This song
from Bangles has been going on and on in my head ever since the jewelry scene and the way Maan has been all this week :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfsCAJnx2JI
She felt an acute pain, a longing for him ' his presence, his look, his touch, his caress. Oh! How she yearned for him with a hunger that left her gasping for breath. She had cheated herself into thinking that she could sweep her feelings under the rug. How does one hide the light that makes you shine from within? Just thinking of him made her whole being radiant, as if she was engulfed by a star. He consumed her thoughts without even trying. She wondered at how she had turned from that nave, wide eyed girl who had been an ignorant bride into this mature woman with such heightened awareness of Maan, in such a short span of time.
Since the day she had surreptitiously watched him exercising, her mind had conjured up images that a part of her wanted to shy away from and the rest could not stop hankering after. It had gotten worse after the time he had helped her take off Dadi's jewels. Her mind seemed to wander over to him without so much as a "by your leave" and at the most inconvenient of times. Her mind was crowded with images of him taking off her jewels, holding her in his arms when she otherwise would have fallen, caressing her ear, moving her hair and her heart desperately wished to leap ahead but she barely reined herself in each time. Who had she been fooling all this time? She felt as if she was kindling and one touch from him was all she needed to burst into flames.
She realized that what she had felt her for Dev in her naivete, had been like ripples in a pond compared to the tidal waves she felt for Maan, that threatened to engulf her.
It felt like he was the missing piece of the puzzle that was her life and without him she would be living but not alive. How had she come upon this crossroad in life? She had borne the pain meted out to her by those whom she called her own, but how would she bear this agony brought on by her own traitorous heart? When her family had hurt her she had found solace in Maan, but whither would she go from him to shelter her bruised heart? Was she ever ever going to find any way to soothe this eternal yearning? She had agreed to help him with Pari but at what cost? Would she really be able to withstand this onslaught? She now felt desperate need to avoid his nearness because her battered heart could only take so much. She decided that once her responsibilities towards Dadi and Maan were fulfilled, which seemed close at hand now with Pari here, she would leave. Leave never to look back, never to remember a time when her heart had given itself the right to love in all its overwhelming glory.
How could she not know? Was she really that unaware of what he felt or was she doing it deliberately, playing a dangerous game with him? She had twisted him up in knots ' pulling him closer, her eyes reciprocating his feelings and then pushing him away as she denied it with her words.
His eyes had given away nearly all his secrets the day he had helped take off Dadi's jewelry. His hungry eyes had devoured her every look, every gesture and it had felt like she might almost hear his heart thump away in rhythm to the beat that was her. He had felt like a hunter circling his prey as he moved behind her to remove her earring and had deliberately leaned in, his warm breath stirring the hair at her temple. His fingers had lingered while removing the necklace, caressing the soft skin of her neck in lazy strokes and her indrawn breath had almost been his undoing. Her parted lips had inevitably drawn his attention, making him want to plunder the honeyed sweetness that lay beyond.
Her nearness had almost driven him insane making his body hum with an unspoken need; the need to gather her close to him, bury himself in her softness, feel her soft curves mesh with his hard planes, her soft, tender lips meeting his in a crushing demand that refused to be fulfilled. He wanted to inhale the subtle fragrance that was her, to feel her breath mingle with his as his tongue tangoed with hers; tangle his hands in those soft, long, tresses. The day at the outhouse, when he had grabbed her close in anger pulling at her hair, his body had immediately registered her supple form pressing close to his; those amber eyes close enough for him to see her irises darken in response. The pulse beating wildly at the base of her neck, the delicate column of her exposed throat had made him want to crush her lips in a punishing kiss right then. Punish her for making him feel like this, for making his desires flare into this raging inferno that refused to be dampened.
His love felt all consuming like the sacrificial fires - burning every thought in its path but hers. She was driving him insane with her constant refusal to acknowledge what lay gaping widely between the two of them making him feel like he was on the brink of losing control. He had laid it all out for anyone who cared to venture a closer look but Geet's denial made him uncertain for the first time and he did not like this feeling at all. His need to find out was getting out of hand. He had never been one to play games before but he needed to win this one ' too much was at stake for him. When she had refused him, he had wanted to shake her till she accepted what was plainly visible in her eyes but had held himself at bay by the thread of a promise he had made himself. A promise to make her realize that her heart echoed what his whispered, her eyes mirrored what his displayed and her being lit up just as his flamed.
ETERNAL FLAME - BANGLES ' 1988 :
Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
do you feel my heart beating, do you understand
do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
is this burning an eternal flame.
I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong with me
do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
or is this burning an eternal flame.
Say my name, sun shines through the rain
a whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling.
Close your eyes, give me your hand
do you feel my heart beating, do you understand
do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
is this burning an eternal flame ...
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