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should a parent tell his adopted child

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Aparna_BD

IF-Dazzler

Aparna_BD

Joined: 01 July 2005

Posts: 4926

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 1:49pm | IP Logged
Should a parent tell his child the truth about his adoption or no ???!!!??

In the U.S people prefer sharing this truth with their child from the begining , when the child can understand. But in India we usually prefer not talking to the child about this ever and keeping this a secret.

We even saw the worst case scenario in "Astitva" where after learning the truth from some one else Astha turns into a negative character . I too have seen one of my cousins who learnt few years back , at age 10 from some one else about her adoption and started to misbehave with her parents , and  now she is 14 and still  misbehaving .Although i blame my aunt and uncle for spoiling this child very badly and not bringing her up well .

But if we don't tell the truth , what happens when at some stage in her life she finds out through dNA testing , because it became necessary for the cure of some disease . Maybe he'll need bone marrow transplant , and when he turns to his family and doesn't find a match . Could anything be more upsetting ?

So what would you feel like as a child who finds out , and how will you react if a) You are told by your parents the truth at an early age ......but what is the right age ?
b) Or you accidentally discover the truth from some one else?
c) Would you prefer not knowing at all .......and taking a chance that you'll never need to know .

As some of you are very young on this board , please answer as a child who's been adopted and those who are old enough , please answer as a parent . Would you tell your child you adopted him ?

Edited by indygirl - 22 September 2005 at 2:39pm

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ME_T

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ME_T

Joined: 18 January 2005

Posts: 683

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
i think the child should know form the beginning. he/she will be alot more if they find out l8er and realize the people who they thought were there parents had kept this truth a secret form them for soooo long

Arshia

Senior Member

Arshia

Joined: 18 March 2005

Posts: 398

Posted: 22 September 2005 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
well i think the parent should tell the child from the very beginning.. from when they were little kids.. although they wont understand.. but say the same thing over and over until the child is old enough to understand.
its not good when the child finds out from someone else..

sweetsorrow18

IF-Rockerz

sweetsorrow18

Joined: 28 May 2005

Posts: 7710

Posted: 23 September 2005 at 9:10am | IP Logged
i think after the child reaches an understanable age and can register the fact that he/she is adopted, then the parents should tell the child.  But i can understand the parents view as well because they dont knoe how the child will react and if the child will rebel against them or hate them.  So this is a two sided thing. 
But i am more for the fact that the child should be aware about it at an earlier age because then theres no surprises in the future.....its heartbreaking to tell a child that he or she wasnt wanted by the birth mother, but it gives the child the understanding that they are truly loved by their adoptive parents

fatty1

Goldie

fatty1

Joined: 08 January 2005

Posts: 1643

Posted: 24 September 2005 at 8:41am | IP Logged
if the parents adopt a child, will he or she know his or her [real] birthdate?

deepey

IF-Dazzler

deepey

Joined: 22 May 2005

Posts: 3927

Posted: 24 September 2005 at 12:41pm | IP Logged
yes they should tell their kids..

myra1717

Senior Member

myra1717

Joined: 27 June 2005

Posts: 666

Posted: 25 September 2005 at 7:07pm | IP Logged
yes a parent should tell their child that they have been adopted well they should tell the child when the child understands wat they r saying.

Nishani

IF-Dazzler

Nishani

Joined: 15 February 2005

Posts: 4567

Posted: 26 September 2005 at 3:13am | IP Logged
My mom's sister and her husband couldn't have children so they adopted kids when they were very little....now he is 23 and she is 21....they still do not know about it.

I think it is wrong to this away from adopted kids cos they should have the right to know about their life.

I guess I am more open-minded than my aunt and uncle....they are really doing a great injustice by keeping this from my cousins.....I feel they are too old now and may rebel in a very bad way if and when they find out the truth. Don't get me wrong - my aunt and uncle are wonderful people and worked hard to rear my cousins to be the way they are.

People should talk to their adoped kids about their adoption from the moment they think they are ready. Otherwise it may be too late!

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