Dating Jokes

A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars.

The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, "I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you, dear."

The second girl returned with new hockey and golf equipment, a new stereo, VCR, and month's supply of beer saying, "I bought all these things for you. They're my gifts to you, because I love you so."

The third girl invested the $1,000 wisely and very quickly doubled her original amount. She reinvested the profits which continued to multiply and returned the first thousand to the young man saying, "I have taken your money and made it grow as an investment in our future together. That's how much I love you, my dear."

The young man was very impressed by all of their responses. He then gave long and careful consideration and do you know which one he decided to marry? - The one with the biggest tits!

A young woman brings her fiancee' home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancee' to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee'.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "The bad news is, he has no job and no plans. However, the good news is he thinks I'm God."

Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of their small town and start necking. After a while the guy abruptly stops. "You know we've been doing this for weeks now and I think it's time we had intercourse," he pleads.

"Well, maybe," she says. "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides, all those people in the field may hear us."

The boy pauses and then says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good, start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing!"

The girl agrees, so the two hastily take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later, people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing. "Mooooooooo ..... Moooooooo ..... Moooooon River .....!"

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