Unleashing Wat Remaind Unsaid-Pt19/pg144/note-p151

alright folks...here i go..thrid fic...this one was meant to go in the DMG competition but i just am nowhere close to a finish so here it comes...an open post....its...ummm well a bit different in terms of writing style leme know if u dont like it n il see how to go abt fixing it....other than that its all the usual way, no character sketches....il let u see them in the story....yeh one thing, can def not update everyday so u have to leme go on that one il try as often as possible atleast2-3 times a week shud work out.....n well.....enjoy the teaser....leave ur coments of course, they are my fuel....n well...if u like the fic, GRILL ME LESS 😆

lov ya all tons..this is for all of u, having been asking me to put up a new one for over a month now....u guys rock....here u go!!!




~Introduction~

"Happy anniversary beta...." the words fell like a loadful of heavy bricks upon his hollow heart ...."thank you daadu" he replied his baritone voice woven into studied calm syllables, deceiving none of his inner turmoil, n he added after a pause "she is in the shower, let me pass the...." he was interrupted by the deep voice on the other side matching his own, except the evident weathering edge to it, indicating the age difference of about five decades .....

"absolutely not....let her get ready for the special day, um sure u have planned it well....just convey my wishes to her....god bless u both beta...." he half let out an unheard sigh before replying, "i will daadu...i hope you are keeping well...." a light hearted laughter followed, which threatened to turn into a bout of relentless coughing, as the old man managed to hold it somehow n said

"yes i am....perfect....just waiting to cradle another great grandchild in my arms before i close my eyes forever....don't think i sound like those conservative thoughtless oldies, but i hope its a boy, just like you Ormaan...."

Armaan swallowed hard shutting his eyes momentarily as he heard his name pronounced with an 'O' phonetic , the typical bengali way of pronouncing words starting with the letter 'A'.....putting aside the image of the face which flashed inevitably each time on being addressed this way, he replied before his silence caused a suspicious delay, in the same maintained tone

"Dadu....how you ramble on mindlessly.....kali ma promised me nothing less than a life of 100 years for you...." hearing the old man chuckle he went on, the additional tinge of concern in his voice hard to notice as his tone appeared as unmodulated as ever, only a note softer.....

"you please take care of yourself dadu....n pay my regards at home....." the long distance call was terminated by the clicking sound on both sides, leaving a smile on either face...a grim one set on Armaan's lips, and one full of remorse on the old wrinkled face of his dadu, his baba's father.....Armaan stood for several seconds looking at nothing but thin air ahead of him, n that was the end of any display of reaction or emotion from him, as he moved towards the closet, fetching his set of fresh clothes to change into after the shower.....

hearing her hum in the bathroom, he sighed thinking of what she had demanded as a gift for today, the day of completing 5 successful years of marriage, to put it in the most euphemistic way.....he moved to the opposite end of the room, opening the door to his separate bathroom......

***************

"A last minute client reassignment???did Ritu mention why???" she paused leaning forward on the plush leather chair in her decently furnished downtown office hearing the answer from her secretary, frowning more as the reply did not satisfy her in the least...."anyways, I will take this up later, now did u say the file was on my desk???...the second one in the right side pile???"

fishing out the red binder she finished off "well much as i hate to be unprepared, with no prior study of the task, i don't think its appropriate to ask them to reschedule for an appointment Molly....send them right in.....i am certain i can manage for this once...." Deactivating the speaker button, as she was going to open the file, her cell beeped.....

"hey beautiful!...Navy Pier, 6PM, dont forget to leave office in time, um not gona entertain your usual 'got stuck in the rush hour traffic' excuse.....love you...." she smiled deeply shaking her head as she read the text....the sound of a knock made her look up and she saw a petite well dressed lady, apparently in her mid thirties, walk in......she got up from behind her desk smiling professionally n stated "Ridhima Gupta...."

as they shook hands her new client replied with a wide smile of her own, "I am Lovely.....just like my name!!!" as she fluttered her eyes with an affected attitude and an almost annoying emphasis at the pun intended, Ridhima was in half minds; part of her could hardly avoid the mock retort at the tip of her tongue,  provoked by the lame introduction, while the other part of her felt diabetic, unable to endure the sweetness of that smile.....there was but one consoling thought, she could not possibly be the first one subjected to this witless attempt at humor.....

the professional in her however, waived aside the irritation trying to ebb its way to the surface her n compelled by the demands of her position she was about to return the courtesies of the 'Lovely lady' with a smile herself.....when the very next moment she heard her door again n they both looked up to see the back of a man who shut the door behind him gently.....

Ridhima's face which had half curved into a smile a second ago, now switched expression, she narrowed her eyes at the unyielding air of familiarity about him, and as he turned around her eyes in contrast to the previous moment widened....she stared into the hazel depth of his unwavering gaze....while he took a couple of uncertain steps forward, as if unwilling to close in on the distance, they both heard the next words breaking that moment long silence in the room "that Ms. Gupta is my darling hubby.....Armaan Malik...."

**************** Edited by spln - 15 years ago

~Part4~

He opened his eyes with a sudden jerk, not knowing what woke him up, neither what let him slip into a slumber. His brow wrinkled, Armaan removed his half rimmed glasses, and rubbed his eyes clear of haziness. It seemed that the clarity of vision was slowly fading away the fog in his head as well, as realization dawned upon him - he had dozed off on his desk in the study despite an obviously uncomfortable position and a preoccupied mind. Perhaps the latter of those conditions had actually eventuated his falling asleep, courtesy the mental exhaustion.

Consciously coming awake now, but still passive in response, he was startled by the hour gong of the wall clock. Looking up, he saw the hands coincide at twelve, to ceremoniously herald a new day. He narrowed his eyes wondering for a whole minute if the ancient piece which had traveled places with him gaining preference over the present day digital gizmos, had finally come of age.

But as he followed the seconds hand to a count of sixty he found no such signs and concluded that the clock was working fine, it was indeed just midnight. Which was strange, considering he had this seeping sense of having been knocked out for several lasting hours, when facts indicated it was a couple at the most, an hour and a half was more likely, since he had retired to his study after dinner around half past nine.

His eye lids still feeling heavy, tempted to give in to the urge of shutting again, lowered, as his gaze fell down on his desk. Lying before him was a white A4 sheet,  which looked anything but white and his thoughts returned to where they had belonged. Ridhima...reading the name in the scribbled mess, the sinking feeling returned to him.

Ridhima's demand for explanations, long overdue had cost him his poise and focus. And apetite. Sitting on the dinner table his almost untouched plate had raised the obvious question from Lovely.

"Why don't you eat Ammy?"

She had asked to which he mumbled something which hopefully had sounded like he wasn't hungry. When she persisted further saying it was his favorite  chicken lasagna he decided to force in some food before she related it to anything from the incident in Ridhima's office. He never ceased to be surprised by this little contradiction to truth- for a woman who lived a half life between reality and fantasy, who was for a moment a mother expecting her second baby and the very next a woman who knew she was barren, Lovely was unusually careful about trivialities.

She never forgot his favorites - food, music, books...he had never felt the need for a planner or reminder alarms over the past 5 years, she would invariably remind him of dates to wish family and whatever few friends they had, of his appointments and schedules. Nonetheless, every time he would begin to marvel at how meticulous she was for her condition she would make some random pass before he left for office,

"Ammy don't forget to pick up packets of diapers, " or just when he was getting ready to crash after a long day,

" Ammy lets go to starbucks, I'm craving for an almond mocha frappuccino, I think the baby takes to my taste as far as beverages are concerned...".

While she could giggle away, not knowing half the problem when she was her real self, and escaping all of it when she was not, he had to tell himself more often than not that it wasn't her fault. Sometimes it was impossible to not yell out the truth, so when she went to sleep he would talk to her, knowing she couldn't hear a word. It was his vent, he had to speak the words out loud or the pressure inside would kill him.

Tonight was one such night. Looking back at the paper he gave a small smile. Dr. Galvanaukas, one of the professors he idolized at Cambridge had mentioned a crude tool for psychologists, something he named 'doodle the answer'. He claimed to have found solutions to some of the most critical problems in life this way, doodling unconsciously on a piece of paper lying around while his head worked at an unrelenting problem.

He called that unconscious mind a creative guy at work, the part of our brain which thinks outside the box, or more often thinks of the obvious which was evading us for long. Armaan used it for his patients all the time, he would purposely leave scraps around on his table, readily available but not appearing so, when they sat down and talked to him. Some who were reluctant to open up initially would unintentionally leave behind written words which were indication enough of what he should probe further with them.

He stared at his own paper now wondering how long he had scribbled before falling off to sleep. His eyes settled on the name sprawled in bold all through the center, the lines forming each alphabet thickened with re etching them over and over again, then moving his gaze off it reluctantly he scanned the sheet and something caught his eye. Just above the 'R' was a small heart, also re etched multiple times leaving a grooving impression.

He looked at it strangely, then on an impulse he picked up a sharp pointed pen and re etched the heart till the grooves turned into slits in the paper. Carefully he carved it out and placed it on his palm, a tiny little paper heart, the ink from its outlined edges having smudged into the white center. Looking back to where the name Ridhima was written he whispered to it rubbing his thumb over it,

"I love you...", and he felt much lighter than he had in days.

He had never actually uttered those words, not even to himself, not even when they were in Cambridge. The disadvantage of being a thinker, all yours words and thoughts remained unspoken, mostly forever. He had confessed he loved her many years ago, but never out loud. Perhaps if he had actually reached the stage to propose her he would have spoken the words, practicing before a mirror the traditional way? The point was, he never had said them, to her or anyone else.

But as he allowed the words to escape him he felt a void start to fill, braving the moment he continued, "I love you Ridhima. I always have loved you. From the time I saw you laughing out loud in the first class of photography, it was my love for that laughter, wholehearted and content, something I never felt in all the years I remembered. It touched my heart, I wondered if I was capable of knowing this feeling, and somehow in that one moment I wished you would be the reason for it, if it was ever to happen to me in this lifetime." 

He paused, then smiling to himself slightly he said his eyes closed as he pictured the day,

"I have wondered often after that, and still do, if you had read my mind in the next moment when you caught me staring at you. If there's one memory I know I will die with its that look of yours Ridhima...curious at first...as you looked away...with a slight frown...then the uncertain faint smile when you turned back to look at me again. I never knew anyone to express themselves more even in a thousand words as you did with that one gesture of accepting me and returning my smile. "Its the smile I was enslaved to, the smile I live for, and the smile that keeps me going." baba used to say that to mama all the time, and at that moment those words which I had not heard in many years then, flashed back. I wished he was there and I could tell him I found the smile I wanted to live for."

Armaan stopped his eyes moistening, as the images of the ones he loved most were a vivid picture in his head. Opening his eyes he turned them away from the paper to the heart in his hand, a scrap, lifeless and nothing but garbage. He spoke again, his voice hoarse, not facing the name on the paper, which was bearing the brunt of his confession, a burden he had carried too long,

"I am sorry Ridhima, you never asked for anything, but you deserved it all along, my heart..." placing the small cut out shape on her name he completed in a tearfully strained voice, "it is all yours, it was, and always will be."

As he continued to stare the name with the small heart lying on top of it became a blurred image through flowing tears as he finally broke down, another thing he had not done in years, ever since mama left him. A grim calm descended upon him eventually, after several minutes of weeping, but he felt much less wound up. Wiping away tears that remained, he got up from the desk and walked over to his window. Looking out at nothing he spoke again, in a low voice,

"But I can't change what is, it has to remain this way. Why do you seek answers now, can you not see I can tell you nothing? It will do us no good, neither you nor me, nor those around us."

Saying so Armaan let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair pressing down on the scalp almost too hard as he quietly resolved to maintain the silence. How, he did not know, but he would have to.

********************
He glanced at his wrist, it was almost twenty minutes that he had been waiting for her now. Not that he was complaining, if something would make her call off this confrontation he would be only too grateful. But it wasn't like she was making him wait outside, she still had not show up in the office, and according to her apologetic assistant her cell was switched off offering no real answers.

Part of him was tempted to tell this girl to inform her boss that he had to leave due to other prior commitments; but it was unlike Ridhima to be delayed for an appointment, leave alone without a message and then a chance to interrogate him one on one...he was inevitably starting to worry. What could possibly be holding her up?

At half past nine, he knew he had to leave or he would genuinely be delayed if he was ever to make it to Oak Tree. Reluctantly, he walked to the reception again to announce his leave for then, unsure of whether he should call off the brunch promise he had made and wait instead to see if Ridhima was fine.

"I was uh...I have to be another place soon, could you try one last time and..." ...*THUD*

They both turned around to see what had caused the noise only to be greeted by a flustered Ridhima bent on her knees trying to gather bundles of chart paper rolls which had fallen out of her grip. From the corner of his eye he saw her assistant move swiftly towards her to help, and he took the cue.

Bending down to pick up the ones which had rolled close to his feet, he hesitantly allowed his gaze to wander towards her face and saw her muttering in an undertone as she looked completely annoyed about something. He could not help but smile at her expressions for a second forgetting everything, but a second was all the smile lasted for. The very next moment he realized her obvious fowl mood spelt more trouble for him, if that was even possible. Cautiously he handed her the charts held in his hands as she spoke to the girl without acknowledging him quite yet,

"Molly tell Ritu I will see her in an hour, and I need a pack of 25 ivory sheets, get them out for me from the storage right away, and no calls or outsiders to disturb me for the next one hour ..."

Molly spoke in a cautious voice, "But Ms. Gupta, Mr. Malik has been waiting for you for..."

Ridhima cut her off, "Yeh no one else I meant," turning to a bemused looking Armaan she went on,

" My apologies Mr. Malik, to have kept you waiting. It was an unexpected situation, please give me a couple of minutes before you join me in my cabin." At that moment the phone on the reception desk rang, and Molly upon answering with a hello spoke louder to call out to Ridhima who was already walking towards her cabin.

"Ms. Gupta its your nephew, he says its..." Ridhima cut her off without turning back,

"I told you no calls Molly. Tell him I'm busy with work." Molly nodded, her confusion rising further, he obviously must have heard Ridhima on the other side, how was she supposed to tell him now...but she did not dare cross question, it was definitely not the moment to do that.

Armaan stood through the scene as if transparent, except for the one quick line she had shot at him, meant as an apology but in pretty much the same commanding tone that she had used with Molly. Her nephew...that must be...Gappu? Armaan had never actually met the boy, but he knew all about him that there was to know, Ridhima could never tire of talking about him and her sister's family. Ironically, she could hardly have claimed knwoing much about Armaan's family, she always had talked more than asking, and he conveniently let it be so until the right moment, which never came.

But she just refused to take his call? Gappu's Call? She must be majorly ticked off he thought, still working out his reaction to the last five minutes of the unexplained chaos, when Molly spoke up,

"Mr. Malik! Ms. Gupta will see you now."

Moving towards her door, he wondered if it was worth a try to run away for his life? But it couldn't be forever like last time. He decided instead to implore to God to save him from whatever disaster was awiting beyond that door, it had never quite worked out, between him and God, he still gave it a shot.

"Please..." was all he said looking up before he knocked. 
 
"Are you insane? You have no idea how mad I am at you Gappu. What the hell were you thinking? Driving off with my car in the morning, not even bothering to leave a note about the failed brakes of your own. Was it not obvious I would take yours if you took mine? If you really want to see me dead at least give me the liberty to chose how, there are less painful ways I would prefer and..."

She stopped as she swiveled in her chair to face where he stood at the door. He worded a sorry soundlessly and turned around to leave when she spoke up louder, "Mr. Malik, please stay," then into the phone, "I'll call you later." Facing him again she said in a curt voice,

 

~Part 5~

Stepping inside, the sweet mix of fragrances greeted him, so did the familiar tinkle of the wind chimes at the entrance. It was invariably the same every time, a deja vu sensation. Which should make sense since he came there once almost every week, if not for the flowers then for just dropping in to say hello...but wasn't the whole concept of deja vu a greater mystique? - related to memories long lost and forgotten, things you could not recognize right away, even though they felt awfully like an experience from before? He never could understand what it was that he felt.

Now walking in, as his vision was starting to adjust to the room lighting which stood nowhere in competition with the bright shining autumn sun outside even in the waning hours of late afternoon showing no signs of fading into an early evening glow, he saw her in her usual spot. Settled comfortably into the rocking chair in a corner, her nose, with the glasses resting at the very tip, buried deep into a book, another Austen novel he presumed. Before he could offer his greetings to her, Mrs Douglous, who owned the shop and every beautiful flowered stalk in it, he heard the chimes play their jingle again, and then a cheerful voice from behind him boomed into the small florist shop,

"Someone looks gorgeous today, how about a cup of coffee girlfriend?"

Armaan turned around to realize that the deep and partially Brit sounding clipped syllables belonged to a young boy, most likely in his late teens, who walked up crossing past him - dressed in a chest number 4 Arsenal club jersey clinging wet to his distinctively outlined chest muscles and soccer shorts, the gear a complete picture with the shin guards covered by long stockings and securely fastened studs. His hair, in wet flicks fell over his head band, and Armaan analyzed moving up ahead to get a better view that he was coming straight off the field, as the boy moved to give the old lady a tight hug and she pushed him away scrunching her nose and making a face.

"Get away from me you freak, asking a woman 5 times your age out for a date, and that when you're sweating like a pig and smelling like a skunk, my poor flowers will die of the horrible odor...get out of here, and don't enter until you look human...disgraceful and far from anything civilized"

As she finished in a disdainful voice, with a prude air of pretense, Armaan shot a look at the boy who looked unruffled and was grinning. There was an appeal about him, an air of being carefree yet thorough in his mannerism. His next words came to Armaan as a pleasant surprise.

" 'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
When not to be receives reproach of being,
And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed
Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing.
For why should others' false adulterate eyes
Give salutation to my sportive blood?"...
(Its better to be bad, than to be thought bad, when you have done nothing to be thought of as so. People will think you're vile whether you are or not, why then should you forgo your wishes and happiness for the fear of being accused of being improper, when that will happen irrespective of your thoughts and deeds.)

Armaan looked wide eyed as the young boy still holding his expression befitting the recital looked up at Mrs. Douglous his eyes with cocked eyebrows challenging her to respond to the smart justification. But before she could Armaan quipped,

"You're British?"

Intended as a question, it sounded like he stated a fact, making the boy reel around to finally realize the presence of a third and he said with a smile,

"The accent still gives me away...or is it soccer this time?Or maybe both?"

Armaan smiled nodding with a thoughtful look, "Actually the rare combination of all three - idolizing the celebrated soccer midfielder Fabregas...quoting Shakespeare...sounding not prominently Brit yet unmistakably so - that's far more an English touch than a regular American teen should possess..."

The boy raised his eyebrows in amicable appreciation and said, "Indian by origin actually, but British by birth yes...definitely not hard to figure out. I still have to give you one thing, you made it sound like an analyzed fact, not an obvious guess!"

Armaan's smile widened his dimples deepening, as he shook his head dismissively but the old lady spoke up,

"Demands of his profession. He is a pschologist, and as his ex-patient I can tell you he's a master at his job. Never fails a patient, no he doesn't, right Doc? "

"Stop embarrassing me Mrs. Douglous, this Dr. Psychologist tag is not quite a charming addition..."..."You're a psychologist? Must be my day to meet the whole lot of you in Chicago I guess." the young boy exclaimed cutting off Armaan who raised his eyebrows seeking explanation.

He oblidged, "I am meeting another psychologist for dinner, " seeing Armaan give a slight frown he quickly added, "No nothing wrong with me, no disorders..."....

"Unless you count a disobeying cupid struck heart as one!" said Mrs. Douglous meaningfully with a mischievous smile cutting off the young boy.

Armaan gave him a 'oh-I-see-what-you-mean' look, as the red from the heat of the game turned a crimson in the boy's face and he mumbled indignantly,

"Girlfriend! What are you talking about there is no one I..." She cut him off again,

"There is. No way have you been buying flowers for your living room every other day for like three weeks now. This mystery missy really is the one you should be taking out for a date young man, not me. But make sure your appearance isn't such an obvious turn off, or even Shakespeare himself would fail to save you a rejection."

At this Armaan broke out laughing, but realizing how uncomfortable the boy had become specially in the presence of a man he knew not beyond his profession, he walked up to him and said smiling looking him in the eye,

"I'd say asking out is a chance worth the shot. Its better anyways to get a no, than to never say what you had to, and unless you picked someone completely unworthy of yourself, I don't see you being rejected"

The boy smiled hesitantly, but realizing the man before him meant what he said entirely he relaxed and his smile deepened as he nodded ever so slightly. Armaan moved towards the flowers and picked up three identical bunches - all a mix of fresh daisies and gerberas and placing them on the counter as he fished his wallet he heard the boy say in a curious voice,

"Three?" As soon as he said it and Armaan turned around to face him he looked away and mumbled quickly, "I mean, I apologize, none of my business."

"But it is mine, why three Doc?" Armaan turned back to face Mrs. Douglous and he smiled mysteriously placing the cash on the counter without a word. Then he picked all three, walked to the boy gave him one out of the three and said,

"Ask her out without delay, soon enough to give her these flowers while they're still fresh, " then turning around he said to the old lady pointing to the other two bunches in his hand, "One for my niece, one for...I still don't know...Have a good day Mrs. Douglous!"

The young boy, left alone with the the lady spoke talking to himself, "Daisies and gerberas? - Now how in the world could he guess Minnie's favorite combination..." he frowned puzzled...

