SR FF (Saach ke Ehsaas) update pg30 (dec19)

It had been days since the moment that Armaan had confronted Sid on the basketball court. He had clearly stated that Riddhima belonged to him and she had feelings only from him. Sid knew at that moment that Armaan was blinded as what he saw in Riddhima's eyes was concern and not love. Riddhima showed concern for both Sid and Armaan, but he knew she loved him even if she herself was confused. If she didn't love him then she wouldn't have stopped him from entering the room when the gas was released. She forbid him as she couldn't see him get hurt, she stopped him and not Armaan. Even though Sid knew that Riddhima was at the moment confused, he was frustrated. He tried to be patient and allow Riddhima to truly discover that she loved him, on her own. But he couldn't wait longer, especially with the recent turn of events. Sid had seen the danger of Armaan's obsession, he had seen the hurt in Shilpa's eyes and most of all he feared the future when Armaan went too far.

All these events had triggered him to confront Riddhima. He had spent the last few hours confronting Riddhima about her feelings. Sid had clearly told her that she was in love with Armaan and that it was time to end their relationship for the sake of all their happiness. At that moment Sid had for the first time he had lied to Riddhima. Every single word was a lie spoken with the intention of revealing the truth. Riddhima had broken down in front of him, but he only cradled her in his arms without lending any words of comfort. Riddhima nodded as she herself knew that she no longer deserving of Sid. Sid had grabbed Riddhima by the hand and dragged her into the changing room to meet Armaan. Armaan wasn't alone in the room but the rest of the gang was also standing there. He walked up to Armaan and place Riddhima's hand in his. Even though he did this he knew that Armaan couldn't keep a hold on that hand forever. He knew Riddhima would return because he had seen the depth of her love. It was now time to make her realize the love she had for him by letting her live a life without even his shadow in it. He walked away from the two of them without uttering a single word.

Now he stood on the roof of Sanjeevani gazing upon the rush of crowd, but getting lost in the moments of the past. He knew the outcome of his actions, the realization that Riddhima will have for the love of him. He just had to bear the separation he must create between her and him. The pain he felt was so excruciating that moment she broke into tears he almost revealed that he had no intentions of letting go of her. However this time he had to follow his mind so that his heart could win in the end.

He heard footsteps approaching from behind and to his horror he found Armaan standing in front of him. Sid quickly composed his face in a stern expression without letting his emotions reach his face. They both stood there in silence until broke Armaan broke his gaze from Sid's eyes and looked to the ground. He looked up at him unsure of the right words.

"Umm, Sid. I just wanted to thank you for reuniting me and Riddhima"-Armaan softly.

"Maine yeh sab tumhare liye nahi kiya, so don't thank me for it"-Sid his voice showing only a glimpse of the anger that was now slowly moving from his heart throughout his body.

"Listen Sid, I know you understand the bond me and Riddhima have and that's why you reunited us. I just wanted to say thanks yaar aur ki humhari dosti hameesha bane rahegi'"-Armaan

Before Armaan could continue Sid had lifted his hand to motion to Armaan to stop talking.

"Hum dost nahi hai. Shayaad agar tune uss raat mujhe meri zindagi ka sabse bara dohka nahi diya hota toh hum aaj dost hote'par tune jo bewaafi mere saath ki hai uss ke baad toh tu mere  dushman ke dosti ke layak nahi hai. Aaj jo maine kiya woh tere liye nahi kiya, yakeen maan ki mere teri katir kuch nahi karonga."-Sid.

Sid started to leave and walked past Armaan without a second glance, leaving Armaan stunned. Sid returned to the hospital to find Riddhima and talk to her. She found him in the fire escape sitting down with her back to him. He prayed to God that she wasn't crying because he knew he couldn't constrain himself from spoiling his plan if he knew he was the cause of those tears. He walked into the fire escape and she turned to look at him. She didn't have tears rolling downs from her eyes, but her eyes were red.

"Umm, Riddhima tum theek toh ho?"-Sid unsure how to begin. Riddhima just looked away.

"Riddhima, Armaan kush hai ki tum dono ab ke saath ho sakte ho. Aur shayaad main hi tum dono ke beech mein tha iss liye maine hi tum dono ko milya. This is what you wanted, right?"-Sid

Riddhima slightly nodded.

"Good then at least we can be friends."-Sid

As soon as he spoke those words Riddhima got up and hugged him tightly.

"Why are you so good?"-Riddhima kept whispering this as she hugged him.

Sid

I know Riddhima you are confused right now. And maybe if the circumstance were different then I would wait and let you discover on your own that you love me. But I can't wait anymore. Especially with the way Armaan is acting. It's like he isn't Armaan and his illusions are hurting both us and Shilpa. Don't worry Riddhima, I will always be here for you and with you.

Ridz

Sid, I am so sorry. Maybe you are right in leaving me, I really don't deserve you. I just don't know what to do. I know I care for you, but I can't bear the way Armaan is behaving. I am so sorry Sid.

Finally they broke apart.

"Toh tum ghar ja ke apne cheezein leja na"-Sid

Riddhima was taken aback by this as she didn't expect him to kick her out of the house. Her hurt was reflected on her face. 

"Well I don't have a problem with you living with me, but Armaan might"-Sid in a light tone. Riddhima just nodded her head in understanding.

