Shattered Dreams
Maan did not hear anything except for the pieces of his
heart breaking and his world shattering around him. He thought he knew despair
but this was beyond it. He thought he knew a gnawing gulf opening beneath him
but this was the deepest, unfathomable ocean opening up to entomb him. He had
lost everything in space of few seconds. He was expecting the high of elation,
joy and he had fallen to the pits of darkness. It was a roller coaster ride
that was the most unpredictable; it took you up hundreds of feet making you
think you are safe and then plunges you down at a speed that leaves you disoriented.
He thought he heard her call his name but it was a haze, he
was numb unable to respond. He thought he saw her hand outstretched to touch
him but he could not feel anything. His head only had her words churning
inside. She had said three words but not what he thought she would say. Had he
been wrong again? Had he not seen her eyes and read what they told him? Had he
not see her response when he had held her? He had seen hesitation but that had
been her shyness, not unwanted touch.
Oh what had made him declare his intent so blatantly? How
had he let his heart on his sleeve and now he was paying for trusting his
instincts? Once again his feelings had been trampled upon. Once again he had
been duped by innocent eyes. He wanted to smash something and he almost banged
his fist on the door to the church but he saw Dev standing there.
What was he doing here? Maan wondered still deep in his mire
but some senses were on automatic reaction.
He frowned as Dev walked up to him and was in deeper
confusion when he heard what Dev said next, "Bro, I want to talk about your
secretary."
Why would Dev want to talk about Geet, first Naintara and
now Dev. But he did not want to hear anything about his engagement now. His
fake engagement. He shrugged and said, "There is nothing I want to hear, Dev,"
before he motioned his intention to leave.
Dev tried to stop his brother for he wanted to transfer this
burden from his shoulder and leave him free to pursue Naintara and bring her
back. But Maan seemed unstoppable and he knew when not to come in his brother's
way. He was going to tell everything about Geet so that he was absolved of what
he did. He had too much at stake. He had just insinuated himself back in Maan's
good books, he was not going to jeopardize his claim, his position on Khurana
money that easily. Not because of a girl he had fancied for a bit. She had been
a business deal, but she was too close now to the family to tell the truth
would be the best strategy to keep a step ahead of the game.
He had thought Naintara had played a bluff but she seemed to
have really gone back to Canada, left the battle ground but he was not going
to. He was too entrenched in this to let it go easily. He needed the money to
support his lifestyle and Khurana money was also rightfully his. So what if he
was a step son, so what if Maan, his step brother was the heir apparent. He
knew Maan valued family more than money and he had that ace to use ultimately.
He just had to play his cards right and he knew they would win. Naintara had
frightened unnecessarily. She should have trusted him better. But he had
wondered why her attitude had changed after their departure to Canada.
Something had happened. He knew she was hiding something but what?
His feeling of unease where Geet was concerned was to cover
the tracks, of not having his folly be splattered on his face like a thrown
pie. He felt contrite to a certain extent of having ruined her life but that
was collateral damage to achieve his goals. Sleeping with her had not been part
of the plan but she had looked too inviting that night, the trusting fool and
he could not resist himself. He gave a half smile as a reminder of his only
deviation from the plan.
Maan was walking away as he stood there thinking of what to
tell him to keep in interested enough to hear about his recklessness but he
knew if he had to keep the chances of getting Khurana money, he had to be the
first to tell Maan and keep him sweet. Going rebellion for the two months of
which Geet was the by product was not
something he wanted to do again in any foreseeable future. He loved Naintara
and her irrational, well not really, was something he could not afford anymore.
She was capable of murder and he did not want to die.
"But Bro, Suniye to
sahi," and joined Maan who seemed to be in a tearing hurry suddenly. Maan
stopped and looked at him and said, "Not now, you go home, I will come and talk
to you. I have to take care of something first." Maan advised him and turned
back in the other direction. Dev decided that the mood Maan seemed to be now,
would be unadvisable to ruffle his feathers. He will do it at first
opportunity, he will do look for Naintara in the meantime.
