DIS IS A POEMMMMMM???????????????????????
Nannnnnnnnndddyyy Cannnnnnnnndddyyy 🤗
My favourite feature of the poem which I like very very much is the lexical field you have used of metals as a form of description. It gives the poem as I said before in the PM that sharp edge to the harsh reality of the situation that this young boy faces, as well as effectively conveying the question How valuable is money after all? (This was my personal interpretation).
There is however one teensy weensy thing though which I would have liked if it were a little different. I personally felt I was in the bus watching this little boy and the goings-on in the bus, so I would have preferred if instead if 'trundled' it was 'trundling' it would have given the poem a sense of immediacy and pulled the reader straight in. However this is just me and you were reflecting on a pass experience that you had witnessed, hence I am a little divided. I love how I am contemplating with myself on the changing of the ending of one word. Sorry Candy!!
The poem itself does not seem to culminate at an end, it is just the beginning AGAIN, which beautifully reiterates the point made about the 'merry-go-round' of the spoon in his cup it is a never ending process for this little boy. After one trip to the bus, the never ending cycle begins again, and again and AGAIN. He waits for the bus to come, he jumps on, rattles the metal cup and metal spoon. Sings that rehearsed song over and over, spreads his palms out hoping the occupants of the bus will share a little of the metal fortune in their tightly sealed wallets, and then he jumps off and awaits the next bus to play the same scene over. It is as he is a mere puppet being pulled by strings and is following this same routine over and over.
Turn their gaze away
Securing the metal
In the wallet
LOVED this part of the poem!! The three lines conclude the selfish lives people live, and how they neglect the needy for what 'metal' which occupies their purses. It just conveys how worthless this metal really is compared to the lives of those humans. The poem clearly depicts the importance of even a tiny amount of this 'metal'.
Evading the metal
In his eyes.
Oh another thing which I liked very very much, was the way in which you have portrayed the little boys desperation to collect this money. When we are young as children, in our eyes we see dream of want we want to achieve whereas, this little young boys eyes are glazed over by what he needs to live, more than what he dreams for unlike any other child. The intensity of the vulnerable boys' feeling for the money is brilliantly put across Candy. I LOVED it!! Seriously a HUGE well done from Banana!! *Hugs*. With minimum description of the boy you have managed to capture his whole life and existence. Wonderfully done Candy!!
The poem naturally flows like the little boys routine. Candy I honestly loved this style of writing. Introspective brings out the sheer honesty to your work, but this realistic form of poetry just proves your versatility it is just as effective and again just conveys how beautifully you write and the message you send across.
I have no idea where my waffling has led to, just my random thoughts coming straight from my head to this Microsoft word document.😆 From pen to paper sounds oh so much better!! But yes you know what I mean 😆. And you are probably the only one who knows what I am saying because if anybody else were to read this. They would think I have gone completely barmy,😆
Loads and Loads and Lots more love
Hannah Banana xoxoxoxo
P.S I have come back to my old habit of gifting you a flower after you write a piece, so today I shall gift you drum roll please.... a simple white rose for the simplicity and sheer honesty of this poem.