******************
As he drove back home, Armaan was unconsciously smiling at every passing sight. He was unable to determine what about the boy he just met, and was unlikely to ever meet again, had brought this spirit of elevation within. The confrontation with Ridhima in the morning had caused an instantaneous sinking feeling, inflicting what had seemed like another blow, perhaps one harder than all before; the conversation was still playing in his mind, after almost 8 hours were past but something in the last few minutes changed the impact it had on him all day long.

Meeting the boy, though was all but a random encounter, felt like more than just that. His happiness had been infectious. Armaan felt light, actually happy if he dared to admit, something he had not experienced in years, like there was a motivation to be so; perhaps the last time he felt it this strong was when he saw Ridhima the very first time. Ridhima again. He shook his head hard. No, don't think of her Armaan, not for now. Forcing himself to be distracted as he parked his car in the garage, his eyes fell on the abandoned basketball lying in a corner.

An image of the boy, his messy out of a game look flashed again, it made him smile. Then checking his wrist watch for the time, he realized he still had 2 hours before dinner, Lovely was staying the night at Keerti Bhabhi's house to have a change of place. On a sudden impulse he picked up the ball and tentatively tried to twirl it on his forefinger. It was as perfect as it used to be many years before, his smile widened. Whistling unintentionally he unlocked the main door and let himself in, then ran up the steps two at a time to his bedroom to get changed into his sports wear.

After a long time he felt like playing basketball, not knowing how in the world he could explain this sudden feeling of being high. How could the gloom from the morning, as intense as it had been, be fading away with an encounter so inconsequential, after the way he had talked to her? But somehow the regret was fading, the loneliness which had refused to leave was for the moment something he had to remind himself of feeling. The only certain sense was that of a settling peace, maybe it was a start, a new beginning. He rumaged through his wardrobe looking for his sports gear while his mind was racing with thoughts.

Perhaps telling Ridhima the facts had gotten him partially rid of his guilt and helped him in a way he had not realized immediately? In fact now that he thought about it wasn't he somewhere deep inside almost relieved that she would now be compelled to reconsider her likely perception of him living a happy life after betraying their love.

He had tried bearing the brunt of the situation upon himself, from both ends, his family and Ridhima; but perhaps in that intention he had damaged more than he realized. Changing into the pair of shorts and jersey he finally found he sighed. Had he let himself be doomed to an everlasting melancholy, at the same time also keeping Ridhima from the truth she rightfully deserved to know? She would not know the whole of it, that would go to his grave, but at least this may ease out the grudges.

"Is it too much to hope for, to think she may..." he sighed speaking the first words in over 20 minutes, as he stood in front of the mirror talking to his image, his hand brushing through the hair stopped midway and he saw his reflection was deep in thought..."She may...still...could I hope to rediscover at least the friend in her?"

He had over the years thought it was appropriate to never go back to the past and correct any opinions she may have held of him post his unannounced departure from her life. Yet this had now come upon the two of them, another rendezvous...and inevitably so. Now she knew facts, at least more than before, perhaps it had been the right thing to do all along. If he could expect her to understand unspoken emotions, could she not be trusted with handling facts? He never really gave it a chance. He picked up the ball again taking a deep breath, and looking his reflection in the eye he exclaimed,

"I need to stop being an escapist and running away from her. I still stand my ground, and she knows nothing more, its way too complicated to be revisited. I wonder how she will react at the next appointment though. Guess I have to let her decide this time, its not and can not be just about me." And nodding in grave satisfaction he walked out of the room, his stride much more purposeful...

******************
Stepping into the dim lit pizza place, he felt the temperature drop by several degrees, from the warm and humid autumn night air outside, to the intensely air conditioned inside of Giordanos. He walked to the seating counter,

"Hi! I am Armaan Malik, looking for a certain Minnie Singh, its a table for four."

********************
"Oh hell Gappu I almost, "... "Massi..." Gappu emphasized his interruption to Ridhima with a forced smile as the three of sat on a corner table facing the window overlooking the winding multiple laned Chicago Loop,

"Its Gaurav, please?" Minnie giggled as Ridhima shot him a mock apologetic smile for letting slip his rather embarrassing nick name and continued,

"And its not massi, its Ridzy, Mr. Gaurav Bansal, " she retorted with a sugar sweet smile teasing him, then turning to Minnie she asked, "Whats wrong with Gappu anyways, suits him don't you think?" Gappu looked at her with daggers in his eyes, a look Ridhima was aware of but preferred to ignore as Minnie now broke out laughing, managing to say in between,

"I thought Sawyer was good as well, but he insists on being called Cesc...you know how it goes - him and his love for Arsenal, its like I'm always second..." she paused as Ridhima raised their eyebrows at her choice of word and the meaning she intended, Minnie added hastily, "I mean...everything else is secondary to his devotion for Arsenal and their superhero Cesc Fabregas..."

She finished kicking herself mentally and lowering her gaze to focus on diligently unwrapping her silverware. Gappu stared at her in surprise, pleasant surprise as a smile slowly set in until it was wide and deep and he too lowered his eyes to his silverware. Ridhima did not know how to fight the urge to laugh out loud, so she too occupied herself with the same task, then looked up within moments as she remembered again.

"Gappu...I mean C.E.S.C.," she said spelling out the letters with emphasis, "Did you tell Minnie you spent an hour deciding what clothes you should wear tonight?" Minnie choked on the water she was trying to drink and Gappu glared at Ridhima, and kicked her under the table.

"Ouch!" Minnie exclaimed looking at Gappu in shock and slight pain of the hit, as he gasped and said quickly, "I'm so sorry Minnie I was..."...

"Trying to kick my massi, " Ridhima completed realizing what had happened and looking at Minnie in concern she asked,

"You fine?" as Minnie nodded with a slight frown Ridhima looked at them solemnly and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not exactly trying to make this hard. Its just, I wish you both would not be so awkward with each other over the obvious."

They both looked up at her, Minnie's look conscious yet anticipatory, while Gappu's anger at Ridhima suddenly softening and she continued speaking, looking them in the eye,

"You know, if you ever feel for someone, they really deserve to know about it. And there never will be a better moment than right away. I am not saying it should be an unthoughtful impulse, but if you know what you feel..."

she paused lowering her eyes, then looking back at them she smiled warmly and said, "I am always there, for both of you, and I just want to see you happy." Then taking their hands next to each other she held them in hers and said,

"I love you..." she paused suddenly as her gaze stopped on his face standing across from her, "both..." she completed her sentence but her eyes could not move from his face as he looked back at her stunned just about as much. Minnie and Gappu puzzled by her sudden distraction forgot for the moment how conscious they were and turned around to follow her gaze.

"Hey buddy!" she jumped off her chair to give him a hug, and Armaan broke the eyelock with Ridhima sitting across. Now looking at Minnie he returned her hug, then breaking off he gave her a bunch of daisies and gerberas with a smile which he hoped would hide his rising sense of shock. Then in the effort of avoiding Ridhima's gaze his eyes fell on Gappu who got up from his seat with a smile of recognition and offering his hand he exclaimed,

"Hello Doc! I didn't expect to see you again, so soon" Armaan returned his handshake and said with a smile, "Me neither. And you do seem ummm..."

he paused looking at Gappu's formal fawn collar shirt, worn with a casual caution the sleeves folded up to his elbows and top couple of buttons left open, tucked into a pair of blue denims and semi formal closed suade shoes,

"Quite transformed from when I saw you last a couple of hours ago," seeing the anticipation in his youthful brown eyes, he added, "Looking good!" smiling as Gappu acknowledged his approval relaxing.

"Well he worked hard hoping to make just that impression on you Armaan," All three of them turned at Ridhima's words, Armaan narrowing his eyes not knowing what to expect next, neither how to respond, but Gappu solved that issue for him,

"You know him?" before either of them could answer Minnie couldn't not intervene,

"Wait a minute, " she said turning to Armaan, "You know Gaurav? And you know Di?" Armaan shook his head and said, "Him, Gaurav that is, we met at the florist, and just talked generally, I didn't even know his name until now...and her, I mean..." Ridhima cut him off,

"We are friends from Cambridge." she said looking at Minnie, then turning back to Armaan she moved forward taking the second bunch of flowers from him and exclaimed with a smile,

"Thanks for the lovely flowers Armaan. You never forget them do you? But I want my usual jasmine stalks next time." Armaan stood rooted to his spot, his look blank the face not knowing which of the many emotions inside was god enough to display. Was this real, she was talking like it was five years ago again. And did she just say they are friedns? No this can't be happening, not after this morning, someone wake me up.

"Ummm yeh...I, no we...uh...together at Cambridge, yes." Hastily he smiled not sure of how convincing it was in comparison to the warm smile Ridhima was flashing at him, strangely it was genuine. Then drawing in a a quick whif of air he said more coherently, "Ridhima was same year as me, I'm just, surprised to see her, uh...here I mean."

Minnie and Gappu smiled at each other, then at Armaan and Ridhima and Minnie said,

"Yeh surprised alright, I can see that, you look like you saw a ghost. Is that how you greet the charming ladies you went to school with?" Ridhima answered for him, "

Well no guy can be pleased to meet the only girl who beat him at basketball when he claimed being invincible." Armaan narrowed his eyes at her, what was wrong with her, how could she be talking like...like nothing had happened, like the past five years had evaporated between the two of them. Then it struck him what she had just said and he spoke up, "Can I get a seat before the discussion runs into memoirs of trivial victories?" Ridhima moved making space on her couch before he could sit anywhere else and he had no option but to follow the cue.

"So uh, Dr. Armaan?"

Gappu said tentatively unsure of how he was expected to address the stranger from the florist shop, now that he was a stranger no more, Armaan smiled, at him forgetting his personal discomfort for then and said,

"Armaan is fine, I'd rather you drop the Dr. Tell me what's your preference - Fabregas or Gaurav?"

And he was almost startled as both the girls on the table broke out laughing, and hi fived across the table, while Gappu muttered in an undertone looking not quite pleased with the joke on him yet again. Armaan looked from one to the other and said obviously puzzled,

"Uh, am I missing something here? Something I ought to know..?"

At this Ridhima and Minnie broke into another spell of giggles and Armaan shot a questioning look to Gappu who just shrugged away shaking his head, looking back at Ridhima, Armaan opened his mouth to ask again but stopped. Now this definitely was deja vu, she was laughing exactly as she had been the first time he saw her, perhaps this was a new start...again...he could almost understand why meeting Gappu at the florist had made such a difference, it runs in the family he reasoned, happiness just seeps into the air around them. Lowering his eyes he smiled, and unwrapped the only remaining sealed set of silverware on the table for four...

*******************
After the bills and a generous tip had been paid off by Armaan before any of the other three on the table could realize, the four of them decided to walk up to an ice cream place close by. As they strolled, Armaan and Gappu continued the discussion they had started at the dinner table revolving around the current season of football leagues in Europe, while Ridhima and Minnie certain they could not endure another minute of it looked at each other exasperated. Ridhima let out a slightly irritated sigh and looking at the backs of the two of them walking ahead deep in conversation and exclaimed,

"Gappu!" It was bull's eye, he turned around immediately hearing her use the nick name again and frowned hard as Minnie looked away hiding her smile and Armaan looked up at her as she stood frowning slightly.

"I agree with Minnie about the soccer second to nothing factor now. How rude is this?"

Armaan saw Gappu turn slightly red with the blatant statement hurled at him, he decided it was time to help the poor guy, Ridhima was born to make life hard for the men who dared to be a part of hers.

"Ridhima! You can't expect him to get involved and actually enjoy the girl gossip you and Minnie were indulging in, I mean save him some peace."

Ridhima now looked at Armaan with narrowed eyes, and retorted, "What did you expect us to do, wait in silence like forever in the futile hope of getting some attention from you?...Until you both were finally done with your discussion on who lost to whom and why and what should be done and how it never was and...Why don't you both try to go coach the teams they might just finally learn what the game is all about."

Armaan mostly missed the second part of her remark, it was the beginning he was stuck at, 'wait in silence like forever'...Then realizing with a start that she was quiet and he was expected to respond he said,

"I uh..." he fumbled for a moment before turning to Gappu and Minnie, "I forgot to ask you both, hows it going with the musical? The shows start from tomorrow right?"

Gappu nodded, givivng Ridhima a side look of disapproval for acting dominating as ever, and Minnie was just uncertain about something here, she felt like she was missing a piece, her uncle had been...almost awkward tonight, it was like him to not speak much, but this was definitely an edge over that. Now she heard Ridhima say,

"Oh yeh, ummm we never got around to talking about that, good idea Armaan."

Minnie was more puzzled than ever, now the last part sounded like she was almost apologizizng for her retort before. Something between these two was passing her by not quite understood, one moment she felt they were old friedns from school, hence the ease of communication, no formal airs, but then there were moments like this, when Ridhima and Armaan just got...conscious, of what, she did not know.

Gappu said, "Its going pretty well Armaan, we're all set for the opening tomorrow, It starts with a song from Minnie, believe me the audience will be enchanted." Minnie blushed slightly at the compliment forgetting her confusing chain of thoughts and Gappu smiled, he was trying to take Ridhima's advice, maybe he really should let her know what he felt, and soon, it was apparent anyways, just needing to be stated soon.

"What song Minnie?" Ridhima asked, "Why don't you give us a trailer?" she finishes smiling in encouragement. "Oh yeh that sounds like an idea Minnie, go ahead..." Armaan added, and Minnie looked at them then at Gappu, who nodded,then back at them and stated,

"No trailers." as the three of them looked at her frowning she opened her handbag, then taking out two envelopes she said handing them to Ridhima, "You come and watch us. These are the VIP passes. I want to see both of you in the first row, together and cheering for Gappu and me." she finished, Gappu smiled at her, and she smiled back her mind deep in thought as she glanced back at Ridhima and Armaan who looked at each other.

******************
"Hey beautiful! Still awake?" Ridhima saw Gappu come and stand next to her, facing the view outside her bedroom window again she nodded and said, "I like Minnie."

He smiled then turning his face to look at her he said simply, "And I like Armaan."

She looked at him with a jerk, frowning hard, "What?" ...

"What?" he answered back, "Is it so hard to like him? Hes a great guy, and I thought you said hes your friend whats so shocking about me thinking well of him?"

Ridhima looked away quickly and trying to mask her initial shock by her next words,

"I mean it was a strange thing to say after I said I like Minnie." Gappu didn't let sight of her expression as she said this and answered now,

"Hmmm, I thought it was our moment to confess approvals so I gave mine after you gave yours."

Ridhima turned to face him again, this time without a word but the question was evident in her gaze, after a couple of silent moments she spoke, "I have no idea where the hell you' re taking this, but its ok, I ain't that interested to know, " then pausing a second she went on in an intended voice of her own this time,

"When are you telling her what she means to you? She knows it anyway Gappu, but hearing you say it will still be a moment that will last her a lifetime, don't delay it anymore."

Gappu looked at her and smiled lowering his head at first, then he took her by surprise pulling her into a hug, "You're the best, and I love you."

Ridhima smiled deeply hearing his whisper and returned the hug. As they parted she said in a naughty way, "Was that rehearsal for the real confession?"

He looked at her breaking into giggles, gripping her shoulders firmly so she would look straight back at him he said, "Is that how you would want the real confession to be?" Ridhima's smile lingered, but a slight frown formed on her face as she nodded uncertain of his double meaning statements now,

"Gappu?" she asked tentatively as he continued looking back at her, his gaze steady, "What are you trying to imply here?"

He shrugged in response and said simply again, "The obvious..." which did not quite make his intention obvious to her and her frown deepened. He added after the long pause, "What are you so confused about massi, I'm talking fairly straight ain't I?"

She nodded still uncertain but dismissing her doubts. She could ask him but then she would have to bring Armaan into the picture and she wasn't sure if this was the right moment. She decided to call it off for the moment and said,

"Just want you to be happy. And Minnie too. What way you go about it is at your discretion, do what would be special for her." Gappu smiled at her again nodding and whispered goodnight bending to kiss her forehead lightly. Reaching the door he truned around to see her gazing at the skyline again.

Tentatively he said, "Is this Armaan the same Ammy you talked about in London?" She debated for a second before turning around to face him,

"Ammy?...ummm yeh, thats him."

To her relief he did not pursue this issue any further and left with a smile. She sighed out loud. Then turning back to the window she closed her eyes momentarily. What was with his comments right now, they had sounded so allusive. No Ridzy its just you, guilty conscious. He was just a kid that time, there is nothing he implied, its you thinking more than is as usual. She sighed. Armaan Malik. How many more ways would name intrude her life she wondered.

But did she mind it as much as she should? Something about the dinner was almost a pleasant feeling. She was glad to have acted on her impulse deciding to behave the way she had with him. It would have been the most immature thing to have let her differences with him come between Gappu and Minnie. But that had not been the sole reason and she knew it whether she would admit or not, it was this compulsive need to give him a chance anyways, and somehow the situation presented it so perfectly.

She gave a small smile now and whispered ton herself, "I can't believe I'm allowing you into my life again. Its like I've been hoping for this day for the past five years, and I still don't know why. Part of me wants you back to be able to show you how perfect my life is without you, to be able to hurt you half as much as you hurt me. The other part refuses to see sense, it wants to forgive you, just to be with you, to spend time with you, to hear you talk when you rarely do in between my endless rambling. But what should I forgive you for Armaan, I can't seem to connect the pieces here, Lovely and you, Minnie your niece. I don't see where any of this is going anymore. I just know tonight was a time I dreamed of many nights. A family-like dinner out, ice creams after that, chats and laughter and dimwit jokes and more laughter, but most importantly, you by my side all through it. I don't know how to fight this feeling, I know you are married, but Lovely's truth doesn't make it any easier for me to accept truth for what it is, and you refuse to talk anymore. You can't stay silent forever, I just won't let you. You have to tell me everything, from scratch. I need to know, and I deserve to know."

Moving towards her bed, she saw the passes to the musical for the next evening lying on the bedside stool. Picking them up she flipped them with her thumb deep in thought. Then putting them back she got into her bed and snuggled into the comforter. Sleep for now she told herself, tomorrow maybe a long day.

******************
"Ritu Di, hi! Gaurav this side. I think the plan is starting to work, at least on massi, well on Armaan as well. I still can't believe he turned out to be the same man I met at the florist shop, its like a God willing thing. He is a wonderful guy, if he is like that with strangers, how could he have intentions to hurt massi. I mean he could not stop looking at her all through dinner. Everytime he thought we were busy among ourselves he would steal looks at her. I can still not figure out what was on his mind, but he feels for her, thats an unmistakable fact. And yeh Minnie gave them two passes for tomorrow, they will have to show up tomorrow, and together!" he paused hearing an excited Ritu on the other side, and slowly his smile widened. Tomorrow would be fun no doubt...

*******************
alright...heres part 5 super long...its almost as long as a part and a half to make up for the delay....i thot i would exclude the last two bits of the update but then i put them in anyways....enjoy reading people!!! hope ul enjoy......and comments pleasssssse!!!😳

ps: Cesc Fabregas is a central midfield position soccer player for the english club Arsenal, his chest number is 4, and national team is Spain.

pps: the passage i used is shakespeare sonnet, i realized its not the obvious english to understand but part of my hometask for this week was to include it in the writing so i had to, i did add the translation in there, if theres anything u dont understand leme know....
Edited by spln - 15 years ago

~Part 6~

Armaan lay in his bed tossing for a while. Then he sat up cross legged his chin resting on his interlocked fingers, deep in thought. Letting out a long sigh he whispered the words again,
"She was normal tonight. But how could she be, after everything...more improtantly WHY?"

He had in all possibility asked himself this question more times that evening, than the number of times he had cursed himself for the morning's harsh exchange, almost as if he believed that the answer was hidden in the question, and would reveal itself upon repetitions. Closing his eyes now he pressed his palms against them rubbing in circular motion in an effort to stimulate thinking, then abruptly he stopped and sat still. His mind of course made up for the lack of activity, it was racing with thoughts. Getting up from the bed he started pacing from edge to edge, frowning hard.

It was convenient to assume the obvious reason; she would not have wanted to make a scene before Gappu and Minnie. But there were also obvious loopholes which could not be quite as conveniently overlooked. There was no reason in the first place for her to have shown him any recognition at all, they could have maintained the pretense of having been strangers and waited for the round of introductions. She in contrast had not just identified his face but had also claimed being friends.

Pass that off for an impulsive reaction although it never could be just that. There was still no reason for her to have been so...genuine? What about the whole evening that followed. Not for a moment had it felt like it was an obligation on her part faced by the situation. Unless he was becoming an absolute misfit for his profession unable to read the evident emotions, she had been a complete natural. And this wasn't a random patient in question, it was the one person he knew he could read flawlessly, almost like he could tell what she was thinking even before she thought it, well it had been so, but tonight made him doubt if he had lost his touch.

When she had laughed, addressing or teasing him, or in making references to the past, to Cambridge - the basketball games, her favorite jasmines, the library his hibernation spot, their photography end of term combined submission, their eternal hangout spot the corner cafe and how he still had no clue about the taste of coffee there....nothing had been an act. It had all been in the earnest, no jibes, no taunts, no indirect implications.

He could not help but compare it to the time they met unexpectedly for the very first appointment in her office, it had been the exact opposite - formal introductions and several hidden meanings. Why then had it changed tonight, a complete reversal, especially after what transpired between them in the morning. Could it be...her sympathy? Was she trying to be nice to him because she felt sorry for him? Shaking his head he stopped pacing as he stood facing the mirror.

