FF:Imperfect Perfections Ch32-Pg142(14.4)Last UD - Page 5

Ch3: Hopes and Hurts

Nakkusha's feet shook as she made way to Kaladidi's home across the road. The small four steps to this place seemed so long today. Her heart beat like a superfast train on tracks. She clutched the curtains tightly and prayed again. Let him like these, O God please. She opened the gate and saw jiju's car winding out of the garage. She waited for him to approach. Kishore leaned out of the driver's window- arey Nakkushaji, bolo aaj deeri kaise ho gayi? Ab aap itni busy ho ki aapne garib jija ko subha unki ek cup chai nahi de sakti? Nakkusha looked down shyly-wo, aisa nahi hai, jiju..main bas wo..

Kishore- arey maloom hai,maloom hai..ghar pe bahut bada surgeon aa raha hai..ab is garib ko kaun puchega..par nakku tu jaanti hai..tere hath ki chai ke bina mera din shuru nahi hota..dekh jab wo aajaye tab ussey bhaw de dena..abhi to apne garib jeeja pe raham kar.

Nakkusha- kya jiju, subha subha..aapko koi milla nahi kya? Waise bhi aapko chai kum karni chahiye..health ke liye achcha hai. Kishore- achcha hai, abhi tak Dr. patil se milli nahin aur uski jubaan bol rahi hai..jaa teri didi as usual, aankhen bichaye baithi hogi.

Nakkusha wagged her tongue at him and ran inside making Kishore laugh at her antics. He waved the smiling chowkidar and drove out in his white accord.

Nakkusha entered to BudhuRam's profuse greetings. Nakkusha twirled him as usual and whispered softly,"aye buddhuram..aa gayi nahi…ab se 'aa gaye' bol..bol..aa gaye..pata nahin.. kuch dinno mein wo aane walle hai..abhi se practice kar..bol hmm..d…nahi…sardu aa gaye." She laughed softly and biting her lips twirled the cage fast and ran up the stairs to first floor guestroom. She stopped a second before knocking on the door. "Kaun? Nakkusha..itni deeri kar di..kitna kaam hai. aa jaldi."Kalwati sounded out of breath. She was cleaning the wardrobe and lying covers on its shelf.

Nakkusha- wo aaj thodi deer se aankh khuli Didi..deeri ho gayi..sonu aur debu ko bhi..Yeh pardey layi hoon.

Kalawati- hmm..chal wahan taar rakhe hai..jaldi tang de..waise kaise lagey pardey?..rang teek hai?

Nakkusha stopped at her work- main kya bolu, didi? Aapne pasand kiye hai, achchey hain.

Kalawati-arey,maine pasand kiye hai to kya? Teri pasand na pasand bhi ab is ghar mein jaroori hai..waise ab tu hi iss kamrey ko sambhal..achchey se saja de..samjhi? Nakkusha- main? Kalawati- nahi to aur kaun? Is kamre ki dekhbhal aur kamre mein rahne walle ka dekhbhal tujhe karna hai. arey dalma chaddha aayi thi! Tu dekh le..teek hai.

Nakkusha was left alone in the large room. She looked at the soft sky blue colored walls. The whole house was painted last Diwali. Kalawati had poured over the color catalogues for days. Even asked nakku's opinion. But for this room she had given Nakkusha full reign. Nakkusha had picked out her favorite blues for the walls and white or the ceiling. The wall to the bed's head was textured to look like rainwater was cascading down in rivulets. Kaladidi and jiju both had approved of her choice. The curtain was bought to compliment the whole 'blue sky after rains' aura. The large windows let the sun come in and greet the room's floor from colored glass making it look like an artist's canvas . The hardwood furniture had old world charm to it. Nakkusha noted the recent addition of a bookshelf with a space for laptop and speaker set. It should be a little to the left so that the light from the opposite wall didn't fall on the screen, she went and pushed it a little. It was light and easily mobile. She placed is to her liking and started her work by picking up the broom.

As she worked at setting up the room, last night's conversation between Shashi kaka and babuji replayed in her head.

Shashi- nishikant babu, kalwatiji ne phone kiya tha. Wo apne bhai ke liye rishta dekh rahi hai. Achchi sushil pyaari si ladki jo unke parivaar mein ghul mill jaye. Unkey bhai ki dekhbhal kar sakey.

Sonu had pulled nakku behind the door to eavesdrop but her loud giggles would have given them away so nakkusha had shooed her away to listen peacefully.     

Nishikant- to aap yahan kaise? Matlab main kuch..

