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Flirting, a type of Sexual Harassment ?

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persistence

Goldie

persistence

Joined: 11 August 2005

Posts: 1779

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 7:15pm | IP Logged

Hola,

Can you label flirting a type of sexual harassment, esp. at work-place?

Some thoughts...

1. Some people have flirtatious personality, friendliness often mistaken for flirting.

2. If somebody's flirting behavior makes a person feel harassed, those feelings belong to the person, and a product of his/her conscious? And if other person doesn't realize his/her behavior is making the other person feel harassed, how fair is it to lodge a complaint?

3. I heard about an incident. A girl who had crush on a guy, emailed/mailed several times... the guy filed a sexual harassment case against her, and it went on her record, and girl goes to therapy. Is this insensitive behavior on guy's part? why ruin somebody's life over it?

4.Another instance, a girl appears to have crush on the guy, and guy files a complaint, what then? The girl can get punished again, and it is just a case of misunderstanding/egotistic guy.

How fair is it go to authority without having a serious conversation/discussion with the person whom a complaint is getting filed against? OR a third party intervention without putting anybody at harm's way? esp. in a school setting? In these cases, the act ain't phsyical at all.... where is the line drawn when it comes to accusing somebody of sexual harassment?

Eagerly waiting to hear from you,

Persy

PS> some of the behaviors listed below could just classify as somebody needs counseling attention to learn/know their behavior is deterimental to themselves or others, without SEEKING any sort of SEXUAL favors or relations. Has our society become insensitive to others' needs?Confused



Edited by reeps - 14 July 2007 at 7:30pm

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persistence

Goldie

persistence

Joined: 11 August 2005

Posts: 1779

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 7:26pm | IP Logged
DID YOU KNOW?

Types of harassment
This list below is based on categories defined by Dzeich (Dzeich et al,1990) and Truida Prekel, a South African management consultant.[12] There is usually more than one type of harassing behavior present (Boland 2002), so a single harasser will often fit more than one category. These are brief summations of each type. For a more in-depth discussion on patterns and types of harassment, see Sexual Harassers (Please note, these are not "legal" definitions; burdens of proof must comply with the guidelines described by the government.)

The Power-player Legally termed "quid pro quo" harassment, the harasser insists on sexual favors in exchange for benefits they can dispense because of their position in the hierarchy: getting or keeping a job, favorable grades, recommendations, credentials, projects, promotion, orders, and other types of opportunities.

The Mother/Father Figure (a.k.a. The Counselor-Helper) This harasser will try to create a mentor-like relationship with their target, all the while masking their sexual intentions with pretenses towards personal, professional, or academic attention. This is a common method of teachers who sexually harass students. (For a good example, see Naomi Wolf's article, The Silent Treatment )

One-of-the-Gang Often motivated by bravado or competition, or because the harasser(s) think it is funny (AAUW 2006), One-of-the-gang harassment occurs when groups of men or women embarrass others with lewd comments, physical evaluations, or other unwanted sexual attention. Harassers may act individually in order to belong or impress the others, or groups may gang up on a particular target. An extreme example is Tailhook '91 during which participants sexually abused seven men and 83 women as part of a three-day aviator convention.[13]

The Serial Harasser This type carefully builds up an image so that people would find it hard to believe they would do anyone any harm. They plan their approach carefully, and strike in private so that it is their word against that of the victim.

The Groper Whenever the opportunity presents itself, this harasser's eyes and hands begin to wander--in the elevator, when working late, at the office or department party. They like to insist on (usually begrudged) kisses or hugs and sometimes involving grabbing the woman's breasts or anus. Called chikan in Japan, the problem is so pervasive there that men are increasingly being banned altogether from stores, restaurants, hotels, spas and even entertainment outlets, and women-only train cars have been created.[14][15]

The Opportunist The Opportunist uses physical settings and circumstances, or infrequently occurring opportunities, to mask premeditated or intentional sexual behavior towards a target. This will often involve changing the environment in order to minimize inhibitory effects of the workplace or school(e.g private meetings, one-on-one "instruction," field trips, conferences)

The Bully In this case, sexual harassment is used to punish the victim for some transgression, such as rejection of the harasser's interest or advances, or making the harasser feel insecure about themselves or their abilities. The Bully uses sexual harassment to put the victim in his or her "proper place."