"Oki well you have the keys and you can go pick up your things in the evening. I have the late shift so I don't know when I will be back, so you can leave the key under the mat"-Sid

"Theek hai"-was all Riddhima was able to whisper.

Sid then walked out leaving Riddhima to wonder of the events. Riddhima felt at that moment that she had lost Sid, and that thought killed her. She eased herself by telling herself that he was still there, their relationship had just changed. He was still the same Sid, just not her husband anymore.

As Sid left he saw the emotional trauma painted all over Riddhima's face, the pain that was caused by him leaving her. His heart was pulled in two directions. On the one hand he felt happiness as he knew that his absence effected Riddhima deeply, but he also knew he was the cause of that pain. He tried to comfort himself by telling himself that it's only a drama to bring them closer.

In the evening Riddhim walked into her home or what used to her home. As she walked over the threshold she remember the time Sid had carried her over the threshold. She recalled that security she felt in those arms, as if she could conquer anything. She longed for that feeling, but it still wasn't lost. Sid was still in her life and he would still be there to give her that same feeling. She scanned the room and nothing had changed. It had been exactly the same as when she left it. A sense of familiarity washed over her as she realized that this was her solace after work. This house was her home after Sanjeevani or had been. She smiled as she took in every aspect of that house until her eyes fell on the empty night stand. That night stand wasn't always empty. It had once a photo of her honeymoon with Sid. A tsunami stormed her heart as she realized the picture was no longer there. She quickly rushed into their room and searched for their photo or even a photo f her. When she knew there were no photos of her she broke down beside the bed.

Ridz

He got rid of any evidence or any sign that we were ever together. I no longer exist in this house, in this room, in his life. Sid!! Was it that easy to remove all signs that we were ever together? That I was ever a part of your life? Am I that forgettable or I am that undeserving that you can't even bear to have any signs of me in your home?

All of a sudden Riddhima heard the doorbell ring and she quickly wiped her tears. The thought that Sid was standing behind that door had caused her to break into a run to open the door. To her shock it wasn't Sid, but a grinning Armaan behind that door. Riddhima quickly disguised her hurt with a look of shock.

"What are you doing here?"-Riddhima trying to control her voice.

"Oh, well I heard Sid mention to Shilpa that you were here and packing. So I thought I would surprise you. Now that we are finally together we can be together. So I thought I would help you pack and move into our house."-Armaan had lost that smile as he saw that Riddhima wasn't that happy to see him.

Riddhima was taken aback with Armaan's words. How can he just expect me to move in with him? Just like that. Doesn't he realize how much I am hurting leaving this home?

"Uhh. Armaan I can't move in with you"-Riddhima

"Oh right the marriage thing. Ok well then you can stay with Shilpa until we get married. Come on"-Armaan getting slightly edgy. Riddhima sighed and went back to the room to grab her things. Armaan dropped Riddhima at Shilpa's house.

Riddhima already had stayed here in the guest room and now moved her things into that room. Shilpa wasn't back yet and the whole house felt a stranger to her. The silence only made the emptiness in her life more visible. Her eyes fell upon a picture of her with the old gang of Sanjeevani. She looked at her own portrait but to her astonishment she wasn't looking at herself, at least herself in the present. She looked at the smile that beamed on her face in the picture and she remembered the way she had her hand safely encased in Armaan's. She remembered at the moment she wanted nothing more that his feel, his presence in her life. But now that she had Armaan she didn't feel complete. In fact she felt as if she had been robbed of life.

The Riddhima from picture would be embracing life with Armaan as her dream had come true. The smile wouldn't have left her face even for a single moment. But Riddhima didn't feel like that at all. She felt as if she no longer was alive, as if everything in her life was dark. She didn't feel life and she would only plaster on a fake smile for the world so that she could hide the emptiness behind that smile.

Riddhima sighed and went to the window to take in the starless night. Only a full moon shone to light the way in the darkness of the night. She watched as only a single source of light took away the fright and darkness the night brought along with it.

Sid. Sid was my moon, my light. I remember the darkness I suffered in because Armaan left. Sid's heart was so pure, so true that it took away the darkest of all darkness from my life. He was the one that gave my day, the one that allowed my whole body the warmth of the sun's rays. And yet once again I find myself in that same darkness, but maybe even darker. Would she ever come out? Would she ever experience that same smile that she saw in the picture of her? The thing that worried her the most was the reason that her smile faded. She should have been happy because she was with Armaan and Sid was still in her life, as her friend. Her life was her dream come true, then why did it feel as if she was drowning in a nightmare?

Shilpa's duty had finished a long time back and she knew that Riddhima di would be waiting for her at home. Shilpa couldn't face her di and was driving in circles throughout the abandoned roads of Bombay. She was fighting a storm in her heart as the man she loved was now with her di. Maybe Armaan wasn't the man she had fallen for. The moment she had learned the horror of his doings, the betrayal he laid upon the man he called his brother, was the moment her world had shattered. She fought back tears as she recalled the smile that had spread across his face when Sid had handed him Riddhima's hand. She remembered that his blue eyes only glittered with happiness and no remorse for his doings. At that moment she herself was a little ashamed to have fallen in love with such a man, a man that forgot his virtues to obtain his love. On the other hand, she couldn't believe that her sister would ever leave Sid. In fact she knew her sister wouldn't leave Sid.

"Di, I don't know why but even now I know that you will return to jiju because I see the love you have for him, even if you don't"-Shilpa whispered into the night.