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Punjabi jokes!!! more pg 2*

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~*manai*~

IF-Sizzlerz

~*manai*~

Joined: 19 March 2006

Posts: 14055

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 2:34pm | IP Logged

hi everyone!!!

you i like to laugh aur mere hassnu jee karda!!!

 

so why not have a topic for punjabi jokes that mostly only punjabi's get but plzzz not offensive or explit stuff!!!

 

here are some!!!

What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white flag in his hand?

Surrender Singh
 
 
 
Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday?
Har Mandir Singh.


Edited by ~*manai*~ - 10 November 2007 at 3:13pm

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~*manai*~

IF-Sizzlerz

~*manai*~

Joined: 19 March 2006

Posts: 14055

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
here's more

You know you're a Indian if:

€When there is a sale on toilet papers, you buy 100 rolls
€You use dishwasher as a dish rack
€You save grocery bags, mostly to hold garbage
€You fight over who pays the dinner bill
€You majored in Engineering, Computer Science, or Medicine
€No one you're related to is a music major
€When you go to a dance party, you stand close to the wall surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool
€You feel like you got a good deal if you didn't pay tax
€You look up phone numbers in the Yellow/White pages rather than making a *69 call
€You only make long distance calls after 9 pm
€You like the meat well done
€You've joined a CD club at least once
€You avoid motels especially if there is an acquaintance within 250-mile radius of your destination
€You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car
€The car you own is most likely a Camry or Accord
€When you dine out (very rarely) you think that $1 is a good tip
€You head towards the clearance section as soon as you walk into a store
€Your favorite brand name is "IRREGULAR"
€A pungent odor of spices hits as soon as someone enters your home
€You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" and a flashlight a "torch"
€When you travel to your country you tie up your luggage with a rope to keep it from opening apart
€You get very upset when the airline agent refuse to accept your luggage which is just 60 pounds overweight
€You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk two miles barefoot just to get to school
€You call an older person you never met before "uncle"
€When your parents meet a stranger and talk for a few minutes, you discover he is your distant cousin
€You ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free
€You know more than one plan offered by long distance companies
€You take plain water instead of Coke for lunch
€Before eating any meat, you ask: "Is this beef?"
€You try to ignore all other unknown Indians around you
€You tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them to an Amway meeting
€You know all the facilities available at public library
€You talk to Americans/Canadians as if you represent your whole country
€The stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil
€You frequent to garage sales every week
€You find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer
€Your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor
€You take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room
€You like onion rings at Burger King
€You shop around for dual voltage appliances
€The phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation at least once a day
€You bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value
€The number of long distance calls you make is more than domestic calls
€You keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
€You go back to your apartment for lunch
€Your full name contains more than 15 characters
€You know all the $2.00 theaters in your city
€The only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there of the free food
€You have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel
€You don't know any American/Canadian outside your work
€You have at least one India made pressure cooker in your kitchen
€You run to the Laundromat in your lungi
€You put lots of oil in your hair
€You keep comparing prices at Future Shop for the phone you bought six months ago
€The lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial
€You are compelled to visit ever major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there "
€You have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa.
€You pay your bills the day they come in the mail
€You spend 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from landlord
€You have a bucket in your bath tub
€You borrow unused luggage from friends when visiting India
€The smoke detector goes off whenever you are cooking dinner
€You know which grocery store has the freshest coriander
€You buy milk before you run out of it
€You buy rice in the 20 pound bags or more
€Office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house
€You don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer
€You have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine
€You start spelling your name to the operator like R as in Rainbow, A as in apple , M as in monkey ...well you get the idea
€You ask another Indian if he/she ever got a traffic ticket
€Your medicine cabinet contains medicine like Iodex and Vicks from India
€You know the current differential in gold prices between India and US
€You have a bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it after the trip
€You wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.
€You always wear a "Banyan"
€You have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom
€You have taken pictures of you and your car and mailed to your folks back home
€You use the credit card with maximum cash back
€You have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip
€You are saving more that 30 % of your salary
€You've book marked immigration web pages in your web browser.
€You know your friends salaries
€You tried to talk in a phony American accent to impress other Indians
€You spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart/Wal Mart
€You split even the tax out of your common grocery bill
€You complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation to India
€You take 4 week long vacation
€You are the first to know about any on campus job openings at the school library/cafeteria/computer center
€When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent (so true)
€Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer
€When you go back to India, people treat you like a member of the royal family
€You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport in India and you see that all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up
€You teach Americans/Canadians swear words in your language
€You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes
€Your parents measure wealth in gold and diamonds
€You say you hate Indian films and songs but secretly watch or hear them with your parents
€You prefer using chili sauce instead of tomato ketchup
€Your parents always say, "It's cheaper in India."
€Trying to assimilate into the American or Canadian society, you've changed your name from Ramandeep Jitinder Sandhu Akash to LeRoy Jenkins
€You play Antakshari
€You get high off butter chicken and/or mango frooti
€Your have a lota (watering can) in your toilet
€You cover your sofa with plastic or a bedsheet to prevent it from getting dirty
€When going on a picnic, you take the traditional...roti and saalan along with you
€Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you
I€f you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late
€Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son
€You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"
€Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried
€You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons
€You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids' social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on in your checkbook
€Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids and complain why you couldn't be like them
And then...when you compare your friends to yourself, your parents say, "You aren't the same person as they are!"
€You know about the cheapest air fares to India
€You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping and especially those bows next year
€You only buy cards after the holiday, when they are 50% off
€You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
€You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
€You don't own any real tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars
€You have a collection of minature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel
€You never order room service
€You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
€You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it
€You don't use measuring cups
€You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore
€If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight
€Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs
€You frequently get honked at by those stupid American drivers who think they know how to drive
€It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people
€You think an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because he's Indian
€You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there
€Your list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no matter what she looks like
€You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial
€You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train
€You've been in a bus where half the people riding are outside the bus
€All of your tupperware is stained with food color (put it in sunlight to remove the stain; tip from my sister-in-law)
€You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not careful
€Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you
€You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home
€You've never had a tanning salon membership
€You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way
€Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
€You ask your parents' help on one math problem and two hours later they're still lecturing
€You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
€You know what's going to happen in every hindi movie before it actually happens
€You've never got little red envelopes around February
€Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors
€Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In India, we had to study even more than this."
€Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Indian
€Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in grade seven!"
€Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green
€At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
€The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
€You are most likely be taller than your parents
€The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or the rest of the furniture
€You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine
€When you go for a vacation to India, you fall into the open gutter at least four times during your stay
€The most frequent threat used by your parents - ''If u go there/do that we'll throw you out the house!''
€Your parents always refer to the respect they had for their parents and how little you do

