looks or attitude what is more imp.? - Page 7

This content was originally posted by: Gauri_3

I think constantly finding faults in others is also an attitude....a very bad one at that...very very very bad 😉 no amount of good-looks can ever cover this flaw 😆 If you ask me, bitchy men are bigger turn offs than bitchy women😛

wonder where one finds such men. the guys i know keep to themselves, dont go behind people's backs and run others down. they dont exactly seem very bitchy to me, but then what do i know?😛

in any case, i am not sure the debate's about enumerating one's list of personal turn-offs or turn-ons. 😉on the other hand, if we go by what some have been saying, men and women might as well be from different planets. he finds her bitchy when she's just being vigorous in protecting her interests. and vice versa. so once again, by your own admission, very different viewpoints when it comes to attitudes.😛

Attitude

by Charles Swindoll

The longer I live,
the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude to me is more important than the past,
than education,
than money,
than circumstances,
than failures,
than success,
than what other people think, or say, or do.

It is more important than appearance,
giftedness, or skill.
It will make or break an organization,
a school, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past..
We cannot change the fact that people will
act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do
is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude….

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you…..

Edited by Gauri_3 - 15 years ago

This content was originally posted by: Gauri_3

We cannot change our past..
We cannot change the fact that people will
act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do
is play on the one string we have,
and that is our attitude….

This poem says it all!  Pretty much sums up my thoughts and my stance on this debate😊

if this is what your new stance is, then it seems inconsistent to me with what you had earlier when you were disagreeing with my post. with this poem you are now backing the idea that attitude is something one can work on, other things one cannot. pretty much what i was saying earlier and the reverse of what you were saying.😉

btw, very moving poem, i am sure.😛 it does of course state one's position on the debate, not necessarily advance it on any logical grounds imo. here's why- the debate is on which is more important. Sure, if someone doesnt have the other good stuff, then attitude is the only thing they can work with and that seems to be the thrust of the poem. But that does not really speak to superiority of attitude versus the other good stuff one might already have. Latter has been my point all along, a point i have been consistently making without hedging😉

Edited by chatbuster - 15 years ago

here's the other difficulty when we talk of attitude. it's like a politician trying to appeal to voters saying he's for change. but what change is he talking about? it's a similar case when we get to attitude. the guy who is laid-back, non-ambitious- does he have a good attitude or a lazy one? the guy who is an achiever (and often aggressive in the process)- is his attitude good or bad? the housewife who pushes her husband to do more- does she have a good attitude or a bad one. it seems to me we are just using labels when we talk of good attitude and bad attitude without even knowing what specifically we mean by those, much like what the politicians do when they talk of change, almost as if to create an impression that any change is good, as if we can all magically agree on what that good change is. 😉 😊 Edited by chatbuster - 15 years ago

Guys and gals.. .now we are talking about possible corrective actions one can take with their short-comings!!!???

The topic was looks or attitude.. and I think its looks first then attitude.. If you dont have looks you cant have attitude...or atleast people wont acknowledge that even if you have one..

The changes in attitude people talk about are related to adaptibilty which is more like getting around situations and being condusive with people for interpersonal communications...more like gelling... that attitude is different from one we really call the "attitude"

This content was originally posted by: qwertyesque

The changes in attitude people talk about are related to adaptibilty which is more like getting around situations and being condusive with people for interpersonal communications...more like gelling... that attitude is different from one we really call the "attitude"

 I was getting my thoughts together and saw your post which said the same thing.!!!  Looks do matter before attitude can be seen or observed. A beautiful person does not have to convince anyone about her beauty and there in lies the major difference between attiutude and looks.

 For example Ash and Srk, beauty and attitude personafied respectively,  equaly famous and successfull ppl in their own right, were to meet complete strangers or westerners who have no idea about them, I bet most will pick Ash.  I think that was what the topic starter was asking , why beautiful ppl are picked over the ones lacking beauty.  

Edited by lighthouse - 15 years ago

some of the discussion here reminds me of the following joke for a lot of reasons.

---------------------------

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

----------------

personally, i like the fisherman's laid-back attitude more. but for some reason, i dont think the gals wld dig him too much if it were for real, all the arguments notwithstanding 😉

This content was originally posted by: qwertyesque

Guys and gals.. .now we are talking about possible corrective actions one can take with their short-comings!!!???

The topic was looks or attitude.. and I think its looks first then attitude.. If you dont have looks you cant have attitude...or atleast people wont acknowledge that even if you have one..

The changes in attitude people talk about are related to adaptibilty which is more like getting around situations and being condusive with people for interpersonal communications...more like gelling... that attitude is different from one we really call the "attitude"

on bolded black part, I did say that looks are like marketing tools.  Good to hook someone in the beginning.  Whether the relationship will click in the long run is mostly based on attitude.

Red part, I do not agree qwerts.  Looks may help someone in feeling self confidence but there are other factors too that help building the right attitude like one's education and upbringing.  Of course, for me, if someone has all but lacks the right attitude - everything else is irrelevant then.

