how should the abusive person handled? (Page 3)

qwertyesque

IF-Rockerz

Joined: 03 December 2006

Posts: 5946

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 9:13am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Madmadgirl

Quoting from Qwert's post

MMG: For a father to take that from a daughter is particularly heinous.
Q: now according to you in the other debate all organs are equal why would a father's action towards those organs be preceived differently except for the use of physical force...?

Now't to do with the organs mate...it's the betrayal of trust I was thinkin of....most daughters dont expect to be sexually violated by their dads......

Need to keep my debates in context - I never said all organs are equal - coz of course theyre not - simply that they all have names and to refer to them by their actual name is OK... right which in a way means all organs are treated equally and there shoundtn't be conservative approach when you name some of themm right? .bit of a difference in interpretation of my words, my friend....dont you agree?? now is there a difference?

Keep trying Qwert! Wink

maddy yaar trying to get the point across to you!!! thats a tough one baby

Angry

M

corvette

IF-Rockerz

Joined: 06 June 2006

Posts: 5288

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 2:55am | IP Logged

Qwert - tu kabhi baaz nahin ayega yaar.... par chalega.. Wink

I get to have intelligent and interesting debates with all you wonderful people

Jeeo! Big smile

M

Edited by Madmadgirl - 16 May 2008 at 2:56am

U-No-Poo

IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 June 2007

Posts: 23357

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 5:44am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Madmadgirl

Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by return_to_hades

Rape is a serious crime and rape of minors is even more heinous. There is no question of forgiveness in this situation. It will take immense strength & courage for the victim to move on and enjoy a happy future, but this is a trauma that is impossible to forget. When the victim actually can forget the abuse of the past, then let us consider the possibility of forgiving. Even if the abuser can get cured and live a normal future, the crime simply cannot be erased...nor should the guilt.

Are this scientifically documented facts in response to basic instincts.? In a land where sexuality is not matter of honor... the only thing that remains in a rape is the physical violence... any other trauma coming in is a matter of upbringing...only if the sexuality is in the larger scheme of things a matter of honor or cultural /religious/tradititional violation it is traumatic.. otherwise it is somebody taking away something from somebody - now that is mostly not traumatic... since everybody goes through that experience atleast once.. Remember the song "Sweet dreams are made of these... somebody wants to abuse you .. somebody wants to be abused by you...."

Startled to say the least about your take on this.

What is being taken away in a rape is control, trust and possibly innocence. Then you have the violence on top to deal with - these are all the "somethings" that you refer to being taken away - and IMO they are not trivial or mediocre.

For a father to take that from a daughter is particularly heinous.

As far as everyone going through the experience at least once, I assume you mean sexual inetrcourse. For most people they would do so in a loving, or at least consensual situation - a bit different from from rape wouldnt you say???

Finally the lyrics thing was bugging me ....

The correct lyrics are "Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused"

Most rape victims dont have a choice - nothing in this case case suggests she wanted to be abused by her father or anyone else for that matter.

I will never hear this song in quite the same way....interesting take you have on this Qwert....

Totally agree. Everything you mentioned above is defenitely not mediocre, specially trust, and by trust i do not mean just from the father, from everyone else aswell, it becomes very hard for such a person to trust anybody else.

There is another thing that develops in the victim which is fear. The victim is most likely to be afraid of many things and people, because she does not feel safe anymore.

As for the father, he should be put in jail for his entire life, and a few beatings will do him good.

k-ekta fan

IF-Rockerz

Joined: 03 December 2006

Posts: 8647

Posted: 18 May 2008 at 4:27am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Insanity

Originally posted by manny.

Originally posted by Insanity

I personally don't think he should be forgiven. That is too big of a crime.. he should be put in a dungeon himself and never get to come outside. Dead

yes he should except that there should be "bigger" prisoners in there with him... someone like the prison guard should "accidently" blurt out his crime and then lets see what those guys do to him Wink

personally i say kill the beast but that would be such an easy way out for him...

I agree, it would be too easy. He deserves a much worse punishment than that. What he did was sickening.

i agree wid ju guys. he must nt 4gve but must get punishment... dey must realise dem wht he committed is rong... n he must b gven wrst punishment

xsweetbabygyalx

Senior Member

Joined: 17 July 2008

Posts: 252

Posted: 19 July 2008 at 8:57pm | IP Logged

I am someone who was mostly emotionally abused as a child by my biological father's side of the family. Coming from an abuse, I would say that I think it really depends on the person. There are rare people who know the difference between right and wrong. I am someone who knows the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I never had therapy done but I grew mature as I grew older.