_sukhi_

IF-Rockerz

_sukhi_

Joined: 27 August 2006

Posts: 8074

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
wowwwwwwwwww niceeeeeee malaiiii ji.. lol will take me a while tooo go through but thanx.... Big smile im sure there some gud ones lol haha we might as well use this to share our own personal jokes haha i mean if people aint sharmindaaaaa n that hahah LOL

jassiee.

IF-Rockerz

jassiee.

Joined: 14 July 2007

Posts: 9841

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 3:30pm | IP Logged
LOL lolzzzzzz... haha lol i read half way through... lmaooo... hahaa..... ROFL... omgggg... thankss Manaii!!!!!! LOL

Jazzzy

Goldie

Jazzzy

Joined: 20 March 2006

Posts: 1395

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
wow thats a big list LOL i just started readin it and LOL LOL its so funnyyyyyyy and true Tongue

Jess.

IF-Veteran Member

Jess.

Joined: 07 February 2006

Posts: 13407

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 4:08pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by ~*manai*~

here's more

You know you're a Indian if:

€You start spelling your name to the operator like R as in Rainbow, A as in apple , M as in monkey ...well you get the idea
€You know the current differential in gold prices between India and US
€When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent (so true)
€When you go back to India, people treat you like a member of the royal family
€You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport in India and you see that all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up
€You teach Americans/Canadians swear words in your language
€You play Antakshari
€Your have a lota (watering can) in your toilet
I€f you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late
€You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids' social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on in your checkbook AngryROFL
€Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids and complain why you couldn't be like them
And then...when you compare your friends to yourself, your parents say, "You aren't the same person as they are!" (i hate that!!)
€You know about the cheapest air fares to India
€You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping and especially those bows next year
€You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
€You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
€You never order room service
€You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore
€If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight
€Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs (omg,i hate that!!! it gets on my nerves! my dad always,ALWAYS calls india when im watching TV and when it's getting interesting...i hear"SAT SHRI AKAL BEBEJI" in my earsWacko)
€You think an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because he's Indian
€You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there
€You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut 
€You've never had a tanning salon membership
€Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
€You ask your parents' help on one math problem and two hours later they're still lecturing
€You know what's going to happen in every hindi movie before it actually happens 
€Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in grade seven!"
€Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green
€The most frequent threat used by your parents - ''If u go there/do that we'll throw you out the house!''
€Your parents always refer to the respect they had for their parents and how little you do

all these up here ^^ fit my parentsROFL

Jess.

IF-Veteran Member

Jess.

Joined: 07 February 2006

Posts: 13407

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 4:10pm | IP Logged

Thanks manai! these are hilarous!ROFL did you write these yourself?



Edited by Angad luver#1 - 08 November 2007 at 4:15pm

_sukhi_

IF-Rockerz

_sukhi_

Joined: 27 August 2006

Posts: 8074

Posted: 08 November 2007 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
LOL wow man finally got round to reading them ROFL some i heard before but haha some was proppa gud LOL LOL lol haha jassieeeeeee most of them fitz na haha gosh punjabi parents na lol ROFLROFLROFLfithe muuuuuuuuuuuuu

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