Writers Corner

   

hi...new story, hope you like it....

Post Reply New Post

Page 1 of 2

Page 1
Page   of 2
Page 2 Page 2

ELAS101

IF-Dazzler

ELAS101

Joined: 23 December 2006

Posts: 3001

Posted: 15 August 2007 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
Hi everyone! I'm new to the Writer's Corner, and I have read some of the stories here and they have been great! This is the first part of a story that I am writing...Embarrassed so I wanted to see what you guys thought about it. Please do reply even if you don't like it!

             It was a new day, a new start, thought Sam to herself as she slowly awoke to the sound of her blaring alarm. She turned it off and stretched lazily in the sunlight that was slowly creeping across her bedroom walls revealing their sunny yellow color. This was the time of day she loved best, the early morning…a time when she could relax and see the whole day laid out before her. She would contemplate it almost as an artist would a blank canvas. Today, however, her day had been half planned for her. She had a job interview at the city hospital for a nursing position which she had previously applied for. This would be the third interview she was going to. It seemed that no one was in need of other nurses, especially since she was just entering the field and didn't have a few years of experience at other hospitals as most of the new arrivals did. Sam didn't know what the problem was with her though. All of her friends who had studied with her had found good careers in some of the best hospitals almost immediately. Oh well, she thought. Maybe third time's the charm. She glanced over at her alarm clock, and was shocked to find that it was already nine. The interview was scheduled at nine thirty, which gave her about ten minutes to get ready. She hurriedly changed and did her makeup and hair. She knew that she was making herself late but, she reasoned, you had to look nice if you wanted to make a good first impression. By the time she got in the car, it was already nine twenty. Cursing herself for being late, she headed off in the direction of the hospital.                   From the outside, it looked as all hospitals do, clean well-kept with manicured lawns and entrances for emergency vehicles to the sides. Walking through the front door, though, she could see why they said that this was clearly one of the nicer hospitals in the country. As she entered she could see the whole hospital panned out before her, the elevators, the staff, and the wards. The floors were shining and everything looked very efficient and new. Quickly, she made her way over to the welcome desk.

             "Excuse me, "she said, "I am here for the interview, can you tell me where I need to go?"

             "Interview…" the receptionist replied as she shuffled through shuffled through some papers, "I think that is in room 204, I'm new here, so I'm still finding my way around the place," she added to explain her blundering. "But I think the room you are looking for is on the third floor to the left." Sam said a hurried thanks and set off in the direction of the elevators. She stepped in and looked at her watch. It was already nine thirty seven. Just as the door was about to close, another young man stepped inside delaying her further. She fumed, but he seemed nice enough. He had dark brown hair and clear green eyes, and, guessing from his clothing, he was a doctor.          

             "Good morning," he said, "where are you going?"

             "I need to be in room 204 for the interviews," Sam replied, "the secretary said that was on the third floor."        

             "You have to forgive Jen, she still doesn't know the place as well as she should. Actually, room 204 is on the 2nd floor to the left." he said pushing the buttons for the second and third floors.      

             "Thanks a lot," Sam said gratefully, "you saved me a lot of time, I was already late."

             "No problem, and good luck with the interview," he said as the doors slid open.           

             "Thanks," Sam said as she stepped out.  Hastily, she made her way to 204.

             When she got there, she saw many other interviewees there, waiting to be called inside. In front of them stood a woman with a clipboard, whom Sam assumed must be the interviewer.

             "This is the last call for Samantha Callaghan," she said as she surveyed the prospective nurses over her clipboard.

             "That's me," Sam called out breathlessly. She was mortified when everyone turned to look at her and the interviewer said, with a slightly annoyed expression on her face, "you took your time to get here!" Sam followed her inside with her head down. So much for good first impressions, she thought to herself.



Edited by ELAS101 - 17 August 2007 at 12:33pm

Dear Guest, Being an unregistered member you are missing out on participating in the lively discussions happening on the topic "hi...new story, hope you like it...." in Writers Corner forum. In addition you lose out on the fun interactions with fellow members and other member exclusive features that India-Forums has to offer. Join India's most popular discussion portal on Indian Entertainment. It's FREE and registration is effortless so JOIN NOW!

Mini786

IF-Dazzler

Mini786

Joined: 10 July 2005

Posts: 4007

Posted: 16 August 2007 at 5:13pm | IP Logged

Hi and welcome to the Writers corner.
Im Mahak by the way
I really liked how you began this.
Anyway i really liked how you described this:

Originally posted by ELAS101

She would contemplate it almost as an artist would a blank canvas.


Really good.
Please continue soon, im looking foward to reading this story!!
Big smile

-Mahak-

SuhanaSafar

IF-Rockerz

SuhanaSafar

Joined: 09 December 2006

Posts: 5229

Posted: 16 August 2007 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
Wonderful start girl! You've done a great job with descriptions. Like Mahak, I also loved your artist metaphor. Looking forward to reading more about Sam. Hope she gets the job...

One small suggestion...it's not a big deal at all, but it stood out in my mind, so I just thought I'd let you know. Instead of Sam telling the receptionist "I'm here for the interview", I think it would be more logical for her to say "I'm here to interview for the nurse position" because it is possible for there to be several interviews at the hospital for different positions that day.

Otherwise, its a very very engaging start. I'll definitely be among your list of readers.

ELAS101

IF-Dazzler

ELAS101

Joined: 23 December 2006

Posts: 3001

Posted: 17 August 2007 at 8:44am | IP Logged
Thanks for the compliments guys! I will update the story soon!

umrao_jaan

Goldie

umrao_jaan

Joined: 11 January 2006

Posts: 1212

Posted: 17 August 2007 at 10:13am | IP Logged
Hi! I'm Natasha. As Suhana and Mahak said your story is very descriptive and the methaphors are engaging! I also like the description of the doctor lolz!!!

One thing though-I think it would be better if you cut a bitdown on the description. For example-

"There was a large round desk a little further on where she supposed the secretaries were. "

Wouln't it be better if you said something like "She walked over to the round desk and asked the secretary.." etc.(Btw it should be receptonist) The fact is that Sam would know that it was where the secretaries were cos lets say its just common knowledge and something the readers understand and Sam will know-not suppose.

Otherwise, great start!! I'm looking forwards for the next update!!! Wink

Natasha Wink

~Sirius*Ysh~

IF-Dazzler

~Sirius*Ysh~

Oct Fest Winners - Harry Potter Forum!

Joined: 16 May 2006

Posts: 2989

Posted: 22 August 2007 at 1:22am | IP Logged
Hey i will read and reply but looking at the length i think i'll like it... anyways just one bit of advice, change the title of ur topic to the name of the story and if u sont knw the name at least lyk Rashmi did u can call it "UNTITLED Story, Part 1, Page 1"

will edit this post after readinggg

coolniyu

IF-Dazzler

coolniyu

Harry Potter Crossword winner

Joined: 27 July 2005

Posts: 3953

Posted: 22 August 2007 at 8:43am | IP Logged

hey!! welcome to WC,niyathi here...well one word to describe it--promising!! i really liked it,ur descriptions were good (would agree with nutz abt the know/suppose Wink) and the story seems to be going at a decent pace already..length is pretty good too..all i can say is..keep it up Clap

just one thing though..make d font size slightly bigger na..would make it easier to read Smile

oh, n yeah, i agree about the title, if you havent got a name for it say "Untitled, Part 1, Page 1" Smile



Edited by coolniyu - 22 August 2007 at 8:45am

sim_indian

IF-Dazzler

sim_indian

Joined: 23 July 2006

Posts: 2532

Posted: 22 August 2007 at 3:29pm | IP Logged
wow!!! Big smile great start!!!
looking forward for some more Smile

Post Reply New Post

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Topic Starter Replies Views Last Post
Short Story Writing Contest - RESULTS!!

2 3 4 5 6

U-No-Poo 45 5700 14 January 2010 at 6:09am
By karanrocks
... A TwIsTeD SuMmEr LoVe StOrY ...

2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 28 29

Robsessed. 229 8917 22 December 2009 at 10:24am
By miley cyrus
Short story "Raphael" Geel9 6 729 21 December 2009 at 11:25am
By Girl_2007
My Sister,My saviour-A Short Story noorie_ 6 2297 05 November 2009 at 11:17am
By sindhyaa.
GOTW: Sentence a story

2 3 4

_Ashy_ 24 1687 22 October 2009 at 8:37am
By safeplacetoland

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category

Active Forums

Limit search to this Forum only.

 

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.