Chapter XVI
'Shlok, why are you talking to me like that? Where are you going at that hour?' Astha was puzzled seeing him leaving at night.
'Don't wait for me. I'll be late' she heard cold answer.
Her dear husband talked to her like a stranger. At first she thought he was tired or preoccupied at work but that was not the reason. He stopped talking to her in general. Coming home he wasn't hungry as he had eaten at some other place where she was never invited to because ... actually no reason was explained. She ate alone sitting in the huge kitchen having no desire to go to the dining-room where she used to eat with him. He was not interested in her being close to him, shaking her hands off when she wanted to hold him.
Things started changing. Shlok was not rude nor bad nor irritated, it's just he was living in the North while she inhabited the South. He paid her no attention anymore being absent or spending evenings in his study. They stopped meeting. Slowly she started realizing one indisputable fact - her husband was tired of his 'beloved' wife... Then there came some new projects and he started working with long business trips; he was absent for weeks. There were days she got no phone calls at all. Only Suresh was interested in her well being. If she happened to be ill he was always there to bring her medicine or food. She was not sure he reported to his boss on the matter. Shlok did not care about his wife anymore. Astha saw sympathy in Suresh's eyes and that made her feel really bitter. She stopped asking him about her husband and stopped calling Shlok but ... nothing changed. Shlok was not the one to change his decisions. Shlok forsook her.
Astha started losing her self-confidence slowly roaming through all the stages any abandoned woman wandered. Heavily and sadly she scrolled every day of her being a bride and then a wife. One by one things and events she hadn't noticed earlier or simply preferred not to notice appeared before her inner sight. The puzzle started taking a certain shape. There was some contradiction about him; sweet young man who she met on that memorable Monday at her parents' home was soft, easy-going and shy. The man she was living with was arrogant, extremely self-confident, willful and headstrong. At their first encounter he was dressed so simple but his present wardrobe possessed not a single article of clothing of that style. He wore only expensive and posh suits, designer shoes and casuals. Her first impression was wrong and he wanted her to be wrong; he misled her deliberately. She has never met a single friend of him as she rarely left his luxurious apartment if not for work. If he took her out it was a tete-a-tete at some restaurant or club no more than that but one thing perplexed and grieved her most: he did everything not to get her pregnant... that was heart-wrenching as now she knew it all had been preplanned, he did not want children from her as he was not interested in her being a part of his life. Still the question 'why' escaped her mind. Mrs. Astha Shlok Agnihotri was only a facade, a cover of some strange book. Unfortunately, nobody was interested in its content.
She has always been a patient woman but patience didn't mean to be ready to tolerate any insult. He was in his study and she heard him talking quietly over the phone. Astha knew it was his father, she became all ears and not in vain. With excerpts of phrases she grasped the main idea - her father was necessary for Agnihotri's empire and he was unscrupulously used for their purposes as well as his gullible daughter...
...
Devastation ... disappointment ... defeat ... were not the words that conveyed her real feelings. The language failed to express the depth of her despair. That ... was ... a collapse, the last day of her previous life. Heart stopped beating and blood turned cold. That was all lies. Every word, every kiss, every action. He misused her. No, she let him misuse her. He had no mercy, no compassion even though he was well aware of the fact she has never had any idea of hurting him. He anticipated 'the blow' which would never take place. Who was he? What a corrupt, broken, black soul he was but she was not sure words 'Mr. Shlok Agnihotri' and 'soul' could be used in one sentence. Now she saw the reason of his cautiousness - she was the reason. He kept no contracts at home, no negotiations with her nearby; all the papers were in safe under lock. Why was he so careless now? It was so simple - he wanted her to know as he was tired of her.
Later that evening she noticed he had left his phone unguarded. Quickly she entered a pass code she had noticed earlier and started checking everything: messages, phone calls, photos... Now she knew what his business trips were, at least some of them. He faked them, was living somewhere to stay away from her. She was in love with a shadow but failed to see the master... 'Life is short; break the rules'... now she knew what he meant.
He didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve a single tear from her eyes, he stepped on her heart ... it was true but she has been silent for such a long time. Why? Because she loved him.
Astha felt as if somebody took her heart in a hand and squeezed it hard till it started bleeding. It seemed to her betrayal was so much like a little death paralyzing your mind and will. She died... but her heart was still beating. Was that possible? She sobbed and then became hysterical. She stood in the hall by the mirror she adored so much and suddenly she casted a glance at herself: a young woman closing her face with her hands... she recollected something... she was wearing a blue dress... what was that? greetings from the past? God wanted to warn her but she was not listening...
That damn mirror appeared to be impersonation of her life: a beautiful golden frame with emptiness inside. She smashed that 'masterpiece' with some stupid statuette which stood beside.
Astha died? No, Astha was just born and opened her eyes...
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