Joined: 03 October 2005
Hmm..my idea for a scene-feedback appreciated
Well I'm done my exams and was bored and .....
Okay well this thought just sorta popped into my head …………. it isn't a fan fic or a short story ...... i guess its more of a scene but it is kinda long (by now i'm sure a lot of you know I'm allergic to short posts)
I don't really know if I actually even want it to happen this way (to know why read the very last pagargraph - don't have to read what's inbetween if you don't want to) ………… was just something that came into my head ………
Okay now haven't seen today's episode yet – won't see it for another 5-6 hours maybe – but can't wait ……. But I have read bits and pieces about the guys getting suspended (not sure if it is just Armaan or if it is all of them) ……… well I'm gonna assume it is all of them and that the girls also get in trouble – i.e., rectal exams or something ………. And then the guys dressed up as girls things happens ……… and then comes what I thought of …… please bare with me – hope I don't bore you to sleep (tried to make it colourful so you don't fall asleep) – its kinda long, not very funny, or romantic – so sorry in advance …….. and if there's a problem with this the mods can feel free to close it - just really wanted to share my idea with everyone .... even if it isn't the greatest so that hopefully i can improve and become better at this
Setting: Basketball court, the sun is just about to set and it looks like it could start to rain in a short while.
Characters: Armaan, Riddhima, Atul, Anjali, Rahul, and Muskaan
Situation: Armaan and Riddhima's elaan-e-jung is still on and everyone is in trouble because of it.
(We see Anjali and Muskaan dragging Armaan to the basketball court and then we see Riddhima being pulled there by Atul and Rahul.)
(Armaan and Riddhima are now standing at center court staring at each other angrily and everyone is positioned around them ……… Anjie and Muski behind Armaan and Atul and Rahul behind Riddzy ……… there's complete silence – only the sound of the wind can be heard.)
Armaan and Riddzy each take 180 turns and start to walk away from each other …….. but the others speak and stop them ….
Atul: Bas bohot hogaya …….. tum dono kahein nahin jaoge ………
Anjie: Haan …. Atul shahi kahe rahe hai ……… c'mon guys what is wrong with you ……
Muski: Oye ……. Tum dono ne yeh laga kya raka hai ……maan karta hai ke tum dono ko apne Patiala ke phelwane se pit… (she's about to say something but Rahul gives her a look and cuts her off before she can)
Rahul: Armaan …. Riddhima …….. what we mean is ………. Kya tum dono ko yeh dikhayi nahi raha hai ke tum dono ke waja se hum log kitne phas gaye hain ……
Atul: Haan ….. tum logon ke ladayi mein hum sab pis ke mar rahe hain ……… Main aur Rahul toh abhi be suspended hain or meri bechari Anjali or Muskaan toh rectal exams de de ke thak chuki hain … tum dono toh foresters se bhi zayada berahem ho …….. meri bechari Anjali (goes to hug her) ….
Anjie: not now Atul (rolls eyes) ……. Guys …… can you please tell us what the problem between you two is ……. I mean I know ke tum dono ek dusre ko pasand nahi karte ho lekin itna sub kuch? …….
(As the interns look at each other remembering the events of the past little while we see Armaan and Riddhima turn to face each other again …..)
Riddzy: (looks around at everyone) Dekho …… I'm sorry you guys ………… lekin maine yeh nahi chaha tha ke tum log iss sab mein phas jaoge ….. maine yeh nahi socha ….. (is interrupted by Armaan)
Armaan: SOCHA …… hahahahaha …. wah riddhima-JI …… yeh toh aap ki puraani adat hai na …… har waqt sochti raheti hai ….. (mumbles the next few lines so that only Ridzy can hear them) ….. kabhi apne bare main, kabhi apne family ke barein mein, kabhi iss ke barein mein kabhi uss ke barein mein ….. lekin mere barein main ….. mere feelings ke barein mein nahi na
(flashback of post-Holi stairwell scene when Riddz tells Armaan that she'd never tell him she loved him when in her senses)
Riddzy: (also mumbling so only Armaan can hear) TUM mere barein main nahi soch the ho ….. sirf apne barein main soch the ho
(flashback of Rahul mistakenly telling Riddz about Armaan going to Patiala with Muskaan)
Atul: Huh? kya kahan tum logon ne?
Armaan: arre nothing Champ …. Look I'm sorry …. Iss ka toh pata nahi ….. lekin .… I didn't want you to be in trouble …… tu toh janta hai ke yeh sab maine nahi shura kiya …… main toh bohot shareef hoon – bhola bhala sa ……. Yeh sab to Riddhima-JI ne shuru …… (is interrupted by Ridzy)
Riddzy: (takes a step closer to Armaan) WHAT?!?! ….. Maine?!?! …… tum ade pagal the yeh toh pata tha ….. lekin ab lag rahe hai ke tum pure ke pure pagal ho …….. maine nahi tum ne yeh sab shuru kiya tha ……….. tum log suspend iss liye hue kyon ki tumne cake fight shuru ki thi …..