The Confidante This type of harasser approaches the subordinate, or student, as an equal or a friend, sharing about their own life experiences and difficulties, inventing stories to win admiration and sympathy, and inviting the subordinate to share theirs so as to make them feel valued and trusted. Soon the relationship moves into an intimate domain from which the subordinate finds it difficult to separate.

The Situational Harasser Harassing behavior begins when the perpetrator endures a traumatic event, or begins to experience very stressful life situations, such as psychological or medical problems, marital problems, or divorce. The harassment will usually stop if the situation changes or the pressures are removed.

The Pest This is the stereotypical "won't take 'no' for an answer" harasser who persists in hounding a target for attention and dates even after persistent rejections. This behavior is usually misguided, with no malicious intent.

The Great Gallant This mostly verbal harassment involves excessive compliments and personal comments that focus on appearance and gender, and are out of place or embarrassing to the recipient. Such comments are sometimes accompanied by leering looks. The "wolf whistles" of a street harasser are one example of this.

The Intellectual Seducer Most often found in educational settings, this harasser will try to use their knowledge and skills as an avenue to gain access to a student, or information about a student, for sexual purposes. They may require students participate in exercises or "studies" that reveal information about their sexual experiences, preferences, and habits. They may use their skills, knowledge, and course content to impress a student as an avenue to harassing or seducing a student.

The Incompetent These are socially inept individuals who desire the attentions of their target, who does not reciprocate these feelings. They may display a sense of entitlement, believing their target should feel flattered by their attentions. When rejected, this type of harasser may use bullying methods as a form of revenge.

Stalking can also be a method of sexual harassment.

Source: Wikipedia

Vinzy

IF-Stunnerz

Vinzy

Joined: 03 December 2005

Posts: 26815

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 10:27pm | IP Logged

http://www.flirtzone.com/articles/whatisflirting.htm LOL Tongue

Flirting is shining your inner light via your words and deeds in such a way that people are irresistibly drawn to you.

Flirting is a natural gift
that we have had from birth. Babies flirt wildly with everyone that comes their way. Unfortunately many adults seem to have lost this wonderful ability. Somewhere along the line we were [wrongly in my opinion] told that it was bad to draw attention to ourselves that little children should be seen and not heard. Some people have grown into adults that are neither seen nor heard. But there is hope you can learn to flirt again.

Flirting is a signaling mechanism that was bestowed upon us by nature. It is a communication tool. Sigmund Freud said that we leak the truth from every pore. We all have patterns of physical reaction that we exhibit. The secret is knowing the patterns of others and being aware of our patterns. For example it is useful to be know what reaction certain behaviours you do create in others. The reaction might be very different to the reaction you are intending to create. We are all gifted with the ability to signal. Many of us need to learn to read how our signals affect others and what signals we can send out to convey certain messages. This goes hand in hand with the ability to decipher other people's signals.

Flirting is our natural way of expressing interest in people. A smile bestowed here, a shared giggle or a word exchanged in the supermarket line can be a powerful thing. Flirting can be a prelude to friendship or a prelude to mating. Once you know how to do it you can choose how to use it. Great flirts do it with everyone, babies, men, women dogs and cats. People who flirt well get what they want in life because they know how to create good feelings in other people.

I am a natural flirt I love communicating and I find myself initiating conversation with strangers wherever I go.

When I go outside in the world I get an overwhelming sense of possibility and anticipation. I know that I have the opportunity to connect with someone new each day. When I encounter someone who looks good I often turn round and say 'great dress' or 'neat tie' as I pass by.. Sometimes I place my hand on someone's shoulder or tap them on the arm and say 'I just wanted to say you have lovely hair'. I have NEVER had a rebuff. Quite the contrary. The warm smile that comes over the faces of people I encounter gives me a real buzz. And it costs absolutely nothing.

