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This Isn't My Beautiful Wife..AY One-Shot

devilangel IF-Dazzler
devilangel
devilangel

Joined: 28 November 2005
Posts: 3456

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
I have exams from tomorrow, and I'm stress writing. It's unedited and written in 15 minutes and is horrible, but please please read it. It has a slightly happy ending, and for once I didn't kill off Ashi, yay me! It's set the year Yuvi died.

I can't explain why I live this way
< style>

March

 

It rains frequently nowadays. Something about climate change and the world changing and everyone panicking, except that she doesn't care.

 

It's slightly cold outside and she's shivering as she picks up a dried, wilted flower and for a second she badly wants to pick the petals apart with a He loves me, He loves me not game. But then the thought is gone and she's filling up with dread, so she sets the flower down but her hand won't stop shaking.

 

April

 

April is the cruelest month.

 

Ranveer comes over one evening and offers to take her out to dinner, and she politely refuses because his gaze is a mixture of pity and something else which she doesn't want to see.

 

"I don't feel up to going," she says, and he replies with a nod but doesn't leave.

"I don't want to go," she repeats again, and he smiles in a way that's distinctly not him. "Does it matter?" he asks, and she silently goes inside to put on something decent, because he trapped her there and there's nothing she can do.

 

May

 

His kiss is harsh and unforgiving and full of pain, but she doesn't care because she's too drunk to remember where this place is.

 

She wonders how she got here, and when things became so truly messed up, and she desperately wants this growing up phase to stop.

 

Except it won't.

 

June

 

His picture finally catches dust and she almost burns it because dust wasn't supposed  to be part of the agenda.

 

Instead she just throws the picture away from her balcony and doesn't even wince when it crashes into a car below. Maybe it's because she doesn't care or she's somehow become apathetic, but maybe she just wants to be free.

 

July

 

Tia lectures her about what's not healthy and how she acts like a zombie and how that's affecting everyone, and she restrains her urge to snap back.

 

"You're going to lose everyone at this rate," Tia says softly, "What are you living for, Ashi?"

"My dignity," she replies back promptly, but oh wait, she's lost that too.

 

August

 

It's her first wedding anniversary and she's happy. She wants to go out and celebrate and she even hugs the first one, two, three people that greet her. She's in a pretty sundress and all she wants to go is enjoy but she doesn't understand why everyone's walking on eggshells around her.

 

It's the happiest day of her life, and she just doesn't get why everyone looks like they're at a funeral.

 

September

 

When she wakes up to the steady beating of the monitor, she tries to tell herself that it's normal, and she hadn't just overdosed on acetaminophen. She gets tired when the sixth visitor comes to see her, offers meaningless words of sympathy and just won't leave, and she almost gets out of bed to kick whoever it is out.

 

She also pretends not to notice that sharp objects kept far, far away from her and her hands cuffed to the sides of the bed.  

 

October

 

They make her see a shrink, and she doesn't protest.

 

"You need to face reality, Anvesha," the shrink says, and maybe it's that comment or maybe it's everything but she just snaps and yells and screams herself hoarse until she has nothing left to scream about.

 

"Wow, you're really good" she says wryly to the shrink, and it's meant to be ironic but irony doesn't seem to matter when she's kissing him a few hours later.

 

November

 

She's reached a point where she can build a beautiful web of deceit and nothingness and exist inside it without any scruples. The days trickle by like sand in an hourglass and she tells herself that it doesn't matter, nothing really matters and she's just….living life.

 

But then there's a crack of sunshine into her dark abyss, and it's like she's letting her hair down and breathing into a fresh stream of…something, but mostly it's like everything's alright.

 

December

 

She's too young to go through this, and to be grateful for a year that held nothing but ungratefulness. She stays awake until the clock ticks midnight even though her eyes are heavy with drowsiness. She bids the year farewell and gets the feeling that it'll never be over between them, even though nothing technically got started.

 

January

 

Fire is fire and water is water and oil is oil and you should never mix the three together because the combination is dangerous. Yet she wonders why she keeps doing that at every turn of her life and even after a day of thinking she doesn't come up with the answer.

 

"Happy New Year" everyone says to her, and a few people that are closer whisper words of encouragement and support. She just stares back and says nothing, because there's nothing else to say.

