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Laaga Chunri Mein Daag(AR) NOTE-PG 150 19 (Page 2)

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meow23

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meow23

Joined: 16 April 2008

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Posted: 02 May 2008 at 9:26am | IP Logged
hey contdddddddd

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perfectpiscean

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perfectpiscean

Joined: 22 July 2007

Posts: 5052

Posted: 02 May 2008 at 10:22am | IP Logged

Pinkyyyy!!!!! Anoder of ur fantastic concepts!!

Luv it...plz plz plz start soon!!

n as usual...do pm me...n i'll be ever ready wid my long bhashans aka comments!! Wink LOL LOL


Marisha

pinky_5

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pinky_5

Joined: 12 November 2007

Posts: 4696

Posted: 02 May 2008 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
thankssssss to all of you for your lovely comments........i'll post the first part sooooon........... Smile

arddima

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arddima

Joined: 14 March 2007

Posts: 616

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 1:57am | IP Logged
update soon

sheenu

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sheenu

Joined: 09 May 2006

Posts: 1611

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 2:29am | IP Logged
awesome yar... v. different concept... totally different from other fanfics.. cont. soon..

123abc123

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123abc123

Joined: 06 November 2007

Posts: 5957

Posted: 03 May 2008 at 3:54am | IP Logged
woooooooow
great
i see anovr fantastic ff comin lol
continue soon

kumpal12

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kumpal12

Joined: 11 December 2007

Posts: 527

Posted: 04 May 2008 at 1:03am | IP Logged
gud one....... different concept.... would love to read next parts.... and how come Armidz meet....continue soon... Clap Clap Clap

