Cheating

During last one and half year, since I've been more active one virtual social world. I found alot many married people some even with children , engaged in flirtation, and exhibiting almost real life emotions towards people. Initially it really was disgusting to me . To  you what is the reason.

What if they find another person , who actually is  close to their idea of soul mate, should they go after that person and leave their spouse?

 

insecurities, failure to escape hairy situation, unwillingness to work on fixing issues in marriage,in a nutshell, not taking the marital vows seriously ( get divorced, become single and do what you please is ONLY for those who respect the sanctity of marriage, not for those who only brag about it ;) )

disgusting as it is, well, we are speaking of unbelievably large numbers here. u'll often find the same ppl giving advises secret recipes to others regarding raising children and having a happy family life ;)

A little bit of harmless flirting is nothing to get wrung up over.  It's when that flirting leads to something more or is because of something more, then it becomes a problem.

Monogamy isn't for everyone. If the person cannot be with one person for the rest of their lives, if they cannot uphold their marital vows and if the relationship is based on deception rather then trust, commitment and love then for goodness sakes do everyone a favor and tell the truth. Try to work something out with their current spouse before someone ends up getting hurt too much.

I hear there are many couples these days who are giving their spouses permission to sleep with others or the couples do something in the realm of swinging.

dont get your question. is it more disgusting to you simply because it is being carried out in the virtual world, as opposed to in the real world? if that's the question, then why limit ourselves to just flirtatious behavior? we could really be asking the bigger question- why do people feel the need to hunt for brother, sister and miscellaneous adhoc relationships on the net? one's just gotta see all the rakhi virtual threads to get the point. people forming relationships only to bounce away the next day. then again, why do people feel the need to run around hiding in group memberships and not have their individual voice? gotta be that somewhere it's addressing some unfulfilled need, isnt it? in fact why do people get so het up when all they are doing is arguing their point in the virtual medium, that too hiding behind an anonymous ID? why so much emotion?

as it turns out, people invest real-world emotions even when they are interacting with anonymous others on the net. the time we spend is real. our thoughts and our fantasies are real to us. where the real world ends and the virtual world begins is a blurry one. it's natural then to find all the human aspects of the real world, including cheating, in the virtual world too.😊 or so i think.😊

i think it's a question of perspective. if we get too technical, we can find people who divorce or separate as breaking their vows. after all, dont the vows come with a promise to stay together "until death", till the ends of time? but we do know there are circumstances that might justify breaking of such vows. still, while some people and societies would find that fine, others might not, which is why i'd hate being judgmental about these things. then there's the slew of other marital promises, like respecting the other person. dont see the respect when the wife is chucking the belan or the guy is putting a deaf ear to her yelling.😆 why then get fixated on certain technical violations?😆

oh as for giving out advice, i think giving well-meaning advice aint hypocrisy in my book. it's like the guy who tells the other not to smoke. if we want hypocrisy and deception, i think there might be better examples of those around.😊

Flirting is fine to some extend and by that I mean harmless gestures. I know many wouldn't agree to even that 😊and they have right to think that way but this is what is my take on the question posed. When we pose a question on Debate Mansion and the opinion flows, there is always disagreement and we tend to blame the other as being judgmental but the truth is all of us are to a greater extend judgmental here when we question other's views.

Now coming back to the actual question, when the virtual exchanges have sexual innuendo and communiques, one would hide from spouse, is what I call hurtful and cheating. Anyone who believes in sanctity of marriage shouldn't go to that level. The level I am talking here is living a dual life where one is persistently stalking and exchanging crude messages/mails/scraps with a virtual "friend" and then living the married life as if nothing has happened, is deceitful. It is clear that there is something wrong in that marriage and these greener pastures are just escapism from tackling real problems. If one has a marriage where these kinds of things are Ok for both and they encourage each other to go for it then no one should have any problem😛. It is their life but if one would be ashamed to admit his/her online activity and worried of spouse/partner finding it then that means the person feels at fault and knows that he/she is cheating.

Lol someone says "Love is a Game in which one ways cheats"😆 now a days people think if they fail in life than try to win by cheats😳😉

@ chatbuster..

"to love and respect till death do us part"-

when the former is lost in a relationship, it is death of a spouse as i see it (although not physiological).
in that sense, one is free to be released. JMO and i don't wish to force it on anyone. fo many, divorce is a sin-word but wife beating and cheating is not.. there are all sorts of people and i openly do and would continue to judge the latter.

@ hypocrisy in multiple forms- INDEED!
Cheaters giving "happy marriage" advise are a mere subset of scum.

lol. this one aint too hard to figure out. cheating in any form is bad. very bad. there. i was just hoping though that we'd get into an online versus real-world cheating contest, just to inject some fun variation😆

seriously, i dont know if it's a good idea to selectively interpret what defines breaking of marital vows. gotta read all the fine print someone's sworn by when they do make those promises. 😆that and someone's own conscience and their own personal circumstances😊Edited by chatbuster - 16 years ago