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Parent's phyl/behaviour history is imp?

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raj5000

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raj5000

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Posted: 24 March 2008 at 8:40pm | IP Logged

Parents might have a physical deformity like crooked eye's, but child might not be having same.

Parents might have history of crime or infidelity but child is clean.

Well child might not have any problems but there is gene factor that the next generation might be impacted and  some characteristics of grand parents, on this pretext should marraige decisions be based ?  I mean if the guy's father has crooked eye's or is separated due to wrong doing, even tho, guy is good  still he/she(gender unbiased) shouldn't be considered as potential spouse ???

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Gauri_3

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Posted: 24 March 2008 at 8:56pm | IP Logged
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corvette

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 6:37am | IP Logged
"Judge me on what you see, not what you hear" is what comes to mind.

Hard practice to follow maybe, but if you are a honest person it really is the best practice to follow.

It is unfair to judge children on the deeds of their parents - those children are blameless - trust me on this coz I've been there, done it and worn the Tshirt.

Asian parents in particular are very quick to make this assumption - for me it's a cop out because such people should have been sheep if they just want to follow the herd and not use their own brains and judgment.

What was that famous line from the film "Awaara"??
Something about neki ka beta nek, aur chor dakuon ka beta chor daku.......
I'm sure I've got the line wrong but that film proved the point well.

I guess the daughter of a convicted rapist and mother of a child with autism and severe learning difficulties is bound to encounter problems with how society percieves her and her child...... as is a lovely lad I know who is having difficulties getting a match because of a port wine stain on his forehead which he had as a baby, which the people who know and love him stopped seeing until the girls who come to see him dont seem to come back......

Arranged marriage scenarios are by nature contrived... so exactly for the reasons given by Gauri - if you can get three course dinner for the same price as a dogs dinner, we would all naturally go for the former......

Sadly, those that laugh in the face of convention are indeed rare gems, but as an optimist and believer in the human race, I live in hope......

erm......would this post be considered spam? Wink

Angry M Angry


sweetmagic4u

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sweetmagic4u

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 7:20am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Gauri_3

as far as divorced or separated parents. well, our culture still associates these things with lack of values. therefore, it is assumed that kids will not have those values either. it is a generalization and shd not be there but then there r cases where the divorce is due to one parent's shortcomings in nature or values. in this case, it is okay to be a little aprehensive as children do tend to imbibe what their parents do day in and day out. 

  Exactly! I think every person should be judged on their own, not based on the parent. But unfortunately this happens...

But I have seen this one case of arranged marriage for my cousin sis, where her friends were teasing my cousin about her prospective groom because his dad was bald at an early ageConfusedLOL

sweetmagic4u

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 7:25am | IP Logged

[QUOTE=Madmadgirl] What was that famous line from the film "Awaara"??
Something about neki ka beta nek, aur chor dakuon ka beta chor daku.......
I'm sure I've got the line wrong but that film proved the point well.
[QUOTE]

Yea I remember the movie, you're right. It fits in quite nicely.Smile

Another movie that came to mind was Parvarish, the Amitabh one. How the criminal's son is raised by the policeman and the policemen's son grows up under the influence of the criminal, and they both become like they people they were raised by. This proves the behavioral inheritance but argues against genetical inheritance (personality wise anyway).

~Shalini~

return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 8:38pm | IP Logged
In India a strong emphasis is placed on cultural values like fidelity, faithfulness and other family values. The fact is that past and present are not accurate indicators of future.

Any person can make mistakes, anyone can go on to be a bad spouse or parent. In marriage pick a person with whom you mentally click with, share common values, share similar thoughts on child rearing and utilize married life to build better relationships.

People make mistakes, many even learn from them. Even divorcees, people who have cheated, people who have recovered from addictions etc. can change to become wonderful spouses and parents. Do not gauge a person for what they did, but who they are as a person.

Relationships do not come with a guarantee. The best thing is to get to know the person and family you are getting into. Trust your instincts and use common sense.

As for how children turn out it is all dependent on how they are raised. Parents who have made mistakes could ignore mistakes or be proactive in preventing their kids from repeating it.

Children are not mere reflections of their parents but personalities on their own. One example that comes to mind for me is Olivia Benson, even though fictional the character proves that people can mold their own lives. Her mother is an alcoholic, her father is unknown - a stranger who had raped her mother. Who knew that a child of a rapist and alcoholic could grow up to be a great cop.

Gauri_3

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
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return_to_hades

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Posted: 26 March 2008 at 9:52pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by Gauri_3

rth, i just love reading ur views...even when they r so politically correct LOL with u on people can change. on mental connection and clicking with someone - well, these things r not that feasible when one goes for an arranged marriage...like many do in india.

You know personally, I am a fan of arranged marriage. Parents and family usually are good resources to match you with the right kind of person. Most importantly no guessing on where the relationship is going.

It completely depends on the families arranging the marriage. To me mental connection is the most important thing in marriage. Like Jackie Shroff says in Yaadein 'when you marry you marry the entire family'. This is espescially true in Indian families. Which is why a personality match with most people is important.

As for people changing I would not expect any family to marry someone they are not sure off. A divorcee maybe a great person, or a person who cheated may have changed - but if you have a traditional view and want someone more reliable then thats what you must do. When you doubt the integrity of  a person, the relationship has got a shaky foundation - it will be difficult to build on. At the same time know who you are getting married to, nobody advertises their flaws.

PS: You must be the first person to call me PC - most people vote me most likely to die lynched by a mob.



Edited by return_to_hades - 26 March 2008 at 10:02pm

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