pinky_5

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pinky_5

Joined: 12 November 2007

Posts: 4696

Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:35am | IP Logged
PART-1:
It was night time.Few rain drops pouring everywhere.Some girls were dancing in a club.Some were upstairs in their room.Club was full of men drinking alcohol & smoking.A girl was still sleeping in a room peacefully.Naina came to wake her up.
N(shaking the girl): uthna riddhi........kitna soyegi......
R: jaa na naina so ne de na..........
N: kya so ne de??????aaj kaam nahi karna kya?????Club mein dekh aaj kitni raunak hai......chal na......
R: club mein hamesha mere naachne se hi raunak aati hai.......mere bina club mein kuch nahi ho sakta.......
N: achchaa bas toh uth aur club ki raunak badhaa......log mar rahe hai tujhe dekhne ke liye aur tu yahan so rahi hai.....
Ridz getting up.
R: achchaa baba uth gayi main.......pata hai mein kitna achchaa sapna dekh rahi thi.......
N: kya dekha tune??????
R: wohi jo main bachpan se dekhti aa rahi hu.......mere sapno ka rajkumar aayega aur is mahaul(area) se kahin dur mujhe le jaayega.......
N: tu yeh sapna dekhkar thakti nahi?????tujhe pata hai na hum jaisi ladki ko aise sapne dekhne ka koi haq nahi......
R: main maanti hu sapne dekhne ka haq sabko hai.......hum jaise logon ko bhi........Main bhi sapna dekh ti hu ki ek din mere haath main bhi kissi ke naam ki mehendi lagegi.....kissike naam ka mangalsutra mere gale mein bhi bandhega.....meri bhi doli uthegi par main jaanti hu yeh sab kabhi sach nahi hoga......isliye main sirf sapne dekhkar khush rehti hu inke sach hone ki aasha nahi rakhti.....
Shehnaaz bi enters.
Bi: arrey tum dono abhi tak yahi ho????baaki sab neeche jaane ko tayaar ho gaye aur tum dono gappe maar rahe ho?????
Ridz hugs bi.Bi always has a soft corner for ridz.She is the youngest.Bi is aware of ridz dreams but she knows her dreams will never get fulfilled.However secretly she wishes her dreams get fulfilled & she goes away from this dirty place.She never wanted ridz to join club but however still she is glad that unlike others ridz hasnt sold herself to someone.She has never known the reason but she is happy that even in place full of bad things ridz has kept herself pure.But in outside world who'll ever believe that ridz is pure from heart & soul.She knows ridz can handle herself very well.Even in the club if someone comes & tries to misbehave with her or any other girl who doesnt wish to surrender herself;ridz knows how to save them.Although she is the youngest she has most courage & is bravest among all.
Bi: tujhe pata hai kal kya hai????
R: haan bi main jaanti hu ki kal mera janamdin hai.......kal woh din hai jab aapne 18 saal pehle mujhe sadak se uthaakar apne seene se lagaaya tha......meri ma toh mujhe raaste mein baarish mein hi chod kar chali gayi thi par aapne mujhe aasra diya.....meri parwarish ki......
                Bi still remembered that day very well.Even she was a prostitute in those days.That is why she never got married.Naina was her daughter.On one rainy night she had found ridz lying on the ground of a garden.She was a small baby crying.Bi was on her way for check up to doctor with her 3 year daughter naina when she saw the baby.She couldnt see her crying like this.Being a mother she wondered how could her mother just leave her like this.She carried the baby & since then kept her always with her.She always thought whether what she did was right or wrong.If she wouldnt have taken her may be some good family might have taken her & brought her with love & care.She would be somewhere on great post today rather than living in a hell.But on second thoughts she would justify her deed to her ownself by thinking if she would've not taken her she could have died in the heavy rain.She still didnt know what she did was right or wrong.She could just pray to god nothing wrong should ever happen in her life or she wouldnt be able to forgive herself.
R: bi aap kya soch rahi hai?????
Bi: kuch nahi chal jaldi se tayaar ho ja.....
R: jee bi......
Komal enters.
K: arrey naina tera customer aa gaya hai........bechara tujhe dhoondh kar thak gaya hain....
N: mujhe nahi jaana uske paas.tang aa gayi hu main usse.Aur waise bhi woh mujhe nahi riddhi ko dhoondh raha hoga.Woh pehle din se riddhi ke paas jaana chahta tha par riddhi hai ki kissi ke paas jaati hi nahi.
K: riddhi tu kyu kissi ke paas nahi jaati.tu jaanti hai club mein aadhe se zyaada log tujh pe marte hain.Bas yahi wait kar rahe hain ki kab tujhpe haath maare.Tu jaanti hain tu chahe to hum log se zyaada paise kamaa sakti hain par tu hain ki sirf naachkar jitna mile usse khush rahti hai.....aisa kyu????
R: kyunki main chahti hu jo insaan sabse pehle mere kareeb aaiye aur jo sabse pehle mujhe apna banaye woh yeh awaara,lafangon ki tarah na ho......Koi aisa ho jise dekhkar mere dil mein guitar baje......jisse dekhkar mujhe lage ki bas yahin hain woh.......jiski aankh mein mere liye sachaa pyaar ho phir bhale woh pyaar sirf ek raat ke liye kyu na ho.......Koi sachaa aadmi....
N: tujhe lagta hai is mahaul mein tujhe koi aisa milega????yahaan sab sirf sharaabi aate hai jo sirf ladki paana chahte hai.......pyaar vyaar to sirf bahar ki duniya mein hai humari nahi....
R: main jaanti hu yahaan aisa koi nahi hoga par phir bhi kabhi na kabhi koi to aayega....ek baar aisa aadmi mujhe choo le phir mein khusi se kissi ke saath bhi jaane ko tayaar hu....aur agar aisa koi nahi aayaa to saari umar aise hi naachte nikaal dungi.......