Shashi- unhone kaha hai..jaat paat bhi koi matter nahin hai..bas ladki achchi ho. Aur unke achchi ladki kahtey hi..nakku ka chehra jehen mein aa gaya..maine tab kuch kaha nahi kalwati ji se. kyunki aapne abhi tak kahi baat hi nahi chedi nakku ki shaadi ki. Socha pahele aap se poch loon. To aap kya kahtey hain..nakkusha ka rishta le jaun aapki parosi ke ghar unke bhai Dutta ke liye. Ladka doctor hai..aur to aur pita ki jayedad ka eklauta waris. Uski badi tai ke bhi bachche nahi hai..uski jayedad bhi ussi ke naam hai..aur kishore ji ka bhi jo bhi hai..unke bhaiyon ko deneke baad jo ho uska hai. matlab ki ladka crorepati hai. aur mahine mein lakho kamata bhi hai. hua na rajkumar?

Nishikant laughed- arey shashibabu, rajkumar hai to rajkumari dundo. Mere jhopde mein to bas mamuli si ladki rahti hai. Nakkusha ke liye maine shadi ka socha nahi..wo to 20 ki hi huyi hai..aur agar sochta bhi to aisa lamba na sochta. Vaman hoke chand pe haath. Padhi likhi jayada nahi hai, roop bhi nahi..Raipur se bada shaher nahi dekha usne....Bambai to rahne do..aur kishore ji bata rahe the..unka saala aye din videsh jata hai kaam par..meri beti kahan uske barabar ho payegi.

Shashi was a little annoyed- arey, apne ghar ke soney ko koi pital batata hai? Aap bhi na nishikant babu! Arey kabhi kalawati ji ya kishore ji ko nakkusha ko kum aanktey dekha hai..nahi..arey kalawati ji ganj mein kissi se itna nahi gulti milti aur nakku ka wahan itna anaa jana hai..maine to yeh bhi dekha hai ki kalawati ji nakku se pochti hai..ki unke ghar mein kya kahan rakha hai...bachpan se ladki ko dekha hai..kitna pyar kartey hai naku se. aap haan to kijiye..baaki main baat karta hoon. Mera dil bolta hai, apni nakkusha ki kismet yahi judi hai. aur roop rang se kyun aank rahey hai apni beti ko? Aap nahi jantey ki nakku..

Nishikant- meri beti hai,shashibabu, main nahi jaanta mere jaise faatichar ke ghar kaisi Lakshmi aaye hai. main janta hoon meri beti jis ghar jayegi wahan ka bhaag jag jeyega..yeh gayi to mere ghar andhera kar jayegi. Saroj ki beti hai. par logon ki nazar mein sirf roop pahele nazar aata hai..gunn baad mein. Kahtey hai na..roop niharu phir gunn vicharon. Aur phir shaher ka padha likha ladka..itna aamir. Kalawati ji pyar jaroor karti hai naku ko lekin apne ghar ki bahu bana le itna ..mujhe nahi lagta.

Shashi- phir bhi, main ek koshish karoon? Mera mann nahi manega. Dekhiye..baat hum dono mein rahne dijiye. Kissi ko mat batana..naku ko bhi nahi.agar kalwati ji maan jaye to agey baat badhegi nahi to kissi ko kuch pata nahi to khata nahi. Hai na?

Nishikant was skeptical but agreed. He knew it was a futile attempt. Nakkusha had heard everything even the doubt in her babuji's voice. She had dismissed the whole thing as nothing. But then she was woken up by a dream. She was reaching for the ivory sindoor box on the dresser a shadow grabbed her hand and twisted it behind her making her gasp. She had looked in the mirror and seen a tall shadow with dark sparking eyes like onyx, she wanted to scream to cry out but she throat felt swollen and no sound came out. Slowly another hand came and filled her forehead with sindoor. The hand slowly caressed her cheek smearing red on it and then she was left alone. Nakkusha had sat up feeling very out of breath and warm. Once she had woken up she couldn't sleep again. Was it possible that she might have all that every other girl took for granted? A love just for her own, a life just for her own…a home just her own.

In the light of the day, with kaladidi's saying all that, she felt it could be. She hated hoping for anything. Last time she had hoped for something was that her maa should get well and her pain should be taken away. But when that hope had shattered, it had hurt so badly. Since then she had taught herself to not hope for anything. Without hope there was no hurt.

She tucked the bed-sheet in precise angles and picked up the white sheets that had covered the furniture. Before exiting the room she took in every minute detail of the room. She had fallen in love with this room since last Diwali. And decorating it today has been her greatest happiness. She smiled at her handiwork, simple yet fresh. Only a fool won't like it, she decided. And as the history went, sardu tillu ji was definitely one kind of fool. "Sapne mein bhi zor se haath maroortey hain, akroo kahin ke." She laughed at herself and her foolish thoughts.

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"Babuji, hum do din baad kaise ja saktey hai? do din baad Shaniwar hai..Saturday."Nakkusha tried one more time.

