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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 08, 2010

Why was the lawyer studying the Bible right before he died?
He was looking for loopholes!

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 09, 2010

New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 11, 2010

Testifying

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question." 😃

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 12, 2010

10 reasons not to Exercise

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 15, 2010

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 17, 2010

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 19, 2010

Maamu: Bhai apne ko chaar maheene me tamil seekhna padega! Kuch upaay bolona!

Munna Bhai: Tamil bhaasha kyun? Kannad kyun nahi aur ye chaar maheene ka kya chakkar hai maamu?

Maamu: Maine ek tamil bachcha god liya hai, vo chaar maheene me bolnee lagega naa, isliye! 😃

Edited by maha_prakrti - 14 years ago

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Feb 23, 2010

Sardar was sitting in the beach. An american asks, "Are you relaxing?

Sardar : No, I am Ram singh!

Another American : Are you relaxing?

Sardar (indignant) : No, I am Ram Singh!

Sardar gets angry and leaves the place

Sardar (to an American lying nearby) : Are you Relax Singh?

American : (Relaxing) Yes...

Sardar gives a slap and says, "All are searching for you and you are lying here, rascal..."

American : !?!?!

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Mar 05, 2010

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish." Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

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Krithika

@maha_prakrti

IF-Sizzlerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Joke of the Day - Mar 08, 2010

Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
fluctuations.

Physical Properties :
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties :
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses :
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests :
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution :
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.

Happy Woman's Day!

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