Marraiges not with consent, acceptable?

😊 Can't help opening a topic, since am on DM 😳

Regarding : Couples get married without consent of thier family. Well people in love have half mind working 😛 atleast in most cases, but imagine dilema of family who in particular are not so happy with relationship, yet daughter/son go ahead and get married without family's consent.

Should such marraiges be acceptable by society and family?

God Forbid such marraige doesn't work out, girl/boy returns home, should he/she be accepted by the family?

Edited by raj5000 - 16 years ago

Originally posted by: raj5000

😊 Can't help opening a topic, since am on DM 😳

Regarding : Couples get married without consent of thier family. Well people in love have half mind working 😛 atleast in most cases, but imagine dilema of family who in particular are not so happy with relationship, yet daughter/son go ahead and get married without family's consent.

Should such marraiges be acceptable by society and family?

God Forbid such marraige doesn't work out, girl/boy returns home, should he/she be accepted by the family?

it is difficult situation in our social set up  .. and vary for case by case ... for eg.. if teenagers decide something .. I would say they better listen to their parents .... however I see some families who try to impose their decisions over their children who are already over 25 ..in some cases 30😆( remember two couples  they had to wait even after their 30s for marriage..😆)

You are right about half mind working .. but I would say it may be true for teenagers or may be early twenties .. when some one is already matrue and taking ones own responsibility then family should respect his/her decision .. after all these days arrange marriage is not a garantee for successfull marriage either..😊

if the marriage did not work out, chances are one / both sides of the family kept on interfering.. so they better accept and LOVE their CHILD after messing up with his / her life.

Just as people elope and get married, those that are further harassed by folks can actually legally separate and LIVE IN 😛 ..
Nuke the silly witches that broke the marriage committment. So I say, go a step further and don't wait for family to accept. Go ahead and do what heart asks for. Dump the silly paper, but live for love.

qt

Originally posted by: raj5000

😊 Can't help opening a topic, since am on DM 😳

Regarding : Couples get married without consent of thier family. Well people in love have half mind working 😛 atleast in most cases, but imagine dilema of family who in particular are not so happy with relationship, yet daughter/son go ahead and get married without family's consent.

Should such marraiges be acceptable by society and family?

God Forbid such marraige doesn't work out, girl/boy returns home, should he/she be accepted by the family?

Why shouldn't the society accept such a marriage and who're they to tell whether such a marriage should be acceptable or not??😡 I'm not comfortable with couples getting married who have a huge economic and educational difference (as most of the times they fail), but other than that where's the problem in accepting them.

Well my parents had a 'Saathiya' like marriage.😆 They got married when they were about to complete college, stayed in their home for some time, and then eloped. Both my granddads, who were ok with the relation, died of cancer around that time and my grannies were totally against the marriage because my father is brahmin and mom is kshatriya. They never helped them in any way and hoped that my parents will finally give up but as soon as they saw that my parents are doing fine and are established they accepted them and my paternal grandmom and aunts started to create problem whenever they came to our home.🤢 But I'm proud to say that even after they accepted them my parents never took a single penny from their families, they made everything on their own.😊 So, I'm all for going for such marriage but the couple should have that mentality to withstand all the rough times that will face them once they go out. And not accepting marriages because of caste or religious difference looks so cheap IMO.🤢

Originally posted by: souro

Why shouldn't the society accept such a marriage and who're they to tell whether such a marriage should be acceptable or not??😡 I'm not comfortable with couples getting married who have a huge economic and educational difference (as most of the times they fail), but other than that where's the problem in accepting them.

Well my parents had a 'Saathiya' like marriage.😆 They got married when they were about to complete college, stayed in their home for some time, and then eloped. Both my granddads, who were ok with the relation, died of cancer around that time and my grannies were totally against the marriage because my father is brahmin and mom is kshatriya. They never helped them in any way and hoped that my parents will finally give up but as soon as they saw that my parents are doing fine and are established they accepted them and my paternal grandmom and aunts started to create problem whenever they came to our home.🤢 But I'm proud to say that even after they accepted them my parents never took a single penny from their families, they made everything on their own.😊 So, I'm all for going for such marriage but the couple should have that mentality to withstand all the rough times that will face them once they go out. And not accepting marriages because of caste or religious difference looks so cheap IMO.🤢

Souro....loved your parents' shadi ki kahani.  must have taken lots of guts...hai na.  Glad to know that they made it in their own and ensured no one creates any misunderstandings between them😊

Originally posted by: souro

Why shouldn't the society accept such a marriage and who're they to tell whether such a marriage should be acceptable or not??😡 I'm not comfortable with couples getting married who have a huge economic and educational difference (as most of the times they fail), but other than that where's the problem in accepting them.

