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Can your work colleagues be friends? (Page 4)

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qwertyesque

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qwertyesque

Joined: 03 December 2006

Posts: 5952

Posted: 19 January 2008 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Complete trust in my opinion is above the emotions of envy. A friend recently told me that even if I, in person, tell her that I hate her still she would think that she heard it wrong or it didn't happenLOL. It is melodramaticTongue but that is trust. Very rarely one can find such trust in any relationship. 

 Maya but if you really meant it and your friend is in denial, how will you get your point across? ..LOL

LOL I know.

But the bottomline here is if you trust each other so much then nothing and no one can create rift.

 Sometimes best friends drift away from each other as they cannot relate to each other any more or have lost interest in the friend.  They may continue to care for each other but don't feel like talking to them every day/ week/ month.  It happens as people move away , get married, grow up Tongue  , or simply going thru different stages in life.

Smile right  - the ultimate truth.. i dont know how people call work colleagues friends especially when there is a perfect term for them - coworker... even when you put people in Instant messengers groups  there is a group for co-workers and another one for friends....there is nothing like coworker+friend.... so its pointless debating about the same here.... 

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SholaJoBhadkey

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SholaJoBhadkey

Joined: 23 August 2005

Posts: 2672

Posted: 19 January 2008 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by SholaJoBhadkey

Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by SholaJoBhadkey

Originally posted by sareg

Not everyone wants to take your job, not everyone wants to use you as a stepping stone. With few conversations you can figure out who is and who is not of that type.

With the amount of time I spend with my colleagues I prefer to be more than aquaintances with my colleagues, Over my career I found out this approach helps personally and proffessionally too

To each their own opinion, but I like it this way

My sentiments, too!

My best friend here is also my office-mate! We have shared, along with office space, our happiness, sorrows, heartbreaks, parental nagging (when we were single), husband sorrows LOL, office gossip - the works. I can't imagine sharing so much time, and an office with a mere acquaintance!

you mean " a friend of misery"....LOL

Sukh ke sab hain saathi, dukh mein miley na koi! So, dukh ka saathi or "friend of misery" is a true friend Tongue Thus proved - Colleagues can be friends. Chalo, debate ko taala lagao LOL

 

u know this is just limited to talking and gossipiing right?LOL.. thus proved!!! - sure lagao jaha taala lagana hai....LOL

No! It also includes coffee, dinner, shopping trips, birthday parties LOL 

 

SholaJoBhadkey

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SholaJoBhadkey

Joined: 23 August 2005

Posts: 2672

Posted: 19 January 2008 at 3:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Complete trust in my opinion is above the emotions of envy. A friend recently told me that even if I, in person, tell her that I hate her still she would think that she heard it wrong or it didn't happenLOL. It is melodramaticTongue but that is trust. Very rarely one can find such trust in any relationship. 

 Maya but if you really meant it and your friend is in denial, how will you get your point across? ..LOL

LOL I know.

But the bottomline here is if you trust each other so much then nothing and no one can create rift.

 Sometimes best friends drift away from each other as they cannot relate to each other any more or have lost interest in the friend.  They may continue to care for each other but don't feel like talking to them every day/ week/ month.  It happens as people move away , get married, grow up Tongue  , or simply going thru different stages in life.

Smile right  - the ultimate truth.. i dont know how people call work colleagues friends especially when there is a perfect term for them - coworker... even when you put people in Instant messengers groups  there is a group for co-workers and another one for friends....there is nothing like coworker+friend.... so its pointless debating about the same here.... 

That's a sweeping generalisation. I am living proof that you can have a coworker (or two) who is also a friend. And a friend in the true sense of the word (leaving aside all those quips on what we share). I can't see what is so difficult to understand here - maybe it's difficult for men, but then my husband had a work colleague who is a friend!

What constitutes a friend? Here's something I found which discusses friends and friendship:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. Are you implying that such behaviour cannot exist between two people who work together?

This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

How difficult can it be to accomplish this between two individuals? Granted you may be competing at some level, but that can happen with school friends, university friends, mohalla friends. Does it mean that all friendships are rendered null and void because your friend may compete with you and win the "egg and spoon race" or date the person you had your eyes on? There will be people at work who will go out of their way to stick the knife in your back, and there will be people who will do some or all of the actions mentioned above. To deprive yourself of a friendship by denying that it cannot exist between people working together is a grievous disservice you will be doing yourself. When one can form a marital bond with an office colleague, then why is it impossible to form a friendship??

Gauri_3

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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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qwertyesque

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qwertyesque

Joined: 03 December 2006

Posts: 5952

Posted: 19 January 2008 at 6:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by SholaJoBhadkey

Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Complete trust in my opinion is above the emotions of envy. A friend recently told me that even if I, in person, tell her that I hate her still she would think that she heard it wrong or it didn't happenLOL. It is melodramaticTongue but that is trust. Very rarely one can find such trust in any relationship. 

 Maya but if you really meant it and your friend is in denial, how will you get your point across? ..LOL

LOL I know.

But the bottomline here is if you trust each other so much then nothing and no one can create rift.

 Sometimes best friends drift away from each other as they cannot relate to each other any more or have lost interest in the friend.  They may continue to care for each other but don't feel like talking to them every day/ week/ month.  It happens as people move away , get married, grow up Tongue  , or simply going thru different stages in life.

Smile right  - the ultimate truth.. i dont know how people call work colleagues friends especially when there is a perfect term for them - coworker... even when you put people in Instant messengers groups  there is a group for co-workers and another one for friends....there is nothing like coworker+friend.... so its pointless debating about the same here.... 

