😳[A stitch in time saves nine what?
stitches and possible embarassments too.
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
If they eat on land, they need to wait that half hour before they go back in the water. But if their meal was consumed in the water, then there is a 30 minute waiting period before coming out of the water.
So what if they have the main course in the water but dessert is served on land?
Are female moths called myths?
not unless you have one for a pet and happened to name her myth.
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
They sure are semi cos who can stand so much racket for long without becoming one, but conductors I doubt. they might get electrocuted.
Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?
Hopefully not, cos if there were the Island wudnt be Virgin anymore if you know what I mean. 😉😳
Are there any unguided missiles?
Oh plenty of them running loose waiting to lauch themselves at any given opportunity! The let loose the volley of words when you least expect it
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
Only if you pass the car in front of you when you see the "Do not Pass" signs!! As long you dont pass out, it shud be alright.
Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
depends on whom you are lying with 😉
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
They went back to the beginning
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
sure why not if that person has a smart,pert derriere.
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
At their own risk or in total isolation and not in shallow water bodies.😳sorry abt that not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
I guess you can if you checkmate the pawn broker.
Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
you can always drill in a few holes and claim you used artificial sweetener if your dentist is as handsome as Armaan!
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Crop circles normally only contain bent plants not dead plants. Therefore crop circle makers are more like cereal molestors.
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
it is most definitely, move on buddy find greener pastures.
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
air-conditioning in the summer and heating in the fall are used more than they would with an hour less daylight so i guess all the savings lies in the bank vaults of the power companies
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
maybe he did to keep snoopers away
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Hope not cos then they will need the all-saving eye to watch over them.
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Not if the sled dogs can help it.
Do boxer shorts box?
sure they box in pretty delicate or dangerous stuff, depending on how you look at it.😳sorry again if against anyone sensibilities.
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
why not the more the merrier.
Do clowns wear really big socks?
depends on how big their feet are I guess.
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
burn victims would be a discredit to them.
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
sure they do if they content is graphic
Do fish get thirsty?
fish receive water by it going into their skin and into the system, but they do get some water through their mouth when they eat or open it if it is indeed water you are referring to 😉
Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
the humming birds wings flap so fast to enable them to hover, that they create a constant humming. They dont want anyone to make out the words cos they are cursing under their breath.
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
they sure do, in fact they have ravenous appetites all the time.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
hmmmm remind me to ask em about it.
Do mass murderers kill only in church?
If their sermon is boring,they sure do kill interest that is of the masses.
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
They are at the top of the world, all you lot just have your maps upside down. Wait?..... there are other places other than Australia on the map!!!
Do pilots take crash-courses?
sure hope they dont.
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
maybe you should change the label to 4 and then they would read it as IV.
Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?
Only if they get drunk on worm-infested scotch.
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
if you are referring to hollywood stars they sure would benefit from some meteor showers.
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Well they roll on steam.
Do television evangelists do more than lay people?
Lol to be safe they lay in wait to snare people into their webs of worship.
Do vampires get AIDS?
they have a different physiology or they wouldnt be vampires and I am not a vampirologist so 😕
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
sure animal shaped vegetarian crackers to compensate.
Do witches run spell checkers?
I guess the trainees do otherwise their spells will all come undone and backfire.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
sure would enhance the effect. see dmg my friend to know how silence adds to the effect.
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
hmm you wudnt want to see the end result there would more holes and less of the person when all done.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
sure he would if was born in this day and time.
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Are you kidding, the poor thing would run for its life. Imagine having to jabber nonstop as an after effect of eating one, especially if she is a gossip.
Does an analyst have to be anal?
of course they do!
Does killing time damage eternity?
no it really liberates time from the stranglehold.
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
apparently it does Henry F. Phillips (1890 – 1958), a U.S. businessman from Portland, Oregon, has the honor of having the Phillips-head screw and screwdriver named after him.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
well algae are too slippery and slimy so I guess not. she wouldnt wanna risk a wardrobe malfunction now would she??
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? I don't get it.
You will get it once you are married.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Isnt that a hypothetical situation in itself????
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
no not yet sigh!
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
i am not a deep sea diver.
Have you ever wondered?
of late I do a lot of this after seeing DMG
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Oh that is easy, I do it every day LOL in transcription if you dont understand a word you literally draw a blank of 5 underscores.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Oh there can if you have multiple personality disorder with one personality trying to help out the other one
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
when the lawyer it at the door with a public interest litigation.
How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows?
how can you be sure it doesnt?
How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?
shud ask Ani DiFranco if she got the answer to that one.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
that is why they are wrong numbers silly.
How dead is the Dead Sea?
As dead as can be cos no life survives in it for long.
How did a fool and his money get together?
Thanks to the stock market boom.
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
He could no longer stay in his cottage.
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
get the latest sleek model computer and hook em up.
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do they get them to the yellow road sign???
How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
they keep the sign first and then plant the grass around it.
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
dont get into it,simple.
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Learn from others mistake.
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
When you read this reply in ink.
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Trash it.
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
ooh there is no zero in Roman numerals, tsk tsk now I understand why they didnt call you for kya aap paanchvi paas se tez hain!!
How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
lithp i tried really but i dont have a lisp!
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
The thermos doesnt believing is splitting its hair over minute details. It just does what it is asked to do.