In this case, the father should have had counseling therapy done to understand the difference between what's right and what's wrong as well as how much is too much. There should be limits.

bewafa

IF-Dazzler

Joined: 01 September 2005

Posts: 4604

Posted: 20 July 2008 at 3:29am | IP Logged

if a child cannot be safe in their own home...then that is REALLY sad.

the consequences for the victims i am most worried about. I mean yes, people aren't actyually 'evil' or 'bad' but in need of help, but frankly, i refuse to feel sorry for him.

he has a tv in his cell, which he uses to see what the media is sayin about him, he gets all the newspapers to see what else has been written about it etc etc...he's just disgusting

how can u NOT know...u dont abuse ur children. u dont abuse anyone fullstop.

pfft about stranger danger!

the victims...the most recent children, they converse via making animal noises, one of them is unable to walk upright etc etc

there is just nothing that can reverse that, he's lived his life, but the poor children are going to suffer.

what a meaningless existence.

his should be the same. meaningless and devoid of hope. death is much too quick.

bewafa

IF-Dazzler

Joined: 01 September 2005

Posts: 4604

Posted: 20 July 2008 at 3:32am | IP Logged

Originally posted by xsweetbabygyalx

I am someone who was mostly emotionally abused as a child by my biological father's side of the family. Coming from an abuse, I would say that I think it really depends on the person. There are rare people who know the difference between right and wrong. I am someone who knows the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I never had therapy done but I grew mature as I grew older.

In this case, the father should have had counseling therapy done to understand the difference between what's right and what's wrong as well as how much is too much. There should be limits.

oh dear!

but u know, u shud still seek counseling. even though ur mature etc now, but best bet is to still see a counselor...there are even free counselors available so u can still go, if say u dont wanna ask ur parents for money etc etc. there are many ppl there to help, plz use it, it will only be beneficial. where i guess u can also tell the counselor everything, and not think about, "what will he/she think of you", thoughts that may come into play if ur telling about ur problems to ppl u know...

but hey i applaud u, coz u KNOW the difference between the good and the bad/

xsweetbabygyalx

Senior Member

Joined: 17 July 2008

Posts: 252

Posted: 26 July 2008 at 11:46pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by bewafa

Originally posted by xsweetbabygyalx

I am someone who was mostly emotionally abused as a child by my biological father's side of the family. Coming from an abuse, I would say that I think it really depends on the person. There are rare people who know the difference between right and wrong. I am someone who knows the difference between what's right and what's wrong. I never had therapy done but I grew mature as I grew older.

In this case, the father should have had counseling therapy done to understand the difference between what's right and what's wrong as well as how much is too much. There should be limits.

oh dear!

but u know, u shud still seek counseling. even though ur mature etc now, but best bet is to still see a counselor...there are even free counselors available so u can still go, if say u dont wanna ask ur parents for money etc etc. there are many ppl there to help, plz use it, it will only be beneficial. where i guess u can also tell the counselor everything, and not think about, "what will he/she think of you", thoughts that may come into play if ur telling about ur problems to ppl u know...

but hey i applaud u, coz u KNOW the difference between the good and the bad/

I forgot to mention that I did seek counseling when I was in my teens LOL

my dad divorced my mom the day before my 13th birthday so he's history and i'm glad he's gone. He wasn't abused at all in his childhood, he was jealous of his dad supporting his cousins even though his dad supported him, his 3 other brothers and 2 sisters when they were kids but for some strange reason he became so violent and possessive and so demanding and a complete crazy person.

I'm still thinking about counseling to stay in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend who will become my husband in the future (as we both and my mom had already decided on that) but my life nowadays is really harsh as my mom had gotten into a foul acciden where she broke two bones in her arm and a part of her ankle last year and i got my uncles, aunts and a fw cousins are torturing me and my mom so it's really stressful right now because I want my mom to recover functionally completely and I'm trying for her to stay happy but it's not helping when her brothers and sisters-in-laws (my uncles and aunts) get her more depressed Angry

it's not safe keeping her home alone and she can't go outside the way she used to, she gets tired sort of fast.

yeah thanks for ur suggestion, I'll definitely seek counseling once I find a chance Smile

no hard feelings Thumbs Up

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Page 3 of 4

Posted: 15 May 2008 at 9:13am | IP Logged

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 2:55am | IP Logged

Posted: 16 May 2008 at 5:44am | IP Logged

Posted: 18 May 2008 at 4:27am | IP Logged

Posted: 19 July 2008 at 8:57pm | IP Logged

Posted: 20 July 2008 at 3:29am | IP Logged

Posted: 20 July 2008 at 3:32am | IP Logged

Posted: 26 July 2008 at 11:46pm | IP Logged

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