 

February

 

She gets out of bed and marks the day in the calendar. It's a painfully normal day and nothing extraordinary happens, so she decides to visit him anyway.

 

"I hate you," she enunciates over his gravestone because she really doesn't, but he isn't supposed to take her life away (that's just plain selfish) and she can't forgive him for that. She thinks about whether to say Happy Birthday or Happy Deathday but they're both so much of an oxymoron that she says neither and silently walks out.

 

March

 

It's sunny, and the sky is painfully blue and clear.

End


Pretty please reply and make me happy :)


Edited by devilangel - 03 May 2008 at 8:01pm

-aditi- IF-Sizzlerz
-aditi-
-aditi-

Joined: 10 May 2005
Posts: 10440

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 9:07pm | IP Logged

loved each and every bit of it girlyClap....if you took 15 mins for writing this than sit on your sparing this much time to bring such wonderfull shotsEmbarrassedyou have an specific writing and that i adore the most!SmileTongueall the best for your examsBig smile

FollowYourHeart IF-Sizzlerz
FollowYourHeart
FollowYourHeart

Joined: 15 September 2006
Posts: 24473

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
hey shriyasi long time no seeee

ke maan acchi tumi?? i hope khoob bhalooo Embarrassed

and best of luck for your exams dude i so hope u rock it up Embarrassed Embarrassed

as for the fic well its welll written undoubtedly and a wooping tumbs up to u for writing this well in such a short span of time

but again i definatly cant relate the female in this one to my ashi

ashi isn't this weak shes the strength of many many many individuals and even yuvi ka death can't reduce her to this state of mental frame where she ends up with a shrink and behaving that illicitly with him

no ways shes a gurl of principles and strong morales grief might be immense but still for her there would always be a ray of hope and that hope wpuld still be the fact that she loved him and knew that whereever he was he loved her too and she would have let him go she wouldn't have tied him down in her thoughts coz that wouldn't have made him free in the true sense so ya she would have freed him so that he gets the highest order of salvation

but the love would enevr have died it would still be present in every fragment of air and it would be her inspiration to move on and to lead a happy life full of happy memories she would never stop smiling in bliss at the memory of her love and ya she would smile and make others smile too as she always has done Embarrassed

but none the less a goood write up just a misfit with ashi's personality and character Embarrassed
FollowYourHeart IF-Sizzlerz
FollowYourHeart
FollowYourHeart

Joined: 15 September 2006
Posts: 24473

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 11:15pm | IP Logged
and ps i think i missed two of your previous shots and jis main se one toh was outstanding it was something on yuvi and the four people he loved Embarrassed Embarrassed i sooo wana read it man wld try finding it today and have a go at it Embarrassed Embarrassed

it was lovely hearing from youuuuuu hope to ctach you at ym sooon till then take careeeee and study hard Embarrassed
.smriti. Senior Member
.smriti.
.smriti.

Joined: 21 December 2007
Posts: 430

Posted: 04 May 2008 at 3:43am | IP Logged
i'm luckyyy!! i'm back on time! its awesome!!
AshiYuvi4life IF-Rockerz
AshiYuvi4life
AshiYuvi4life

Joined: 08 July 2006
Posts: 8813

Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
Hey Shreyasi! It's really good but so sad! Well, almost all of your one shots are like that. And they all rock!!! Really good! Clap Clap Clap
evilseye Goldie
evilseye
evilseye

Joined: 07 December 2007
Posts: 1399

Posted: 05 May 2008 at 2:04am | IP Logged
Hey shreyasi!!That was sooo amazing!!!!It was so well written!!!Gr88 job!! Clap
You potrayed the confusion and frustration...the anguish so well...awesome yaar!!!
Luv
Sur
p_rox Senior Member
p_rox
p_rox

Joined: 03 February 2008
Posts: 872

Posted: 09 May 2008 at 4:21am | IP Logged
omggg shreyasi omgggg u rote dis wndrful thing in jst 15 mins????? u sure???? i mean it is ritten sooo beautifully vid such strong emotions i m sooo touchd afta readin dis da way ashi spnt 1 full yr vidout him tryin 2 figure out k wat had actly happnd ..was it a dream... vil he evr return...she jst cudnt think proprly... ohh shreyasi it was very sad but i really lykd da way uve shown her sentimnts

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