"Why was she normal with me?"

he said again, pronouncing each word with alacrity, ensuring his reflection in the mirror did not misunderstand the question he was seeking an opinion for. He was quiet for a few seconds, almost as if expecting it to answer back, then lowering his eyes he stared at nothing, and muttered to himself,

"Obligations, pretense, curtsy - all ruled out...pity? perhaps," he shrugged uncertainly then shook his head," No not quite, no definitely not. There never was and could never be any sympathy factor here what so ever." Suddenly he jerked up his eyes widening in a sense of realization.

"Wait a moment," he spoke to his reflection which imitated his look of sudden interest and ran its hands through its hair and holding them back just like him. Armaan saw it narrow its eyes at him as he said, "Now that I think of it, she did not once mention that I'm a client, or even that we ever met in Chicago before, leave alone the same morning."

Shaking his head slightly again at his lack of comprehension he saw his reflection doing the same just as perplexed. He had all the pieces of information, and yet they seemed to fit nowhere. He sighed deep. Slowly he slumped by the bed end resting his back against the wooden frame of the box, letting one leg stretch out straight while he crossed his hands across the other, which half stood bent at the knee. She had been cold, angry, indifferent, upset, professional - all of that and everything else from that family of emotions in the last couple of weeks since their first meeting after five years. But this was a whole new facet. All through the evening she remained warm, cordial, happy, accepting...and comfortably so. Everything that she could be to a friend she met after five years, perhaps much more so, considering the friend was one who had wronged her as much as he had.

How ironical was it then for him to be more disturbed by her sudden change than he had been by her initial attitude. When she had been the Ridhima he would expect her to be after what he put her through, he had to fight himself to accept it and let it remain so. Now that she was being everything he would want his Ridhima to be, he wanted to know why? Did it even matter? She was by his side all evening, and he could tell there was no discomfort, if he had felt any in the beginning, it kept going with each passing moment at seeing how effortlessly she was being truly herself. He had almost forgotten how long it had been since he had last shared a conversation with her with as much ease, even if the memory of each such time was a vivid picture in his head. Whatever had brought about this change in her, he could not think of what else there was to it. Only few hours before he had wondered if it was too much to expect her to ever see him without a bias again, and here she had offered him the relation exactly as it was years ago.

"You're complicating an issue which is solving out without your interference Armaan, " he told himself. "She called you a friend without asking why, what will it take for you to accept her as one without the compulsive questioning streak?"

He closed his eyes pushing away any conflicting thoughts to what he was willing himself to believe as real and accept without further questions. It did prove relatively less difficult this time, with images of her sitting by his side flashing in his head. Her easy smile, an untiring flow of wisecracks shot alternately at Gappu and himself and the comfort level she shared with Minnie, her unavoidable reactions of irritation at a trivial negligence like clinking of silverware against the china, or noisy chewing, her slight frown when she was contemplating what to say next and her excited exclamation to hush everyone at the table if a track of her liking was played in the background, her glass of water 'on rocks' - more ice cubes than water, none of which remained as she ate each one of them and her consistent action of pushing back the front bangs of her coffee brown hair, which refused to stay put, falling over her eyes every few minutes...

Slowly Armaan opened his eyes, this time to see a smiling reflection in the mirror across from where he sat. The smile widened at the sight of seeing himself having broken into one, just at the thought of her, that was the affect she had on him invariably, because essentially she hadn't changed a bit. He would never know when she drove away all his worries and replaced them with a sense of peace. Still thinking, his eyes fell on Lovely's picture resting on the dresser. His smile faded partially, and he hung back his head staring at the ceiling and sighed deeply.

"I have no idea where any of this is headed anymore. I resolve to keep away, and you, make sure you barge your way into my life every possible way. Then I swear myself to silence and you're determined to let nothing remain unstated. I behave like a heartless soul in my last efforts to drive you away, but you refuse as always to let me have my way, come all the more closer, and I can do nothing. I give up, cause I don't now how to fight this anymore. God save me Ridhima, when you're with me I see no other logic. Let me hold onto my sanity of whats real and has to remain so - I'm married, Lovely is my wife, yet you're the only one I ever loved and always will." He smiled bitterly pausing.

"Neither could facts be any simpler to state nor any harder to survive. And if that wasn't enough, now you're daring me to hope again, I know how much I've wanted to, these past years in your absence, without admitting its what I need. But I can't deny how terrified I am, scared to even hope to be happy, it never lasts, and one more time I lose it my life will be in desperate shambles if it isn't already. Spare me that misery again Ridhima, if thats where you're taking this. I really have faced my share, can't see how much more I will withstand. I'm imploring you to stay away from me, and if you refuse to, then this time stay till the end, even if I have to leave don't let me...cause I want to stay - with you...as us."

He sighed again closing his eyes sitting in the same position, hoping sleep would take over gradually, if not peacefully, then forcing its way somehow, it had after all been a long day, the complications several, both misery and happiness extreme...

******************
Rrrrrriiiinnnnngggg...Rrrriiiiinnnnggg...Rrrrriiiiii..."WHAT THE HELL DO..."

he paused mid sentence, and within seconds the sight of her standing there at his doorstep had driven away any traces of sleep, his eyes widened trying to register if it really was her. She made her way past him brushing him aside not quite gently, walking into the house as if there was nothing abnormal about her coming here and the moment she had chosen to do so, he thought, stumped completely as he glanced at the wall clock behind her, at this hour? Before he could express his anxiety, hoping everything was alright, she spoke up.

"What the hell do you guys think you are? I've been ringing the bloody doorbell for the past 10 minutes before you finally decided to let me in. So what if half the neighborhood was giving me skeptical glares out of their windows as if I am an intruder. But thats not half as bad as your friend. Sometimes I wonder if it is after all such a good idea to try to get him back into her life. She might not be at her best without him, but if he stays the same she will soon be at her worst. I hate this guy...I hate this mess...And I think I screwed things much worse by interfering with what..."

"RITU!"

She stopped as he interrupted in a fairly loud voice, frowning she looked at him, demanding explanation for not letting her complete, and he shot her a completely baffled look back, shrugging for an answer himself. Walking up to her Chirag held her by her shoulders and turned her around to show her the clock.

"Are you capable of reading a clock Ritu? What did you expect, I'd be waiting at the doorstep just in case you decided to make a curtsy call? Let's not even go to the neighbors issue, pray none of them plan to call cops on us or we might just make headlines tomorrow for no good reason, 'Randolph Associates designer knocks the door of a senior psychiatrist for treatment at 3AM...' For a moment there you scared me, I thought you were in some serious trouble, but I should have known better. Is this revenge for barging into your office unannounced last time?"

She looked away from the clock to face him opening her mouth to speak, then she closed it lowering her eyes. Getting free from his grip on her shoulders she sat down on the nearest couch, wordlessly lowering her head into her hands. Chirag frowned at not having her argue back, even though he was right. He rolled his eyes at himself cursing mentally for having said too much. Walking over to the couch he sat on the rug below facing her, and removing her hands he made her look back. He had known her for but a short time, yet enough to know that the expression on her face right now did not belong there, she looked exhausted and tensed. Most importantly, she was quiet.

"Ritu?" he started tentatively, "I didn't mean it like..." he stopped as she cut him off in a low voice,

"I'm sorry. I tried calling but you didn't answer, and I was getting all worked up, I just...don't know why I thought I could come over. I needed to talk and...you seemed like the one I wanted to talk to and..." ...

"What happened?" he said in quiet concern interrupting her, not comfortable with how low she was sounding. She looked at him again and said,

"Do you think its a mistake, to try and get them together?" Chirag frowned narrowing his eyes at her.

"Tell me what happened Ritu. I can't keep guessing."

"Armaan called Minnie for a third ticket, for Lovely," she stated simply. He waited for her to continue but then realized that's all she had to say. He frowned harder.

"And?" he asked anyways, just to make sure he wasn't getting this wrong. Had she really come all he way at this hour, looking so troubled because Ammy asked for a third pass? She looked at him incredulously and repeated his question but as her own.

"And? What and? What more do you want to know. Chirag he called Minnie and asked her for a pass for Lovely for the musical tomorrow. Don't you see what that means?" Chirag shook is head then nodded and said,

"I do. I mean I see it means he will not be alone with Ridhima as it could have been, but I don't see why that upsets you so much. This is just a beginning Ritu, and it most certainly is..." Ritu got up from the couch with almost too much force.

"Chirag!" she exclaimed, then shaking her head she said, "You really don't see it. Its what you said the other day about Armaan. He is attached to Lovely, he cares for her, too much I fear to ever leave her. He loves Ridhima, but what I know of him by now Chirag, he will never give this a chance. I don't understand what kind of hypocrite goes around telling stranger teen age boys to express their feelings without delay, and refuses to follow his own advice? He loved Ridhima, and still does, I see no way for him to have missed the fact that the feeling is completely mutual. Can't he see she hasn't moved on in life, still standing where he left her? One moment he convinces me of his intention to not let it remain so, but then he...Chirag I'm starting to get apprehensions. What if he never comes back to her, never gives what they had between them, and still have after all that happened, a chance? Is he ever going to actually grow beyond his responsibility for an abnormal wife who understands nothing and deserves to be in an asylum and..."

"RITU!" she stopped, second time that evening he had raised his voice as he too stood up. She could see he was positively livid, but she didn't care. There was nothing untrue about what she said and there was no easy way to say it. He spoke up before she could continue,

"You know what Ritu, I can't believe I'm having to say this but you force me to. How selfish can you get? This is not just about Ridhima, its about Ammy just as much. I am on this plan with you because we want them both to be happy, not just one. You are right, Ammy does see nothing over his responsibilities, but thats him, thats the Armaan your friend fell for, with or without your approval of it. And anyways why are we even going there, we never were working on creating splits here, we wanted a reunion. You need to be reminded that I want it as much as you do, but unlike you I don't chose to be preferentially fair to the people involved. If Ammy was to leave Lovely for Ridhima today, neither would be happy, lets not even mention what would become of Lovely, who didn't quite get to chose to be the way she is..."

"But Armaan chose to be with her instead of Ridhima, in his sane mind, if that can be called sane at all." Ritu retorted cutting him off

"I don't know anymore than you do as to why he ever got into this thing, but I know him enough to ascertain you the last thing he intended was a betrayal, its not just Ridhima who hasn't moved on, Ammy hasn't either. There is nothing in that marriage except the hollow name sharing."

Chirag looked away momentarily sighing deeply then then looking back he moved towards her. Taking her hands in his as her eyes held several emotions he lowered his head then said in a soft voice looking her in the eye again,

"Ritu you have to understand we agreed to make sure they could not escape each other and the situation here. And that is happening, but we have to give it time. It has to come from them, both of them, their acceptance of the fact that neither has moved on in life beyond the other. They can see it, but it should be a feeling compelling enough for them to work this one out together and not being apart in life. We can't just pull Lovely out of this, that resolves nothing. You know that just as well. They need to confess to themselves and to each other the love that has only grown with the distance, but we can do nothing more yet, except give them every chance to realize how vital this confession is. The decision has to be their own."

She held his gaze for several seconds even after he was quiet, then she lowered her eyes sighing.

"Chirag I..." she started in a low voice, devoid of the previous minutes of frustration, it sounded more tired, lifting her head she saw his intent eyes, "You're right its going to be their decision. But I just, I'm scared if this doesn't work out, all this effort will end in a situation far worse than before. You can think with more neutrality perhaps, you knew both Armaan and Ridhima. I did not. I never actually have met this man, all I know him for is the heartache he has caused my closest friend. I still took the chance, gave it a shot, its a bold step. I reopened chapters in her life which I should have helped her forget instead. I just don't want her to suffer anymore because I thought it was worth the risk. You're doing it for them, for me its just her and I can't deny that. I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself if any of this ends in a disaster much greater. I'm starting to doubt if I put too much on stake here, its her life I'm taking decisions for, and she has no clue. What if..."

She stooped as he placed his hand covering her mouth gently shaking his head.

"Has no one ever told you that you need to talk less?" She frowned at him, and the diversion in topic he was bringing but he continued in a low whisper now, she hung onto every word.

"Nothing will go wrong. We are responsible for their repeated encounters, but don't you see where all this started? It was destined to be so, why would Lovely of all the firms in downtown have chosen yours? What made both of them settle in Chicago after London, and then after they have been unaware of the fact for five long years they meet now? Its alot of time wasted if you think how they could have run into each other much earlier, but they did not. Perhaps they were meant to stand this test of time, to let them think about everything in great detail. Now when they stand before each other the wait has matured them. They will not jump to conclusions, but they need time to sort out thoughts first in their own heads, then with each other. And thats also why they have you and me. And then to think Minnie tells Armaan about her Sawyer, and when he tells me I know its Gappu and you got him on the plan. Now Minnie unaware of ulterior motives demands to see the two of them together at the musical. Its like every chance is playing in favor. Its too much coincidence don't you think, if all was only to end in a disaster? It can't, they lost what they had to, five years are quite a lot, now things can only resolve for the better."

She looked at him her eyes holding his gaze and he cupped her face gently, nodding his head with a reassuring smile on his face. Then she lowered her head nodding back. "I should get going now, try and catch such sleep, " she whispered dismissing the topic at last. He clicked his tongue indicating a no, and she looked up to see him shaking his head. He clicked his tongue again for her benefit this time with a curved smile. As she looked at him puzzled he said,

"You really think I'm going to let you sleep in peace after you killed my night? Its Ammy, the benevolent gentleman remember, I'm more your league" As she narrowed her eyes he put his arm around her shoulder then giving her a mean grin he continued, "You know the 'time for vengence' kinds? So sweetheart, now you stay back and entertain me. How about some coffee?"

"Excuse me?" she said in a loud voice with a horrified expression on her face as he winked at her, then rolling his eyes towrads the ceiling he muttered something she missed.

"What did you just say?" She demanded in a furious tone. Steering her to follow his direction, he smiled at her in an innocent way and said in a solmen voice,

"I was asking God to forgive you for misjudging me of motives..." ...

"WHAT?" she yelled almost into his ear and he shut his eyes at the impact then making a face at her he said,

"Gosh! You're one hell of a loud woman. Not to mention outspoken and never quiet. But just for records, coffee implies coffee, you know the simple beverage made out of milk and water and beans, what the hell are you getting offensive about?" then rubbing his ear gently he added in a solemn voice, "Ammy owes me one for all this, I'll turn deaf trying to hook him up with his girl."

She glared at his boyish grin and shrugging off his hand she said, "Where is the kitchen, I hope you have one?" The sarcasm hard to miss.

His smile widened and he pointed to the right. Following her disappearing back with his eyes he muttered scratching his head. "Chirag dude, get serious. Are you really falling for a big mouth like her. Man, its going to be one hell of a life, but then I guess love is always worth a risk...Wait...love? Is this it?" Smiling to himself he shrugged slightly, then shoving his hands into the pockets of his tracks, he followed her into the kitchen...

***************
"Calm down beautiful, he will be there soon, I'm certain its something unavoidable..." Gappu paused hearing a flustered Ridhima complain on the other end..."Yeh we understand lady, the fault is all his, you bear no responsibility for the delay. Take it easy, I'm sure he will show up any moment now. "

He smiled hearing Ridhima quit her ramblings as she wished him luck next, her tone changing to a sweeter note right away. Typical of her to switch mods at the snap of a finger, both the rough ones and those of affection. She did deserve to be with Armaan soon. He was the only one Gappu could ever think of as worthy of his massi. Gappu smiled saying bye and cut the call deep in thought as he handed it back to Minnie.

 Another typical act, he thought shaking his head, she loved him, Gappu, to bits, perhaps he could as far as saying he mattered to her more than anyone else, well so far...yet she had to put up that unconscious act of placing everyone before him in public, calling on Minie's cell rather than his own to wish them both luck, so Ridhima like. She would go out of the way for everyone in the world, except for those who mattered more than the rest of that same world receiving her nice side, for them she would never act special.

Gappu, like all those close to her, had grown accustomed to this side of her, it was almost as if her taken for granted attitude towards anyone was a compliment beyond any other. If she took you for granted and skipped the obligations you could safely assume you were among the highest in her list of 'my very own'. She would pass wisecracks, mock you at every instant, agree with nothing you say, and pay heed to none of your words, never go on to show by the little subtle gestures how much you meant to her.

But in times that mattered, even if the need was trivial, she would be an outrageous support, refusing to let you feel alone or face a fall. She was the kinds who got high on optimism, could thing recklessly and follow the ideas until eternity, she would always forgive yet never forget, and was extremely sensitive in ways that could never be detected. She talked like there was no tomorrow, and yet never any of what should not remain unsaid, you may mean the world to her but for all you knew she would let you pass with the perception that you were just like anybody else. Armaan of course had just joined the gang of victims, or perhaps he had always been there, Gappu only learned of it now that he was back in her life.

For most she was the dominating towering woman, who lost her temper as easily as she laughed and loved, who always had a solution to every problem that was not her own, and who you could not pass by without forming some opinion at least, even if all you saw her for was a mere five minutes. In brief her emotions were many and each stupendous in their own way, she made it absolutely impossible for you to ignore her, and whether it was her endless chats or her rare sullen and quiet spells she caught your attention and made you want to stay.

And she had been all of that with Armaan yesterday, without effort. Like she had lost the veil of their past, and he could tell Armaan had been caught by surprise as much as Gappu himself, it had not seemed likely to happen so fast. But then, wasn't that another typically - Ridhima thing, catch people off guard, even those who thought they knew her inside out, for what she would think or do next was something perhaps even she could not tell.

"I think there is something between the two of them, something we're unaware of, Buddy and Di i mean..." he heard her tentative words and responded with a spontaneous nod without much thought,

"Yeh, there is..." he replied.

Then realizing a moment too late what he had just implied he looked at Minnie quickly as she gave him a questioning look her eyes narrowed.

'Uh...I mean, they are friends right?"

He tried to sound convincing, but that only added a frown to her already skeptical look, he knew she did not believe him. He gave her a weak smile and she refused to alter her expression. He gulped looking away, dam it, how could he tell her he was trying to fix his aunt with her uncle who was already married. It wasn't quite normal, what would she say, this when he was planning to express his own feelings soon. Dam you man, what were you thinking...

"Alright I don't have forever. Apparently theres something I should have known...lets say, much before?" He turned back to face her with a guilty look and started,

"There is." Then glancing at his watch he said, "Fifteen minutes to start, guess I can outline the basic picture for you. Lets leave the colors and details to until after the show." Saying so he walked towards the green rooms and she followed hearing him say things which left her baffled.

*********************
She paced left to right then right to left, then back and back again and so on. She had done nothing but that for the past quarter of an hour. Well just that if you ignored the countless times she had cursed, in anger, in frustration, and although she would not admit, in worry. Where was he? The look on her face, which had started with a frown was now like a painter's palette - the expressions numerous like the colors, too messed to be distinguished individually, making it hard to envisage which one single emotion it was that they wanted to display.

Where was he, she thought again, and why would he not answer his dam phone. She stared at her watch again, willing it to show the time from an hour ago. This was a limit. Whatever he got held up with, did she not even deserve a phone call? Could he be in trouble? She did not know which she preferred to believe, this that he maybe in trouble, or the other that he had just decided to leave her waiting without a clue, like five years before. Cursing herself she wished he was not in trouble, and to further her frustration at self, she could not bring herself to go inside the amphitheater without him, to occupy herself with something other than thoughts of him and what could have delayed him so much.

She paced faster, the show would end in another 15 minutes. Would she make a fool of herself if they thought she had waited for him so long, neither coming inside, nor going elsewhere? Perhaps it would be best to leave now, before she had to explain herself to Gappu and Minnie, she could just say later, that she had been waiting for Armaan for about 10minutes past her conversation with Gappu, and then got a call from one of her sites and had to leave. She could in fact completely pretend like she did not know that Armaan had not shown up at all. What about the missed calls on his cell though she thought cursing herself for having made so many. Maybe she could say she just wanted to let him know that she had to leave? Yes, that would work she thought with a grim expression, thankfully I did not leave him a voicemail.

Turning around with the force of her new resolve she gasped sharply as she lost her balance, self stepping on a string from her sandal which had come lose, but before she could fall even half way, she felt a set of muscular arms take hold of her.

"You alright?"

She did not have to look at the face to know it was him. The voice was enough, she would recognize it anywhere. But she looked up anyways, and with a jerk, it was a spontaneous reaction, was he finally here? He was, becoming aware of his grip around her shoulder and waist she knew it was him alright, real in flesh and blood. She saw the concern on his face, and somehow it irritated her. She sprang back to balance on her own, not quite gently, and although she broke her look with him she could feel his eyes on her. Don't look at him Ridzi, she told herself the temper rising within her. True she had hoped he wasn't in trouble,but now seeing him by her side, appearing fine, all in one piece was making her furious not relaxed. He repeated, with an added caution to his voice, which made her wonder if her anger was so visible.

"Ridhima, you alright?" She would have wanted to turn around and yell at him, give him a piece of her mind. but she clenched her fists digging her finger nails in deep to pull a straight face before she looked him in the eye and said,

"Yes I am." then after a fleeting pause she couldn't keep herself from adding, "Why do you care?"

Armaan should have preferred to be anywhere that moment to escape her wrath except where he was, but he didn't feel quite so. He held her gaze reading her eyes. She was mad at him, for the obvious reason, but somehow he felt calm to see her that way. It was the an anger which exerted her right upon him, not the anger of indifference as she was trying hard to portray. It was insane but he almost wanted to smile.

