Part 9: War and Peace Update 1
"Sir...ungalaku sambhar?...(Sir Do you want Sambhar?)" The table boy asked as the other servers stood a bit far and watched them eat. It was just him and her with a couple of other cousins who had waited until everyone had left. And so the tiny hall now had just a handful of people for the servers to pour all their attention into.
"No...vendam...(No)" he said waving both hands at the waiter, slightly fearing he might have to tackle the dam of Sambhar running down the banana leaf. God! He hated eating with his hands and above all, he felt the joy of eating was lost somewhere, when one had to constantly watch out if the rasam or butter milk or Sambhar was going to run off into their lap. If one wanted to come across sloppy then eating in a banana leaf would just about do it. There was one too many things to be mindful of and would need to carefully plan out counterattacks at the inane number of things that could go wrong.
Given all that, he felt he was on death row eating prison food, rather than experience pleasure at the feast that had just been served to him in honor of his own marriage. He gave a dirty look at the yellow dal mixture that he was squishing his hands into. Yikes! That would be a memorable moment for a very long time; his mind slapped him with that woeful thought. When that was not good enough to tune him into low-key, the food came from a cuisine he had ruefully sworn, he would not touch, even if it was the last to survive the end of days. Who on earth invented the mixing of curd and rice? He had wondered many fine days, when he had seen his pals at the mess halls slurp up the leftover buttermilk after having picked on the rice morsels to the very last grain from the plate. The only high point of the meal was sitting next to her. He was sure, that was quite not making up for the physical hunger that his stomach was battling of.
He was sitting down sulking and negotiating with the Sambhar rice on his leaf when she had already moved onto curd rice. Just then Susheela athai had come and given a shriek of horror as if she had sighted blasphemy on his leaf.
"What happened athai?" He asked holding the appadam (papad) in his left hand, the tamil word oozing every bit with Punjabi accent.
"You young people don't know how to eat and no one tells you how to eat" she spat with anger, her hand holding her chin in wonder.
She looked around and scowled at Vasu uncle and Premi aunty, who quickly looked away from her piercing gaze. He was quite taken back at her statement, which now made him ponder what he had done wrong.
"Ok...now you take your sweet and feed her and then you do the same...You should have done that before you start the sappadu (meal)"
He sighed. Was that all? He never understood drama queens who acted out in the name of family. If his Daadima and Pammi aunty were not enough, he now had Susheela aunty as the newest member of the list. Only this time, he didn't mind what she had asked of him and so he very obediently obliged her at once. Picking up the Mysore pak (Besan based dessert in the shape of four sided diamond) from his leaf, he took it to her mouth to feed her.
She was diligently shy, like if she gave up her coy self she would no longer be considered a bride that day. She smiled sheepishly as she turned towards him. But Maan being his mischievous self, he was unable to bring himself to right away feed her and be done with the act. And so she being clueless of all that waited for her, she lowered herself to take a bite from his hand. Right when her lips touched the dessert block, he pulled his hand away, tipping her face forward.
Her cousins burst into laughter as she growled at him. He was just taking it too far; first the night before and now the feeding game. Though the two had brought about varying degrees of annoyance in her, his intentions were just about meant for the same; irritate the crap out of her. The realization now punched a teeny-tiny hole in her ego.
"Sorry...Sorry..." he said as he once again brought his hand forth to her lips. This time around neither did she inch herself to take a bite, nor did she want to open her mouth until she was sure his only wish was to feed her. His hand waited in mid air for a short while. As she continuously eyed him intently, he pleaded sorry with his eyes once again. One last time, she thought as she fanned her anger at the sight of his importunate smile. Believing him to be sincere, she opened her mouth as he brought the piece close to her lips and just as he found a wide enough opening, he thrust the entire giant piece of sweet into it; her mouth bulged up on the sides, like she held a small sugar factory in the void between.
This was war and there was no way she was going to let him bull doze her with his pranks, she thought.
"Maan..." She called out to him, as it was her turn to fulfill the act. There were no gimmicks from her side and he had taken a bite from her hand and she had calmly returned back to her eating. He was puzzled at first at the lack of any comebacks from her, but he gave up the thought as time passed. As they were well into their meals, she had discussed something with Meera in Tamil, but Maan had ignored the same and continued with his struggles with the age-old Sambhar rice. At that meal, he had no intentions of going ahead to try anything else, for everything smelled of coconut or had grated coconut pieces on them. He only hated anything coconut next to writing up his term papers.
She was done and had veered slightly to glance at the state of food in his leaf, when he had caught sight of her too and had grinned embarrassingly, while being stuck at the same course ever since they had started their lunch together.
"Athimbale (Brother-in-law)...You can't eat so less...still with Sambhar?...let me serve you" Meera came, snatching a bucket of Sambhar from the table boy. Maan panicked. But just as he observed Geet muffle her laughter, he had understood what was to come next. The part of the plan that he was still not aware of was that, there was not just Meera who was going to haunt him with the gruesome yellow curry, but that an entire array of troops had been lining up right after her and that they were just about to approach him in no time.
"Anna (Brother)...here you have to eat my share of the jamun" Tinu, Geet's another cousin said.
"Athimbale...here this is for chinnu paati(Grand mother) and murari patti's share" Meera brought two more pieces of Mysore pak.
When their intimidating requests were dowsing him in food coma already, he heard the kindest words anyone could ever utter at that moment. "Maan...you don't have to eat anybody's share..." Adhi said. Hearing which a relief washed down upon him. He could almost envision his dear friend as his savior, when the illusion came crashing down.
"Just eat my share of the Payasam (Kheer)" he said as he took a huge glass of Payasam and kept it by the side of the table. This was no glass but a mini jug.
"You too Brutus" he had said and had muttered profanities, loud enough for Adhi to hear but still maintained a low tone not to reach the others. His eyes glowered with anger upon his kitten of a friend, who had quite shamelessly switched teams and was now grinning back and forth between Meera and him.
Maan looked up from his food pile to number her relatives rounding him up slowly and at the small mountain of desserts that were forming on both sides of his leaf.
With a lowered gaze and a shy whisper, she slowly turned towards him. "You shouldn't deny their affections Maan...it would only come across offensive..." she said giving out a soft smile. Well she was probably the only one who can deliver bad news with such sweetness, he thought.
"Yes..Yes...you have to eat...at least for Geetu's sake" The crowd had sung in unison. Could he disagree when a merciless battalion of her minion cousins and in-laws were attacking him with mounds of saccharine? He wouldn't dare and so he did eat almost all of them, swearing off sweets for the rest of his life. His stomach had indeed bulged out in all sides, making him wonder if they would ever regain its elasticity back. If this is what it felt like being pregnant, then that painful moment called for earnest prayers for being a man in this birth. And so he did, sighing and cringing in discomfort amusing her in sinful delight
She had given it back, ten times more than he had imagined and now it was only time for more payback, he thought. But he didn't have to wait long for the opportunity to show up and their marriage hall was one place full of it to quench his avenging soul ever so quickly.
And the games began.
To be continued...
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