I acknowledge what's right attitude for me may be wrong for someone else.  Heck, even same individual perceives same attitude differently on different occassions.  Therefore one should look for the attitude that gels with theirs as well.  Naheen toh baad mein problems hotey hain.  If one goes blindly by looks then what does one do if due to some mishap those looks are not there anymore.  Koi accident ho gaya ya phir the looker is careless with their looks and they faded overtime...this happens a lot within our desi scenario...i mean A LOT.  What's left then if looks was the sole criteria.

I know you are saying looks first and next is attitude and I agree with this.  What I don't agree is "only looks"

I was asked to pick one side only and not hedge.  If it's between "only looks" and "only attitude" then it's attitude for me.

You want to read my exact thoughts then please visit my very first post on the very first page.  I chose one over the other because I was asked to for debate's sake. 

Peace - Gauri😊

Edited by Gauri_3 - 15 years ago

This content was originally posted by: Gauri_3

on bolded black part, I did say that looks are like marketing tools.  Good to hook someone in the beginning.  Whether the relationship will click in the long run is mostly based on attitude. looks cant be compensated by attitude.. unless the person turns blind .....😆

Red part, I do not agree qwerts.  Looks may help someone in feeling self confidence but there are other factors too that help building the right attitude like one's education and upbringing.  Again you are missing attitude as I have differentiated above...Of course, for me, if someone has all but lacks the right attitude - everything else is irrelevant then.true but the attitude associated with looks is not the same associated with being friendly, congenial or successful....😊

I acknowledge what's right attitude for me may be wrong for someone else.  Heck, even same individual perceives same attitude differently on different occassions.  Therefore one should look for the attitude that gels with theirs as well.  Naheen toh baad mein problems hotey hain.  If one goes blindly by looks then what does one do if due to some mishap those looks are not there anymore.  Koi accident ho gaya ya phir the looker is careless with their looks and they faded overtime...this happens a lot within our desi scenario...i mean A LOT.  What's left then if looks was the sole criteria. If looks fade or the looks are deformed generally that person will no longer have this criteria.. the point is these definitions dont define a life time - but the current scenario.. if a girl who looks veri stunning is after all her success is seen to be a guy who had had transgender operation...Does teh beauty reduce no but does it mean continue to apply the same criteria - no since mostly these criteria dont take into account operations, other artificial things.. its supposed to be the inherent req.. So beauty lies in the eyes... doesnt apply here.. its more a reason for how odd looking couples are seen moving around.. its a post mortem and not a deduction...😆

I know you are saying looks first and next is attitude and I agree with this.  What I don't agree is "only looks" true.. but the thing is looks will give an attitude.. which is important...

I was asked to pick one side only and not hedge.  If it's between "only looks" and "only attitude" then it's attitude for me.

You want to read my exact thoughts then please visit my very first post on the very first page.  I chose one over the other because I was asked to for debate's sake. 

Peace - Gauri😊.....😊

This content was originally posted by: qwertyesque

 looks cant be compensated by attitude.. unless the person turns blind .....😆

I feel they could be.  Were you not saying you like Nana Patekar.  Surely you don't like him for his looks now...do you?  If you do then beauty does lie in the eye of beholder😆  btw, he and manoj bajpai are one of my favorite actors as well😊

Again you are missing attitude as I have differentiated above...

I think I got what you meant but I don't think the thread starter has that attitude in mind...I may be wrong though.  I felt she was asking about the attitude as in 

"a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways; "he had the attitude that work was fun" "

where as you are talking about the attitude as in that extra zing used to create the effect....may be as in:

"a theatrical pose created for effect; "the actor struck just the right attitude" "😆

 I may be wrong but this is what I got and I was talking about the first bullet wala atitude here😳. 

true but the attitude associated with looks is not the same associated with being friendly, congenial or successful....😊

...agreed but how does it help in the long run?

If looks fade or the looks are deformed generally that person will no longer have this criteria.. the point is these definitions dont define a life time - but the current scenario..

I see where our different povs are coming from.  I was talking from the pov of long term relationships not the crushes or pehli nazar ka pyaar kind as the example provided was of a ladki dekhna for bhai ki shadi😊.  Of course, I agree that crushes are mostly based on physical attraction or drool factor😆.

if a girl who looks veri stunning is after all her success is seen to be a guy who had had transgender operation...Does teh beauty reduce no but does it mean continue to apply the same criteria - no since mostly these criteria dont take into account operations, other artificial things.. its supposed to be the inherent req.. So beauty lies in the eyes... doesnt apply here.. its more a reason for how odd looking couples are seen moving around.. its a post mortem and not a deduction...😆

😆😆😆 

true.. but the thing is looks will give an attitude.. which is important...

...again, we are talking about different attitude here as illustrated above.  You are referring to hot chick with an attitude😆 I am talking about jo tumhara apni seerat sey dil jeet ley wala attitude😆.

I am coming from:............dil ko dekho chehra na dekho............chehery ney lakhon ko loota..................dil sachcha aur chehra jhootha😆

You are going to:.......gorey gorey mukhdey pey kala kala chashma .......... tauba khuda khair karey khoob hai karishma....khoob hai karishma😆😆

Edited by Gauri_3 - 15 years ago