<Badal gaya to kya hua>

Edited by IMAN - 16 years ago

I think there are minor "meter" related deficiencies in this "ghazal", otherwise it is very beautiful. Iman should consider the following lines:

Line 3 should be fixed as follows:
Tere Jahan mein Aay Khuda bus ek hi kami rahi"

Line 5 and 6 should be:
Ajab "se" zaabtay rahey nazar ke is dayar mein
Jo ek baar gir gaya woh phir se "uth saka" nahin

Line 7 and 8 should be:
Baghair jiske ek pal bhi katna "dushwaar" tha
Muddat "hui" kay uska ab koi ataa pataa nahin

Line 10 should be read as:
Main kaise maan loon ke ab wo mera raha nahin

Line 13 and 14 should be rephrased without "iman" :
Mehaz ye farq reh gaya mobbatoun ki daur mein
Main uski hogayi magar woh mera hosaka nahin.

This was just a suggestion. But your khayaal was really fantastic.

Zeeshan
Edited by zeeshan2000 - 16 years ago

this is not Iman's ghazal..i just wrote my name in the last 2 linez..but dun know who is the real author..
n btw..gr8888 observation n suggestions.. 👏 👏

wah wah... 👏 👏 too gud lines

that was great iman
thanks for sharing..
👏 👏 👏