Geet has felt bereft, a loss the minute he had let her hands
go. She knew she should have said it differently. She knew she should have
broken it to him gently but at the moment, it was the only way. He wanted to
hear her admit her feelings but if she did that it would misleading and she did
not want to mislead him. As such they had become this close without her even realizing
for a long time if he really felt something for her or was it just his nature
to be protective one minute and an ogre the next. She had seen mixed signals
but she also remembered his words of there not being "Hum" between them. And
then yesterday he had said in the office that they were friends, more than
friends and that is why she had decided to tell her truth at the first
opportunity.
She had tried but failed and when he had touched her, kissed
her she had been lost. She had felt herself flow with the emotions he aroused.
He had almost made it impossible for her to think coherently let alone act in
any sane manner. She had trembled when he had kissed her hair, shivered with
reverence as he had kissed her forehead. A jolt of desire had run through her
when he had caressed her lips with the carnation. She had wanted in that moment
his lips against hers. He had caressed her back, ran his hand up her arm all
had deigned to only turn her into a mass of nerves that called out to him to
take her in his arms and hold her so that there was not a breath left between
them. His voice had seduced her senses; his touch had ignited a need that screamed
for appeasement.
But she had held herself at the last moment, to not blurt
out how much she craved him, how much she loved him and told him the truth that
may be she should have told him a while back. The minute she had felt him
wanting her, that night when he had put jhumkas
in her ears she should have told him why he should stay away from her. But it
was over now. She had seen the blankness come on his face, the bleakness enter
his eyes.
The way he had left her, she knew she should go far away
from him, but her feet were as if made of lead. She could not move. She stood
as if turned to stone wondering if she was really alive or had Maan taking her
breath with him along with her heart. She felt dead, like she was seeing
someone else's body and she was floating somewhere above watching the whole
scene.
Just when she felt her feet would not hold her anymore, she
sank to the floor in an ungraceful heap all strength gone. She was alone, yet
again. She had to pick up the pieces, once again. She had to live though for
the baby, she had to go ahead despite there being no light at the end of the
dark tunnel. For her, for her baby she had to forge ahead. However, now she had
to let herself be, let her wallow in her pain, her loss for few minutes may be
a lifetime.
Slowly she got up and summoned up courage to wipe her tears,
square her shoulders and lift her chin. She mentally resolved to not become
weak and do what was necessary to keep herself and her child safe. She decided
she would go away, from here, far away from Maan, for surely now he would not
want anything to do with her. She took a tentative step and then another and
each one first seemed heavy and uncoordinated but gained strength as she forged
ahead into the bleak evening that heralded what her life was going to be from
now on.
Geet had finally alienated everyone; everyone she knew and
was now completely alone, even the man who had helped her, saved her numerous
times had finally turned away just like everyone else. She put a hand on her
stomach and vowed, "Par hum hain na ek
doosre ke liye, Mein tumhein kuch nahi hone doongi."
Geet went home and started packing her bags, determined to
leave tonight itself, for she did not want to face Daadima. She removed the
ring on her finger and put it in an envelope and went up to the main house and
asked Nakul to take it to Maan.
She turned to leave when she heard a shattering noise. She
stopped and turned to where the noise had come from and ran towards to the room
behind Nakul who was running saying, "Maan
sir ke room se aawaz aaye."
Shattered Dreams –
Johnny Hates Jazz
So
much for your promises
They died the day you let me go
Caught up in a web of lies
But it was just too late to know
I thought it was you
Who would stand by my side
(Chorus)
And now you've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams,
Feel like I could run away, run away
From this empty heart
You said you'd die for me
Woke up to reality
And found the future not so bright
I dreamt the impossible
That maybe things could work out right
I thought it was you
Who would do me no wrong
(Chorus)
From this empty heart
I thought it was you who said you'd die for love
(Chorus)
Oh no no no - you said you'd die for me
Oh oh, oh oh, die for me
So much for your promises
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