas lene tak ko lard rai hai…aur iska hath bhar thaamne koi nahi hai."
Dutta swallowed a lump in his throat,"par tujhe to tere bhagwaan pe bahut yakeen hai na! Ab kya hua?" Nakkusha gave a harsh laugh,"aap mauka nahi chordte na…aapne aisa kabhi socha hai..shayad bhagwaan hi isse wo takat de rahe…har pal ko jeene ki…iske dil ko dhadkane ki takat."Dutta murmured in softly,"kab tak?" Nakkusha looked up at him. Dutta shook his head,"agar ye in hafton ko guzar bhi le..to bhi hum kuch keh nahi sakte…iske condition main kai baccho ka manasik vikas ruk jata hai…they can be mentally challenged or worse..kai cases mein die at very young age..13-14 yrs. We can never be sure."NakKusha removed her hand and touched his face on the mask,"Maut ke darr se jeene ki koshish nahi chordte..Aap doctor hai..akhri saas tak koshish karte hai na?" Their eyes met as her faith eased his weary heart.
Loud beeps made them look up as they saw the monitor show a steep drop in the pulse of the baby. She was crashing with a seizure. Dutta jumped to his feet calling the emergency button and pulling the crash cart closer getting ready to check her pulse. Nakkusha bit her lips from crying tasting her own blood. She sat frozen as sudden memory for her blinding pain came back to her. She was back in the elevator alone, imprisoned. Her ears closed blocking out sounds.
She heard dutta calling her from far end of a tunnel. She blinked to clear her head as she heard Dutta calling her urgently. "Nakku! Nakku. I have to crack her chest. Saas lene ki naali daalni hai..tu sunn rahi hai..just…just..thap thappa usse…tap her..fast come on."
She acted on pure instinct, standing up ignoring the pain reaching towards her as she placed her bare hand on her thin chest, patting it softly. And just like that the heart steadied a second and then the beats increased again. Nakkusha watched in wonder as her tiny palm moved infinitesimally like grabbing air. Dutta checked the beat as nurses coursed in."Sir..kya hua?"
Dutta glanced at them shaking his head,"Close call..but I guess..ab theek hai..I want…I want a nurse stationed here 24X7 is bacche ko ek second ko bhi koi akela nahi chordga. Is that clear?" They nodded as a young nurse waited there while the others filed away.
Nakkusha blinked,"Kya hua tha isse?"
Dutta said gruffly touching her shoulder pushing her back to sit,"abhi iske fefare puri tarah develop nahi huye hi..saas nahi le sakte…ye machine iske liye saas le raha hai..par chuki itne chotte bacche maa ke garbh mein hote hai..wo maa ki saason se jeete hai aur maa ki movement se jure hote hai...inhe adat nahi hoti saas lene ki…aur aksar ye saas lena bhul jaate..tab inhe stroke hone lagta hai. "
Nakkusha looked at him shocked,"Bhul jate hai?" Dutta nodded,"isliye inhe koi chahiye ye yaad dillane ke liye ki saad lena hai..aksar hum maa-baap se kehte hai ki inhe chute rahe..thap-thappate rahe..isse unka body yaad rakhta hai…isliye jab tune usse chu to…" Nakkusha nodded,"isse lardne ki wajah mill gayi." Dutta hesitated a moment before nodding afterall the little heart was still beating as the clock read 4.55AM. A new day with fresh challenges awaited them all.
………To be continued
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