One word of warning. It's no use telling a grossly overweight person what a lovely trim figure they have! People can spot insincerity a mile off. I always make sure to compliment only those attributes or adornments that I really do like. MORE after this message

I go running sometimes on the seafront. I just enjoy smiling and saying 'hi' or 'good morning' to EVERYONE I meet. I know that someone will take that smile and pass it on to someone else...who knows what positive knock-on consequences it might have.

Life goes at a fast pace and many of us are rushing around with our heads full of what we have to do, what we haven't done, what's bothering us, what we want to happen. It's too easy to get caught up in our own inner world. Every so often it's important to come outside, pay attention to what's going on in the world and acknowledge that we all share the same planet and a kind word or a genuine smile goes a long way to maintaining our membership of the human race as opposed to becoming merely a human racing!

There are many different types of flirting. For example, you can flirt sexually or non-sexually. The key is to know what you want to achieve and what are the right signals for your purpose. When I was in a relationship, my partner once asked me why, as an attractive and very flirty woman, I don't have men beating down the door to ask me out. I believe it is because I sent out the signals that say, I like you, I want to enjoy your company, but I'm not available. When you are flirting for fun and not to attract a partner, it is very important to differentiate.

The way someone might flirt with their partner or lover will be very different from the way they will flirt with the supermarket checkout person and different still from flirting with a business associate. Yes, you can flirt at work and steer clear of sexual harassment. The key is to know which signals to send out to whom and for what reason!

When I was fourteen, I was an indiscriminate, unsophisticated and wanton flirt. I also looked a lot more sophisticated and worldly wise than I was. If a boy looked at me, I looked back at him and played it for all it was worth hitching up my already micro skirt, pouting, smiling and generally beckoning. The less diplomatic amongst us might define my behaviour as 'prick teasing'.

One day on holiday in Italy, after accepting, behind my parents' back a date with one of the handsome young waiters I had been wildly flirting with, I found myself up against the wall as he eagerly tried to remove my clothes. Fortunately, I extracted myself from the situation.

Looking back I realised that I had been 'flirting for England'. I was too young to realise what effect my flirting was having on a hot-blooded young man. The fact is that he stopped when I asked him but he might not have been such a gentleman. We all know that rape is wrong and that no woman asks to be raped. At the same time we need to be able to know what signals we are sending out especially when in the company of people whose judgment might be clouded by alcohol or other substances.

My wild and highly sexual flirting could have increased my chances of being 'date-raped'. They were obviously misread by the young waiter. As a woman it is important to know why we are flirting and which kind of flirting we should be using. There are times when we see someone, we want them and we flirt as a sexual come-on andthat's great, when you know what you want and go for it. But when we do not have that intention in mind we need to flirt accordingly.

This will help to maximise your safety and keep your signals clean. If you don't differentiate you could find yourself in a sticky situation. Of course, wild sexual flirting can be a marvellous bonus in a relationship.


The ability to flirt well comes from an inner belief in one's own self worth. Some of the best flirts are not your 'chocolate-box' beauties or your 'Chippendale' hunks. . They are people who feel confident that they have something to offer the world and enjoy creating good feelings in other people. They are the clever ones because they know that when you make other people feel good, it bounces right back onto you!

Richard Bandler, the originator of NLP, says that wallflowers are very selfish because they, of all people, know how painful it is to sit alone on the sidelines yet they continue to deprive all those other poor wallflowers of a gentle word, a warm sound or a bright touch.

Do you want to be a selfish, lonely wallflower or do you want to send out your light into the world and be one of those people that everyone wants to be with.

When you learn to flirt successfully and accurately, you can change the world you live in and reap for yourself an endless supply of smiles, happiness, laughter, fun and love.
Wink Big smile



Edited by Believe - 14 July 2007 at 10:29pm

persistence

Goldie

persistence

Joined: 11 August 2005

Posts: 1779

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 10:53pm | IP Logged
Thanks for posting the article, Believe!

