Introduction
Diary, I
know its 4 days late since all this happened and today is 2nd Jan 2007,
but I am so busy with married life that I just don't find time for you. So
without any further ado here I go.
28th
Dec 2006(the day I got married to Armaan)
29th
Dec 2006
4:00 am
It feels
strange to sleep nude on bed with just a blanket to protect you from the
winter's mist at 4:00 in the morning, the only consolation was the rock hard chest,
the strong arm around my waist and the hot steady breath on my shoulder and
neck. I didn't know why I felt so strange, was it because of the fact that I am
19 and married, or it was just something everybody goes through in the span of
their life, I turned around, and there he was sleeping like a blessed child, yes
he does look like a child, and also behaves like one. Maybe its one of those
qualities I fell in love with, I was proud of him and myself for having him
outta the many men in this world, I felt myself the luckiest at the moment,
sleeping in the circle of his arms content and fully satisfied with the gift
God gave me, all my problems were gone, sorted out, I am gonna live a good
life, I just know it, I kissed his nose in an affectionate sort of way, even
though I hardly made it felt, he woke up, again he looked like a baby I wanted
to cuddle in my arms and never ever let go, "Good morning" he said in a audible
whisper that made my heart go frenzy, we had hardly slept, or rather he had
slept, I could not sleep at all, mainly it was because I made love for the
first time, and secondly because I was worried about how my future would be, I
guess its every girls worry, I really have no clue, mum didn't have so much
time to tell me a lotta things, too much occupied in the family tensions which
u know about. I simply stared back at him, his passionate eyes looked back at mine, how I felt like drowning in them, and he let me, so the last half an hour we
had was the best of that night, he made me complete, my soul was complete, just
before we got up at 5:00 am after what you call suhaag raat (yes diary, my
morning begun and 5:00 am on that day and most of the days to follow) a loud
knock on the door had me scandalized. He looked at me and mouthed "mom" that's
when I understood and realized me morning begins at 5:00, too early, but I am
sure I'll get used to it, in another 10 years or so, when I opened my mouth to
respond to the knock on the door and the stern voice behind it saying "wake up"
he shut my mouth with his hand over my mouth, "what?" I asked him, "nothing, it's
not yet 5:00, there's still 7 minutes left for that". His voice had mixed
feelings, one I recognized as mischief immediately, but the other part I
understood when his kissed me, it was like he was saying sorry, I tried to show
him in that act of kissing that I fully understood him, but I hope he was
convinced. His grabbed me firmly and pulled me over him where I rested my head
on his chest. "Please love me like this even tomorrow, like you did today"
He shut the
diary, a tear fell onto it, he couldn't read anymore, no more of the emotions
would get absorbed into him, and he just knew it, he remembered and cherished
all the passionate moments they had spent, he knew what would be coming up in
the diary of 29th Dec 2006 because he remembered it clearly as if it
happened yesterday, but he knew it would be filled in with more than the love
they shared that day which he wouldn't be able to read out of guilt.
He put back
the diary under his pillow, the only possession of hers he had today; somehow
she had poured so much into the diary that it held her fragrance.
**************
"Where did
I go wrong? Was I wrong? Or were the circumstances wrong? Did I do the right
thing, or was my decision hasty? Or it just came to me at the spur of a moment
and I did it. No Riddhima, don't think now, it's not right; it's wrong,
absolutely wrong! I thought about it long back and I am not gonna look back and
think about it more"
The fierce
tornado played Riddhima's mind as a little 3 month old contently drank milk
from the bottle Riddhima held, any moment now the baby would fall asleep on her
lap.
"Riddhima?"
a stern voice came from a distant land.
Riddhima
looked up; "Yes Neha?" she addressed her aunt, coming out of the many thoughts
that still tried its best to keep whirling in her head. Her aunt being hardly
any older than Riddhima was addressed as Neha by Riddhima always rather than
aunt, and had been with Riddhima from childhood. She was like her sister.
Why do
u'''?
"Sshh Neha,
she is sleeping, lower your voice" making frantic hushing gestures indicating
Neha to sit on the bed she was.
"Ok fine,
all set for tomorrow then?"
"I guess so
Neha" genuinely smiling.
"Don't lie,
why do you do this to yourself?"
"Do what Neha?"
Even though she was fully aware of what Neha meant.
"Don't you
play that old trick with me" her voice rising.
"Ok fine,
just ssshh alrite, I don't want her to wake up, wait outside in the living
room, I'll put her in the cradle and get there, fine?"
Neha nodded
and left.
Riddhima as
cautiously she could put the little girl into the cradle and rocked it a bit,
then stroking her head she kissed it and smiled at the innocent face which unmistakably
smiled back now in dreams of its own none knew.
************
"Neha, now please could you forget
that?", Riddhima calmly said for the umpteenth time
"No I can't!
