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The Last Embrace: poem/song

~Ange.Noir~ IF-Veteran Member
~Ange.Noir~
~Ange.Noir~

Joined: 28 February 2006
Posts: 3663

Posted: 09 June 2008 at 8:29pm | IP Logged
Hi everyone!
my first time posting in this section.  Just wanted to share my latest piece to y'all.
tell me what you think.
I designed it as a song originally, but it can be a poem also..

btw, im Mikey.


THE LAST EMBRACE

As he saw his love slip away, his world ended.  He spoke to her for one last time.  He said:

Hold on there sweet love,
Won't you let time stand still?
Let this moment last forever,
Let me stay here until
All the shadows fade away,
All the memories go astray,
All the love becomes dismay,
Don't you tell me it's too late.

I hear your voice,
And all the noise,
The tears that fall,
I know it all.
So don't you hide,
Let love collide.
Your soul divine,
It keeps me alive.

Your breath it lingers,
You make me die.
I stand here waiting,
As we both cry.
I'm at your door,
And you collapse to the floor.
I see you crawl,
And my soul just falls.
Your blood it drains,
Each drop is my pain.
Don't close your eyes,
My love.
Coz they made my life worthwhile.


As she lay there folded in his arms, her life slipping by, she accepted her fate and reassured him.  She said:

Let me go sweet love,
Time is fading away for me.
No moment lasts forever,
And I want you to break free.
All the passion will remain,
All the devotion stays retained,
All the faith soars unrestrained.
Love can never be too late.

I feel your heart,
Each beat a new start.
Your tears they fall,
Yes I know it all.
From you I hide,
To keep your soul alive.
Your compassion so great,
That I don't fear for my fate.

Your love makes me linger.
You keep me alive.
I lie here waiting,
Tears soaring from our eyes.
I see you at the door,
But life fails me once more.
I reach for you and crawl,
But my soul, it just falls.
Your pain it burns,
Every wound makes me hurt.
How I long to see your smile,
My love.
Coz it made my life worthwhile.


As they stared into each others' eyes, treasuring that one last moment in each others arms, he understood and let go.  When he did, she slept with peace in her heart...

Anuradha IF-Veteran Member
Anuradha
Anuradha

Joined: 29 October 2005
Posts: 16342

Posted: 10 June 2008 at 11:27am | IP Logged
Oh wow.. thats so sweet and so touching..
~Ange.Noir~ IF-Veteran Member
~Ange.Noir~
~Ange.Noir~

Joined: 28 February 2006
Posts: 3663

Posted: 14 June 2008 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Anuradha

Oh wow.. thats so sweet and so touching..

thanks..Embarrassed
Morgoth IF-Rockerz
Morgoth
Morgoth

Joined: 01 June 2004
Posts: 6832

Posted: 16 June 2008 at 8:46am | IP Logged
I really like it. I can totally see this as a song.

If you want to make this even better, I'd really suggest paying more attention to every single word that you use.

For example: "Tears soaring from our eyes."

How can tears soar? The verb does not work here and gives a very strange image. Especially when the line before that says "I lie here waiting."



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