How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
they didnt die in alphabetical order silly just that the editor of the obituary thinks they did.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
He drifts to work and if he gets lucky gets airdropped.
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
Recruits a lot of civilians.
Are you tired?
just a lil bit but it is loads of fun. very addictive too.😃
How is it possible to run out of space?
get into a blackhole.
How long is the long arm of the law?
Oh it is soooo long it goes on and on and on, people get tired of greasing its palm but it never does.
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
I didnt know a search light had bulbs.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
Still counting. will let you know once done.
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Nowadays a lot.
How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
too far away for me to go check out in this life time.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as much as a woodchuck could if the woodchuck could chuck wood.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?
below 1 year or above 100 and senile.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
To fool the silly trade union leaders.
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
How long would they sing, the candles would burn on and on and on and it would get tiresome.
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If he walked about, maybe.
If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
prevents people from slicing, dicing, and shredding words hopefully.
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
Maybe if he takes a stopover lasting a few million centuries.
If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer?
He mimes the silencer.
If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
Because no one told it, it could.😆
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Reams and reams.
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
No it is dinner time.
If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air?
no silly they employ someone who knows to cut the pizza into triangles. basic geometry. Now kya aap paanchi tak pahunche the?
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
A proverb is a word which describes the fallout of the actions of the verb.
If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?
The earth must be a mime artist.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
naked homeless.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
left over scraps.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
use spell checker.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
I guess you cant be anything else so that shud be it.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If I knew the answer to that wouldnt I be the richest woman alive.
If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?
What audience???
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
so that you could ask me this question.
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
shudnt it be missile toe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
so that she continues to be popular. you cant sentence her to solitary confinement now can you.
If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
Do the apes have to ape everything the bees do?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
and deprive themselves of the pleasure of telling that voluble lady what was that again???
Are you tired now?
If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
shudnt you ask the cat and dog first if they would like it?
If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
It comes from the Gothic word for 'husk of corn' which was ahs.
If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
It is made from mineral oil but the whole process is as complex as making a baby.
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
freedom rather lack of it, though nowadays I wonder if it is to curb too much freedom!
If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of?
Another whole.
If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?
Sure sure they are they are used to being talked back at and not getting a word in edgewise.
If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show?
Must be dumb. Imagine what a waste.
If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin
If God can do anything he can make a rock so big he cant lift it and then he can work around the problem.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Does he have to drop any more acid!
If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
Charley phobia.
If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?
Knightmares.
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
good luck buddy tell me when you are able to melt dry ice.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
When you are all alone with a voluble garish lady for company.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Maybe Jimmy wrote it himself so someone would care.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
to provide a seeing eye to the lover.
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
To remind us of how nice and decent we used to be.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
They shud pretend to drown
If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
kneebacked whatever that means.
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
girl scout leftovers.
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
He was killed for his feet, the poor thing.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
I guess you cud say so, the world will be bereft of so many colorful personalities.
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
the vaccum bag is a bottomless pit.
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
OOoh he is smart????? I didnt know that.
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
To serve as an excuse for people who dont want to go swimming and get back in shape.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
The maker of the pencil is ambitious. He still is search of the perfect pencil for the #1 spot.
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Then it would literally be a procession of funerals.
If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
Good point. Handy when you want a refund.
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
God Knows
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
the horn of a fog.
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
I guess it would for people into natural food.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
The pay makes the work terrific.
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
yeah sure the pasta would cancel the antipasta.
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
you cud do both presently for DMG.
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
precisely cos you cant drink and drive. You need to park to get your hands onto that beer or whatever.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
They turn a boring shade of colorlessness.
Are you tired now?
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Erm do what?? huh??
If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?
Dunno about the cab driver, his insurance provider sure would owe a lot of people a lot of money.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
I guess you really dont like Shakespere now do you
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
sure sure you will bump into stuff and get bumps all over you which in turn will add weight.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If the heat wave is a dandy wudnt mind.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I didnt know you had to spin him around!!
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
of course it is, you cant hear the trees laughing.
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
it becomes car (owner) litter.
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
the cat wud get all buttery.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I have found instant formula to success.
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
Imagine being like a cat with nine lives, you wud have to worry about 9 of em.
If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?
you sure do ppl dont have eyes at the back of their head.
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
the vehicle passes by first and the headlight follow sedately.
In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?
They all know it is a big joke.
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
They are not smart.
Is "tired old clich" one?
Of course it is one and it is the one and only "Armaaaaaaaaan" dont tell me you dont recognize that.
Are you tired now?
having fun 😃
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
I should think not, must be relieved more like it.
Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?
Will have to ask the back, gimme a moment.
Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?
If roused abruptly from sleep I guess it is.
Is a small pig called a hamlet?
Poor Shakespeare must be turning in his grave to have his hero compared to a pig.
Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?
No it is not. A smart bovine would be more like it.
Is drilling for oil boring?
Of course it is
Is duck tape made out of ducks?
sure it is didnt you hear the ducks chorusing.
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
not unless you want disgruntled neighbors.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
who can blame the cannibals!!
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
Depends on how delusional or hungry you are.
Is the nose the center of the face?
cant say so always cos sometimes nose is all over the face.
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
well bullshit is fertilizer.
Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?
cos it is a microcosm of what Gates wants to achieve.
Are you tired?
Slightly but had great fun!! 😆 and of course I dont hate you !! 🤗
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