Perhaps it was his unaffected look, for she frowned harder the next moment looking away. He allowed himself the smile which would refuse to be subdued still looking at her. He could hardly believe himself, after the past hour of trouble with Lovely, he was now facing the second half of his not quite happy evening with Ridhima perhaps ready to strangle him, and he was smiling? Shaking his head clear he wiped the smile off just in time, for she had turned to face him again, appalled by his attitude. Was he going to ever explain himself?

"Ridhima, I'm sorry I actually..." He stopped as she walked away with force and pace. He gulped looking up towards the sky with a look of plea before he broke into a trot to catch up with her. She walked faster seeing him by her side and he tried again.

"Ridhima please, just hear me out. I'll explain. It was Lovely, she..." Ridhima shot him a look which made him pause. She stopped walking and so did he looking at her in anticipation.

"Lovely?" she snapped, her voice was forcefully controlled and he could see she had intended to say much more but had let it stay at that one word. Then however she changed her mind, and spoke again, before he could,

"I really have no intentions of interfering in your personal life Mr. Malik, save yourself the reasons. Besides, why are you really bothered? This isn't the first time you've left me waiting without an explanation, and a couple of hours at that, should be nothing to compare with five long years."

As she walked off, he stood for a moment stunned by her words. But before his guilt could overtake, it struck him. Five long years...did she just say she had waited for him all through. Somehow the thought gave him more comfort than a sense of guilt which should have been more obvious. And now she had waited for him, outside the amphi, for close to an hour perhaps. He looked up and he saw her some 50 paces away and somewhere a car' buzzed unlocking, he guessed she clicked it so on her key chain operator.

He broke into a trot second time, to catch up with her on an impulse despite her cutting remark. As he neared she was getting in the driver's seat. He didn't quite know what made him do what he did next, but he raced the last few steps towards the passenger seat and opening the door got in. He could feel ger stare on himself as he concentrated on fixing the seatbelt into its lock. His head lowered, he fumbled with the lock, to not have to look at her for he was already starting to think this was an insane impulse he had followed. But then he closed his eyes momentarily and reopening, and he knew he would not regret it.

She did at that moment turn on the ignition without a word and reversed the car out of its spot, with a cut wider than was needed he realized. They got onto the street he saw her dodge cars, speed up and overtake, or brake suddenly juggling the traffic in a rash pattern. Out of the corner of his eye he braved a fleeting glance, after almost ten minutes of driving in silence. She was looking straight ahead, he noticed moments later as he dared a second glance, more lasting this time, her grip on the steering was an evidence of the intensity of her temper.

"Ahem ahem..." he cleared his throat after another couple of minutes, someone had to break the silence, and he couldn't decide if this was a streak of courage or reckless hope that was making him do things so unlike himself.

"This is Sheryl and you're listening to B96 top ten, its American Idol first runners up David Archuleta at number five with his new single, his very own Crush!..."  The voice from the radio cut him short as she raised the volume making her intentions to not hear him out obvious. He looked at her but as she continued to ignore his presence he looked ahead himself and the song blared into the silence between them...

"...Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know "...

He chanced another look at her, and saw her expression was not the stony blank look anymore. Her grip on the steering was definitely more lax, but she still seemed...tense?or plain angry? She still did continue to look straight ahead. He wished she would not keep it inside anymore, her anger at him. He would prefer her yelling than this phase where she made him feel he didn't exist for her. The lyrics were running in his mind as he continued staring at her, willing her to spare him one glance.

"Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?"

Ridhima missed nothing, neither his eyes boring through her, nor the lyrics of the song, nor how hard it was getting for her to ignore both. What was wrong with him anyway, why did he get into her car. What in the world was he up to, where did he have to go, more like where were they going, what was the destination...to this drive...to their life...She couldn't think why she had not told him get out right away, why did she let him stay and drive out of there. AND WHY WERE THEY PLAYING THIS DAM SONG.

"Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy..."

A sudden silence enveloped as she turned off the radio abruptly, and it was only then that Armaan realized how loud the volume had been, he also realized how he had not quite minded that...the lyrics were still echoing in his head.

"I kind of like that song," he said suddenly and it took him all his effort to keep himself from cursing out loud. What did he just say? But the next second he was almost glad he did, for she finally turned around to look at him. He gave her an instantaneous smile, he did not know how it appeared just then, perhaps it was the relief of getting some reaction. She looked away and straight ahead again without returning his gesture. He lowered his gaze debating what to say next, but he didn't have to for she spoke up, much to his surprise, shock was more like it.

"I hate Archuleta, exceedingly juvenile. I'm glad it was Cook who won the idol." she snapped.

It took him seconds to process her words as he looked at her amazed. She was talking to him? About the American Idol finals? He wanted to laugh out loud, the relief, the happiness, a sudden warmth was gushing through his insides and he couldn't keep himself from breaking into a grin. She perhaps realized that and turning around she shot him a dirty look. He smiled back wider in response, he just couldn't stop himself, despite the knowledge that he might be annoying her further.

"Me too" he stated and as she frowned puzzled but looking ahead he explained, "Preferred Cook myself. I just said I kind of like the song, not the singer." he made his stand, the smile refusing to leave.

He saw her frown disappear replaced by an effort to maintain the defiant look, and he knew she was listening, In fact he figured she may finally be willing to allow conversation in the car. But he kept quiet, she would have to start this time, he had contributed his share of mindless initiatives for the evening. He smiled to himself lightly looking out of his window casually as instinct told him she would speak soon. It was several moments of silence before he noticed something that made him turn around towards her with a jerk. His sudden movement did not escape her and she looked at him in reflex reaction. His face grew into a frown as he seemed to be concentrating on something looking at nothing in particular. She cocked her eyebrows curious, as she maintained a side look on the road ahead.

"Ridhima, " he whispered not quite looking at her, still in seeming concentration, "The wheel..." he said and she had no clue what he was intending her to understand. He looked at her finally and said, "The car wheel Ridhima, its wobbly."

"Huh?" he nodded in response to her confusion. "Its either flat, or coming lose."

"What? Of course not. I just got it back from the garage on the way to the amphi." She said in a 'know-it-all' tone.

"Well then you should sue the mechanic. Something with the wheel is definitely not normal." He stated seriously, unaffected by her obvious stance to prove it was all in his head.

She gave him a stubborn look of defiance and faced ahead to drive on. He frowned at her incredulously as she pressed harder on the gas pedal, accelerating. Then rolling his eyes he shook his head slightly and said more firmly stressing his point,

"Ridhima, what are you trying to do? I'm telling you the it could be coming lose, the wheel, stop accelerating." She shot him a dirty look and he knew there was no straight way with her. Gosh, would she ever listen to him?

"Ridhima listen..." She snapped cutting him off.

..."Its nothing Armaan, first you get into my car, uninvited, now you're trying to scare me? Just to make conversation? Cheap stakes. Its my car, I know how to manage it, you can sit if you stay quiet or I can drop you right here if you're afraid of sitting in a car with a wobbly wheel."

He opened his mouth to respond then shut it. She really would not listen. How reckless could she...never mind right now Armaan, he told himself. This wasn't the moment. He had to convince her of the wheel first, somehow. As he felt the car accelerate more he had a sudden idea. Quickly he pulled both her hands off the steering as she looked at him shocked and furious.

"Armaan what the..." ....

"Sshhh" He said with a commanding streak she had rarely witnessed in him. Frowning hard he indicated ahead and she followed his gaze.

"What the hell are you..." She stopped mid sentence as she realized what he was trying to show her. The car wasn't going in a straight line anymore, it was deviating towards the right lane along a gradual virtual diagonal path. Her eyes widened and he hastily let go of her hands gripping the steering to bring the car back on track. She took over from him and said in realization almost to herself.

"The tyre is wobbly..."

"About time you concluded that. Now would you try and get out of this fastest right lane? We need to stop at the very next exit so I can have a look at it." She did not retort this time, neither did she get defiant, with a solemn look half embaressed, half worried she followed his instruction quietly. He saw her glance in the rear view trying to find a break to cut through the lanes. But it was a busy evening hour traffic, the dim light of settling dusk, and increasing number of glaring high beams made it no easier. He saw her frown deepen, and he knew it wasn't just in concentration. He sighed, it wasn't quite possible to switch drivers on the fast moving lane or he would have been glad to relieve her. Gently he held her hand on the steering, making her look at him.

"Relax, its going to be fine, " he whispered with a small but reassuring smile, and she nodded slightly before she looked up ahead and at the rear view again. Even in the anticipation of the moment she felt relieved; he was there by her side, and so she believed him at long last for what he said - it was going to be fine...everything...

*****************


~Part 7~

Over the next almost ten minutes he saw her make several futile attempts at trying to cut into the middle lane. As her eyes darted between the windscreen to keep track of the road ahead, and the rear view to scan the traffic behind her for an opening. Her actions appeared to be under control, but it was evident that the calm was gradually evaporating.

"I feel like the wheel is going to come off any second if I try to turn, is it simply because I now know that its faltering?" she whispered without looking at him more as a question to herself.

He heard the gravity in her tone as she bit her lower lip. It was almost frustrating to not be able to take over from her, the wheel posed definite trouble, not negligible in the least, but was also not the worst possible; if she didn't panic and blunder so to say. In his better judgement she had missed at least a couple of chances to crossover to the middle lane, she was trying hard but somehow would hold back the second she could just about do it. And he felt like she knew that as well as him, which was perhaps making it worse for her. Her voice betrayed the lack of confidence and that was bothering him much more now than the wheel itself. His mere presence wasn't support enough. He sighed quietly, it would be a spectacle he knew, and he would have never done it if...if only it was him driving...but greater delay would definitely not be worth the risk, and there had to be a first to everything.

He extended his hand with the thought, turning on the park lights; and saw her frowning harder without looking at him, her eyes still glued to the traffic in her lane. He turned around bending over towards the back seat without explaining himself and she shot him a quick puzzled look before focusing her attention back to where it was meant to be. It did not however stop her from wondering what he was up to. The fact that he was half leaning against her was not making it any easier, she could feel his side frame digging against her shoulder, and did not know what irked her more, the unexplained proximity or its effect on her as she stiffened to his touch. The situation was mess enough without him adding to her discomfort. She shot him a glare which he obviously could not see, considering he was absorbed with rummaging through the back seat in a quest undefined.

"Armaan!"

she said at long last shooting him another look, an exasperated one this time,  just as he turned around, and for a moment neither could break the look as he stayed still, half bent over her profile outline on his side. A high beam reflected off the rear view from the car behind her closing in made her scrunch her eyes the next moment, and she looked away - the awkwardness touching a sudden peak. Armaan's steady gaze followed her fidgety eyes, which moved rapidly from one thing to the next, to everything in sight except him and her changing expressions before she managed to conceal them with a deep set frown of concentration. It was not until that moment that he realized how closely in contact he was with her, and had been for the past few minutes as he had been engaged in his search, looking away now he hastily moved back into his seat. The moment she felt the weight lift away from her shoulder she let out a breath which had been unconsciously held onto, but without meaning to, she found herself longing for the warmth of the contact, wishing it had persisted. It was followed by silent self reproach, when would she learn to have any control over herself in his presence, she cursed mentally. As she remained quiet avoiding the obvious question, he explained breaking the silence.

"I remembered you would have a rough duster somewhere under the seats...like before."

She continued looking ahead not chancing a glance at him, but his remark had only puzzled her further, not to mention the uncertainity of her feelings as his tone softened at the last two words. 

"So?" was all she managed, she would have stammered for sure had she attempted a more elaborate response.

"Can you open the sun roof for me? And start braking gradually when I tell you to, then change lane when you touch a 50 on the speedometer, nothing higher."

"Huh?"

She turned around to face him, her confusion too great to avoid even a look, and her eyes caught the pastel colored duster in his hand. As she looked at him again, he moved his hand forward and her eyes followed it as he pressed down the controls for the sun roof. The cold night wind gushed in making a sudden noise and as she turned back to him, she saw him get up in his seat and move half way up through the sun roof.

"Armaan what are..."

"SOS..." cutting her off he stated simply over the sound of the wind as the car raced at a highway usual of about a hundred miles an hour. She frowned for a second before her eyes widened in realization of his action.

"Alright start braking Ridhima, I got a signal from at least up to four cars behind us, the lane will slow down."

She obeyed his instruction, he definitely knew what he was doing, most certainly better than she did, and at the moment she was only to glad to pass him the controls and take orders. It was a descending sense of relief to have him take real charge, and she let out a sigh before realizing she did so...

******************
"Relax Ridhima, let him go, poor guy, he'll be stammering under your glare soon."

She turned around still frowning as she heard Armaan whisper close to her ear  from behind and he signaled the young mechanic to leave. Moving on he stood by her side and extended a cup of coffee towards her with a slanting grin, indicating her to take it. She did, without returning his smile though and looked ahead to where her car was being fixed, not wanting to retort to his pass. Not after he had gotten her out of the situation with such ease.

SOS, he called it, and thats exactly what it had been, the whole lane behind her slowed gradually as he signaled with the rough duster, and it was not more than ten minutes before she was in the rightmost slowest lane, getting out of it at the next exit. The wheel it turned out was flat, and lose. And opening the boot she cursed Gappu for not keeping the spare only to find that Armaan had already called to inform him and then consequently 911. The car was towed to her garage soon after, and they got a ride from the cops. She had not missed his persistent smile throughout the ride, and at one point when she mouthed an irritated 'what' at him he shook his head in response, smiling more. She rolled  her eyes, unable to think of what he could find so amusing at a moment like that, of course preferring to ignore the gnawing feeling that it was on account of the mockery she had made of herself. She concluded silence for then was her only refuge, and she looked out of the window at familiar spots flying past as barely recognizable blurs, not like she was looking at anything anyways, her mind almost vacant, at a loss of thoughts, or perhaps too many to handle?

Now she frowned at her coffee raising the cup to take a sip, then deciding otherwise, she turned abruptly to face him, and was not altogher surprised. He was smiling, his hands dug into the pockets of the denims as he gazed ahead, she knew not at what. She stared at him for a long second, before finally looking away. Could his humor at her cowardice last this long? Swallowing her pride she knew it had to be said now, she owed him one, and leaving it to a later moment would only require reintroducing the topic she would rather end it right away.

"Ahem..." she cleared her throat seeking attention, and he broke his unblinking gaze to face her, not quite as she would please, still smiling. Tentatively he cocked his eyebrows in question and she started in a low voice averting his direct look.

"I...er..." she paused uneasily "Thanks a lot."

Having spoken the words, she looked up to catch the flicker of something in his eyes, which disappeared before she could know what it was. Just the smile again, visibly widened by her words as he gave a slight nod in response. Somehow, unlike her anticipation for the worse his manner was neither condescending nor mocking. Looking back ahead of her she took a sip from her coffee. In fact it wasn't humiliation at all she thought with slight surprise. She sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, tired. And then although that was all she had intended to say, she suddenly had a alot more to tell. Either that or just that he was a patient listener, strange though that the latter was to serve as a motivation for her to speak her mind. And so he told her - at least all that he could, while the real secrets still remained unsaid.

*******************
Ritu saw her unconsciously swirling the contents of the already cold cup of hot coffee lying before her. She was having to fight the urge to ask about the evening, she had to. Ridhima knew nothing. Neither that Ritu was aware of the social accidental encounters her friend had had with Armaan, nor that she had played a significant role in making them happen, nor that Chirag, Gappu and now as she had been informed even Minnie were part of this mission, a mission to reunite Armaan and Ridhima, mission ARMIDZ, they called it. And so she sat silent, hoping Ridhima would break the spell soon, and talk. She did not have to wait long.

"I can't stop being affected by him Ritu. I wish that I could, cause I should." Ridhim stated, with no direct refernce to the subject of her thoughts. Ritu looked up with hope surging within, then qucikly assumed her act.

"Him? You mean..."

"Armaan." Ridhima answered without letting her complete the question.

Ritu punched her fist in the air beneath the table, while maintaining the blank look and spoke again trying hard to sound disapproving.

"Armaan? I thought you resolved to treat him just like a client Ridzi. Besides you said he doesn't even show up for the appointments. Don't say you are affected even by his absence."

Common girl, say yes you are affected, by his not being there as much as his being. Admit now, that you care for what he does and does not, says and says not, listens and listens not. Just say you're madly in love with him, and I'll hug and tell you to get him cause so is he. Ridhima interrupted her progressive chain of thoughts speaking up again in a guilt ridden tone, her voice low.

"I actually...we met today for the musical, which we did not attend, and yesterday at Giordanos for dinner, and...oh we met at my office before all that yesterday morning cause I called him, cause I wanted him to explain what..." she paused then looked up in a sense of urgency, as Ritu quickly donned her shocked expression,

"You know Ritu, Lovely, I mean his wife, she has...uh...I forgot the name, its a mental disorder, something with an 'S'', she isn't normal, I mean not like me...and you" she added the last two words hastily. It took Ritu all her self restrain to look shocked at the information as she spoke, trying to sound as disbeleiving as she possibly could.

"What? You mean he ditched you for her despite how she is and you still care? You disappoint me Ridhima."

Ritu gave a silent pat, one each to herself and to Ridhima, for different reasons both obvious, as Ridhima nodded her head with her eyes lowered.

"I do. I can't seem not to. I tried hard, to be distant, to be professional, to be just friendly, nothing works. I care for him as much as I did five years ago, in fact I feel like I care even more now, definitely more than I ever would if he was just a friend. And his non chalance and neutrality helps in no way. I can't hate him, neither ignore him, he just...seems to have invaded my whole system, I can't flush him out? There is no way to get rid of him Ritu." pausing she sighed looking at her friend as she added in solemn resignation, "I don't even think I want to."

Ritu wanted to do the victory jiggle, containing her happiness was taking every bit of control, but the miserable look on Ridhima's face humbled her. She wrapped her hands around Ridhima's which held onto the coffee mug unconsciously seeking a warmth which it could no longer offer.

"Ridzi..." she started, this time not having to act earnest, "You love him." She did not pose it as a question. "Why do you refuse yourself the possibility that he maybe just as much in love with you?"

Ridhima lowered her head into her hands. Her own puzzling thoughts were furthered by the question Ritu put forth, and she missed out on the realization that her friend had a sudden change of mind and was now encouraging her to think in a direction she had earlier forbidden her to consider. Nor the fact that Ritu did not once ask her for any elaboration on half explained statements. For then she was too occupied to see the obvious unusual.

"Could he be in love...with me?" she whispered to herself and Ritu gave a small smile. If only you realized how much, she thought. Aloud she said,

"Follow your heart Ridhima, it wont mislead you, I promise." And she got up from there, to give Ridhima some solitude for thought.

***************
Unlocking the bolt, he quietly let himself inside, shutting the door gently behind. He walked inside, without turning on the lights, he didn't need any to find his way even with his attention elsewhere. Moving towards the steps climning up slowly his mind reeled back. Everything in the past 48 hours seemed to have been a step ahead not backwards. He smiled to himself. His face felt warm and he could sense a blush creeping in which would have been visible but for the darkness which engulfed it as he thought about Ridhima. It had been a series of meetings since yesterday morning, each better the one preceding it, he was still unsure if he should finally believe that it was all happening to him and real. He didn't know where these sudden hopes were leading him, or perhaps deep inside he did. But for once he did not want to be commanded by his wisdom. He just wanted to let go, to be swept into the tide of chances that were emerging every possible way, he wished to take a risk. Smiling wider, he opened the door to his bedroom. Making as little noise as possible he got himself a pair of night clothes from his closet and left to change.

Brushing his teeth he saw his reflection in the mirror he faced. Was he imagining or were his eyes looking brighter, less tired perhaps, although he had slept less hours in the past two days than he could remember ever since he graduated. There was an unusual shine he concluded, and the smile, he shook his head in disapproval at his reflection, the smile refused to leave even when covered in frothy toothpaste. He felt like a child.

"Armaan, dude, get a grip..." he mumbled brushing more rigorously than was needed, to employ the restless energy for something productive. When we finally got done he flashed his teeth wide with an inspecting look. Then shaking his head he muttered reproachfully looking away,

"Losing it..." Opening the door he was going to turn off the light in the washroom when his eyes fell on the bed. He narrowed his eyes to ascertain if he saw it right. The bed was indeed empty. Forgetting the light he walked towards the bed, still doubting his eyes but a closer view changed nothing. It was not only an empty bed, but also looked like it was kind of made, definitely not slept in. He frowned. Chirag had called to confirm that he had dropped off Lovely and not left her alone till she took her pills and went to bed. But then, where was she. An inkling of apprehension began to creep in and he went out to check the other rooms. The study, the guest room on that floor, then he ran down to check the kitchen, the living, the family room, even the pantry...there was no sign of her. Not bothering to about causing disturbance anymore, he turned on the every light that now came along his way, soon the whole house was flooded in a yellow glow.

"Lovely!" he said...then again and much louder this time..."LOVELY?"

At the very next thought he pulled out his mobile and speed dialed Chirag. Pick up the phone man, he thought with rising desperation, please pick up and say you know whats happening. At long last a sleepy voice answered and Armaan started off without giving it a break as he walked back into his room, turning on the only lights which were still switched off. As he paced the floor narrating details his eyes fell on the half open sliding door to her walk in closet. Tentatively he moved towards it, not hearing anymore what Chirag spoke on the other end, now completely awake.

His eyes widened in horror at what he saw...