Nishikant looked at his eldest- beta, mujhe pata hai Shaniwar Saturday hota hai. isliye mujhe us din aadhey din ki chutti milli hai dukan se. aur sonu debu ka school bhi miss nahi hoga. hum raviwar yani Sunday ko sham ko laut ayenge.

Nakkusha- babuji main jaanti hoon shaniwar ke baad raviwar yani Sunday aata hai..par iss shaniwar kaise..kaladidi ke ghar kitne mehmaan hongey. Hum baad mein bhi to choti mammi ke bachey ki muh dikhayi pe ja saktey hai.

Nishkant- pagali, muh dikhayi to muh dikhayi ke din hogi. Hum baad mein kaise jaye? Aur koi mehmaan nahi aa raha. Kishore ka saala hai. bas ek insaan. kalawati ji sambhal lengi ek din tere bina. Balki pura rajnandgaon ek din sambhal lega meri beti ke bina.

Nakkusha grumbled- mere bina aap chale jao. Nishikant was annoyed, he took up his tough father's voice that never worked on nakku but he still hoped- Nakkusha.. Nakku turned excitedly- achcha chalungi. Par aap mujhe..amm.. 100..nahi.. 75..nahi jayada hai..50 rupaiye do abhi. Nishikant laughed and handed over the money. Sonu immediately tried to use the same formula but got an earful for her trouble. Debbu made fun of her making her lose her temper and chase him out of the door.

Nakkusha rushed out tying the money to her dupatta, for first time paying least attention to her siblings quarrel.

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"Hmm..acha darshan kaka..wo halke gulabi chudiya dekhao na..wo jo dinky pichle hafte le gai thi. Haan wahi waali. Aur wo sunaheri walli bhi." Nakkusha tried on the bangles and tinkled them. "Kitne ki hai? baap re. 100..50 kar do.."

She thought for a moment. "acha issey sasti koi hai..kanch ki? Dikhao."

She looked at the delicate colorful spectrum of bangles on her wrist. They won't last like the metal ones..nor did they shine like the others but they were 2dozen for 40 and she could get that shiny clip for Sonu in 10. She had such beautiful long hair. It would look pretty on her and will go with that new dress she had stitched for her. 'waise bhi mujhe todi naa kissi ko yeh sab dikhana hai!'

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She stopped at the threshold of the house when she heard Shashi babu's voice. This was getting to be a habit, bad one at that, nakkusha thought. 'hey kanha ji, akhri baar. Promise. Sunn loon?'

She leaned and eavesdropped shamelessly.

Shashi- par kalawati ji, maine socha aap ladki ko itne achey se jaanti hai. aap samajh jayengi.

Kalawati- main achey se jaanti hoon isliye kah rahi hoon. Is rishtey ke baarey mein mat sochiye..yeh nahi ho sakta.

Shashi- par nakkusha mein koi nuks nahi. Bahut achi ladki hai. haan, hoor pari nahi hai..par aap log to padhe likhe nayi khayalat ke log hai. aap log purani takyanusi baatein to nahi maantey.

Kalawati- har purani baat bekaar nahi hoti. Nakkusha mein koi kharabi nahi, main jaanti hoon. Par mera bhau to nahi jaanta. Sheher mein padha likha hai..wahan ka rehna taur tareeka alag hai..aajkal to main bhi wahan jaun to gawar lagti hoon phir nakku..nahi wo nahi adjust kar payegi. Phir aajkal ka ladka hai. thodi to dekhne mein..samajh rahe hai na..aap nishikant ji se maafi maang lena. Main yeh rishta agey nahi baadha sakti..dutta aur nakkusha ki Jodi kabhi nahi jamegi.

Shashi-theek hai..waise maine nakkusha ko batane maana kiya tha. Kalawati- acha kiya. Bachchi hai samajh nahi payegi..waise abhi bhi wo dutta se kissi purani baat pe..khair..aap koi sundar aur achi si ladki dekhiye..Preferably post graduate, English mein fluent aur basically fast adjusting koi!

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Sonu came into the room that she shared with her sister. Debbu normally slept with babuji on the ottoman in the living room. She had finished her studies and wanted to try out her new dress that didi had stitched for the occasion this week. They will be going to their mamaji's place in Durg. It was just 2hrs train journey and she loved going there as everyone absolutely loved her, saying how like ma she looked and how Saroj would be proud of her. Of course, didi loved her too. And she was always praising her but she scolded a lot too. Well, it was ok as long as didi was with her always, she was fine. But when she favored debbu it was so irritating.

She stopped just inside the door and cried out,"Didi, haye, itni sudar choodiyan!..kisski hai?..kab lee? Ye toot kaise gayi..sab toot gayi, ek bhi nahi bachi. Ye gulabi rang kitna sundar hai..sambhal ke kyun nahi rakhi?"