Armaan: (takes a step closer to Riddzy) waho …… woh maine iss liye kiya tha Riddhima-JI kyon ki tum ne phele mere balon ko purple aur unCHA kar diya aur phir mujhe adha nanga apne papa the great Dr. Shashank ke samne khada kar diya …..
Riddzy: (takes another step closer to Armaan) aur TUMne …… phele mujhe se Morgue main duty ke bahane darrane ki khoshish ki aur uss ke badd research ke naam pe ut patang sawal pooch waye patients se ….. AUR ….. haaaannn …… mujhse ek performance bhi karwaya tha na tumne ……
Armaan: (takes a step closer to Riddzy) woh issssssssliye …… kyon ki tum mujhe maalik maalik sir sir kahe kar mere sirr kaha rahi thi …… aur waise bhi tum meri "ghulam" thi na …..
Riddzy: (takes another step closer to Armaan) ghulam thi lekin tum toh natak kar rahe the dukhi hone ka aur hum sab tumhe khush dekhna chate the …..
Armaan: (takes another step closer to Riddzy) haha ….. TUM ….. aur MUJHE khush dekhna chati thi …… yah right …… sure whatever …… tum sirf jeet na chati thi mujhe se ……… tum kisi aur ke barein main soch thi bhi ho kya?
(Now Armaan and Riddzy are standing extremely close to each other and the others are all looking at them and at each other and are utterly confused)
Riddzy: Main har waqt tumhare barein main soch ti hoon …… tum hi nahin soch the ….. kabhi Patiala toh Kabhi Kasauli bhag jate ho, kabhi apne app ko marne ki acting karte ho, kabhi mujhe dard de te ho toh kabhi apne app ko (flashbacks of all of these scenes while she's talking – Patiala, Kasauli, various fake suicides including intial ones, Armaan breaking the kangan and then hitting the mirror)
Armaan:Jhoot …. Tum mere barein mein nahin sirf apne aap ke barein me soch thi ho …… tumne kabhi mere feelings ki kadar hi nahi ki hai …… hamesha se tumne yehi hi socha hai ki main hi galat hoon na …… kabhi mujhe yeh ehsaas karwati ho ki doston ki madat karna galat hai, kabhi mere tofon ka toh kabhi apni izzat ka mazak udati ho, toh kabhi mujhe yeh ehsaas karwati ho ke main tumhare layak hi nahin hoon (flashbacks of all these scenes while he's talking – Post-Patiala stairwell confrontation scene, making fun of his gifts in the canteen, fake rape, rooftop scene with Riddzy reprimanding Armaan for fake suicide)
Anjali to Atul and Muskaan to Rahul: (whisper) Layak?!?!?(Atul and Rahul look at each other because both fully understand now what is going on between Armaan and Riddhima)
(Armaan and Riddhima have completely forgotten now that the others are there.)
Riddzy:Pyaar mein insaan dusre ke barein mein soch tha hai lekin tum hamesha apne barein mein hi soch the ho… you only think about yourself
Armaan: (interrupts) Haan …. Pyaar mein insaan dusRE ke barein mein soch tha hai ….. lekin tum dusRON ke barein mein soch thi ho – you think about everyone except me
Anjali to Atul and Muskaan to Rahul: (scream now) PYAAR MEIN!?!?!?(Atul and Rahul look at each other again not sure of what they should do)
(Just then Lightening Strikes, it starts to rain and the lights around the basketball court go out)
Riddzy:Ahhh Armaan! (hugs Armaan tightly)
Armaan:Sshh Riddhima kuch nahi hua its okay …. Sshh (hugs Riddhima back caressing her head)
(Asmani Rang Ho starts playing and both get flash backs of all the good times they've shared together – starting with the jungle hug that was similar to this scene, followed by all the times they felt something for each other– first times their hands touched, dupatta scenes, aur paas scene, HAHK scene, eye lock sessions, winks, Valentine's Day scenes, the mini skirt scene and the end of the zara zara scene)
(All of a sudden the back up generators kick in and Atul, Anjali, Rahul, and Muskaan are shocked at seeing Armaan and Riddhima hugging)
Anjie: Riddzy …. Yeh tum kya kar rahi ho?
(Armaan and Riddhima come out of their flashback and break away from each other quickly)
Atul: chalo chalo ….. baatein baad mein bhi ho sak thi hai ….. chalo chalo Anjali tumhare bal karab ho jayenge (Atul and Rahul pull away Anjie and Muski to the bleachers but don't realize that Armaan and Riddhima are still standing where they were getting drenched)
Armaan: kya kaha tha tumne phele? ….. pyaar mein?
Riddzy: woh woh ….. maine ….. mera matlab ….
Armaan: Please Riddhima ….. main thak chukka hoon tum se ladte ladte ….. please aaj sach khedo ….. kuch toh kaho
Riddzy: nahin …. woh …..