"Oh my God..." the words left his mouth but were never heard since there was no voice. Just when he thought life was starting to loosen up...

********************

oki...part7 at long last...phew...that was much delayed i cant deny....but its been freaking crazy, endless work...sore throat...bad mood thanx to the bloody medi's....anywaz...no more cribbing...hope u will enjoy the part...i tried to keep it paced, yet explanative enuf...enjoy reading....n plzzz the comments...or thank u click...watever u prefer....they really really really matter....

PM's tomorrow!




 Edited by spln - 15 years ago

~Part 8~

He cursed. Within a second he cursed again, more forcefully this time as plausible scenarios were beginning to take form in his mind and he got into a rush. Racing down the stairs, taking two at a time and jumping over the last four onto the landing beneath he grabbed his jacket from the closet besides the main door, and the car keys lying on top of the chest next to it. Then turning the knob on the handle to auto lock mode he shut it behind him, harder than he normally would have, cursing the loud sound it made therefore, and disturbing in the process the silence of what would have seemed like a rare peaceful night.

For something about that night was not usual, or nothing was so to say. He would have noticed, if the ambiguity of circumstances was not as daunting as right then, that there was a spell of calm around quite unlike the city. The stars shimmered, too many of them visible for a downtown sky, mostly in irregular patterns; the moon was a bright almost half circle spreading a silvery haze to a considerable circumference around itself in the uniform blue black base of the sky, evened out for no irregularities from blotches of clouds, an uncommon sight for Chicago's night sky. Nor was there a sign of the piercing cold wind which was common both to the place and to the time of the year.

It was in his perplexed state of mind a definite bliss that Chirag paid attention to none of the details; he would have failed to appreciate the beauty of it anyways, it would to him have signified a lull before the storm. The forty five minutes drive was marked by nothing worth a special mention and could easily be defined as the scissors paper stone game: either he was cursing, or just driving in silent musing, or hearing Armaan's voicemail the calls remaining unanswered as they had after that incomplete frantic call from him. One of the three happened at a time and there was no exception, ever.

********************
"AMMY..."

He stopped. After yelling his name all over the house when he finally found him in the closet hearing some sound, it was a sight which would remain with him forever and in the later times the memory of it would remind him that of all the unusual sights from that night that his eyes had seen but not registered this was the only one unprecedented for him, and something he would never see again. On the floor Lovely was lying still and by her side Armaan sat his head lowered oblivious to his surroundings. Chirag frowned and moved forward with unintentional caution, uncertain of what any sound from him might disturb here. His eyes darted between Lovely and Armaan and he forbade his mind to make any sense of what he was seeing. Slowly he lowered himself to kneel down forcing his gaze to stay on Armaan alone for the second.

"Armaan?"

He whispered, then realizing he was inaudible even to himself he moved his hand and shook Armaan by his shoulder, ever so slightly and repeated in a hoarse whisper of one who was starting to feel that ignorance of facts here may not be a bad idea.

"Armaan..."

As Armaan raised his gaze to face him, Chirag saw a listless look in the hazel eyes, a look which seemed to lack either recognition or comprehension or both of who and what. Chirag realized it was harder to face this than a look at Lovely and so he shifted his gaze to her.

"Where was she Ammy, you completely freaked me out. What happened?"

There was much more he wanted to say and ask, but couldn't dare to for the fear of what he would learn, so he put forth a vague question, a wide one, hoping to be spared the details as his mind was refusing to obey and not conceptualize what was happening here, or what had happened. He turned back to look at Armaan feeling a brushing moment and saw Armaan get off his spot by the wall. Moving towards Lovely, he pulled a random dupatta from the hangers, and pulled it over her body almost mechanically except a look which flickered on his face as he covered the face last. Chirag gasped unable to fight the obvious comprehension anymore.

"I killed her..." The words hung mid air between the two friends as they looked into each other's eyes.

********************
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it not knowing what to say. Lowering first her eyes, then her body she slumped into the couch by her side a weakness creeping into her knees forcing her to seek support. Unexpected things can often result lack of reaction. But this was more than just unexpected, and so it wasn't lack of reaction she experienced, it was more like no reaction. Gapuu stood grim by her side his eyes not leaving her face, he cursed mentally to have to be the one to inform Ridhima of this, but there could be no one else Ritu had argued out with him when she informed him, since neither she nor Chirag could break the news to Ridhima, they were supposed to know nothing here; and Minnie? Would she not tell Gappu first? Armaan himself would never call Ridhima, not now anyways and so Gappu had no option but to give in. He wished he knew what to say now, but then she spoke up saving him the trouble.

"How?" she whispered condensing her many thoughts into a monosyllable.

"She..." he paused shifting his feet but Ridhima did not notice his discomfort. He took in a deep breath, "She hung herself. It was suicide."

He did not know how he brought himself to state that fact, it wasn't a new word to him, not even uncommon or rare, yet being up close with a reality as harsh, he felt the word struck him in its true essence the very first time, as more than just a word, and for once he felt he was after all still not an adult. It did not take you to be a 19 year old to know death was inevitable, in the least so when you lived in a world as unpredictable as now, when everything was up against the basics of humanity.

Yet when you faced it so raw, the death of someone who was more than an unknown name, you realized what it means to be no more. Never again. He knew her not beyond having met her at Minnie's house some random times as Mrs. Malik, and as Armaan's wife for the past couple of weeks, and yet he felt eerie in knowing he would not see her again. He did not long to, he did not care at all, why then was he trying to remember when he met her last, what she was doing then, how she had sounded and looked, and then he fought to keep the image of her smile away.

There was no bonding here, but he could not explain this strange sense of insecurity, he couldn't think of what made him so uneasy. His first encounter with death so real, perhaps. He was just unable to recover from the sinking sense of what even little children knew, those once gone can never come back...he was more troubled by the next fact, its an inevitable fate, everyone has to go. He struggled to fight images of his loved ones as he thought of death. Unconsciously he sat down besides Ridhima and hugged her tight. She maintained her silence, but somewhere her shocked nerves welcomed his embrace, and she hugged him back, the numb spell finally starting to wear off.

Lovely was dead. Suicide hanging. Armaan's wife Gappu had called her...Armaan...she had to meet him. He would need someone. Perhaps he would need her?

*****************
"Have this," shaking his head he looked up but she spoke before he could refuse.

"Its ginger tea, I know you don't have coffee." It was more of an assertion than a simply stated fact so he took the cup from her without further resistance.

"Thanks..." he mumbled getting up knowing tea was not all she came for, only the excuse for being there. "I think Keerti Baudi was looking for me in the..." He paused as she tugged onto his arm to make him sit again.

"Stay Armaan...please. Its not hard to observe the trend of how someone seems to be looking for you everytime I'm around, but I insist this is important. We need to talk."

"Ridhima can this wait?..." he paused sighing. "Alright. What do you want to talk about?"

He said in a flat voice giving her a direct non expressive look. He had ignored her for most part of the past 3 days, making conversation only when it was unavoidable, and limiting it to formal small talk. But she was persistent, refusing to be discouraged and he knew he couldn't evade this forever. Perhaps the best way was to get done with it, in a way so she would not call for a second round.

Ridhima sensed in his voice what she had in his actions for 3 long days. A tendency to avoid her, almost shove her off. He is shutting himself up Chirag had explained, and Ridhima did not disagree. But somewhere she felt the distance he maintained from her was greater than that from all others, and intentionally so. After much pondering she concluded she would have to take initiative, and with an unfailing resolve since he wasn't likely to make it any easier for her.

"Quite a few things actually," she stated in an unperturbed voice now. "How about starting with us. Why are you avoiding me?"

"You want to discuss us? How insensitive to the situation here can you possibly be? Anyways, just to satisfy your ego, no I'm not ignoring you. I've just been through not the best week of my life and I apologize if my hospitality was not at par with your expectations. I am human you do realize?"

Ridhima swallowed her reaction to his harsh words and tone. She had expected something similar to happen if she broached the topic, but that did not make bearing the brunt any less unpleasant. He was making no secret of how unwelcome this talk was for him, neither of how he was expecting her to drop the topic for good. That wasn't quite her plan though. She spoke again, her voice still calm.

"If I asked about Lovely and you, about facts of your married life, if I said I want to know about what exactly happened, and why you are blaming yourself for it; you will say its none of my business. But I know the you and me bit here is linked to the you and her bit, and so do you. So I'm asking what I rightfully can. She did not die a normal death, it was suicide, and I'm not trying to rub in any of this Armaan. If you would answer straight, we could both be saved much frustration."

He was certain she knew her argument held conviction, but she couldn't have realized how close to facts she was. And that she said it without agitation even in the face of his cutting remarks was bad news for him, but he couldn't not marvel reluctantly at her sense of calm, the resistive curt exterior was getting harder to maintain. It was one of the reasons he had made it a point to avoid confrontation with her. She disturbed his placid facade like no one else. Of course the main reason to avoid her was his own guilt. He saw her looking at him now, unblinking, waiting for his response and lowered his head.

"Ridhima...its just...I don't know what I could possibly say, or what it is that you want me to..."

He said in a low voice, seeking a closure. She did not rest her look upon him even though he was clearly evading it, but she remained quiet. The physical void between them was filled with a wordless one, but it wasn't a comfortable silence as it offered no relief to either of them. Armaan knew the talk was best left alone, perhaps she had temporarily abandoned it. But after another minute of quiet he could take it no more.

"Ridhima...I didn't...I mean are you offended? Please don't be."

"Isn't that what you intended Armaan? You haven't succeeded yet."

He knew she meant it cause she was so balanced, she had not spoken one reckless word, not even a thoughtless retort. Suddenly he wished she would say something, perhaps thats what he needed, someone to tell him how unreasonable and how wrong he was, he was tired of self reproach now, it did not work on him anymore.

"If I haven't then say something...why do you refrain from further talk?" he said. There was the slightest hint of desperation to his tone Ridhima noticed. She looked him in the eye and said,

"I was saving you from what is evidently not going to be what you want to hear. What do you want me to say anyways, I'm not the one with secrets here Armaan, its you. You conveniently presume at every step that I will understand...that I should understand. And I think all this while in trying to make myself worth us I have made the biggest mistake in this relationship, by never seeking explanations. It couldn't have just escaped your notice how everything of real significance between us remains unsaid...always..."

Armaan raised his eyes and looked at her. Then slowly he nodded and looked away.

"You could have been saved perhaps the only miserable part of your life Ridhima, if we never met. I can't even say I wish I did not know you, but I wish you would not have had to know me back. I'm sorry. I think its my defining trait, loss and pain for those I..." he checked himself from saying what he was going to..."care about. I fear emotions in myself now, they spell premonition."

She got down to kneel on her feet before him looking up into his eyes. Then holding his hands in her own she spoke in a solemn voice.

"You told me once I mattered more to people than I realized, its not any different for you. Why do you refuse people who care for you a chance to be a part of your life, and of everything in it. Its not just about how much you suffer trying to cope with everything alone, but just as much about how they suffer in knowing you don't trust them enough."

She didn't break the look, and for once neither did he. For several long moments that is, before he looked away sighing. Then he withdrew his hands out of her grasp and shook his head slowly at first, then more vigorously.

"You don't see it do you Ridhima, the full picture..."

"I can't Armaan, I don't know what the full picture is." Her persisting calm was strangely making him restless. It was like they had reversed roles.

"Alright. She committed suicide. You want to know why? I am clueless why you want to know, and worse lost about why I am telling you any of this. She left a note. It said she couldn't bear to have me live through the obligation of such a marriage, she thought I was not happy..."

"Was she wrong? Were you happy?" Ridhima cut him off. He opened his mouth to reply then shut it. Then crossing his fingers he interlocked them with force, it appeared to Ridhima he was trying to hold back an outburst.

"Was I happy? Does it matter? I was not with her that night when she had a depression attack because I was happy being with you. It cost me her life Ridhima, and that's definitely not making me any happier than before. The wedding was arranged by my family but I consented for it."

"And why did you Armaan?" she shot back this time, still calm, but her voice held much more force.

"Because I..." for a second she thought he had finally let go of the restrain on himself as he raised his volume, but he paused looking away and she knew the moment was lost and so was the confession after coming so close to it. She waited for him to complete anyways.

"I had my reasons."

The strain in is voice was evident, he must have known that just as well, for he got up abruptly.

"I need to get going Ridhima, there are some pending calls to answer back. Thanks for the tea." As he walked away, she stared at his back for a whole minute but he did not turn back to look at her. Not that she had expected him to. He never had turned back to see how she was doing after him. She sighed, tired herself and slowly she got off her feet to sit down completely, crossing her legs and lowering her head into her hands.

"Atleast you know your reasons to have married her. I know neither yours to have left me behind, nor mine to have never moved on." she whispered as silent tears traced down from her cheeks until she could taste the familiar saline tinge on her lips, as they had countless times since the day he walked out of her life. Then abruptly she lifted her face and wiped her tears forcefully, getting up she followed in the direction Armaan had gone.

*******************
"I can't stand it Ritu. He is just building this inpenetrable shield all about himself and I can't connect with him anymore. I thought Ridhima would, but he refuses to let her reach out to him."

Ritu looked at him as he paced the floor of the Armaan's study. She had no solace to offer him, being at no greater ease than herself. She sat in silence and that was indication enough of her despair. He paced more, the frustration was growing upon him, cause his speed and force increased with each time he walked the length again. Ritu spoke at last.

"Please sit down Chirag. This isn't helping us anymore." He shot her an agitated look.

"Well what is going to help us then Ritu? Lovely is dead and out of the way, just as you had hoped. But dare I ask, why you don't look delighted my dear? Then again, how could you, it hasn't brought them closer, only increased the rift between them like never before."

"Chirag...please! You can accuse me if that makes you feel any better, at least one of us will be relieved of some stress. But you know I had never wished for things to get this ugly, I was seeking happiness for them, just like you, not circumstances as harsh. I wanted to bring back Armaan, and his love into Ridzi's life, I never saw the stakes so high. We didn't intend for it to happen this way you know it. Do you really think I deserve the blame?"

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled looking away, then looking back at her he said, "No you don't. No one can be blamed. It was her medical condition. I wish Ammy would understand that too, I can't take the way he holds himself responsible anymore. His negligence he said it was, of not having been with her. It almost makes me wish we had not set them up for the musical date that evening. Here we were trying to bring them closer so they accept their feelings, and it..."

"YOU WERE TRYING TO WHAT?" Their eyes widened in horror hearing Ridhima's voice but reeling around they saw not just her. Armaan stood there too. Chirag sought to read the expressions on his face, but it seemed more blank than ever.

"Ridzi...Armaan..." Ritu started..."We can explain. It is not what..."

"You don't need to."

Armaan spoke up finally, his voice revealed nothing more than his expressionless face and in addition to Chirag and Ritu, Ridhima shot him a shocked look too. He ignored the attention, or appeared to do so at least said simply.

"Chirag I need to wrap up a lot of paper work here, legal and financial. Do me a favor, book me tickets for whatever is available at the earliest after a week from now?"

Chirag spoke up despite himself before Armaan could complete, "Tickets?"

"Yes, for home. Its hardly an announcement I can make through a distant call. One way for Kolkota."

As he walked out of the room for a second the shock of his declaration made Ridhima forget she was upset with the other two and she asked in an uncertain voice looking at Chirag, "One way?" But she got no reassurance as Chirag stood stunned himself, Ridhima's question playing in his head along with Armaan's words.

*********************
It was a year now since he had been gone. Chirag stood slightly stopped forward as his hands held onto the railing of his balcony. So much had changed in this year he pondered in retrospection, as he did every day since Ammy left. It had not been all for the bad. Gappu and Minnie were a steady couple now, still young to be engaged formally, but there was hardly a doubt they were meant to be together for a lifetime, Ritu and he were already bound that way, after they tied the knot 3 months ago.

The empty spot for his best man in the wedding however reminded him every second of Armaan. Ridhima's happiness for them did not hide the void in her life, she had not pressed any issues with him or Ritu after the moment Armaan announced his plan to leave for India. Something in her had died he had known now for a while, from the instant the fact started to sink into her that day about a year ago. She had found her escape in pushing herself into work to extreme limits, that was all she ever did now, or talked about anymore. One could think the professionalism may have turned her into a cold mechanical being, but fact was she had become a stoic person, resigning listlessly to the fate she was condemned to, expecting nothing out life anymore, nothing at all.

He heard from Armaan every once or so in a while, but they talked of anything except what he was doing, where he was, or if he ever planned to return. In fact he did not even have the details of his essential contacts, postal or telephonic, there was none permanent Armaan would say to change the topic in a subtle way when he would ask, but Chirag saw his firm resolve to not reveal one, if there was any.

He would analyze in every moment of solitude whether it was the reuniting plan for Armaan and Ridhima which could be blamed for this permanent separation with no further hope. He seeked answers, without caring anymore about whether they justified his decision to have supported Ritu in her plan or gave him severe pangs of guilt, but the answers never came. He wondered if he would indeed die without putting the issue to rest ever, he hoped not. If there was one wish he desperately wanted for to come true, even if it was the last he could ask for, he wished for a fair chance to rectify the unintentional mistake. While Ritu put efforts to revive life for Ridhima in any way that was possible, just to have her move on, Chirag lived by the faith that his wish would come true when the time was right.

***********************
~Part 9~

"Wasn't that fun?" Ridhima smiled, Ritu's excitement was infectitious, and never fading as far as shopping was concerned.

"You have no limit do u Ritu, and today apparently neither does your card."Ritu shot her a mysteriously triumphant look.

"What?" exclaimed Ridhima narrowing her eyes.

"I must have forgotten to mention Ridzi, its Chirag's card!"

"Why did I not guess?" Ridhima replied in a laid back voice rolling her eyes upward. "Where to next Mrs. Richie Rich?"

Ritu chuckled, then grabbing her arm said grinning, "Food court! I'm famished. Ridzi this is so amazing, we have to do this more often. I feel like we are having girls time after like ages."

Ridhima's smile faded slightly, but she pulled it wide again for Ritu's benefit. They got seated at a table inside P.F.Chang's. Picking up the menu, though she needed it not at their favorite Chinese chain eat out, she thought how right Ritu was. She had been avoiding all social calls for many months now. Not that she had intended to, not from the start of this withdrawl phase at least. Infact when Armaan left, after the initial shock she had felt defiant, deciding to move on, this time for good. But it hadn't been real. Not anymore than his presence which she felt around her all the time. Gradually she lost the defiance, following a consequential retreat from much activity telling herself initially that she needed a while of solitude, which with time gained permanency in her life.

She knew nothing was the same, it had not been from that fall in London when she first saw him. If only she could delete the whole phase and be what she had been prior to that. Ridhima Gupta, 22, living life for the love of it, doing everything she did simply cause she wanted to, and in her heart harboring the dream of every girl at that age- to meet the man of her fantasies and live happily ever after. She expected to find him unexpectedly when she went for a party, or when they had Indian nights, during camping trips or at ball room dancing classes. Sometimes she would humor incredible imaginations of meeting him if her car broke down in a snow storm, or of a random guy she would accidentally spill her coke over at the movie hall.

Even so when she was informed, more often than not about certain someones who admired her, or when she was asked out directly, she mostly refused. Why? She couldn't say but she didn't feel them click as she imagined she should feel. And then it happened, the spark, the moment, the first sight, when she had caught him staring at her. It seemed like he had been willing her for something and though she turned away frowning the intensity of his gaze was hard to resist and she had looked back, acknowledging him and seeing him smile in response had filled her with a strange sense of content. And so it had began.

"Start with the usual Ridzi?"

She snapped back to now and saw a girl waiting for the order as she stood beside their table. In a moment of realization she felt herself faintly smiling, she nodded hastily lifting the glass of water to her lips and heard Ritu say,

"We'll go with the crispy green beans for now, and double pan fried noodles with Chang's spicy chicken for main course. Let that come like..." she looked at Ridhima in question so she replied, "Give us 20 minutes after the appetizers." The girl nodded with a smile and left.

"Ridzi!" Hearing the sudden hushed excitement in her voice, Ridhima followed Ritu's gaze.

"What?" She said, turning back to face Ritu unable to figure what had caught her attention. Ritu shot her a hopeless look and whispered in a reproaching voice,

"WHAT? Can't you see that hunk in white? Hes showing more interest than can be passed for as casual. In fact I am certain now I saw him at least at the last three stores we visited if not more. Ridhimaaa...I'm talking to you girl, are you going to say something?"

"Sure, whenever you're done with your part, or need a break, I'll fill in with my talk. And just for records, you're now officially married. Even if you've been taken over by Satan himself and have suddenly stopped loving Chirag for whoever that jerk in white is, don't even dream of ditching him, at least not till he clears off the debt on the card you've been tossing around at every dam store tonight." Ridhima replied in practical sarcasm. Ritu jerked her head at her making a face.

"Quit the worthless humor Ridzi. Its not me, its you hes been stealing glances at. I'm certain. OMG hes just staring here now with no intention to hide it anymore Ridzi, this is so exciting!"

And saying so, much to Ridhima's horror Ritu waved at whoever this stranger was. Wide eyed, in instant reaction Ridhima turned around hoping none of this was happening. It was. There he sat, a guy in white, staring at her indeed she thought as their eyes met. He smiled at her warmly in that brief exchange, but it made her frown, and she turned back to the table.

"Cut it out Ritu, please. I'm in no mood to entertain Chang's customers to free drama."