When I tell you forget about it, do you listen to me and forget about it, do
you listen to me and forget?"
Riddhima
didn't reply, she knew Neha was right as always, she did disturb herself about
things Neha claimed, but she didn't want to waste all he life thinking about it
either.
"Neha"
holding her hands, "I promise I'll forget all about it, ok, if not at once then
step by step, and u will help me with it? Right'!?"
"Right, one last
question, why do you feed her bottle milk"?
"Neha, you're
asking me that again. I told you, I don't want her to get used to it, she'll
grow older and when she gets and understanding it's gonna be difficult for me
and for you. What will she do, she'll grow up like about 2 years, call you
mother and wonder why she drank milk for someone else like me. Will you be able
to answer those awkward questions later on then?"
"I guess I
may not, but...
"No buts
Neha, I have decided, where's Aditya, he hasn't come yet?"
"He'll be
late I think"
"I hope he
doesn't mind my decision about leaving Ahana (the baby) with you guys, I mean,
newly married and all"
"Off course
he doesn't, don't be silly, you were that cupid for us, remember, and Ahana is
such an angel, she looks like Armaan"
"Now u know
a valid reason to my not forgetting everything so easily, she looks so like
him, that I love her more just for that" a sudden flash of the good past played
in her mind.
"But
Riddhima..."
"Neha let
it be" coming out of the reverie, "I have no much control on circumstances, and
me trying to control circumstances hasn't helped at all, I'd better go home, its
getting late, I need to keep a few things ready for tomorrow"
Neha
watched Riddhima exiting from the main door; she silently prayed "bless her
with all that she has lost, Atleast for Ahana, she's too young to lose
everything"
**********
Far away
and much different from the calm argument between Neha and Riddhima, another
argument was taking place.
"What the
heck mom, are you outta your mind like always? Stop pestering me alright"
"But
Armaan, look at this picture, she's a pretty girl, smart and suitable for you"
No point shouting Armaan, calm down
he told himself taking deep breath, but why is it the same thing all the time?
Get married to her because she's pretty ambitious this that and holy crap.
"Armaan,
are you listening to me?"
"I should
have long understood that what Riddhima said about u was right, I was foolish
and mad not to have listened to her, and you're the reason that for more than a
year she has been away" he voice rising by every word.
Pin drop
silence didn't blend with the vast living room.
"Armaan,
what are you saying?" she exclaimed scandalized.
"The truth,
simple plain truth, I should have listened to her, where did I go wrong?"
"You're
telling me son that I am at fault, I am the reason she left you and went?"
"Bingo, at
last u got my point, the countless nights I did not talk to her, didn't kiss
her a goodnight even, didn't give her all that a wife rightly wants, and it's
because of you, do you see anyone else around?"
"Why didn't
I listen to her?" Armaan muttered as he ran his hands through his hair while his
mother found herself dumbfounded and spellbound at his outburst!
"Enough of
your nonsense, I am going and getting her back in my life, though I doubt after
what I did I don't deserve her"
"Son,
listen to me, you don't deserve her, and she'll turn out just like her mother"
"SHUT UP"
his voice echoed in the living room "don't you even have a drop of female blood
in you, if not me Atleast you should have understood her, wasn't she honest
enough to tell us all she had gone and her mum had gone through? You're a woman
ma, if your mother in law behaved like the way you are doing with Riddhima I would
have spat on her, and I think that's what you are worth of today. I should have
had a mind of mine own instead of being manipulated by fickle minds such as
yours, I am going ma, to get her back as soon as destiny wishes if in my favor,
I remember not to show her your face, I am sure that makes u happy"
"Armaan, listen'"
"I am off
tomorrow" declared Armaan cutting across his mother's upcoming rant. Don't stop
me, it won't work, and coz I'll probably not return. You run this business, I
am going to do what I always dreamed off, I told you money making and this
bloody business isn't my cup of tea"
"Armaan,
show respect, it's your fathers business, he built it up with so much effort
and he
also didn't force me to take over after him, he allowed me to fulfill my
dreams, until he died and you forced me to take over, I told you, money making
and living lavishly is never what I wanted, a small happy life is enough"
"You think
it's a crime Armaan, to do what you mother wants is a crime?" Holding the collars
of his shirt with both hands!
"I always
did what u wanted; I think I should be allowed an exception" tugging away her
hands from his collar.
Walking
upstairs he wiped a lone tear recalling the day he realized Riddhima was gone.
He turned back at the top most stairs to take one last glance at his mom, "pray
or Atleast hope that I find her and that I'll reconcile back to her, otherwise
if you ever get to see me after I have gone, it will be my dead face."
____________________________
Thats all for now....Please do leave your comment, i am still nervous, even though its my 2nd one😳 Please press the like button and comment if u like it, even if u dont like it, feel free to criticize😊
Sorry for any errors😳
Love
Steff
🤗
Edited by -Steffz- - 13 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount