What do I do?

There is this one individual I know since a while now. I refuse to call her a friend. Sorry. I would say I know her since about three months. The problem lies in the fact that she uses me every single time. I hate to use that word, but I am afraid that this is the best word to describe this case.  

This particular person, came to Canada about three months back, and I met her at my University. We were introduced through a common friend. We got along well in the beginning, and I had my doubts about her, but I let that slide once I started interacting with her a bit more. I trusted her (I do have a tendency to trust everyone) But, soon I started getting a little affected when she started complaining about all her friends. She had some problem, or the other with everyone - be it a friend or a complete stranger. I was perfectly fine with it, and I didn't bother much over it. Some days her negativity did affect me I grew frustrated & furious with her words. I started viewing people in a similar light like hers.

Then soon we were a few days into school and she started complaining over her grades. On one particular night she wasn't done a major project, which was due the next day, so me & my roomate stayed up all night helping her out. She loved us for that. A few days later, I met her at the library, and she started about complaining about a friend yet again, saying he didn't help her out for her assignment. I pointed out to her that he had a life too, but she ignored my reasoning. Anyway I sat down and helped her out again.

This continued for a very long period of time. Almost every single time when she wasn't done a assignment or didn't understand a particular concept of her course she would come running to me & I would help her out. I had no objection to all this, in fact I always had a lot of sympathy for her & I tried my level best to understand her, always letting every mistake of hers slide thinking that she is away from home.

Recently I wrote a 2000 word essay for her - leaving my studies aside - I spent over thirty hours over it - pulled up all nighter's, since naturally it was last minute. She received the mark about a week earlier, and she informed me about her mark. She scored a 92. And the first question she demanded the answer to was, "why didn't I score a 100?"

I just didn't know how to react to her words. My first thought was to plainly walk away, and never ever help her out ever again. I pointed out to her that at least she scored that mark, but she never saw that reasoning, and I realized she had taken me for granted. 

I went home that weekend, and after a lot of thought again reached the conclusion that I wasn't being understanding & she was away from home & was naturally acting like this. I let it slide yet again.

This past week she called me to do another assignment of hers. She literally ordered me on the phone to come do it for her. This time I didn't remain silent and I lost my patience, and I told her that I simply couldn't do it for her & she had to work it out her self. She had seven days to do it, yet today morning she calls me & informs me she wasn't done, and she needs my help yet again.

It makes me think that she is not being understanding about me & my life. Just because I don't say a word about my life she naturally assumes it's going perfectly fine. She always bugs me nonstop saying I am so lucky, and blah blah. I admit that I am lucky. But, it does depend on perspective as well, right? It's up to every individual, whether they want to see life has something horrible with every bad experience or rather have a positive attitude over that experience, since negativity naturally doesn't take you anywhere. And say to yourself that I want to learn from this experience. I don't want to repeat the same mistake again.

Anyway I simply have no idea how to deal with this girl. I don't know what to say to her. Besides I recently learnt in this entire experience she actually makes friends with people who will be of some help. This may sound completely ridiculous, but believe me this is very true. All those times when she complained over others it was only when they refused to help her out.

My experience with her hasn't been the best. I have no idea how to deal with her. Am I going wrong? Am I not being understanding?

I really need some perspective on this, because this has the first time I am dealing with someone like her. I don't want to call her wrong, and myself a saint, because every story has two sides, and she has her side too. So, please don't let my words affect your judgement, and tell me what's going on in here. Am I getting used? And if I am what should I do about this?

Because, believe me I have stayed away from her, and she is aware that I am not all happy with a few things, yet she keeps coming back. What do I do? 

WOW!! tough situation u got here.

anyways i'll try to help as best as i can.

okay most of the times i get situation like this and i handle them fine.

what u have to do is talk to her about it. and if that doesnt work then yell at her tell her that u have a life and what is she going to do when you leave? who is she going to count on.?

tell her to stop using you say anything to want and just express your heart out and then see what she says. and one more thing STOP DOING HER ASSIGNMENTS i know what that feels like when ppl come to me asking to do their assignments. and i know she;s ur friend but try to understand.

i just help them with a question and i do it. u have to stand up now dont just sit back. she's going to ruin ur life, she;s going to make u drop in school. she's using you more then you know it.

help her out once in a while BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. if u have d courage to say this to her then pls take my advice. 😛

"why didn't I score a 100?"

^ oh. my. god if i was in ur place, i worked my butt off for 30 days, doing HER work..and if i got THAT as a response instead of a thank u, umm don't wanna be harsh but that would be it. end of the friendship. i mean comeon how can someone be sooo mean?
yes ur getting used big time!!!
it's one thing to help someone out and other thing to actually do all their work. i mean this girl doesn't even try..7 days to do an assignment n she still doesn't get it done 😕and on top of that, she complains about her friends behind their back..well thats just pathetic.
if u keep doing her work, she will rely on u to get them done all the time. yea, it would be a different thing if she was someone who tried, usually did her work and it was just this time when she couldn't becuz of her personal problems or w/e...then thats ok..as a friend you should help your friend out ..if they deserve it. clearly this girl doesn't!tell her that u no wut i am busy . i have a life of my own...work to do..so learn to do things by urself. sure if she needs help understanding something..explain it to her..so she can do it by herself but don't do her assignments for her!!!!!

Thanks a lot guys. 🤗 🤗 Animerocks, I loved your words, and yeah anime does rock! Pinky, I am so glad I read you msg 😃 Thank you.

^^I think you are too soft-heated to her

Hte same situation happened to me.Like i allowed everybody to take that tell that sit with me etc etc.But after that everybdy thought that i am like very soft hearted and they can do everything an tell everything to me

Just stop doing her HW or projects.The more you will do them the more she will think that you will do everything what she will tell you and the more you do them the more it will be more tough for you to say No to her or talk against her.Stop letting her do everythning to her

Once say No !!And you will be relieved at it.Like firstly i think you should stop doing her projects 😳

I will come back and respond properly in length, but just a quick note, that yes Please STOP doing her work for her,

This way the girl will Never learn, you are far too sympathetic towards her and yes the truth is she is using you.

You have your own life and future plans.

If you carry on like this, at this rate she will pass her degree and you will not. Spend time on your own work first. If yes you are up to date i c no reason y u cant help her but making sure u r on course. But i mean HELP, not do it all for her.

Just stand your ground, even though u hsve stayed away she keeps coming bk, justndo wht ur doin wal away n say it politely nbut firmly tht u will not do her work 4 her, if shes stuck go ask the proffessor, as serious if ur doin her work 4 her, that is cheating. and this will wreck her life...but more importantly your own...u will also get in trouble 4 doing it all 4 her and she wil for handing in some work that is not her own. 😳

Think about yourself first.

She scored a 92. And the first question she demanded the answer to was, "why didn't I score a 100?"

-After doing her essay for her wasting 30 hours I would have jumped on her if she had said that to me!
Okay No i woulnd have but i would have felt like that!
All I can tell you is that stop doing her work, (I no it is bery bery bad to lie) but just tell her your bz and yo have things to do...which you probably do have!
I know it will b hard, because i also have a friend that orders me to do her work for her! My other friends know about this problem and try to get me to say no to her.
But you just have to do it. Just tell her that I have things to do, you had soo much time to do your work and even if you dont understand it you had so much time to go back to your professor/teacher and ask them. I have my own work. Im sorry.
That is the only way she will learn...^^ I do agree with anon that she is using you. and you are being too nice to her.
Good luck!
Hope i helped?
😃

^^^ Yup Mini, sames if someone said why did i score 92 not 100, i wuld have felt like also killing her 😳

It was good enbough for you to even help her, let a lone doing it ALL!!!!

So be brave n stand up 4 urself 😊

i went thorough de same situation last yr.. a new girl frm india moved in.. and v were introduced by a common frnd.. v started getting along.. n thn she asked me for sum help n i helped her out.. in 1 month she started taking me for granted.. and thn once she called me up at 12 sayin dat she has a project due next day and she has noe clue how to do it.. n she was like u do it 4 me.. n at dat time i spoke my mind to her.. i told her dat shez not a handicap.. n she gotta learn 2 take de responsiblity of her work.. i told her dat yh i can guide u wid ur project but i cant do it 4 u.. n dat day i told her 4 de 1st time dat.. u r passing all ur classes juz b/c of me.. but not nemore.. if u cant do ur thing by urself thn i don care.. its ur life u deal wid it... after all this.. i was listed in her bad books frm de good bks.. she didn talk 2 me 4 a while.. neither did i cared 2 talk 2 her.. well but afta 2-3 months she realized dat what i said to her was 4 her gud n all.. she said srry n all.. n v becam frnd again!

so however u decide 2 deal wid 1 situation juz remember 1 thing.. slowly make her a bit independent.. u wont b always doing her stuff 4 her..
gud luck! Edited by sonu! - 16 years ago

Well, i got 92 not a 100. Yeah right she should of appreciated you for helping her assignment out. For the whole night.

Well buddy, you have been far too soft on her. Trust me when i was at college i was like you i helped out many people with their coursework even i send my coursework to people online for them to use as ideas. But, luckily i give them a warning not to copy anything. Also, they dont really copy my words therefore, i was lucky in that case. Nowadays, since joining university everyone has dispered into their own separate ways and none of them dont really come to me unless they are needed. Well, myself what i do is to do my assignment and get my close friend whom i treat as me brother. To check it and give me feedback before, doing me final assignment.

Well, in your case you were far too soft hearted like i repeated. What should of you of have done is to make her work independently on the first place not help her out too much. Normally, i tend to explain them the things they must add in the coursework and sometimes they used to look at my assignment. Myself was extremely careful that they dont pinch it and hop like a rabbit. That's what of you should of done is to explain not help her to extreme.

If she comes back to you again for help with coursework or assignment what you call it. You explain to her and tell her you aint doing the work for her. If she questions why tell her, you need to learn doing the assignment yourself since, you wont succeed or learn from other people doing it. Well, you doing it yourself will enable you to understand the topic as well learning your mistakes. Try to be a bit stronger.

Hope this advise really helps.