Before either could say another word, the girl serving them brought the starting dish. "Here you go ladies, enjoy the beans. Twenty minutes and I'll be back." With that she left them alone again.

"Be a sport Ridzi. He seems like a nice guy."

"Nice guy? You're the one who's certain he's been stalking us, now hes gawking shamelessly, thats your definition of a NICE GUY?"

The girl serving them was back again, sooner than they expected. "Excuse me miss, " she started looking at Ridhima who had to work at appearing unaffected as she looked back with raised eyes, "That gentlemen over there would like to buy you both drinks. He suggested the Red Lush wine for you, " she paused putting the wine glass before Ritu, "and the Red Soft and Tangy for you" For a moment Ridhima was too shocked to see the glass of wine being placed before her, yet it did not need her to turn around and see who this generous gentleman was. Then she heard Ritu speak,

"That is so courteous of him. Please thank him on our behalf." Ignoring Ridhima's incredulous look she added on an impulse, "Actually, why don't you ask him to join us, he seems to be seated alone, unless hes waiting for someone of course."

The girl nodded, with a wide smile of comprehension and left before Ridhima could utter a word. She spoke however the moment she was gone.

"RITU...what the hell was that about?"

"What? Stop behaving like those uptight maidens from the seventeenth century Ridzi. The man is a thorough gentleman."

Ridhima shook her head in frustration now. "Gentleman? Nice? Have you lost it? His persistence is unnerving and you call that his charm?" she said in angry whisper.

"Ridzi you're over reacting. What are you getting mad at anyways, the fact that hes interested in you, or that he shows it with all due courtesies?"

She did not get her reply, as at that moment a deep set voice interrupted them.

"Hello ladies. May I express my gratitude in being received so graciously by two such gorgeous women."

"Save it for elsewhere, you're going to be more than just disappointed with the charms here."

Ridhima stated in a flat voice. Then lifting her glass of water she sipped again. She could have sworn Ritu wanted to kill her that moment, but she did not feel any guilt inside. She initiated nothing, but she was also not about to take this in the stride.

"Please, don't mind my friend she takes her time with strangers. I'm Ritu. Wont you have a seat."

Ridhima was almost tempted to say a no on his behalf, but much to her disappointment he did just the opposite, taking the seat next to Ritu, facing her. Ridhima concentrated on unwrapping her silverware. Out the corner of her eye she did not miss his smile as he spoke.

"Pleased to meet you Ritu, I'm Vivek." Then turning to face Ridhima he added, "I apologize to make this uncomfortable for you Miss..." He paused waiting for her to complete. Ritu opened her mouth to play the intermediate again, but not soon enough this time as Ridhima spoke first.

"Miss none-of-your-business. But don't bother about the inconvenience, I don't intend to keep you guilty about it another moment." With that she got up. "Excuse me please." And she left. Without so much as a glance at Ritu. She was bound to not be pleased, and would have to be faced later. For then Ridhima could not stay on the table another second.

******************
"Ammy be reasonable. Its just for a week. You want him to have to back out for something as trivial?"

"Chirag I did not say no. He can stay with the family in Kolkota. Daadu will take care. Rahul and Muskaan are also home for Durga Puja. With me is such a bad idea, my schedules and locations vary unpredictably."

"How the hell did they let you graduate in psychology dude? I thought you knew the boy enough. He isn't a 'me', he is so 'you'. Generation gap, communication gap, cultural disparity, a language he doesn't know...have you forgotten how alien the feeling of being on a new land is and among complete strangers? And for him to have to go through it when you are so close by, is it so hard for you to be of help to people anymore?"

"Chirag you don't understand..."

"I do. I understand more than you ever credit me for. Listen Ammy, he will be married to your niece in few years time, will you refuse to see the boy because he is your beloved's nephew?"

"Chirag! Where the hell are you dragging this?"

"I'm not, you are. Ammy I learned my lesson a year ago. I want to keep Ridhima out of this as much as you do cause I want to be nowhere in picture between her and you anymore. But this is about Gaurav. Have you completely lost the ability to think without a bias? Please Ammy, its but for a week, while they arrange his dorm space, he just stepped into the program later than usual. He was skeptical about the whole thing, but when I mentioned your name as a tentative option he jumped to the idea. Now he's excited not just about the camp, but about seeing you, its like this admiration he holds for you, placing you on a higher pedestal than the usual lot of us. He knows nothing he should not, and it would considerate of you to leave the kids out of that which we rendered inevitable for ourselves."

Several moments of silence followed. From Chirag it signified a relentless streak, offering no escape. He knew if he spoke and softened Armaan would grab the chance without a second to it. It wasn't what he intended, and it wasn't what happened.

"Alright. I'm not in Kolkota these days, but within Bengal. I'll take a week off." It took Chirag all of his self constrain to not yell in glee. Instead he said,

"I'd hate for you to break his spell Ammy, just because you refuse to let go of an obstinate whim, I'm glad you opt for the better. You wont regret this I promise."

Somehow Armaan didn't need Chirag to spell out the 'this' he would not regret nor what it was that he promised him, he knew it was beyond what the word claimed. But he knew just as well he had no choice, he was rarely left any.

"Hmm" he grunted resigning to the situation. But inside he knew it wasn't plain resignation. Unless he refused honesty to self, it was evident there was more than a resigned obligation here. It was...partly wishful; or even more that than the former? I adore the boy and I've missed them all so much he argued in his head...especially...He wondered how much of this set up she alreday knew? And how much of her consent it had. It was undeniable chance to...He was interrupted.

"Thanks man! A week off can't kill whoever your mysterious employers or clients are anyways."

"Hmm..." Again, thought Chirag, if hes affected half as much as I hoped for, hes doing a wonderful job of letting nothing on. Perhaps his reaction nerves were never quite activated...birth defect? Rolling his eyes he spoke again

"Er..Ammy, I definitely need a contact number now, you can give me whichever it will be for the next fortnight. I mean his family...They will want to know and I'm answerable so..."

This had to be a plan. Atleast there was no way it could all be as innocentally incidental as it was made to appear. Relentless scheming, Armaan conceded, Chirag had left no loopholes, except if Armaan was to turn him down with a blatant no on the whole idea. And he had already missed that chance, with all but a weak resisitance to say the least.

"Give them the home number. We will be staying there." He spoke aloud, in his head the conflicting emotions was charging up for a battle. Chirag interrupted again.

"Awsome! I'll email you the ticket but just so you have a rough idea, he's arriving 6AM, next Wednesday, IST, Delta Airlines at the Netaji Subhash Chandra..."

"The international airport, I got it. Leave something for the email dude." Armaan interrupted shaking his head at how Chirag at memorized the details. But... "Wait...I thought you said the plan was to be confirmed only after I gave my assent, what's with the ticket?"

In his rising optimism, Chirag made haste in trying to not allow Armaan any chance to change his mind, ironically he gave him just that now. He slammed his fist into his forehead.  It wasn't that he expected Armaan to speculate nothing fishy, it was more about making it impossible for himself to be questioned about it. He chuckled uncertainly, making time and thankful that phones could transfer only sound, not images of those in conversation.

"Ahem...Do you wish for me to lie?" he asked tentatively.

"No. I want facts."

"He asked me about the chances and I told him to go ahead and buy the ticket."

"What if I had refused?"

"If you really need me to answer that one Ammy, I knew you wouldn't...eventually. Don't ask me how next." Chirag said, and they both chuckled despite themselves a second later.

"Well thank you, I appreciate the honesty. I guess I don't make much of a mystery of how easy it is to talk me into stuff." Armaan retorted. Chirag could almost see him smile, it made him happy.

"Don't claim all the credit, my argument was reasonable and I presented the case well."

"Yeh whatever...listen, I need to go. Email me the details right away. Infact, can you pass me Gaurav's id too"?

"You got it. Ammy...a quick one...Do you miss us?"

"Yes." He said quietly. "And end of rapidfire. Sleep well, I know you will after killing my peace."

"You know me well then. Take care mate. We miss you too."

He heard the tone as the line went dead, and then he heard the front door open.

"Honey you're home? Guess what, I was just talking to Ammy and..."

"Chirag I had a long day and I'm hungry. And...Armaan is not going to be the best topic of discussion over dinner, leave him for another time."

With that she walked towards the kitchen. He frowned and followed her with his narrowed eyes. then turning back he saw the mass of shopping bags dumped all over the couch and shook his head with a grin.

"Steals my heart, owns my credit card...and the woman is still scowling? What is a man supposed to do?" he muttered. Then ruffling his hair he followed her into the kitchen. He was on cloud 9. Tonight anything you ask for sweetheart, he thought smiling.

********************
Putting the receiver back onto its hook, Armaan held onto it for a couple long moments.

"Ridhima..." the name escaped his lips in a whisper as his thoughts went to her, yet again.

The sound of a knock brought him out of his reverie as he realized the queue outside the PCO was getting longer. He gave a weak apologetic smile to the man who was waiting next in line after him on his way out of the stall. It was early morning and h did not have to be at work until an hour later. He decided to take a walk. It was the environment of Shantiniketan that had drawn him to itself since the moment he laid eyes on it at the age of 6, It had grown on him in subsequent years of visits while his Daadu was a senior Professor of music at Vishwa Bharti. His favorite spot was Chatimtola, for some reason he felt a strange sense of calm to sit there under a particular local Saptaparni tree for hours and do nothing but think...in rare moods he wrote.

Much about the tree brought him a sense of peace, even though it wasn't an ideally shady option, most of all the fact that it was evergreen. He felt a settling comfort in knowing that he could come back to it again and again as many umber of times as he wished, and it would be there for him. Then sense of an everlasting support had been rare for Armaan, and with this trees he felt that attachment. Now walking through the gates of Chatimtola, he found his favored spot, and as always it transported him back to the early days.

He remembered how Daadu had explained that graduating students from Vishwa Bharti received leaves of Saptaparni. When he asked why he was told it was tradition, but in later years he believed it had something to do with the other name of he tree, Alstonia Scholaris. He liked to fancy the idea that graduating with the leaf were signs of being a true scholar and it dwelled inside him like a secret dream; he never had been the one to express much of what went inside his head.

When he did seek permission to apply to the school for his undergraduate degree, Daadu had supported him wholeheartedly, ma and baba would have if they had been there, muski had been happy simply cause he was, kaki was not interested enough to express an opinion, and kaka...Armaan kept out of his way as much as he could, since the day he had learned facts from ma as she lay on a hospital bed, in her last moments before the cancer took her away forever. He was 12 at that time, far too young to have borne the loss of his second parent, the knowledge of an altogether new found identity made it no easier. He had learned baba was not his real father. He was his kaka's and ma's son, the same kaka who was also responsible for the accident which his killed his baba two years preceding his mother's death.

The immediate effect would have been daunting, but for the loss which engulfed him, the haunting sense of being an orphan overwhelming. But as time passed the gravity of facts seeped through and his tender years lost what little of childhood he had possessed until then. If he had been considered the meek child of the house before, between him and Muski, he added to the accolades. He could now have passes for almost a mute, speaking only when spoken to, never an irrelevant word.

Undergrad in Shantiniketan however, revised much in his thinking. The outdoor teaching pattern, one of its kind in the world, did him potential wonders as his amorphous thoughts began taking form and he gained on inner confidence. Among his best memories from those three years of study in philosophy, prime were his regular trips to the Tiger Hill top, the drive higher via Darjeeling exhilerating no matter how many times he did it, alone or with friends. He would go much before sunrise to watch the moon dip down beneath horizon, going lower, below the height of the hill top he was on, and it was a sight that warmed him on the inside, so much that he would forget about the freezing cold around him.

Then the sunrise followed soon after, its first ray hitting the tip of the peak of K2 across from it on the opposite west side forming a pinkish light spot on the snow white surface. The glow would then grow  like a petal of a flower changing colors from pink to orange to yellow both on the snow clad top of K2, and on the east side facing it where the sun was rising from among other peaks, which appeared lower only before the majesty of the world's second highest mountain peak across them. The Nathula pass seemed less of a international territorial border in those moments early morning, and more like the path to heaven he wished to travel someday. He felt a captivation to the scene like none other.

The reality however was never far, Kolkota was all of 180 Kms away from school, and so was the home he wished wasn't his. His love for Daadu and Muski would bring him back, each break, and just before leaving he would plead to them to visit him at school instead for the next one. But that was one thing Daadu remained firm about, holidays had to be spent at home, with family. It was during second year that he decided he would go further away, to a place which would help him grow out of the ghosts of his past.

He decided to get a Masters, education he knew was one thing he would not be refused even if that meant going away from home and he exploited the knowledge of this fact. Final year in undergrad was marked with preparations to act upon his decision and at last he was all set for Cambridge. He didn't know if it was the right step, but he had to get away this once, and while Daadu asked him to reconsider only once and never again, Muski tried every way possible to make him stay on. Eventually she too gave up, for the sake of a happiness he was seeking from this odyssey. And he reached London, a fine fall day which seemed to have dawned only to herald a new phase in his life. And thats where he met Ridhima.

Armaan sighed as her name crossed his mind again. Leaning against the trunk of his tree, he liked to think it was his, he looked upwards at nothing. His mind went back to his conversation with Chirag, to those he left behind in Chicago...to her. He had pushed until later an analysis of his acceptance to having Gaurav over, and now he knew there was no more escape. He could tell himself all that he wanted but the truth was singular. He had been unable to resist the temptation to reopen a path back to the one he loved. Despite having left her himself, despite having decided he would never revisit any of what was past both physically and in his head, despite having immersed himself so completely in work, offering his voluntary services at Shantiniketan free of cost, despite having severed all links there were not even sharing his contact information.

But one real chance to repair the link, and he had done nothing much to resist it. Just like those few random times when he called Chirag, unable to fight the urge to not do so. He did not dare call her directly, he knew not what to say, or what was left to say. In a moment of impulse he had decided to come back to India forever, and no amount of remorse in retrospect could give him the courage to face her ever again. He remembered the conversation they had share prior to this reaction, over and over, and realized he had lost himself the one chance he had. But it had been a weak moment, Lovely's death, Ridhima's confrontation, and a guilt inside he could not subdue.

Overhearing Ritu and Chirag's conversation had just been the spark, his mind had already been searching an escape and in that second he said what came to him, words he could not reel back upon later. Not that he didn't wish to, it was what he wished for more than anything else, but he could not overcome the fear and so it remained. When Chirag explained the scene of Gaurav's suddenly planned visit, Armaan initially had been at a loss of reaction. But it had seeped in, and he had been unable to say no. He could not face Ridhima, had not been able to in a whole year the despair growing worse each day.

But interaction with Gaurav would be altogether different. He was her nephew, and there was much more to the relation than just a common bloodline. He recalled at this moment his first encounter with the boy at the florist, and it made him smile. The evening that had followed flashed through, and Armaan shut his eyes, the memory of her face as she laughed sitting next to him a still image in his head. His smile deepened greatly, and several seconds past he opened his eyes. The scene before him seemed to have become better than what he remembered it as from the moment before he closed his eyes. Running his hands through his hair he shook his head vigorously. Then looking ahead at nothing he muttered,

"Why now God? I don't understand what it is in my life that holds you back so much, you refuse to lose interest and refuse to let me be..."

Sighing he glanced at his watch, it was almost time for him to go. A first year student had booked an appointment for counselling for 15 minutes from now and he did not want to be late. Just before leaving he turned around to face the tree, moving closer with a solemn look he spoke to it, caressing the bark with his thumb,

"I love her still...and always will...did I tell you her name? Its Ridhima. I wish she could meet you...maybe..." He stopped. Then turning around abruptly he walked away.

******************
"Sweetheart...at least tell me how was shopping?"

Ritu had been silent refusing to answer his questions, the mention of Ridhima's name had drawn him a sharp look from her, and added to her reaction to the mention of Armaan made him guess the evening had witnessed another thwarted effort from her. Ritu now shot him a glare, then replied,

"Is it hard to guess from my mood?" Chirag shook his head lightly as she turned back to the food. Then walking up behind her he encircled his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder he mumbled,

"It would be easy but I'm confused between the two sights, the look on your face, and the countless shopping bags outside."

Ritu tried to free herself, but when he would not let go, she simply turned around in his arms to face him, frowning hard.

"If you fear the bills, I can pay them myself, I don't need you to..."

She couldn't speak more as he kissed her, quick, yet firm and full on her mouth. Her anger changed to surprise, and before she could react he lifted her off her feet and took her back to the living room. Putting her on the couch he winked at her and said in a cheeky voice,

"I know this will be hard for you to follow, but stay put, I'll be right back." and she saw him go towards the kitchen, her curiosity taking over.

He returned a couple of minutes later with a bag of Doritos and another packet in his hand, which she recognized as the one containing their wedding albums and video dvds, the combination of them puzzled her further. Chirag spoke, sparing her further thought to the confusion.

"That is for your hunger...for now, we can go eat out in a while if you wish too. But before that theres something else." He snuggled next to her and opened the album.

"I never got around to asking you which ones your favorite Ritu?" She raised her eyes but since he did not pay attention to her reaction she looked into the album herself. It was opened to a beautiful portrait photograph of her. "I think that must be it..." he quipped, then looked at her for confirmation.

"Why do you think so?" she asked drawn by this new curiosity now.

"You look gorgeous, and thats all girls care about when approving pictures!" he replied grinning in mischief. She narrowed her eyes, then stuck out her tongue at him his smile beginning to reach her.

"Its not my favorite, and thats a bad criteria anyways. I always look good in all the pictures." she stated with a smug authority.

"Aawww...really now? What about this one?" It was a picture with her mouth opened wide as Gappus stuffed a huge piece of cake into it. He broke out laughing and she elbowed him in the ribs grinning herself now.

"Whatever! Thats not my favorite either anyways."

"Yeh apparently not, for obvious reasons." He said between chuckles as she made a face at him. Then taking the album out of his hands she turned a few sides up and down until she came to a page with the two of them, where they had not posed for a photograph, but had been caught looking into each other's eye. Her cheeks were infused with a blush, an effect of more than just make up, while Chirag looked caught in the moment.

"Thats my favorite," she claimed happily, looking at him with a cheerful smile. He smiled back at her, warm and deep, pulling her into a hug he kissed her hair and whispered,

"Love you honey."

"Love you too," she whispered back, then added looking at him, "What's your favorite?"

"Anything with me and you my lady...it always looks perfect." he said in a dramatic way. She gave him a side smirk at his cheesy attempt and flipped through a couple of pages before she quipped again,

"Thats all you got albums for?" He shook his head, then flipping through the pictures he came upon one of him and Ridhima. He stopped, then opening the packet next to him he took out a much smaller, older album and flipped through it, pulling it out of Ritu's sight as she frowned. Then he smiled, at whatever it was that he saw in the picture before him. He lowered the album and placed it next to picture from their wedding. Ritu's frown deepened. It was an older photograph, she guessed some 4-5 years old, of him and Ridhima.

"Chose one?" he asked in response as she looked at him for explanation.

Ritu looked at them. Neither had a striking difference in terms of essential features, and they were certainly dressed for a photograph in the more recent one, the old one looked like something clicked at some random moment with nothing to occasion it. Ritu looked carefully, the recent one was picture perfect, and yet something about the older one was captivating, she concluded it was their smiles, they had not posed, it was a natural emotion reflecting on the glossy sheet. She looked at him and he was waiting for her response.

"This one," she said at last pointing to the old one, "Its a natural"

"Its from the day Armaan and Ridhima went for their first unofficial date. It took me all night to talk him into asking her out for a casual coffee, cost me a B on the homework due next day." Ritu frowned, but he continued, "She said yes of course, and when they got back she came over to collect some papers from our room. It turned into a much longer fun filled evening as she cooked us dinner, and we ate home made Indian food after ages. It ended in the crazy photo session before Armaan dropped her back."

Chirag paused and looking at Ritu he saw she was still frowning but her look had softened. He gave her a faint smile and continued.

"You're right Ritu, this picture is definitely better, and much more natural, because we did not have to smile in effort for the camera. My happiness on our wedding was boundless, it was the most special day of my life, and Ridhima was thrilled beyond words you know it. But we both missed the one person who should have been there, as my best man for the evening, and the man of her life. No one can fill his void, neither for me as my friend, nor for her as the man she loves. And the love will come back into her life, trust me."

She looked at him, his expression solemn and voice low but steady. Slowly she lowered her eyes to the picture of them from years ago, then looked back to him and asked in a whisper, "You promise?"

"I do..." he said with a smile of relief an pulled her into a hug again. "Trust me..."

*******************

"Kolkota..." he stated, the intention in his tone a contradiction to the nonchalance in his actions as he occupied himself with untying the laces of his soccer studs.

"Kolkota? I thought you said it was going to be London." He looked up at Anjali as she asked what he had expected and hoped she would.

"Yeh mum. Kolkota. It will be an ideal peer assistance experience. London is replete with football fanatics, without me having to go and instill the love of the game among people there. The challenge is in invoking the passion among those who have missed it for the most and are ready to try a new something. Kolkota my coach said, is a city of rare Indians who can think beyond the expected realms of cricket, a non trivial number of them actually aspire to play professional football. If a revolution has to be started, I can't wait to be a part of it. I volunteered for India, over Britain, and they found me a spot.