Well my parents had a 'Saathiya' like marriage.😆 They got married when they were about to complete college, stayed in their home for some time, and then eloped. Both my granddads, who were ok with the relation, died of cancer around that time and my grannies were totally against the marriage because my father is brahmin and mom is kshatriya. They never helped them in any way and hoped that my parents will finally give up but as soon as they saw that my parents are doing fine and are established they accepted them and my paternal grandmom and aunts started to create problem whenever they came to our home.🤢 But I'm proud to say that even after they accepted them my parents never took a single penny from their families, they made everything on their own.😊 So, I'm all for going for such marriage but the couple should have that mentality to withstand all the rough times that will face them once they go out. And not accepting marriages because of caste or religious difference looks so cheap IMO.🤢

Thanks for sharing Souro ..

yes this is the problem ..when parents doesnt' approve first they wish the marriage disolve itself and if it doesn't some of them try to make problem unfortunately sometimes they become successful 🤢..

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

Souro....loved your parents' shadi ki kahani.  must have taken lots of guts...hai na.  Glad to know that they made it in their own and ensured no one creates any misunderstandings between them😊

The funny thing was that the society, especially the friends and their parents, accepted them better than their own parents.😃

And yes they had lots of  guts, they were only 21 when they eloped, literally lived in slum like condition (with leaking roof and all 😆) for two years, did odd jobs, before they got established.😊

Wow, Suoro..thanks for sharing that wonderful story!

I too believe in "Jab Miya Biwi Razi To Kya Karega Kazi"... 😃

Originally posted by: souro

Why shouldn't the society accept such a marriage and who're they to tell whether such a marriage should be acceptable or not??😡 I'm not comfortable with couples getting married who have a huge economic and educational difference (as most of the times they fail), but other than that where's the problem in accepting them.

Well my parents had a 'Saathiya' like marriage.😆 They got married when they were about to complete college, stayed in their home for some time, and then eloped. Both my granddads, who were ok with the relation, died of cancer around that time and my grannies were totally against the marriage because my father is brahmin and mom is kshatriya. They never helped them in any way and hoped that my parents will finally give up but as soon as they saw that my parents are doing fine and are established they accepted them and my paternal grandmom and aunts started to create problem whenever they came to our home.🤢 But I'm proud to say that even after they accepted them my parents never took a single penny from their families, they made everything on their own.😊 So, I'm all for going for such marriage but the couple should have that mentality to withstand all the rough times that will face them once they go out. And not accepting marriages because of caste or religious difference looks so cheap IMO.🤢

Soumya wonderful  story about your parents.  Glad they made it completely own their own & Hats off to them for that 👏  I can in many ways relate to this story. 

You said it all 😃

Should such marraiges be acceptable by society and family?

I don't think society should have any say in who gets married with who. Family, on the other hand, has full rights to talk about this. Some parents are just stubborn and don't want their children to get married to their own choice becuase of ego and status problems. 

But, there are times when parents have genuine concerns. In India, joint family custom is still prevalent.  I see people saying that discriminating based on caste is cheap and not okay. But if their daughter is to be living in that house with 15 odd people who have totally different customs and traditions, wouldn't (and shouldn't) the parents be concerned about their daughter's well-being? It would definitely be hard on the girl's part to adjust herself to an environment that she has not experienced for past 20+ years of her life. Things might turn out to be perfectly fine for the couple but that does not belittle the parents.

In cases like this where a girl runs away and lives in the guy's parents' house, IMO parents have full right to be a little khafa at their children but most understanding parents give up their views once they see their kids happy. And the ones who are not understanding remain that way and should not matter.

God Forbid such marraige doesn't work out, girl/boy returns home, should he/she be accepted by the family?

If the marriage did not work out due to the couple themselves and not any other reasons, then ideally I don't think the parents should accept them. After all, they tried their best to make them see sense and they still did not, then why should they go back to their parents?

But in a more realistic world, parents do accept their children letting bygones be bygones. There are some who turn their faces away from their children for life and stay that way. I don't agree with that extremist behavior.