"Sonu, tu thodi deer bahar bait.." Nakku didi's eyes were watery and red. Then sonu noticed the reason behind the teary eyes of her didi. "Kamarey mein bahut machchar ho gaye hai..zara dhoop laga doon..warna soo nahi payegi..jaa tujhe bhi dhuyein se asoo aayenge..ankhein jalegi..tu zara tab tak saabji hilla de kitchen mein." Didi went around the room blowing the smoke wafting out of the little earthen pot on which she burnt coconut coir and scented dhoopbatti to drive out mosquitoes and insects. She kept rubbing at her eyes making them redder. For some reason the smoke was troubling didi more today. Sonu hopped to the kitchen to stir the vegetables already on stove for cooking.

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Kishore laid down on the bed facing his wife. In all the years he had married her, he had never regretted his decision. She was perfect. Strong, level headed, dignified and so kind hearted. Even though he still sometimes thought how their life would have been, if Gods had blessed them with a child,he never showed it outside. He knew it would only bring out the old wounds for kala.

"Tumne inkaar kyun kiya kala? Nakusha ke liye? Tum to ussey sabse achche se jaanti ho. Shayad khud nakku se bhi jayada", kishore asked her. He couldn't believe she had refused Nakkusha's hand for Dutta. There couldn't be a better girl for him. Dutta would be lucky to have her.

Kalawati- haan, main usse ussey bhi achey se jaanti hoon, kishore. Aur ussey bahut pyar karti hoon. Saroj kaaki ki nakkusha. Maine aaj samjha hai kishore. Ki shayad main nakkusha se Dutta se bhi jayada pyaar karti hoon. Is liye maine maana kar diya.

Kishor frowned- matlab? Kya tumhe lagta hai dutta maana kar deta?Kalawati- main nahi jaanti par wo haan kahta ya naa..chot nakkusha ko lagti. Wo kabhi kissi cheez ki umeed nahi karti. Aapni shadi ki to bilkul nahi. Agar ussey lagta ki uski kala didi ne rishta laya hai. to uski umeedey jaroor lagti. Agar Dutta mana karta to bhi ussey dukh hota. Uska already low self-confidence toot jata. Agar wo haan kahta toh..

Kishore- toh? Kalawati crept closer to her husband and leaned on his chest as he held her kissing her hair.

Kalawati- agar who haan kahta to aur bhi badi chot lagti..dono ko. Wo dono bikul do alag duniya ke hai. Dutta ka lifestyle, uski adaat, uska kaam sab fast track par hai. wo chalta nahi, urdta hai. aur shayad yeh udaan uske pareshaani ka karan hai. aur nakkusha uski chal hai sahej, dheere zameen se lipat kar. Jab main yahan shaadi ke baad aayi thi… six months, kishore chey mahine lage the mujhe nakkusha ke muh se uska naam nikalwane mein,. Bachpan se poora rajnandgaon ussey dekh raha hai..par kitne log sachmuch ussey dekhtey hai, batao? Wo padhi likhi nahi hai jayada..aur wo doctor hai. Nakkusha ka sabse bada ambition ek modular kitchen own karna hai..haan iske alwa sonu ki shaddi aur debbu ka job bhi hai uska ambition. Aur Dutta, uska to ambition, uska career hi uski life hai aur ambition hi saari mussibat ke jar. Nakkusha do se zayada  teen logon se baat karne mein katrati hai..aur Dutta 3baje tak disc mein pada rahta hai..agar Dutta kabhi mere ya tai ka mann rakhne ke liye haan bol bhi de to dono saari zindagi bhar ke liye khush nahi rah payengey..zameen aasman ka farak nahi hai, kishore..do alag prithvi ka farak hai.

Kishore smiled understanding his wife's view. She was an astute woman and he trusted her judgments. He felt like always, she was right. Kishore- shayad tum sahi ho, kala. Ye dono bilkul alag duniya ke hai..Dutta ki duniya reality ki fast or cruel duniya hai jahan ka rule hai 'let no good deed go unpunished'..aur nakkusha ki duniya..he chuckled- apni nakkusha aapni duniya ki shayad wo akeli bashinda hai..itna bhalla bhi koi hota hai?

Kalawati smiled- hoga..koi to hoga, meri nakku ke liye uski duniya ka…main dhund lungi ussey bhi..kyuki dutta ki duniya mein ladkiyan bahut millengi uske liye par nakkusha ke liye koi ek hi hoga..agar wo Dutta hota na, kishore to sabse jayada main khush hoti. Par kya aisa ho sakta hai..itney alag imperfect Jodi ho hi nahi sakti. A heartbreak waiting to happen.

………………..To be continued.