(silence ….. all you hear is the wind, the rain and the lightening ……… the others are standing at the bleachers wondering what Riddhima will say)
Armaan: theek hai ….. kuch mat kaho ….. kuch mat karo …… issiliye to mein chala gaya tha ….. kyon wapas le kar aayi tum mujhe …… agar pyaar nahin hai …… agar rishta rakhna nahin chahati ho toh kyon kiya yeh sab kuch? …… tum kheti ho ke tum mujhe dukhi nahin dekhna chahati ho lekin tumhari yeh chupi ….. yeh berukhi mujhe dukhi karta hai ….. toh tum …… I just don't understand …… akhir tum chahati kya ho?
(Armaan starts to walk away from Riddhima but as he does his last few words ring in her ears – "agar pyaar nahin hai …… agar rishta rakhna nahin chahati ho toh kyon kiya yeh sab kuch? …… tum kheti ho ke tum mujhe dukhi nahin dekhna chahati ho lekin tumhari yeh chupi ….. yeh berukhi mujhe dukhi karta hai ….. toh tum …… I just don't understand …… akhir tum chahati kya ho? ………… agar rishta rakhna nahin chahati ho ……….. akhir tum chahati kya ho? … akhir tum chahati kya ho? … akhir tum chahati kya ho?")
Riddzy: (whisprs)Main tumhe chahati hoon Armaan ..... (sobbing) MAIN TUMHE CHAHATI HOON ………….. I want you ………….... I'm sorry ….. love you
Armaan: (runs back) ….. I love you too (hugs her tightly and both keep saying I love you)
(Anjie is about to go to Riddzy but Atul grabs her arm and motions not to with his head …… Anjie looks at the two of them hugging and starts to smile gradually)
Anjali: (still smiling whispers to Atul) wow …. Meri choti si Riddzy isn't so little anymore na? (Atul smiles back)
Muskaan: (looks at Rahul who is carefully watching her to see if she's okay) oye ….. mera hero toh Riddz ko mil gaya ……… (looks down and Rahul is about to hug her) …… oye koi gal nahin ….. chado woh nahin koi aur sahi (Rahul starts laughing at her outburst)
(Atul, Anjie, Rahul and Muski run back to center court and the four of them start hugging Armaan and Riddzy)
Armaan: guys guys …. Hold on - wait ..... DON'T ..... hold ...... on….. we ….. can't …………. breathe ….
(everyone breaks away laughing)
Rahul: waise Armaan I always knew ke tujhe challenges pasand hai lekin itne bade bade ….. yeh pata nahin tha (laughing)
Armaan: (rolls eyes) abbe …. ab tujhe kya problem hai you slim...
Rahul: (interrupts him) Mujhe nahin ….. tujhe hain ……. you know .......... Dr. ……… Shashank!
Armaan and Atul: (together) OH NO ….. sasurji!!!!
Armaan: Woh toh Gabbar se bhi zada bhayanak hai!
Atul: Haan yaar
Anjie: shut up Atul
Riddzy: Armaaaaaaan! ….. tum ne mere Papa ke barein mein kuch kaha na toh mein tumhe …..
Armaan: (steps up to Riddzy) toh tum mujhe KYA ….. waise tumhari waje se hi mera un pe impression kharab hua hai …..
Riddzy: WHAT …. Meri waja se! …..
Armaan: (pokes Riddzy's nose) HAAN tumhari waja se ….. abhi bhi network problem hai kya basket? (winks at her)
Riddzy: tumhe meri koi madat ki zarorat nahin hain apni impression ko bigadne mein ….. tum khud aisi harkeatein karte ho …. (takes a few steps back from him)
Armaan: WHAT …. (takes a few steps forward)
(Riddzy starts running away from him around the basketball court completely unaware of the rain and Armaan starts running around after her – flashback of them running around the hospital in the initial episodes while the instrumental version of asmani rang ho plays in the background)
Atul, Anjie, Rahul, Muski: (all together) OH NO ….. phir se shuru ho gaya (all start laughing)
Okay so this was sort of like a "confession" scene – but because I don't want a "confession" now ….. I want an acceptance and public declaration of their love – they've confessed in private before and they ended up just hiding it so this time I want everyone to know and for the relationship to move forward even if there are still problems like getting families to agree etc …… and again, I don't even think I want this to happen because it is too simple – they haven't actually addressed any of the problems clearly but like I said the idea popped into my head and I thought I'd share it.
Again ..... if I brok any rules with this ..... it was unintentional ..... I apologize and please feel free to get this topic closed.
Joined: 01 October 2005
Joined: 10 May 2005
omg tashu...its...its amazing yaar...i was seeig whole thing happening rt infront of me...why dint creatives contact you...this one is tooo good!awesome...simply loved the shot
Joined: 29 June 2005
Joined: 03 October 2005
thanks niya, aditi, and atma ....... the encouragement is much appreciated ..... (but i'm sure aditi that the creatives will come up with something a thousand billion times better)
but seriously you guys can be completely honest - no hard feelings from my side
and @ atma - ummm this is my first "scene" for dmg (btw can you call it that its like five pages in microsoft word ... jk - i think its six) but i've written one before for a contest in the lrl forum but i'm pretty sure i lost miserably (don't think a result was announced ) ...... so yeah this would be my second one overall - i think - have a bad memory
Joined: 18 March 2006
Joined: 04 January 2008
Joined: 03 October 2005
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