Gappu rattled off the defense of his choice of city without having to give much thought, he had done enough of that with Chirag in the last one week until they were certain it was an impeccable line of reasoning. His focus however lay elsewhere, as he observed keenly out of the corner of his eye the reaction of his real target. Ridhima. He allowed himself a grim inward smile satisfied to see the subtle response from her, subtle but very much prevalent. A sudden drop in the fast rhythmic motion of her hand chopping away the onions, the instant after he spoke the prime word 'Kolkota'...that until she recovered some seconds later to resume the chopping, but at a much reduced pace. He could have sworn that despite a likely clouding of thoughts in her head at his words, and an altogether unrelated task of chopping onions at hand, he held Ridhima's undivided attention from that second on. Still engaged in removing his essential gear he pleaded in his head that Anjali would not rest the case just yet. Oblivious to real facts though she was, Anjali obliged speaking again,

"What about boarding and lodging. The peer mentor program can find you a spot for that as well? At such a short notice? You're leaving in less than a week Gappu. London we could manage at a midnight call, but you don't expect your dad to fish out links in a city he has never been to himself?"

 Bull'e eye mum, he thought in his head. Getting off the couch he walked in Ridhima's direction and pushing his weight upwards with the grip of his hands on the counter he seated himself atop its surface facing her and said,

"The tickets are booked mum. And Chirag is getting the stay thing worked out for me with his buddy, for my initial houseless week."

Grinning he picked up the jar of iced lemonade from the shelf placing it to his lips. In his head he did the backward countdown of five, and when Ridhima remained quiet, he knew he hit the nail. She must have made a fair guess as to which 'buddy' of Chirag he was pertaining too, since she did not yell at him for drinking right from the jar yet again. Nor for gulping down the lemonade without a break, he grinned as  replaced the jar on the shelf, somehow it had tasted more refreshing today, than it had in a while he thought. He was hopeful about this whole idea, so was Chirag, it was their only shot at it anyways and he couldn't thank his coach enough for having selected him for the international soccer camp.

"Chirag's buddy?" Gappu wanted to hug his mother for this one...

"Yes mum him," he said nodding his head "Armaan Malik, remember from a year ago? Minnie's uncle and Ridzi massi's old mate from grad schol, right beautiful?"

Check three, she did not tel him off for calling her 'massi' either, instead his claim was sudden for her expectations and caught her off guard momentarily, before she nodded her head slightly, meeting neither's eye.

"Oh yeh I recall, but...He went to grad school with you? How come I haven't hear a mention of that Ridzi?"

Both Gappu and Ridhima shot her a wide eyed look, Ridhima getting caught in too much she wasn't prepared for, and Gappu loving his mother more with every passing minute. He believed for once how they said mothers could sense the need of their children, Anjali was going to excel at the job. Unintentionally she had played her role in the plan better than if he had actually tailored it for her. He now looked at Ridhima, hiding his anticipation the best that he could. She would not have noticed anyways, she was much too flustered within by now.

"Grad school...uh Cambridge...I mean he was a year ahead of me Di..." Anjali's expression seemed to seek more detail, before Gappu could spill anymore redundant facts she quickly added, "We were like occasional friends. I met him again in Chicago when he signed up as a a client with our firm..."

"And?"

Ridhima shifted her gaze uncomfortably to her hands and feet at Anjali's continued effort. Does Di know anything, she wondered, and Gappu, this jerk speaking without knowing anything.

"Ummm yeh then he turned out to be Minnie's uncle so I met him outside work a couple of times. Thats all Di..." she said in a soft voice hoping Anjali would believe she had nothing more to add about her association with Armaan.

"Ridzi?" Anjali shot her an exasperated look "I'm asking what kind of a guy is he? I mean you were helping him out at his place last year I remember when he went through the tragedy, you must have known him enough to hold a basic positive or negative opinion about him right? Do you approve of Gappu staying with him? India is a new land for him, it will not be an easy spot in these months of rear summer early fall, and Kolkota as a destination gives no more solace. I'd get some relief in knowing he is at least among the right people."

Gappu smiled spontaneously, then wiped it off as Anjali looked at him the next second, "Stop smiling. I haven't said yes yet. And I won't unless Ridzi backs you up on this."

He nodded with a forced solemn expression. If Ridhima had not been caught in an inner turmoil she would have noticed how he was no longer pleading his case, instead he left it all to her, to defend his choice, HER CHOICE rather, and approve Arman. He crossed his fingers behind him, although he had this intuitive faith she wouldn't let him down.

"If there's no alternate then...I mean it took him tremendous effort to get selected for this program. Its...It should be fine Di. Armaan... I mean Chirag is taking responsibility, I trust him."

Anjali nodded but Gappu was slightly disappointed. That was such a convenient escape, and here he had hoped to hear her opinion of Armaan. So much for over optimism, with everything going his way in the conversation, much more than he ever thought it would, he had hoped to hear something more.

"And you said they will have a dorm spot for you a week after that?" He nodded in response to Anjali's question. She was not going to stop him he knew, but she seemed unsure of the whole plan. He jumped off the shelf and taking her by her shoulders made her sit on the nearest couch. Then kneeling before her he said,

"Mum its India. I hear of it from dad and you, and see it as captured by a mere lens, do I not have the right to make a real visit to the place I belong? Kolkota may not be what London or Chicago is, but its where I have to be to make a difference. Coach said our dorms will be in the vicinity of SAI stadium...the national stadium in the city, its where the Indian team comes to play. Isn't that exciting? We may get to play with them too. And the locality is the best in all of Kolkota, its a suburb, I think on the east side, called Salt Lake City. Posh, safe, and football loving...I can't wait to be there."

Seeing Anjali give him a slight smile, he knew his enthusiasm was working its way through. He smiled himself. Then getting up he walked back to Ridhima again and resting his arm lightly across her shoulder he added in a softer voice,

"Armaan is a great guy, and I promise to take care. I'm going cause it matters most to me to make something happen, for love to blossom..." His eyes met Ridhima's for a brief second before he averted his gaze and added quietly, "For love of the game..."

*********************

part 9 people...at last...3 days late...belated happy diwali to all of you hope you had a blast..i did...one reason for the delay 😉

enjoy the part..finally iv revealed a part of armaan's past....its a start i mean....il build on it now on....n soon the whole thing gona show up....

ps: this part is for Hinu di, nijal and lakshami (lakky as we nicknamed her haha)...thanx a bunch ladies, lovya tons....specially for pestering me...its makes me think um not writing for no ones lolzzzz....

pps:the sig is from DMG forum...dont remember who's work it was...but credits to them...its for the fic...hope u can relate to it the way i cud...the punch line is like tailord to fit....

enjoy the part everyone!!!😳
Edited by spln - 15 years ago

for anyone who missed watching it, heres the VM by Taira, describing the emotions of ARmindz from this fic...

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VQaLrEtcGo[/YOUTUBE]

~Part 10~
Edited by spln - 15 years ago

Sooooooo... this is what you've been working onnn!! and I was waiting for the answers to my questions Grrrr.. lool..

ok well im tired... so im off to sleep... make sure you get your 2 hours of sleep, deary hahaaha...

Oh spln ur back with another FF gr8

ps: hey ppl...from the long lovely essays i have been getting, speially for the previous two parts, i gather gappu minnie are quite liked, n well its kinda hard to picture for readers what they may look like, so i thot il fix that bit...thanx a ton to kratz aka krati, who made me the VM for a song and couple  we decided with common consnsus wud fit, lovya hinu n nij for all the input to the VM, even though i refused to let u see without he update hehe...i had awsome fun in the group VM activity 😆, love u gang of nutters!...the VM is posted in the right spot in the update, i strongly recommend u watch it exactly at that point, its meant to be seen like that, its author's note, author's wish!!!

pps: happy birthday lakky, this ones for ur day!!!...(n pa!)

~Part 12~

The sense of it was persistent, no more a  faraway fading nudge. She frowned trying to shove it off, for it was disturbing her, distracting her from something in her head she was trying to concentrate on. She tried to recall what it was she had been thinking, but she couldn't. It refused to leave, the touch, a vigorous sensation now, almost like someone was shaking her. In a final attempt she flayed her hands, and thats when she felt it, the touch of skin, real and cold, even in the confusing chain of thoughts it caused a jolt.

"RIDHIMA!"

She jerked open her eyes. Too fast, too wide, althogether too sudden a movement for her eyes which still felt heavy with sleep. She scrunched them tight frowning.

"Ridz, are you alright?"

Reluuctantly and with slight effort she opened them again, only enough to barely allow reasonable vision, and she saw Ritu bent over her. As her eyes threatened to shut again, she felt the persistent tug return; It was then she realized that Ritu was shaking her gently, and had perhaps been all that while. How long could it have been she wondered somewhere in her passively reacting mind, it had felt like forever. Rubbing her eyes she frowned lifting her head off the desk and as she did she felt a pain in the back of her neck.

"Aaahhh..."

She groaned, her hand moving to the affected spot, her face contorting in pain. Ritu pushed her slightly back more comfortably into the leather chair so her back could rest against it well while the head found a back rest too. More consciously coming awake now she massaged her neck lightly to relieve it of the strain from the uncomfortable posture. Her eyes met Ritu's in a brief moment before wandering all around the room. The office. Unconsciously her hands went to her head, as she held it for a couple of seconds before running her fingers through her hair as she said, almost in a whisper.

"I...office...I slept?" She looked up at Ritu in question at the last two words. Ritu nodded, and Ridhima realized only then how concerned she looked.

"Are you alright Ridzi? Why didn't you go back home if you were so exhausted? Molly must have informed you the meeting got cancelled."

Ridhima heard the words rattle off, processing them much slower, she spoke a couple of seconds later after finally managing to do so.

"The meeting cancelled?..."

She was puzzled but only for a moment. Then it all came back to her in a flash, what her mind had been trying to concentrate on when she had been interrupted, shaken awake.

"Yeh, uh...yeh she mentioned, I mean yes she came to tell me and I just thought I will wrap up some papers before I leave." She chuckled trying to not to look guilty or nervous, "I...er...I should have gone home you're right." Then abruptly she got up from her chair reaching for the coat draped over it. "I will now, I guess. I really should get some rest. I'm...I'm tired, of course."

She gave another silly grin, hoping Ritu would buy this and not question her anymore. She had to get out of here, be by herself. She needed time to think, plenty of both, time and thinking.What the hell had she been dreaming. Hastily she collected the essentials, wearing the coat, grabbing her bag, three chart holders, and the car keys off the counter and shooting a confused looking Ritu a quick nervous smile she moved towards the door.

"Ridzi?"

She cursed mentally, then truned around crossing her fingers in hope against a likely interrogation coming her way.

"Are you certain all is fine? You have never just slept off like that...in the office I mean, not even when you've barely slept in nights. I'm just..."

"Ritu..." Ridhima moved over to her friend interrupting her. Holding her hand lightly she smiled, hoping to make it as reassuring as was possible, as her own mind felt devastated with wild thoughts all haywire and clashing. 

"I'm fine, just exhausted. And I know that insomniac image holds true, but it isn't criminal for me to sleep once in a lifetime right?"

Ridhima saw a faint smile come on Ritu's lips and almost heaved a sigh of relief. She knew she wasn't capable of maintaining a conversation much longer now, her mind ravaged by thoughts, and the dream needed sorting out, in peace.

"Alright. Drive back safely."

Ritu said softly giving her a hug. Ridhima returned it almost hurriedly, and then pulling out of the embrace she made her exit. Ritu stood some moments longer before shaking her head in attempted denial to the doubts still trying to peak in her mind.

Could Anji Di be right about Vivek and Ridhima? She had called Ritu this morning to check up on the guy who dropped Ridhima home and Ritu had been more than shocked hearing the recounting. She could hardly believe Ridhima had let him do that, keeping in mind their previous meeting. Somehow the fact that she learnt about their second encounter from Anji Di and not Ridhima herself meant only one of the two things, either it had not seemed significant enough for a mention or it had weighed on Ridhima too heavily and she was taking her time opening up about it.

She had tried to convince herself of the former but it almost contradicted the fact that Ridhima would let someone that insignificant walk her home, that when their first meeting had been definitely not cordial. And if it was the latter, even though Ritu would prefer nothing more than for her friend to get over her grief and settle happily soemthing irked at the back of her head. What could have Vivek possibly have done to win Ridhima's trust enough to walk her back home, it was hard to imagine.

She had decided to let Ridhima explain the whole thing but somehow it couldn't happen through the day, and now when she came to her cabin Ridhima had been sleeping. If that wasn't enough Ritu was certain she had caught between her inaudible mumbling something that sounded like 'he loves me...' It could be all in her head and yet...

"Vivek...Ridhima..." She muttered moving out of the office. Anji Di had been excited on the call, she must have liked him instantly. I have to talk to Chirag she thought to herself.

"Molly, can you lock Ridhima's cabin? She left in a hurry and forgot to." With that she moved to her own room.
 
************************
Armaan paced the floor across his bed, fiddling with the cordless in his hands.It slipped out of his hands and cursing in his head he picked it up. Then he sat at he edge of the bed, running his free hand through his hair, sighing deeply he shut his eyes. Within seconds he jerked them open, got up and started pacing the floor fiddling with the cordless as before, until it fell again.

"Dam it!"

He cursed aloud picking it up. He had been doing this for almost an hour now, being reckless and fidgety, and peace of mind eluded him no matter what he tried to occupy himself with. He asked himself what he had been asking over and over, after an anxiety of the impending had started seeping in a while ago not allowing the excitement to dominate his emotions as it had during and right after his confession call.

What would she say? How would she react, how did he expect her to he thought gritting his teeth. If only she would call. Would she, he wondered. She's in a meeting Armaan, he told hmself yet again, which can, in fact should take a while. But how long would this while be? And what meeting was it;- a client? a company meeting? a personal meeting? How long could a meeting continue anyways- an hour? two? or more...? Wouldn't it actually depend on how long before his call she had been in the meeting and how much of it was still to go? An hour was a long time, longer than ever when you wanted time to fly past and stop only at that moment you were waiting for.

Maybe he should call her again. Right now? No, he had to wait at least a while before he called her again. But how much longer should he wait? That depends on how long you think the meeting will last Armaan he told himself shaking his head as it all came back to the same thing. How long could it be before the phone would ring, if it would. Countless. The possibilities were countless and there was no use trying to guess something he had  absolutely no clue about. But there was nothing better to occupy himself with either, or maybe there was, only he was incapable being involved with any other tasks while his thoughts were stuck on her. How the hell had he survived six years? A few hours could not be that bad he tried to tell himself. It didn't help.

"I love you Ridhima..."

He whispered slumping onto the bed again. It did not strike him how easy it had suddenly become for him to confess that feeling he had harbored inside himself for over half a decade now. Confess not just to himself, but to her, Ridhima, and ever since he had been repeating it to himself as if it was his source of strength, his sole ray of optimism. He wished he could know if he had been too impulsive, confessed in a rush of emotions, but that countered by a 6 year long wait did not make it appear like a hasty confessions at all, much the contrary. If there was anything at all he would link with the confession, it was an unenduring delay preceeding it, not an impulsive rush leading to it. He loved her, so did she, what remained was only hearing it from her. That was another thing which had changed in the past one hour.

All these years he had not confessed fearing it would hurt her, but now he knew it wasn't her. It was himself he was saving the pain. He had feared she would confess back and he knew not how he would ever live staying away from her if she did. His running away had not altogether been from confessing to her, but from hearing the words reciprocated. And tonight it was a reversal. He had told her what he should have years ago, what she had been longing to hear from him even if just once and now unlike ever before he felt his faith faltering. What if she did not reciprocate?

He had run from one land to another escaping the moment when she would say she loved him and now he wondered if he had ever had to run at all? Perhaps she didn't love him? But he knew she did. Atleast she had. But what if the love had passed her, 6 years was after all a very long time. Then again, why would she still be alone? Yeh right he argued in his head, is that a criteria to ascertain she still loves you? Fine. Gappu said she never moved on, that certainly was a criteria, it had to be. Alright concluded she still loved him. What if she refused to confess it? Of course not why would she do that  if she...if she loved him? Hadn't he done the same? But I had a reason he told himself. So could she, or was she not allowed that excuse, having a reason he thought to himself in bitter sarcasm at self? He slipped off the bed onto the cold tiled floor facing the ceiling as the back of his head rest on the edge of the bed, and he closed his eyes. Sighing deeply he whispered,

"Call me back Ridhima, please, I don't have your patience."

He opened his eyes as he felt a sudden presence around. Gappu stood next to him holding two cups. Handing one over to Armaan he settled down beside him. Armaan frowned at the cup, then at Gappu then holding the cup up for Gappu to take back he said,

"Thanks, but I don't have coffee." Gappu gently pushed his hand back with a smile.

"I know. But I've been having tea with you for a week when I've never had it in life before. So you have to drink coffee with me now. Pay back time." He grinned making Armaan break into a smile himself despite himself. Lowering his head he blew at the steaming cup to cool it down. Without looking at him he remarked with a sigh.

"Yeh payback time indeed, you guys conspire as a family and do it all at the same time don't you?" Gappu laughed.

"Massi not answering your call?"

"She did, but I know that was only because she couldn't have thought its me."

"What did you say?"

"I said hello Ridhima I love you." Gappu almost choked on his coffee, then stared at him incredulously. Armaan avoided looking back.

"Like that? I mean just like that?" Gappu spoke trying hard to fight his laughter, a grin forming on his face. Armaan gave him a side look then sighed blowing at his coffee again. Without looking up he replied,

"Pretty much, there were another couple of random conversational sentences, but mostly yes, just like that."

"So what did she say?"

"What do you think?"

"She couldn't have said hello back Armaan and I love you too!"

This time Armaan broke out laughing despite himself, and Gappu smiled deep. He never knew Armaan could laugh like that, it was almost an alien thing coming from him, but Gappu wished it would stay. At last Armaan stopped laughing and spoke, shaking his head and still grinning.

"I wish she had though. She didn't. She said she was in a meeting and would call back later."

"Meeting..." Gappu said thoughtfully and Armaan looked at him expectantly.

"You think she was making it up to buy time? I mean...I kinda caught her off gurad you know..." He asked reluctantly unsure of what he hoped Gappu would say.

"Thats a subtle way of putting her reaction to 'hello Ridhima I love you.' " Gappu said and Armaan frowned at him. He continued paying no heed. "Its possible though, but shes a horrible liar. Did she sound like she was making an excuse?" Armaan wondered how he had not thought of it that way. Ridhima was a horrible liar. After several seconds he shook his head.

"No I don't think she made it up."

"Then she must be in a meeting, which will I daresay be nothing but a wreck after your call of course." Armaan shot him an indignant look. Then getting suddenly guilty he looked back at his coffee which was cold now and still untouched.

"Do you have to state it like that?"

"I'm learning from you." Gappu retorted making Armaan look up and spoke on before he could be interrupted, "Dam! I mean what a confession, and here I've been living in the happy illusion that mine was spontaneous as can be." Amraan was curious despite the overwhelming pressure on his mind.

"Really?...then?"

"Then what? You just beat my record. But I get a bonus for saying it well in time." Armaan gave a depressed smile nodding his head and said,

"You do. I will probably get disqualified for my delay. If I'm already not." Gappu looked at him for a long silent moment. Then he said

"Why are you still staring at the coffee? Have it. Its cold enough. " Armaan sighed then lifted it to his lips. A sip later he exclaimed,

"So how did you do it? Propose Minnie I mean? I wish I could have been there." Gappu smiled at Armaan's questions, and his wistful look.

"She said the same. She wished you were there when we took Massi, Chirag and Ritu out for a treat. And its a story, the proposal. You up for it?" Armaan stared at the phone by his side and said,

"I don't know when else I could ever be up for a happy confession if not right now. "

**********************
She rushed down to the parklot and dumped her stuff in the passenger seat after reaching and unlocking her car. She moved to the driver's seat and got in, then on an impulse she got out of it and clicking it auto lock behind her she walked out of the parking. A walk in the cold would do her good, it always did. It was something about winter, she loved it, always had and would always. Walking down the sidewalk she looked at the white all around, it had snowed the night before and there was a slight flurry even now. In that moment she shut out her thoughts, she did not want to think.

Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and the cold intake did her wonders as she felt a calm seep through. No it wasn't the winter she thought with a small smile, it was something about her, loving whatever and whoever she did forever. The thought slowed down her pace to almost a step with each breath and she looked straight ahead at nothing in vision. Her eyes felt tearful as a cold wisp of wind blew into her face. But she held the water forming in them as she looked upwards widening her eyes so they would absorb it back. She did not blink but as she lowered her face she felt the inevitable chilling trail of a tear down her cheek. She wiped it off.

"He loves me..." she whispered to herself in a lost voice saying the words at last. Seconds later frowning slightly she said "Or was that part of my dream too?"

The frown set in deep as she continued walking on in slow steps trying to revisit her dream; - where had it started? It had to be the wedding...she had been waiting inside a hall, which had been packed, people sitting in the rows were blurs, she knew no one there, at least no one she remembered seeing in the dream as she had searched for something...someone...while she was on the stage. Oh yeh, it had been the stage of West Road Hall from Cambridge. She almost smiled at the thought of the hall as an image of it flashed in her mind; it was where they had gone for a musical concert night when he asked her out the first time. That seemed to click in place.

But a wedding scene? Why did she think it was a wedding, it was a stage an audience and most of all she had been alone. Alone but dressed like a bride she corrected herself. And then...they had heard him...all of them in the hall. "I love you Ridhima..." She heard the words in her head again now, the words from her dream, resulting perhaps from his call? Had the call been real then? She tried to think on further about her dream.

