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Cheating (Page 2)

IdeaQueen IF-Dazzler
IdeaQueen
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 4:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Morning_Dew

During last one and half year, since I've been more active one virtual social world. I found alot many married people some even with children , engaged in flirtation, and exhibiting almost real life emotions towards people. Initially it really was disgusting to me . To  you what is the reason.

Ditto...I too felt the same manner in this March....seeing the "Mysterious stories " of some gentle men and ladies. Later on doing some faltoo research I found that ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTEREST TO CHEAT AND TO GET CHEATED ...will indulge in this cheating..process....THE REAL CHEATERS ARE THE ONE'S WHO THINK ALL ARE FRIENDS...

What if they find another person , who actually is  close to their idea of soul mate, should they go after that person and leave their spouse?

I wonder if any person goes to this extent because ..who are comfortable in cheating real life partners take no time in cheating virtual partnersTongue

 

chatbuster IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 9:52am | IP Logged
lol. this one aint too hard to figure out. cheating in any form is bad. very bad. there. i was just hoping though that we'd get into an online versus real-world cheating contest, just to inject some fun variationLOL

seriously, i dont know if it's a good idea to selectively interpret what defines breaking of marital vows. gotta read all the fine print someone's sworn by when they do make those promises. LOLthat and someone's own conscience and their own personal circumstancesSmile

Edited by chatbuster - 14 January 2008 at 10:01am
sareg IF-Dazzler
sareg
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 10:56am | IP Logged
interesting
virtual flirting of married folks = cheating
virutal bhai bahen and all those rishte's who already have one of those rishtey in real life should be like ultimate immoral sin then

I didnt understand how we got to the advising thing though, almost everyone advises something here and they are no-one is a Dr. Phil, Einstein, Newton, Dr Chopra etc either
lighthouse IF-Dazzler
lighthouse
lighthouse

Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2842

Posted: 14 January 2008 at 12:45pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by sareg

interesting
virtual flirting of married folks = cheating
virutal bhai bahen and all those rishte's who already have one of those rishtey in real life should be like ultimate immoral sin then

I didnt understand how we got to the advising thing though, almost everyone advises something here and they are no-one is a Dr. Phil, Einstein, Newton, Dr Chopra etc either

 LOL Dr Phil is twice married.!!! and gives marital advice everyday on tv.Wink  If we put similar constrains on professionals then a doctor should never drink or smoke or be overweight. I bet there are a lot more virtual bhai bahen rishtas then in real life. LOL

  



Edited by lighthouse - 14 January 2008 at 1:24pm
lighthouse IF-Dazzler
lighthouse
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Posts: 2842

Posted: 14 January 2008 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Morning_Dew

During last one and half year, since I've been more active one virtual social world. I found alot many married people some even with children , engaged in flirtation, and exhibiting almost real life emotions towards people. Initially it really was disgusting to me . To  you what is the reason.

What if they find another person , who actually is  close to their idea of soul mate, should they go after that person and leave their spouse?  Depends what the spouse says. LOL Wink

 How's virtual flirting any different then a married person dressing provocatively wearing a low cut blouse. We can't pick and choose arbitrarily what breaks marital vows. whole enchilada of marriage has to be looked at in its entirety. Some married people don't respect each other's families, emotional blackmail can be rampant between spouses, outrageous demands of all kinds including financial, physical, emotional, and mental not to mention unmentionable gaallis exchanged during verbal fights.Wink 

 Compared to marriages from ages ago a lot has changed -  back then woman could not work, nor talk to another man other than her husband , have a male friend, not visit a male gynocologist etc but we have embraced new changes and enjoy the freedom and openness compared to earlier marriages. We have even accepted very much married Kajol romancing SRK in Suraj hua madham or Malaika arora khan doing her item numbers in skimpy clothes. we don't think much of  married men watching p*** or ogling when they see an attractive woman, or fantasising about other women .

 People buy into this myth of the perfect mate and how once they find them, they won't have any visual interest in anyone else. If they do it doesn't mean that their marriage or partnership is doomed. Nor does it mean they have to act on it.