That's a sweeping generalisation. I am living proof that you can have a coworker (or two) who is also a friend. And a friend in the true sense of the word (leaving aside all those quips on what we share). I can't see what is so difficult to understand here - maybe it's difficult for men, but then my husband had a work colleague who is a friend!

What constitutes a friend? Here's something I found which discusses friends and friendship:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. Are you implying that such behaviour cannot exist between two people who work together? i dont see not existing amongst total strangers.. much of this is factored outside friendship

This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Sure... if only I could fly....Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

All these are too high demands some of which may not come from people you would expect it from...leave aside friends... yes there are good bookish definition of friends. All I feel is they are not really possible at workplace unless someone is getting married to someone or having an affair.. something like that...rest are all acquaintances.. can be good, better or best...Smile

How difficult can it be to accomplish this between two individuals? Granted you may be competing at some level, but that can happen with school friends, university friends, mohalla friends. Does it mean that all friendships are rendered null and void because your friend may compete with you and win the "egg and spoon race" or date the person you had your eyes on? There will be people at work who will go out of their way to stick the knife in your back, and there will be people who will do some or all of the actions mentioned above. To deprive yourself of a friendship by denying that it cannot exist between people working together is a grievous disservice you will be doing yourself. When one can form a marital bond with an office colleague, then why is it impossible to form a friendship?? Aur jaise tali ek haath se nahi bajti.. friendship is not one way.. sometimes it is almost imposssdible to find somebody who can reciprocate but yes.. its a matter of perception.. one can think what they like  sab chalta hai...

True dirnedship takes a lot of time. Like LH said people move on and nobody really keeps in touch or may be does a routine by adding them to teh email list... with people moving one, having their own priorities... so on... unless you are working for the govt.. where its like appointment to pension plan.. you cant really make friends...

arre maine instant messenger jasie msn yahoo ki baat ki aur aap ramayan sunane laga gayi... LOL all said i think its exception u might be citing one... typically and normally its not true...Smile.. You cant even develop this with your next door neighbor.unless its sometime. even if you take some introductory gajar ka halwa... LOL

Edited by qwertyesque - 19 January 2008 at 7:52pm

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 19 January 2008 at 7:19pm | IP Logged
great post shola! Clap

nitasuni

Senior Member

nitasuni

Joined: 08 August 2007

Posts: 850

Posted: 20 January 2008 at 3:00am | IP Logged
Originally posted by SholaJoBhadkey

Originally posted by qwertyesque

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by Maya_M

Complete trust in my opinion is above the emotions of envy. A friend recently told me that even if I, in person, tell her that I hate her still she would think that she heard it wrong or it didn't happenLOL. It is melodramaticTongue but that is trust. Very rarely one can find such trust in any relationship. 

 Maya but if you really meant it and your friend is in denial, how will you get your point across? ..LOL

LOL I know.

But the bottomline here is if you trust each other so much then nothing and no one can create rift.

 Sometimes best friends drift away from each other as they cannot relate to each other any more or have lost interest in the friend.  They may continue to care for each other but don't feel like talking to them every day/ week/ month.  It happens as people move away , get married, grow up Tongue  , or simply going thru different stages in life.

Smile right  - the ultimate truth.. i dont know how people call work colleagues friends especially when there is a perfect term for them - coworker... even when you put people in Instant messengers groups  there is a group for co-workers and another one for friends....there is nothing like coworker+friend.... so its pointless debating about the same here.... 

That's a sweeping generalisation. I am living proof that you can have a coworker (or two) who is also a friend. And a friend in the true sense of the word (leaving aside all those quips on what we share). I can't see what is so difficult to understand here - maybe it's difficult for men, but then my husband had a work colleague who is a friend!

What constitutes a friend? Here's something I found which discusses friends and friendship:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. Are you implying that such behaviour cannot exist between two people who work together?

This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

How difficult can it be to accomplish this between two individuals? Granted you may be competing at some level, but that can happen with school friends, university friends, mohalla friends. Does it mean that all friendships are rendered null and void because your friend may compete with you and win the "egg and spoon race" or date the person you had your eyes on? There will be people at work who will go out of their way to stick the knife in your back, and there will be people who will do some or all of the actions mentioned above. To deprive yourself of a friendship by denying that it cannot exist between people working together is a grievous disservice you will be doing yourself. When one can form a marital bond with an office colleague, then why is it impossible to form a friendship??

I agree with you.  There is nothing better than co-worker+ friend. There can be  and I have. 

IdeaQueen

IF-Dazzler

IdeaQueen

Joined: 23 August 2006

Posts: 3152

Posted: 20 January 2008 at 4:28am | IP Logged
Originally posted by *Jaya*

At this age of cut-throat competition in our work lives, and we as human beings becoming increasingly complex as we grow older - can we really have good friendship with those associated with our work? Most of us do have pleasant and non-work conversations with our colleagues, we do often go out for lunches and dinners together - but can we really call them and trust them completely as friends?

Ur thoughts pls Smile

Jaya ji ! Nice topic.Clap

Why can't collegues be friends?

The level of trust we can keep on any collegue depends on our behaviour and his/ her behaviour. If we are insecure and if we try to degrade others, or gossip about other team members or any one..then it is not possible to search friends in our colleguesTongue

We donot import friends from Mars or venus...we find them in everyplace....even in school..all schoolmates cannot be friends....similarly....even at work place we can be friendly with all the collegues but can make only few friendsSmile......

Cheers,

Mythili

 

 

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