Just then zaara enters crying.......
Bi: zaara kya hua??????
Z: us kameene ne mujhe shaam ko bahar bulaya tha.....keh raha tha mujhse bahut pyaar karta hai hum kuch waqt akele bitaayege is mahaul se door.Lekin jaise hi maine is mahaul ke bahar pair rakha log mujhe gandhi nazroan se dekh rahe the.Usne kaha tha woh mujhe beach par milega.Main jaa rahi thi ki kuch mawaali rickshaw wale mujhe ched ne lage.Pooch rahe the main 1 ghante ka kitna lungi,2 ghante ka kitna.....lagta hai unhone mujhe gate se bahar nikelte hue dekh liya tha aur jaante the main kaun hoon.Main unke mooh nahi lagi aur wahan se beach pahunchi.Jis dukaan ke saamne khadi thi usne mujhe wahan se bhagaa diya.......keh raha tha uski dukaan badnaam ho jaayegi.......Bahut taane sunne ko mile....aur woh aaya hi nahi.......jiske liye main itna sunkar bhi khushi-khushi khadi thi......Bi aap sach kehti hai woh duniya hum jaise logon ke liye nahi hai....Hum yahi par khush reh sakte hai....
R: tu pagal hai.....itna kyu suna tune????main teri jagah hoti toh ek kaan ke neeche bajaa diya hota.....saalaa yeh log apne aap ko samajhte kya hai.....
Bi: chalo tum sab jaakar tayaar ho jaoo.......dekho 9 baj gaye hai....abhi woh club ka manager aataa hi hoga.....aate hi kahega"kitni der lagate ho tum log;customers naraaz ho rahe hai".
Everyone laughs at the way bi mimicked.Everyone leaves to get ready but bi holds ridz behind.
R: kya hua bi aapne mujhe kyu roka????
Bi: mujhe kuch baat karni hai tumse.....
R: kya baat hai bi??
Bi: tum kal poore 20 saal ki ho jaogi.......main jaanti hu tum tab tak kissi ko apne paas nahi aane dogi jab tak tumhe ko sachchaa aadmi na mil jaaye par beta kab tak tum is bhram mein jeeyogi.Jeene ke liye paise chahiye aur sirf nachkar tum zyaada paise nahi kamaa sakti.Main jaanti hu tum bachpan se shaadi ka sapna dekh rahi ho par tum jaanti ho yeh kabhi sach nahi ho sakta.....
R: jaanti hu bi mere sapna kabhi sach nahi hoga.....aur maine yeh aasha kabhi nahi rakhi ki mera sapna sach ho.Maine is sapne ko apna armaan bana diya hai.Aisa armaan jo main jaanti hu kabhi poora nahi hoga par iska matlab yeh toh nahi ki mera koi armaan poora nahi hoga.Kamse kam main is armaan ke saath toh jee sakti hu ki mujhe choone wala pehla aadmi mera armaan hai.ek sachaa armaan.Aur yeh armaan poora hone ke liye main saari zindagi intzaar kar sakti hoon.
Bi: bhagwaan kare tera har armaan poora ho.Par tu yeh baat hamesha yaad rakhna ki bahar ki duniya aur hamari duniya mein zameen-aasmaan ka farak hai aur zameen aur aasmaan kabhi nahi mil sakte.Tune aaj tak bahar ki duniya mein pair nahi rakha.Pehli baar zaara bahar gayi aur dekha na kya hua.bahar ki duniya ke liye yeh mahaul jahnum(hell) hain jab ki hum is mahaul ko apna swarg maante hai.
R: par bi yeh mahaul bhi toh unhi logon se banna hai jo vaastav main bahar ki duniya hai.
Bi: haan par gandgi toh humme hi kaha jaata hai.Ungliyaan toh hum par hi uthti hain.Kichad toh humme hi maana jaata hai.
R: par bi kamal(lotus) toh kichad mein hi khilta hai na phir bhi log usse pasand karte hain.
Bi: tu abhi yeh baat nahi samjhe gi.Is ilaake ki bahar ki duniya jab tu khudh dekhegi tab tuje pataa chalega.Jaa abhi tu tayaar ho ja.
Ridz hugs Bi & leaves from there.
Bi: bhagwaan kare tu bhi aisa hi kamal ho jo bhale is kichad mein kheela ho par bahar ki duniya tuje pasand kare.
AT GUPTA HOUSE:
Shubh: waakay mein aaj ke sangeet mein bahut mazaa aaya.
Shash: haan bachon ne naach-naach kar sangeet ki raunak badhaa di.
Keerti: Yakeen nahi hota bachche itne badhe ho gaye.Rahul ki shaadi ho gayi aur kal atul ki shaadi hai.Bas ab armaan ke liye bhi achchi ladki miljaaye toh woh bhi settle ho jaaye.
Shash: par problem kya hai???
Shu: woh abhi shaadi nahi karna chahta par keerti uske peeche padhi hui hai.
Ke: woh doctor toh ban gaya hai.Pata nahi shaadi kyu nahi karna chahta.Kehta jab tak pyaar nahi hota tab tak shaadi nahi karuga.
Shas: mujhe lagta hai usse force nahi karna chahiye.Jab usko sahi ladki mil jaayegi tab woh khud shaadi ke liye tayaar ho jaayega.
Shu: main bhi keerti se yahi kehta hu.Usko apne haal par chod do.
Ke: theek hai.....ab chale bahut late ho gaya hai.Kal shaadi ki tayaari bhi toh karni hai.
Keerti & Shubhankar leave.Shashank goes upstairs & is crying silently.His tears are mixture of happiness & sadness.Nani goes to him.
Na: beta mat ro....main jaanti hu tu anjali se bahut pyaar karta hai par yeh din toh aana hi tha na jab woh is ghar ko vida kar degi.
Sha: jaanta hu maa par aaj agar smriti hoti toh kitni khush hoti.
N: woh bhale nahi ho par uski duaien toh hamare saath hai na.Aur phir yeh dekh na anjie ko kitna achchaa sasuraal mila.Usse ma ki kami kabhi mehsoos nahi hogi.tu toh unko saalon se jaanta hai na.Keerti-Shubh usse maa-baap ka pyaar denge.Muskaan usse behen ki tarah sambhaalegi.Rahul-armaan usse bhai ki tarah satayege.Ek rishta chod kar jaa rahi hai par saamne usse kitne saare naye rishte thaamenge.
Shash: aap theek keh rahi hai maa.
AT MALLIK HOUSE:
Someone knocking at armaan's room door.Armaan frustrated with time.Who the hell is waking him up so late at night?
This was the 1st part.I hope you all like it.I know its sort of boaring but i needed to set the background to show what exactly is going on in my ff.Plzzzzzzzzzzz leave your comments if u wish i continue........


Edited by pinky_5 - 05 May 2008 at 1:38am

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

me_ashaammy_amnamaanudmg_roks_antara..Adeeba..Kamal_23Sani_Rani

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