  To each its own and am not saying everyone should engage in virtual flirting but it cannot be compared to real life cheating.

chatbuster IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Maya_M

Flirting is fine to some extend and by that I mean harmless gestures. I know many wouldn't agree to even that Smileand they have right to think that way but this is what is my take on the question posed. When we pose a question on Debate Mansion and the opinion flows, there is always disagreement and we tend to blame the other as being judgmental but the truth is all of us are to a greater extend judgmental here when we question other's views.

there's a difference between having strong, even passionate opinions on a subject, and being judgmental. Smile

not that it is a necessary condition, but the judgmental types remind me of the folks who're great preachers but cant be trusted around lil boys.Wink

Now coming back to the actual question, when the virtual exchanges have sexual innuendo and communiques, one would hide from spouse, is what I call hurtful and cheating. Anyone who believes in sanctity of marriage shouldn't go to that level.

true. but i think people who believe in the sanctity of marriage are largely those who are having a happy time of it. if the sex aint good, if the guy beats up on the wife, if she likes to go to bed by 6pm, if she curses his family, if he likes to guzzle his beer and beat up on the kids, i suppose the beliefs fly out the window. Beliefs in sanctity etc are then by-products, at best the initial element, but probably not the long-term equilibrium force driving relationships. Smile 

 The level I am talking here is living a dual life where one is persistently stalking and exchanging crude messages/mails/scraps with a virtual "friend" and then living the married life as if nothing has happened, is deceitful. It is clear that there is something wrong in that marriage and these greener pastures are just escapism from tackling real problemsOuch.

no doubt. point to be noted.Smile and we have escapists in every sense. the folks who're getting to discussion forums only to form bhai-behan rishtas rather than to find their voice, folks who need to have cronies who jump on fellas and dont have strength even in the anonymous world, folks who spend countless hours in the fantasyland of the virtual media etc. All are escaping.Smile

If one has a marriage where these kinds of things are Ok for both and they encourage each other to go for it then no one should have any problemTongue. It is their life but if one would be ashamed to admit his/her online activity and worried of spouse/partner finding it then that means the person feels at fault and knows that he/she is cheating.

sure. aur bhee bahut gham hain duniya mein other than virtual cheating.LOL

chatbuster IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lighthouse

Originally posted by sareg

interesting
virtual flirting of married folks = cheating
virutal bhai bahen and all those rishte's who already have one of those rishtey in real life should be like ultimate immoral sin then

I didnt understand how we got to the advising thing though, almost everyone advises something here and they are no-one is a Dr. Phil, Einstein, Newton, Dr Chopra etc either

 LOL Dr Phil is twice married.!!! and gives marital advice everyday on tv.Wink  If we put similar constrains on professionals then a doctor should never drink or smoke or be overweight. I bet there are a lot more virtual bhai bahen rishtas then in real life. LOL

  

lol. i think Dr Phil is working on the practical experience part of his resume. bookish knowledge is one thing, but nothing like hands-on experienceTongueLOL

~globetrotter~ Groupbie
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Posted: 14 January 2008 at 2:58pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by lighthouse

 How's virtual flirting any different then a married person dressing provocatively wearing a low cut blouse. We can't pick and choose arbitrarily what breaks marital vows. whole enchilada of marriage has to be looked at in its entirety. Some married people don't respect each other's families, emotional blackmail can be rampant between spouses, outrageous demands of all kinds including financial, physical, emotional, and mental not to mention unmentionable gaallis exchanged during verbal fights.Wink 

 Compared to marriages from ages ago a lot has changed -  back then woman could not work, nor talk to another man other than her husband , have a male friend, not visit a male gynocologist etc but we have embraced new changes and enjoy the freedom and openness compared to earlier marriages. We have even accepted very much married Kajol romancing SRK in Suraj hua madham or Malaika arora khan doing her item numbers in skimpy clothes. we don't think much of  married men watching p*** or ogling when they see an attractive woman, or fantasising about other women .

 People buy into this myth of the perfect mate and how once they find them, they won't have any visual interest in anyone else. If they do it doesn't mean that their marriage or partnership is doomed. Nor does it mean they have to act on it.

  To each its own and am not saying everyone should engage in virtual flirting but it cannot be compared to real life cheating.

ClapIf I'd have had the time to type it all out myself, I'd have said the exact same thing...except you put it even better. And I totally agree with the entire post.

Ultimately, only the husband and the wife define the boundaries of their marriage, and noone else is in a position to judge their relationship. Each relationship is different and has to be looked at on its own merit. What constituties cheating to one couple may look like harmless flirting to another. What seems scandalous to you, might actually be working for another relationship. To each its own.

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