Very Informative! But it doesn't explain the difference between 'clean' and 'not so clean' flirting. Ouch

Hehe, I can be a natural flirt. Just don't giggle, and you will be fine. LOL

Believe, you didn't give your opinion on the questions I asked. I would love to know the answer, esp. from a guy's perspective. Big smile

Persy

Vinzy

IF-Stunnerz

Vinzy

Joined: 03 December 2005

Posts: 26815

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 10:58pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by reeps

Thanks for posting the article, Believe!

Very Informative! But it doesn't explain the difference between 'clean' and 'not so clean' flirting. Ouch

Hehe, I can be a natural flirt. Just don't giggle, and you will be fine. LOL

Believe, you didn't give your opinion on the questions I asked. I would love to know the answer, esp. from a guy's perspective. Big smile

Persy

In short i tell you  I DO FLIRT bt lightly without hurting, not in a deep way and not sexualy.......and i dont have any fear to tell that reep............Big smile kool always....Big smile

Your post is so Cute....hope u too ....lol Wink LOL

persistence

Goldie

persistence

Joined: 11 August 2005

Posts: 1779

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 11:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Believe

Originally posted by reeps

Thanks for posting the article, Believe!

Very Informative! But it doesn't explain the difference between 'clean' and 'not so clean' flirting. Ouch

Hehe, I can be a natural flirt. Just don't giggle, and you will be fine. LOL

Believe, you didn't give your opinion on the questions I asked. I would love to know the answer, esp. from a guy's perspective. Big smile

Persy

In short i tell you  I DO FLIRT bt lightly without hurting, not in a deep way and not sexualy.......and i dont have any fear to tell that reep............Big smile kool always....Big smile

Your post is so Cute....hope u too ....lol Wink LOL

Nice tryLOL, but too obvious at the moment.Embarrassed But back to the topic please, if such behavior goes on somebody's record, then it is not funny. Is it malicious behavior on guy's part in the case I stated above (about girl having to go to therapy) or justice served well?OuchConfused

Vinzy

IF-Stunnerz

Vinzy

Joined: 03 December 2005

Posts: 26815

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 11:30pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by reeps

Originally posted by Believe

Originally posted by reeps

Thanks for posting the article, Believe!

Very Informative! But it doesn't explain the difference between 'clean' and 'not so clean' flirting. Ouch

Hehe, I can be a natural flirt. Just don't giggle, and you will be fine. LOL

Believe, you didn't give your opinion on the questions I asked. I would love to know the answer, esp. from a guy's perspective. Big smile

Persy

In short i tell you  I DO FLIRT bt lightly without hurting, not in a deep way and not sexualy.......and i dont have any fear to tell that reep............Big smile kool always....Big smile

Your post is so Cute....hope u too ....lol Wink LOL

Nice tryLOL, thanxWink  but too obvious at the moment.Embarrassed But back to the topic please, if such behavior goes on somebody's record,Whos record? Embarrassedthen it is not funny.

 Is it malicious behavior on guy's part in the case I stated above (about girl having to go to therapy) or justice served well?OuchConfused

See Dont blindly believe any virtual friend........sometime it effect mind too, Inside our mind we have an idea whats right and whats wrong...so follow your heart. dont jump any trap.Smile

 

Vinzy

IF-Stunnerz

Vinzy

Joined: 03 December 2005

Posts: 26815

Posted: 14 July 2007 at 11:42pm | IP Logged

Sexual harassment makes the receiver feel

    Bad Powerless Demeaned
  • Ugly

Flirting makes the receiver feel

    good happy flattered pretty/attractive
  • in control

Sexual harassment results in

  • negative self esteem

Flirting results in

  • positive self esteem

Sexual harassment is perceived as

    one-sided demeaning degrading
  • invading

Flirting is perceived as

    reciprocal flattering open
  • a compliment

Sexual harassment is

    unwanted power-motivated
  • illegal

Flirting is

    wanted equality-motivated
  • legal

 

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