It was his voice, Armaan's voice there was no mistaking it, and she had run off the stage looking for where his voice came from. And then it had dissolved. There wasn't a hall no more neither the audience. It was a forest and she had been running around in a search. A search of him because he had told her he would come, and then she had felt a touch...on her shoulder...and she had turned around to cry and yell at him for disapearing but there was no one...and she had screamed his name but there was no sound. She screamed again asking him to tell her he loved her, like he had before, had he not? But there was no sound in her voice she could not even hear herself, and then she had felt it again, the touch on her shoulder...

The touch had been Ritu, and the dream had ended there. Ridhima shut her eyes now feeling a chill again as her eyes watered more. It was the Chicago wind of course, she wasn't crying. 

"So...he did call then" she thought sighing the dream now flashing in her mind and his confession echoing in the background. Pushing her lose hair back she stopped suddenly.

"Oh yeh the call..." She exclaimed then fished onto her pockets for her cell phone. It would be on the call log if he had called for real and not just in her dream. But the cell was not with her, she left it in the bag in the car. She cursed mentally, why was she incapable of keeping her phone on herself. Quickly she turned around to retrace her steps to the parklot. Thankfully she had not come more than five blocks.

"But I'm certain the call was not my dream, no he definitely called and said...he loved me." She paused her words doubtfully, "But it so doesn't sound real, a confession...from him. Maybe it was a dream, why would he...all of a sudden out of like..." She shook her head hard mumbling to herself almost walking into the oncomming pedastrians she was walking the wrong lane and continued doing so. "But...I do think he called, like just before I was leaving for the meeting and then I had to cut it cause Molly knocked at the door and I thought she had come in to say I was delaying and...then she said it was cancelled?" Ridhima stopped in her track again, abruptly this time for she had been walking fast.

"Yeh there was a meeting, it did get cancelled, and Molly came to inform me about it, if all that happened for real so did the call. Yes...no I wasn't dreaming, I mean I was later but he did call. And he did say...he loves me..." Unconsciously she was walking slowly again, deep in thought.

"Armaan..." The name left her lips and she sighed. "Armaan loves me, he said it. He told you Ridhima he loves you. He called you to tell you he loves you. He..."

She quickened her pace. She had to get her phone. She had to call him back. Why had she not done it right away when Molly...then it struck her, how the hell had she slept off? That after ARMAAN MALIK TOLD HER, RIDHIMA GUPTA THAT HE LOVED HER? She ran her hand through her hair sighing in frustration and walked as fast as she could with the wedge heels on the thin sleet like film which remained in patches on the sidewalk despite the salting.

"I was just...shocked." she justified herself. "Yes I was in a daze and I didn't realize I should call him back. What? Of course not, I realized I had to call him back. In fact when I cut his call I had no idea of how I would sit through the meeting, with three sleepless nights behind me, which did not even come close to the distraction from his call...his confession call." He said he loved me, she thought, like said it. For real. In words.

"Sshhhh Sshhh" She told her head..."Stop it. Stop thinking about him. You have to first think about...him. I mean stop thinking about what he said. You have to think of what to say back to him first. OH MY GOD!" She stoped in her track abruptly again, "Thats it. Thats what I had sit down to think about after Molly left. Dam, I must have shut my eyes. That explains it. Dam it!" And looking up ahead she saw she was across the street from her office parklot.

***********************
"Alright lets get this straight here. You were like together for 5 months after I left and atleast a couple of months before that, and together as in all the time you could be together, and all the time you could not be as well. But in none of those moments you were with her could you tell her you loved her, not even the moments when you pre planned confessing it, not when you threw a surprise party for her birthday, not when you crashed into her room to wish her good luck at 1AM for her exams with a red rose, not when you walked down the Lake Michigan shore hand in hand, not when she hugged you for the first time, or through the countless eye locks you claim...not even at the crazy rain party when you danced away all night...No. When did it happen then, thankfully i know it did or the way you're narrating this I would have assumed the confession was never going to come. You like missed every moment there was to tell her, every moment she would have expected you to.

Gappu grinned, blushing slightly. Then shrugging with a smile he said,

"Every moment except the one which was meant to be it Armaan. You missed 6 years and said it tonight, do you have any reason except that it seemed so right?" Armaan stared at him for a moment then shaking his head he said,

"It seemed so right, I wonder if it was..." Then sighing he looked back at Gappu and said "So when did you tell her?"

"It was this evening she forced me to go on the Ferris Wheel, yet again, shes such a kid for it, wants to go keep going back to Navy Pier just for that ride. And you know love struck as I am, I always consent. Actually after that evening I almost keep waiting for her to mention the ride again, I think now I'll never have enough of it, I relive that evening everytime..."

Armaan smiled at the dazed look on Gappu's face, waiting for him to continue. If only all endings could be so happy, he sighed glancing at the phone again. When would it ring, for him...

"It was after my team won the inter varsity league, I made the winning goal. I was dead tired but she refused to let me go without a treat and I was too happy to turn her down. And so missy drives me to her forever favorite spot, I groaned seeing it Armaan but I'm so glad we went there that evening. Anyways she dragged me out of the car and when I knew she wouldn't let it go I just resigned to her demand, and we went on the ride. It was turning dark, dusky to be precise. I can't deny the sight is worth a heartbeat atleast, its just I never understood what was Minnie's persisting fascination of it, like she was watching it for the first time everytime she did."

"I always wanted to know but speaking on that ride is prohibited if you're with Minnie. She just wants to sit in silence and watch the city she loves, from the perfect height of the Ferris, its like you're low enough to catch the details of even the people walking on the ground below, and you're high enough to see for a long distance away, the city its lights, the lake all of it between your eyes and the horizon at the other end. That evening was no different, no less mesmerizing, no more captivating than all the times before, and I just sat looking at her. Then she caught me off guard, totally as she suddenly turned around and I couldn't look away from her in time. She caught me staring and so I tried to avoid her gaze concentrating on the view for once, our trolley at that moment was closing in to the peak of the wheel, we were almost at the top. And she whispered." Gappu smiled lowering his eyes as he stared at the floor, Armaan felt he was replaying the scene before his eyes.

" 'Isn't it beauty a Gaurav?' she asked me I just nodded, still avoiding her eyes. But I could see her smiling from the side gaze and thats all it ever takes me to look back at her. I smiled, and Minnie says now I blushed too, I think it just gives her a high to tease me when she rarely can. Anyways, I don't know it was the look in her eyes, I always had felt my feelings reflected in them, but that evening it seemed more than just a reciprocation. I almost started to ask her, but all I could manage was asking her how she never found the sight repeatitive and monotonous. She said it was the exhilerating feeling, of being on the top of the world, that when the world below was such a beautiful sight. She said she felt like she ruled the happiness of the world, like it was all hers, and the feeling never changed no matter how many times she took the ride. Then she asked me if it wasn't so? If the sight did not make me feel similar?"

"And I couldn't answer her for several seconds, cause I couldn't stop staring at her. Not even at being caught staring this time. I just couldnt break the look, her face, her smile, and I could see nothing beyond it, nothing at all of the sight she was talking about. Then she said my name, but it did not sound like it was for an interruption, not like she was calling me out of the daze so I would stop making her uncomfortable. No. That's when I knew it was then or never. It was the moment as perfect as I had always imagined it to be, not because of the beauty of it, or the ambience around, or even the proximity between us. It was because in her voice I thought I heard not just a consent to my love, that had always been there, there was an added edge to it, an urge from her that I should say what we both knew I had to. And so I did. I told her I loved her. Right there, at the top of the Ferris Wheel over looking her favorite sight and when she hugged me saying the same it was the magical moment I had waited for, I knew the magic of it would last me a lifetime, and I believed then that I had chosen the right moment for this memory. She made me chose it, there could never have been one better..."

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiKvylaQoI[/YOUTUBE]

The silence fell between the two of them, as both Armaan and Gappu were lost in their own thoughts, Gappu smiling and Armaan staring at phone unknowingly, but almost as if he was willing it to ring.

"I love you...is all that you can't say...years gone by and still..." They were both jolted out of their frenzies as the tone from Gappu's cell echoed in the pin drop silence. He looked at the screen for a moment, then handing the cell to Armaan he said,

"Love's calling!" Winking at him he left the room.

***********************
Driving the car out of the lot she bit her lower lip dialing the international code. Then she flipped the phone shut. Sighing she dropped it on the passenger seat. She couldn't. She just could not bring herself to call him back. If only she had not told him she would. Now he would be waiting for her call, he must have already for like an hour and a half and... She pressed hard down on the accelerator. So what she thought in sudden defiance. Waiting was certainly not something he could complain about, not to her at least.

6 years. Which had seemed much longer. There were times when the nights had seemed impossible to survive,and there were days which had gone by in a daze. Things happened, nothing outside her head and heart ever came to a standstill, people came and left, some stayed on, but it was for her a spectator mode, she sat outside the activity frame watching the 6 years of her life pass her by as everything and everyone around her advanced in their lives ahead.

She sighed trying to shake off the gloom which would rise everytime she thought back in retrospective. It was like another lifetime, the happy years of her life which had preceeded this period, an abyss. She lost her parents in an air crash at an early age, and her family life revolved around her sister in their years of schooling in the London boarding schools, where they were enrolled by their grandmother. Soon after Anjali got married, while Ridhima was just starting high school, their Grandmother passed away as well. Their had not been much bonding with the relatives in India as their family, a nuclear unit except their gradmother had lived outside India too long, not enough effort from either end to remain in touch.

Atul was Anjali's batch in undergrad, and the two of them had taken those four years of education to fall in love. Ridhima believed they had been and still were alot more of a pair of best friends then two people in love. Her fantasies about love had been none like her sister's. And then she had met Armaan. It was a defining time for her dreams as she saw everything fall into place, believing that the miracle of love had happened to her and would last forever. It did, atleast it was lasting until now, only it had seemed nothing like a miracle for quite some time now.

Strangely he had been nothing like her dream man on the outside, he was quiet, far too subtle, a living contrast to her carefree liefstyle, and yet he fit into her life like his spot had been carved in there from much before. She could never get enough of his rare spells of lasting conversation, in so many ways he was an enigma and she liked him so. He would talk at times in words too blatant, which would shock her, but then he would get back to his eluding talks and she loved to pester him till he would explain what he meant, even if she understood what he may have implied it was so much fun just to push him to an explicit explanation.

That was one thing Armaan Malik did not do well. Talk explicitly. He was a wonderful listener, and though a man of few words, each one he spoke was deep in its intent. But explicit talking did not belong in his life. It was as if he had been in his childhood told he would be punished if he presented his mind for what it was. And so Ridhima had conveniently assumed his love for her was merely unstated, hoping wishfully he would claim it in his own time, but never doubting its existence for a moment in the months they were together. That until, he left. Without so much as a word to her. And she realized after he did leave, how his silence had mattered to her so much more than the words spoken by all others around her. The gap just remained, waiting to be filled up, for the moment he would liberate her of this wait. Today he had.

She sighed her thoughts back to the present. Then she smirked slightly replaying his words. It had to be one of those rare blatant spells in his life, when he spoke his mind exactly for what it stood. But why? What after 6 long years, had made him call her in the middle of his night to place before her his feelings so raw. In mechanical response to the red light, Ridhima braked her car to a halt, turning off the ignition. Momentarily she shut her eyes, and heard his voice again as he had said those words which remained unsaid so long. She could hear in the voice now what she had been too shocked to observe then, a deep sense of happiness. It made her frown. What could have made him confess at all, what in the name of heavens.

She glanced at her wrist, it was now almost two hours since he had called. Would he still be waiting? It would be close to 3AM in India, an odd hour to call back, but he had said he would wait, had he not? More than anything else, she still could not think of what she would say to him. But then he had also said she could remain silent and he would talk. What would he talk about? Did she really want to hear what it was he had to tell her. She didn't know. She had sought the answers to the many unanswered questions which lingered on in her life for six long years. Until this call two hours ago. She thought about it now, and realized that his confession had chnaged so much. It was as if the questions were a talk of the past, she wondered if she cared enough now to know what and why. About Lovely, about his marriage, about his return to India, about evrything else in his life which wasn't her even if it all linked back to her in some sense.

Somehow everything seemed insignificant as she tried hard to let the feeling sink in, he had said he loved her, why now? And why not before? That was all she cared for. She had to know. Hearing the cars around her she realized the signal had turned green. With one hand off the stearing she picked up the phone and dialled his number a second time. But just as quickly she cut the call. She would not make a fool of herself once more in life. He had said he would be waiting, perhaps he was. But what if he wasn't? She trusted him for too much, or perhaps her expectations of him had been far too many. This time she would not repeat her mistake. An instinct kicking in she dialled Gappu's number. Yes she could call him, tell him she missed him and ask among the talking if Armaan was awake...perhaps he would even be able to give her unintentional information of what may have lead to this confession from Armaan.

It was the third ring when it occured to her that 3AM was an odd hour indeed not just for Armaan, Gappu could very well be sleeping himself. She waited for another round of ringing but the phone remained unanswered she almost moved it off her ear to cancel the call when she heard the click.

"Gappu I'm so sorry, I only just realized a ring ago that this was a horrible time to call and wake you up. I just...I mean since you did answer the phone, do you know if Armaan is still awake?...Gappu? Wake up yaar, answer me then you can go back to sleep I promise I wont keep you..."

"I am awake Ridhima." Armaan interrupted in a quiet voice. Ridhima on the other side almost hit the car ahead of her, braking the very last second. She gasped at the narrow escape. Swallowing hard she steered her car out of the traffic lane to a parklot she could see half a block away.

"Ridhima? Are you alright?" The concern in his voice was evident and she realized he must have heard her gasp. As her eyes searched for a vacant spot for her car so she could cease to be a road menace, she spoke uncertainly.

"Ar...Armaan?" She paused taking a deep breath, she could not afford to stutter before him, she would not, not today. "I'm fine. Just driving and I didn't realize..."

"You shouldn't be on the phone while you drive Ridhima. Its not quite safe and..."

"And I may hit someone?" Ridhima interrupted him as he had, agitated at the sound of his concern. "You don't have to bother. I parked. And I wont keep you up any longer just called Gappu without realizing the hour."

"To ask him if I'm awake. Just so you could tell me to go back to bed?"

Ridhima kicked herself mentally for rattling off thoughtlessly on the phone without knowing who was at the other end. He was already picking at her, why the hell had she even wanted to talk to him.

"I did not expect you to answer the call," she stated curtly trying to end the talk.

"It was unexpected. Gaurav just gave me the phone and walked out of the room."

"He gave you...WHAT?" She paused as the implication of his sentence seeped in. She asked anyways, almost hoping he would deny the obvious. "Why would he do that?"

"Do you need me to answer that Ridhima? He knows it." Armaan answered with a silent sigh.

"Yes I do, I need you to answer me. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL HIM ARMAAN? What does he know?"

 "Ridhima he knows everything but I didn't..."

"DAM YOU ARMAAN!"

She yelled interrupting him and he could sense a mounting anger in her. He shut his eyes to stay calm, he would have to if this conversation had to head towards any reasonable realm. She spoke on, the strained control easily heard in her voice.

"I can't believe you would resort to this. Was I not a wreck enough, now you manipulate my nephew to stand up for you? Against me? You and your smooth talking, I should have sensed this after I got that letter from him. Is it too much to ask of you to stay out of my life?"

"It is. But if you ask me I will." He paused but as Ridhima said nothing he assumed he could talk, "I told Gappu nothing. Chirag did. He knew it all before he even landed in Kolkota, and I was aware of nothing more than you were until after dinner tonight." Armaan paused again but Ridhima remained silent. He sighed and spoke on.

"Ridhima I didn't call for any of this, I was trying to, as you just said, stay away from your life, as far away as I could. But Gaurav made me realize what 6 years of solitude could not. And then I just called you. I didn't think Ridhima, I just called. It was...I didn't think of the consequences or of how you would react."

"How should I react? There's a man who tells me nothing, neither his feelings, nor his expectation of me, neither why he left me not once but twice, nor why it suddenly dawned upon him that his 6 years 5 out of which he was married were spent in solitude. And now he decides to confess? Of course as always he gives me no reasons, explanations between us have never been mine to seek and that remains unaltered. Whether he leaves me or comes back, I am to do nothing but accept his verdict, never asking why. Its not unlike you Armaan to not think of consequences, for you never turn back to face them anyways. Why then would you wish to be bothered by how I react, just let me know how it is that you hoped I would, and I may just comply, yet another time." Armaan remained silent and that enraged her. Feeling the threat of tears she spoke into the phone furiously struggling to keep them away,

"Are you going to say anything at all? I thought you said it was you who would talk today."

"I'm not sure if you wish to hear me say anything at all Ridhima. I'm sorry for that call. I got carried away, letting my emotions overcome me. It was a mistake. I really am sorry." He spoke in a quiet whisper but Ridhima missed nothing.

"Loving me was a mistake...why did you not say this much earlier Armaan, perhaps my ego would have saved me 6 years of pain."

"It wasn't Ridhima, it never could be a mistake, and you know that."

His quiet voice made her want to scream. She knew it wasn't true, least of all in the way she had said it. He was apologizing not for his love, only its impulsive confession, but she could not fight the feeling to yell at him, to misunderstand him delibrately to accuse him unfairly, to inflict upon him all of her pain. He may not have deserved as much and it was certainly comforting her none, but she felt frustrated and desperate suddenly and then exhausted.

She could stop them no more, the tears of agony and pain. They had been pent up inside her too long, as long as this confrontration had been due. But it had to be now that I breakdown, she thought aggresively trying to wipe away the tears, before him leaving him no chance whatsoever to pity me for what I have become, all because of him. Armaan shut his eyes again as he could hear her voice crack on the phone, he knew she was crying, and he knew he was the cause as he always had been. Why could he not have just left this issue alone, unmentioned ever again.

"Ridhima..." he whispered wishing hard something would stop her tears, take away her misery forever.

"Why do you care Armaan, why anymore?" she whiepered back, her voice falling short with the crying.

"Because I love you Ridhima." he whispered back simply. He could feel tears in his own eyes, if the confession hadn't already taken its toll on him, the pain in her voice was causing him unbearable anguish.

"Stop it. Stop saying that. You don't love me, you never did and you never could, you're incapable of love and a heartless man. If only I had known you so when I..." She stopped herself, she would not admit her love to him. It wasn't for him to decide and announce it to be their moment of confession, if he had not cared for her so long she would not comply to his wish now.

"I hate you Armaan." She stated trying to stamp her stand and he tried hard to swallow his tears in vain. She spoke again after pausing, and he felt the aggresion had been replaced by resignation.

"I hate this feeling I can't get rid of. I hate its existence, its interference in my life. I hate your presence all around me it doesn't let me forget what I don't wish to remember. I hate to have to cry inside for every second of the day I'm awake, and I hate when the nights haunt me out of my sleep. I hate it when in every other guy I meet I seek you, unwillingly, but I do and I hate the relief in then knwoing he could never replace you in my life. I hate to crave for you knowing you would never come, and I hate to still hope that you will."

"Ridhima..." he whispered again trying to stop her. In her attempt to lash out at him she was confessing all he knew she was trying not to. And though he was feeling an underlying relief as she said all of it, he knew she was hurting herself much more in spelling out his influence on her life. "Please...hush now...be quiet. I'm sorry Ridhima."

"I hate you Armaan, for the helplessness I feel being in love with you." She paused then whispered in a hoarse voice completely choked with tears, "Please don't leave me alone ever again."

************************
Dedicated to:

*Mr. n Mrs. Karan Singh Grover 😃 all said n done, I love the couple n wish them luck!
*Thnx Ana for the MOTW at a date so precise, I completed a year on the forum, 6th dec...lov ya all for what you've given me...its been an incredible experience!
*Since um updating on a 7th, to you Hinu Di!
*thnx nij...uv taken me thru week1 of last two!

~ Part 13 ~

"I won't," he whispered in the same breath as her, his response so prompt it made one wonder if her barely audible confession had perhaps completely escaped him; then with the slightest of pause he added, "Never again Ridhima..."

The intensity of his whispered assurance was not lost to how briefly it was stated. It kicked within her the realization of what she had spoken, and claimed. And that led to a new rush of emotions. It should have been mostly a relief at having released her pent up self but there was a sudden physical exhaustion which seemed to be taking over her limbs. That could hardly be a consequence of relief alone...perhaps it was then a sense of resignation from being incapable of holding up against the inevitable anymore. Feeble in her head she wished to resist the weakness, at least stop crying. In a futile attempt she pursed her lips trying to hold back her cry and shut her eyes tight. Instead she choked, the tears still flowed. Shoving the back of her free hand onto her mouth as she hiccuped from sobbing, the phone slipped from her sweaty grip into her lap, away from her ear.

"Ridhima?"

He whispered into the phone sensing a worsening of her breakdown, then getting no response he repeated, the desperation in his voice much louder,

"Ridhima?" She heard it this time and swallowing hard she raised her phone back to the ear wiping her face onto the sleeve of her sweater.

"Ar..Armaan..." was all she managed to stammer but in that single utterance he sensed the turmoil of her thoughts, a lingering distress, perhaps an inkling of persisting disbelief.

"Ridhima.." He started helplessly, wary of the distance between them, emotional and physical, then pausing he tried to steady himself and said, "Have some water Ridhima"

 

Edited by spln - 15 years ago

yup um back, not with a bang though...but yeh il update asap!!!

Great description and very natural again. Nothing over the top, simple, and easy to relate.

Love RichaEdited by Richa1234 - 15 years ago